24

WHEEE VIOLENCE! Ahem. Side effects of sluggish pacing may include an increased sensitivity to stabbings and Bauer Badassery. But seriously -- Renee going batshit on Vlad (she impaled him in the EYE!) and then accidentally stabbing Jack, who in turn yanked the knife out of his stomach and flung it into the jugular of an approaching baddie? All kinds of awesome. For a glorious ten minutes, I was pretty damned happy.

As far as the other fifty minutes go, there was a bit more progress this week, but it doesn't look like things will really pick up until next Monday (judging by the previews). Le sigh. LeoLite got into the evidence locker or whatever and barely escaped with his loot and Dana… zzzzzz. I mean, yeah. Still useless. Still unconnected to the main arc. Well, I suppose it could be connected in the sense that this lovely little diversion is distracting Dana from, you know, actually doing her JOB. The tension! It's killing me! What stupid thing will she do next? I just can't wait to see!

Hassan, on the other hand, is sliding down a verrrry slippery slope. He took one of his delegates into custody as a suspect in the assassination plot. When the delegate didn't admit to the conspiracy after exposure to "coercive" techniques, Hassan ordered his goons to round up the man's family a la Jack Bauer last season. When his head bodyguard, Tarin (the one screwing Hassan's daughter), refused to do the deed himself out of some CLEARLY misguided ethical compass, Hassan had him arrested. So much for that whole "reform" thing. Taylor's running out of patience for Hassan and I appreciate the fact that everything isn't exactly happy-g0-lucky in Foreign Relations Land. It's a nice reality check after last season.

The Bazhaev family (minus one) bisected the main arc this week when Vlad called, looking for uranium rods, only to interrupt Bazhaev Sr. in the midst of telling David Anders that he's doing this to make him wealthy, create a reputation for the family, blah blah. I was very interested to hear that Josef has a family (or a son, at least) of his own. I guess that explains his sentimentalism towards his now-dead brother. When Vlad called, Bazhaev denied having the nuclear materials, perhaps thinking that someone looking to outbid his other buyer mere hours after a foiled assassination plot MIGHT be a plant. A Russian villain with a brain! For now, at least.

Onto Russians without brains: Vlad. Too concerned with his vodka shots and salami (yum), he was unable to locate the uranium for Jack. However, his attempts more closely resembled that of an inebriated telemarketer than a feared Russian mobster. Renee, seeing the end of the line, decided that STABBING him was the best solution to that to her current situation. Not that I blame her, but still. Does not bring us any closer to finding the nuke juice. Jack did try to get her out earlier, but he didn't get very far. (Jack: "I'm getting you out of here!" Renee: "No!" Jack: "… okay, if you say so.") Saddled with guilt and a martyr complex, Renee had a lovely little moment with Jack before Bazhaev's men came for him. When Cole found her in the closet/shower… oh, man. That girl is wrecked.

So not quite as "meh" as last week, but mostly saved by Hassan and Jack's Incredible Healing Powers. Next week looks better -- however, from Jack's perspective, he may prefer getting stabbed with a paring knife to a bare wire to the abdomen from Bazhaev's men.