Yes. Yes. YES!!!!!
Big Brother finally returned to our TV screens tonight and amongst the new (and old) personalities, a plethora of twists and turns were introduced that left me feeling like the most drunken college student on the planet by the end of the hour. With that being said, there is a lot to cover (it is launch night after all), so please bear with your boy as I attempt to touch on all things that left BB fans either going "Hmmm..." or "Oh HELL no!" Let's start with the immediate standouts within our new 8 houseguests.
First Impressions: The Second Coming
Adam - When this proclaimed metal head shamelessly announced his die-hard love for the seminal television classic Beverly Hills, 90210, he became my favorite of the new brood. Then he introduced his constant knack for growling, which is something akin to the horror that was/is Rachel's laugh from last summer. Points were immediately deducted, but his saving grace is his love for the original class of West Beverly. I'm sorry, but credit has to be served where credit is due.
Keith - This man is the epitome of a pimp in the pulpit and is not afraid to admit it. He went from teaching a youth group in his church to talking about how much he chases the tail for sport. He's all about the women to the point that I'm calling that the next twist in the game will involve Keith's junk as the 15th Big Brother contestant. It's that serious (to him that is). Oh and he was deadly serious about his Keith's Angels strategy and at least tagging one of the females while he was there. Oh man am I going to have a field day with this clown this summer...
Lawon - He didn't clown as much as I thought he would tonight (which is why he stood out), but I have most certainly not counted him out yet. Give him another episode or two before he gets a bit outrageous.
Dominic - He had the BEST one-liners of the night and I have dubbed him my Official Big Brother Commentator of the summer. His summation on Adam when one of the twists were revealed had me howling. More on that later.
The Ladies - Nothing really popped for me tonight with these women, but Kalia seems like she is ready to stir the pot, which makes me beg for her to calm down and just play the game smoothly, classy, and slowly.
Dynamic Duos Return
Once the hamsters got their introductions (aka "initial lies") out the way, Julie hammered them with the first of three twists of the
season, and they are a doozy. First, let's discuss the returning houseguests.
Brendon and Rachel - Seems like "Skype Gate" didn't ruin the two-headed monster that is Brenchel as the two are (sickening) happily engaged and ready to bring hell to the Big Brother house (and our living rooms) once again.
Jordan and Jeff - Easily my frown from Brenchel turned upside down when Jeff and Jordan appeared through the doors. The equally happy couple are still going strong and Jeff is still holding Jordan's hand in the thinking department. Poor Jordan looked like a puppet on Jeff's knee tonight as she incorrectly stated they had been together for a year and he had to correct her (it's been actually close to two years). Man, I really missed those two...
Daniele and Dick Donato - My heart nearly flew out of my chest when these two reentered and my entire perception of where this game was going took a nosedive into the crapper as well. Despite "knowing" who was entering the house a few days earlier (some Big Brother sites correctly predicted the six returnees), it was still a bitch-slap to see Dick and Daniele return to the house tonight. Not only did they return, but they brought enough drama with them to constitute a spin-off webseries of Big Brother. Turns out that the two haven't talked in three years and when Dick announced this nonchalantly to the other houseguests, a newly brunette Daniele seethed in her hatred for her father by not saying anything whatsoever. Forget a knife, you needed a nuke to break that Great Wall of China sized tension, which turned the game sour in under a second for me.
Twisted Circle
Now onto the other two (3?) twists of the game, which has completely reworked the Big Brother game this summer. Or at least until the producers get bored and switch things back to the basics later in the season.
Twist #1: Everyone Must Play in Pairs of 2 - Not only where the Dynamic Duos be paired off. The first twist of the night involved the new 8 houseguests having to pair up to play the game. Think the horrendous Big Brother 9 twist, but better. The pairs (besides the Dynamic Duos) were as follows: Kalia/Lawon, Cassi/Shelly, Keith/Porsche, and Adam/Dominic. The only pairing that seems genuinely happy seems to be Cassi and Shelly, who just clicked. Keith practically pounced on Porsche to be his partner, while Dominic was sort of scared into being Adam's partner when the" loud, crazy, martini sipping, 90210 loving bacon eater" asked him to
partner up. Kalia seemed to be a bitch towards Lawon, but she might have read the self-proclaimed fashionista wrong in his game play. Hell, all of their game strategies have been shot to Kingdom Come, so she might want to do with what she's got and call it a day. Just a suggestion.
However, if one of the Houseguests gets HOH, their partner is safe. The only downside to this twist is that when the HOH nominates someone, he/she has to nominate a duo, not two single people from two different duos. This new twist means that the duo on the chopping block will have to compete/campaign against each other to stay in the house. Wow.
Now it is still unclear if these duos must last to the end of the game, which leads to the next twist:
Twist #2 (or #3): The Big Brother Golden Key - The most crazy twist of the night came with the introduction of the new powerful tool in the Big Brother game... The Golden Key. The member of the duo who is not evicted will get this key, which pretty much keeps them in the game until there are 10 players left in the house, because no one will be able to nominate them for eviction until then. However, the holder of the key, and there will be 4, are not allowed to compete in ANY competition, but are allowed to vote during eviction ceremonies. Once there are 10 players left in the game, this power becomes void.
Basically, if you nominate someone for eviction, you are technically helping them further their way in the game, or as Rachel perfectly summed it up: "The Ultimate Floater." Pre-planned strategies be damned, people. This is a whole new Big Brother.
Twist #3 (or $4, depending on what you count as a twist...) - There was one final warning that another twist will be revealed Sunday, which at this point can't be as epic as the Golden Key surprise, but I'm still eager to see just what else Big Brother can throw to these unsuspecting houseguests.
Final Thoughts
With Rachel winning HOH (I know. Gag me now, right?), I was highly pissed that a new duo didn't get a chance to take out one of
the old duos like they planned on doing when the bombshell was dropped on them. If the old duos continually win HOH challenges and take out the 8 new houseguests, then they will quickly decimate their competition in the numbers game by having 6 to their 4. I pray and hope it doesn't come to that, but we shall see. It is just the first night after all.
One other worry is the potential awe-struck factor introduced as the returning houseguests entered the house. I'm going to need the newbies to realize that they aren't watching the game with us, they are a part of the game. They might already know that, but I'm going to need them to show it a bit more. Also, was it just me or did the presence of 6 returnees immediately dwarf the significance of the new hamsters? I'm going to need Big Brother to work on that little snafu as well.
In the end, everything put into this season stemming from the new rules to the new twists were all done to have each faction have a fair and equal chance at the $500,000 prize. Now, whether or not if the two camps play fair is a different story, because inside the Big Brother house, being "fair" is like an endangered species in the middle of a gun range: it has little to no chance in hell of prevailing.
See you guys on the next go round. What did you guys think about tonight's episode?
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