Bones

I want to let TVO readers know that I am not taking over the recap list. For reasons known only to them, Fox has decided to air 4 new "Bones" episodes in 9 days and I am scrambling to catch up because for the first time in ages, a series is having a 26 episode season. So, here we go...

In an example of taking "reduce, reuse, recycle" that one step too far, "Bones and Booth Go Green" opens in a recycling plant where to workers have stumbled across a pallet of flattened cardboard boxes, the outermost one of which bears a stain in the form of a religious figure.    The workers cross themselves and bring in professionals to determine whether or not it is Jesus in the recycling bin.

Booth, Cam and Bones take a gander.  Booth crosses himself as well and Cam asks if he also believed it was the Virgin Mary in the grilled cheese sandwich.   Booth cuts the bale bindings and they go on a scavenger hunt.   Every time they remove a flattened box, the stain gets bigger.  It's like a torture-porn Ukrainain doll set.  Eventually they come to the corpse.  Wow, that was pretty graphic.  The crushed skull was especially impressive.

Since they couldn't scrape remove the body from the cardboard without risking the loss of evidence they have taken the whole thing back to the lab.  Wendell Bray (Wendell Who, you ask?  The hockey-playing, cougar-bait, mostly-normal-but -too-young -to-have-any-obvious-neuroses intern) takes a look at the human pancake and notices something odd.  Well, odd even for a pancake.  Parts of her toes are missing and they were removed before she died.  The victim may have been tortured.  Cam checks out the tootsies and says it wasn't torture; she had her toes surgically shortened.  They also find some shiny stuff on the body.

Bones and Booth check out a plastic surgeon who performs toe-tucks.  The surgeon says he did the procedure - toes are the new nose - and he recognizes the victim as Muriel Mensacos (they never tell you how to spell the dead person's name.)  The good doctor said that Muriel wanted to have surgery because her feet didn't go with her Louis Vuitton wedding shoes.

(Aside.  I was looking for something episode related on the net and came across a reference to the episode title that I knew but didn't put together.  In the original Cinderella story, one of Cinderella's evil stepsisters cut off her toe in an attempt to fit her foot into the slipper.  Sneaky, show.)

Bones is outraged at the self-mutilation (good continuity!).  Or perhaps at the Louis Vuitton.  It may have been okay for Manolo Blahniks.     Or the outrage may have been about the wedding, since according to her, love is a chemical process that causes delusions.  Well, everybody knows that love makes you stupid but delusional might be taking it a little far.  As Bones and Booth debate the metits of marriage versus freedom of relationships, the surgeon offers to excuse himself if they are having relationship issues.  "NO!  We aren't a couple.  We just work together!" they exclaim in unison.  The anvils came early this week.

Now that the victim has been identified, Booth's called in the relevant parties, in this case the fiance Bob Caverly and the maid-of-honour Genie Gorman.   Genie said she promised to be Muriel's MOH back in the 10th grade.  Booth is a little confused as Muriel hadn't even met her fiance back then.  Poor Booth doesn't get it; the groom is the last accessory to complete the outfit.  Genie says all Muriel ever wanted to be was a bride.

Meanwhile, Wendell has set up a fluoroscoping imaging machine in the lab to look at the body since they still haven't scraped it off the cardboard.  Cam is very surprised, especially considering that they don't have a fluoroscoping imaging machine.  Wendell tells her that he borrowed it from Egyptology but not to worry because he left a note.   Isn't he showing good initiative?  Cam retorts that he is showing good cause to be fired.  Even if he found a clue that he wouldn't have found without it?  He found a straight-pin in her spine.  She was having a dress fitting before she died.

Booth and Bones head down to the bridal shop where the store is having its annual sale.  They are almost trampled by roving hordes of Bridezillas.  Bones notices a bouquet under glass.  She asks how they preserved it so beautifully.  Glycerine and freeze-drying.  Mrs. Bertalino, the owner, remembers Muriel-zilla.  She had a fight with Anya, her best wedding consultant.  Anya slapped her, Muriel threatened to sue, and Anya was fired.

Bones comments that she can't comprehend all the hoopla for a wedding.   Booth scoffs.  "You must have dreamt of being a bride before your heart turned to stone."  Oh, Booth-snark!  Before she can reply, Bones spots Daisy Wick in the store trying on a bridal gown.  A man picks her up and twirls her around, and it is NOT Daisy's boyfriend Sweets.  Before she can comment on that, Mrs. Bertalino picks up a veil and says it would look great on Bones.  Bones tells her that a veil is a symbol of virginity and that she's been active since... gotta go!