Desperate Housewives

So the crazy returned to Wisteria Lane last night in the form of Katherine, while the drama of John Rowland ended (finally) and The “Bolens” finally get interesting. Plus, Lynette’s assets serve as comedic fodder this week. But I am getting ahead of myself and I actually want you to read this detailed recap so let’s get to it.

Bree Vs. The Fatal Attraction That is Katherine

Katherine has been up since three o’ clock cooking the entire menu for a party she and Bree are catering. The motivation? She’s in love. Bree’s ecstatic for Katherine until she finds out that Katherine’s ‘suitor’ is Mike. Katherine thinks that since she saw the Defino's den light go out at 3 A.M. that there’s trouble in paradise for Mike and Susan. Bree, check the pot for cooked rabbit if it’s not on the menu already.

Later, Katherine ups the crazy score card when Bee catches her spying on Mike through their window in the middle of the night. Bree, worried, gives Katherine a mandatory sick leave instead of her walking papers and some Prozac. But Katherine shows up during a wedding reception that Bree is catering to apologize and explain that Bree’s friendship and her job is all that she has left. She also tells Bree that she has a clean bill of health, but that goes out the window when Katherine sees the bride’s wedding cake, which was designed by Katherine for her own wedding to Mike. Bree sold the design to the bride and now Katherine has snapped and wants the cake to herself or nobody gets it. The declaration brings a hilarious scene with Bree trying keep the cake away from Katherine by rolling the cake around the reception area while the wedding party and guest watches from the wedding.

The next day, Katherine shows up to work as if nothing happened and Bree fires her on the spot. When asked for her keys to the kitchen, Katherine keys Bree’s car before tossing them to Bree.

Ok, so Katherine still needs those Prozac pills with a dose of a well whooped ass. The bitch.

Lynette and “The Supremes”

It’s Lynette’s second trimester and her breasts have swollen to astronomical proportions and Tom is a happy camper. As is every other male at Lynette’s work place, including Carlos, who sees them as an opportunity to land a big account for the company. And can I add that Carlos acts like a total chauvinist a-hole while he is at work? Carlos later gives Lynette the company credit card to purchase a dress for a dinner with the potential clients. She closes the deal, but feels like she whored her way into doing it. After Tom tells her that he is glad that she doesn’t have the “Supreme Sisters” 24/7 because he would feel insecure, Lynette makes peace with her assets.

The Gaby-John Rowland Quagmire

John Rowland brings Ana home from work one day and Gaby is a little miffed, because she smells a rat. She reminds John that Ana is in high school, which he zings back that he was as well. HA! Gaby then declares that she will pick Ana up from work from now on.

Later, Gaby confiscates condoms from her daughters (who hilariously thought they were mint candies) that belonged to Ana, who tells Gaby that she is in love with John. Gaby refuses for Ana to pursue John and Ana doesn’t get why Gaby gets upset at the mention of John. Gaby later goes to John to tell him to back off of Ana, but John reveals that he is only trying to see if Gaby is still interested in him and thinks that she is. He also declares that he has money and can offer more to her than sex and can take good care of her.

Then he kisses her.

And Ana walks in on it.

Damn you, Marc Cherry!

Gaby makes a mad dash to beat Ana back to the house, because she thinks that Ana is about to snitch to Carlos. When Ana accuses Gaby of stealing John, Gaby spills to Ana the sordid John Rowland storyline. When she finished, Gaby begs Ana not to say anything to Carlos, because she is over John and is not going to go down that path anymore. Ana then reveals that she knows about the photos of John that Gaby kept in the portfolio and Gaby declares that she stares at the photos as memories and things that could’ve been when she has a bad day. Still not a good excuse, but it wins Ana over to tell Carlos when he walks in the house that she wants to quit her job at John’s restaurant. Later, Gaby reveals to an unexpecting Carlos that even though at times when she feels her life is small and uninteresting, she loves every minute of it with Carlos. Meanwhile, John opens an envelope that has the photos of he and Gaby, except they are torn through the middle, a signification that John needs to move the hell on.

The Great “Bolens” Caper?

Danny announces to Angie and Nic that he wants to drop out of school, but Nic doesn’t want that to happen. Angie on the other hand thinks that Danny needs to make some friends and ‘bribes’ Porter to bring in some friends for the party. Meanwhile, Danny finally mentions that scar on Angie’s back while she tries on clothes. Angie declares that it doesn’t bother her, but Danny wants her to get it fixed, which Angie says will draw attention to their money flow. She then says that the explosion banged her up something fierce and that Nic took pretty damn good care of her. Danny promises to take care of her and her scar one day.

At Danny’s party, he sees Nic flirting with some girls and pulls him to the side and tells him to back off, because “He knows”. When Nic asks what is Danny talking about, Danny only gives him a look that sends the fear of God into Nic. WHAT DOES DANNY KNOW?!?!?!?!

Julie’s All Grown Up Now And Scandalous To Boot!

We finally see Andrew van der Camp! He comes baring flowers for Julie and secrets as well. Unintentionally that is on the latter. Susan finds out through Andrew that Julie dropped out of Med School six months prior, worked as a waitress afterwards, and was dating a married man. Julie’s been a busy young woman, I see.

Susan flips out, finds Julie’s diary and reads it, trying to figure out who Julie’s suitor is, but the guy is only known as “D”. Susan is worried about the stranger that is her daughter and wants to understand the secrecy between them all of a sudden. When Julie finally awakes in the hospital, Susan tries to get her to talk, but Julie doesn’t want to. Susan wants to know who “D” is, because he might have strangled Julie. Susan tries again later to get to Julie and to try to understand why Julie would be dating a married man. Julie tells Susan that she isn’t a little girl anymore, and that she is a grown woman and Susan should let her be.

Later, Susan goes home for the night while Julie is asleep. A stranger, wearing the same pair of shoes of the guy who attacked Julie, walks into Julie’s hospital room. He is revealed as Nic, which is short for “Dominic”, in other words:

“D”.

He caresses Julie’s face lovingly and we fade to black.

OMG!!!!

Observations

Like I stated before, the “Bolens” got pretty interesting tonight all across the board. After I initially wrote this review, the last scene bothered me something fierce so I had to go back and watch the last scene of the season premiere to see the shoes. Then I was like “OH MY GOD!” Nic possibly strangled Julie and when this comes to light, boy, will the crap hit the fan. The "Bolens" have to be in some type of witness protection program given the fact that they probably had a hit put out on them. But while they are worried about Danny screwing things up, Nic is the one who is going to blow their cover with his adulterous ways. Show of hands if you think that Nic strangled Julie?

I am so glad that the John Rowland storyline has been put to rest. It’s not that I hate the character; I just feel that Gaby and Carlos have been through the ringer with the adultery storyline and have grown from it. Let the past be the past. I know that some people will say that bringing him back is to signify the strength of Gaby and Carlos’ relationship, and I get that. However, I don’t think that we needed a retread John Rowland storyline to show us that. Just my opinion.

Katherine. Do I need to get into her insanity? I’m going to leave that to you guys…

Discuss amongst yourselves!