Okay everyone. I admit it. I lied to you. Two weeks ago I said “see you all next week”, not realizing that the Olympics pushed all of my favorite shows into re-runs last week. So, my apologies. However, I have returned full force with my take on what may be the best Duck Dynasty episode of Season 5 yet!
Today’s episode started off with most of the gang preparing donations for Miss Kay. There was a toy drive at church, and she was excited to give away a bunch of their old stuff. After spending a few moments at Godwin’s one-eyed Mr. Potato Head, Jase and Willie found an old G.I. Joe. Of course, a theme with Willie and Jase this season is being competitive. They spend a few minutes arguing while Miss Kay thinks they should give it away to the toy drive. Willie tells her that this one is sentimental, and he’ll buy the kids a “case” of G.I. Joes. Must be nice to have that kind of money, eh?
As the men continue to sort through their stuff, they continue to marvel at the achievement in toy-making known as the G.I. Joe. They talked about which ones they liked best, and then ridiculed Godwin for choosing the medic. After this comment, Si proceeds to lecture them on what war is like. His favorite tactic is camouflage, and medics are the most important. “How do you think I survived in ‘Nam?” Si asks, to which Willie replies, “No one knows the answer to that question.” I promise it was much funnier on the show.
After the Si lecture (which unsurprisingly was disregarded), Willie claimed that he’d be the best soldier out of everyone there because he’s great at paintball. Jase laughs, and before you know it this has turned into another Willie/Jase face off. More on that later.
Meanwhile, Jep and Martin are going to lay a concrete walkway at Jep’s house. It sounds pretty straightforward except that they have no idea what they are doing. Jep only volunteered to do it to please his “hot wife”. But if it isn’t straight, she’ll kill him, so they enlist the help of the only available man left in the cast- everyone’s favorite religious activist Phil Robertson. As Phil approaches, Jep and Martin predict that he will insult both of them at the same time as their greeting, and let us just say that the two guys in the “yuppie neighborhood that stand out like two zits on a teenage girls face” were correct in that prediction. 67 years old, insult king, and Phil is still the guy they call when they need help.
Jep and Martin quickly realize Phil’s expertise, even referring to him as the “Jedi” of laying concrete, and they are his padawan (though they’re going to have to “speak english” to communicate with Phil). After they lay the Star Wars references on thick, they squeeze in a Karate Kid reference before moving on. There isn’t much more to this plotline really (other than some great references to some of my favorite childhood movies), so I’ll wrap that part here. Spoiler alert- they make some banter, finish the walkway, and Jep’s “hot wife” is pleased. Now back to the good part!
Willie and Jase pick their teams for the paintball match (I guess I forgot to mention, they’re facing off in a family paintball match). Willie gets stuck with Godwin, and Si rides off on a 4-wheeler. Willie and Jase’s kids discuss their “game plan” which results in very little except Willie setting off a smoke grenade. Jase’s game plan with Willie’s kids didn’t fare much better, but they did win the award for best, most unexpected Leroy Jenkins reference (Nice work, John Luke).
Soon after the battle begins, they are temporarily halted by Si’s calls for help. They stop the game, but they cannot find Si. Instead, they find the 4-wheeler stuck in the bog. They debate for a bit what to do with it, but Jase (who does a KILLER Phil impression) decides they should pull it out. (Cue: Admiral Ackbar, “IT’S A TRAP”) After they yank it out, Si pops up completely camouflaged and shoots both Willie and Jase in the back. Guess they should’ve listened to his battle advice after all!
Once again, a Willie and Jase competition ends with no clear winner between the two. They cut their losses and proceed to family dinner, where the episode’s ending prayer begins.
I had a blast with this episode. Duck Dynasty has been true to form for its last few episodes and hopefully fans have been sticking around to enjoy it. This is the most I have laughed all season at a Duck Dynasty episode. To cap it off, here are some of my favorite quips and quotes for this episode:
“I’m always in the jungle son”- Si
“Time’s up let’s do this… JOHN LUUUUKE ROOBERTSOOOOOON”- John Luke Robertson
Jase: “That’s an action figure”
Si: “No, I’M an action figure, this is a doll”
Thanks for your readership folks! I’ll be back next week (I checked, and I actually WILL be back next week). Can’t wait!
[Photo via A&E]