Gossip Girl

So Gossip Girl confused the hell out of your boy last night, but a part of me is torn between my love of the show and the duty as a fan to call out its ‘flaws’. Character motivations and plot points were going all over the place last night, which is one of the flaws out of a slew of other ones. What were the other ones? Let me explain in recap mode.

The Freshman Toast Heard Around The World

Can I get a show of hands of those who are tired of Blair’s quest for sealing the position of Queen B?

So Blair’s latest quest for the Holy Grail of Status this week is to give the freshman toast at the annual Parent’s Weekend. But, as always, she has to crush someone to get it. The unlucky victim this week? Vanessa.  But is Blair clairvoyant? Because she had a dream, which was a scene out of All About Eve, where Vanessa was Audrey Hepburn and Blair was Bette Davis; something that has never happened to Blair in her life. Anywho…

The Freshmen Toast is between two girls and Vanessa is one of them and the other one is unknown. I thought that the other girl was Blair, but then common sense kicked in and told me that Blair has done jack crap for the position, while Vanessa has a front-page story documenting her accomplishments since her arrival at NYU. Vanessa eventually gets picked to do the freshman toast and Blair is not amused. But Vanessa has her own problems involving her parents, who are not in favor of Vanessa attending a private institution for an education. Rufus thinks that Vanessa should invite her parents, but after a few reservations with that thought, Vanessa relents.

Ok, so this is where things get weird for me. Vanessa tells Dan that he should invite Olivia (guest star Hilary Duff) to the Parent’s Weekend to meet Rufus and Lily. Dan gives the invite to Olivia, who accepts it happily. Ok… Why should Dan have to ‘invite’ a fellow student to a public event? Then to make matters even murkier, Josh Ellis, the alumnus in charge of the Freshman Toast, gets a call from Olivia saying that she will accept giving the Freshman Toast. Josh doesn’t tell her that Vanessa, who is Olivia’s roommate, was the other candidate; pretty much tossing Vanessa aside like last year’s Jimmy Choos.

This bothered me because it contradicts the Olivia we met two weeks ago. What happened to the Olivia who wanted to live anormal life while in college? Yes, giving the Freshman Toast is a step towards that accomplishment. However, Olivia only got the honor because of her celebrity status so shouldn’t she have been offended?

Olivia’s reasoning for accepting the speech is to look good for Rufus and Lily, but I am just not buying it for some reason, because Olivia’s credibility as a decent character has just went out the window with me.

So after Blair tries to ‘school’ Josh Ellis on his mistake in picking Vanessa, he reveals that Olivia would be giving the speech instead of Vanessa and that Blair was nowhere in the running. That rolled up newspaper didn’t feel so nice smacking your nose now did it, Blair?

So Blair reveals to Vanessa in the snobbiest way possible that Vanessa will not be giving the toast and that Olivia is the winner. Vanessa immediately realizes that she was the one who told Dan to invite Olivia to the function and that this faux pas will give her parents fodder against the establishment. So Vanessa does damage control by channeling her inner Blair and concocting lies to Olivia and Dan. She tells Dan that Olivia is not ready to meet his parents and that they should skip the Freshman Toast, and Olivia gets the lie that Dan just wants to blow off the event. Olivia then calls Josh Ellis and tells him she has to decline again and he gives the Freshman Toast back to Vanessa. Blair hears of this from one of her new minions (enough already!) and declares that “phase one is complete.” Um…what phase? Blair then calls Chuck and says that she wants to play their game from this summer again. What?!?!

We meet Vanessa’s mom, Gabrielle (guest star Gina Torres), who meets with Rufus, Lily, and Vanessa and immediately makes her position known on the whole paying for education matter. During their luncheon, Olivia calls Vanessa, because she really wants to know why Dan didn’t want to take her to the Freshman Toast all of a sudden. Vanessa lies that Dan is scared Lily and Rufus would think of Olivia as a hollow Hollywood airhead. This pisses Olivia off and she suggests to Dan that they go to the Freshman Toast. Vanessa on the other hand gets a promise from Gabrielle, who says she will be on her best behavior at the dinner. Vanessa says that her speech will showcase why she made the right decision to go to NYU.

Meanwhile, Blair meets with Chuck and the person that Chuck has to come on? Josh Ellis. Chuck says that despite the fact that their target is a dude, he will still do it for Blair, which blows my mind about twenty levels. Really, Chuck? But this is Chuck Bass and he can have anyone he wants it seems, and when Josh finally lands a kiss on Chuck, who had been postponing the move, Blair comes in and plays her part and runs Josh out the restaurant. But Blair and Josh were in on the ruse together as Josh was participating in the TriBeca Scavenger Hunt, which entitled for him to “Kiss The Chuck Bass”.

Huh?!

Since Blair carried out her part of the deal, Josh awards Blair the Freshman Toast and I really think that someone should have their department investigated for using an annual tradition as a bribe for personal gain. Just saying.

At the Freshman Toast, Blair drops the bomb that she will be delivering the Freshman Toast speech to Vanessa, who quickly concocts a plan. Chuck shows up at the dinner and runs into one of Blair’s minions and the girl reveals that Josh Ellis promised Blair the position of Freshman Toast if she did something for him. Chuck then spots Blair with Josh and his facial expression is priceless. Olivia acts like a Hollywood airhead in front of Rufus and Lily, who buy into it completely. Dan pulls Olivia to the side to ask her what’s the problem and after putting two and two together, they go to confront Vanessa.

Vanessa confronts Blair, asking her why does she deserve the spot and Vanessa doesn’t. Being the complete drama queen that she is, Blair lets it rip and all of the guests (including Chuck) hear it since Vanessa has the ceremonial mic in her purse. Blair’s officially “toast”, but so is Vanessa after Dan and Olivia catches up to her. When Vanessa explains to Olivia that Dan’s parents are really nice people and that she wishes they were her parents, Gabrielle overhears. She tells Vanessa good luck and leaves. Vanessa runs after Gabrielle and says that she is sorry. Gabrielle then tells Vanessa that she raised Vanessa to challenge herself as a person and thinks that NYU has changed her completely.

Blair tries to run after Chuck, but he is already gone. After Lily tells Blair that she screwed up, Blair snaps and Lily brings Blair back to reality by telling her that she knows about ambitious women, but with out trust, Blair is lost. Spoken like a true diva. Take notes, Blair.

Olivia apologizes to Rufus and Lily and claims that she is not the Hollywood starlet type, which is when Josh Ellis calls Olivia up as the speaker of the Freshman Toast. Olivia, surprised, is bombarded with fans, who all want autographs and takes the stage. The next day, Dan invites Olivia to breakfast with his folks and they all start off on a clean slate.

Blair catches up with Chuck, but he feels that since she manipulated him that she must not have any respect for him. When Blair declares that’s not true, Chuck still doesn’t really want to hear it.

Vanessa calls for Gabrielle to come to breakfast, but Gabrielle has already left and it’s a painful scene to see Vanessa holding back tears as she tells her mother goodbye over two croissants, one of which she bought for her mother. Blair comes in and sits with Vanessa, but the two don’t say anything.

Scheming doesn't get you nowhere nowadays it seems...

Serena Doesn’t Know When To Hold’em or Fold’em

Nate is helping his cousin Trip van der Bilt with his election campaign mostly out of anger at the Buckleys, who are runningsmear campaigns against Trip, which doesn’t make sense to me if the Buckleys are based in Texas. Serena comes to cheer up Nate, but finds out that Carter is about to be shipped to work off his debt at the Buckleys’ oil mine down in Galveston, Texas, but will mostly get his ass handed to him on a daily basis. Serena wants to save Carter and Nate has the plan: a high-stakes poker game with Bree’s cousin, P.J. Buckley, a mini “J.R. Ewing”, according to Nate.

Nate knows some of P.J.’s signs of bluff (courtesy of Bree), but wants Serena to play in the game since Serena is a blonde, which P.J. loves.

They enter the game, which is a whopping $25,000 entrance fee, and P.J. quickly beats Serena. She gives up but Nate wants her to continue. Nate ups the ante by adding a career-ending photo of his cousin Trip taking a bong hit and Carter’s freedom. P.J. accepts and again wins the game, sealing Carter and Trip’s fates.

But after Serena tries consoling Nate, she finds out that Nate actually played her. Nate used Serena (and Carter) to implant a fake photo of Trip for the Buckleys to use in their smear campaign. The idea was for Nate and his grandfather to reveal the actual photo after the ‘scandal’ broke, making the Buckleys look like idiots and the van der Bilt’s as victims. Serena confronts Nate, who barely apologizes, and she calls P.J. to tell him the truth. When Serena tells Carter that she paid off his debt, Carter says that he still has to go to Texas to prove to Serena that he is a good man and that he needs to take responsibility for his own actions from now on. Serena’s heart breaks into a million pieces.

This was clearly the best storyline of the night to me.

Observations

- Blair’s quest for dominance has went skipped its way into “bitch, please” territory and I am not for the B.S. Blair is a cartoon nowadays and I hope she grows up quick, because I love Leighton Meester and thinks that she could be given something better than what she is working with now. I can’t help but shake my head at the nonsense…

- Chuck has kissed guys before? Are we about to delve into the bisexual Chuck storyline from the book series?

- The recurring cast drives more storylines nowadays than the main cast. Can we please get a storyline for Jenny? Pretty please? Or does she have to go to recurring to be noticed?

- Why isn’t Carter a regular cast member?

- Why is Chuck Bass being underused?

- Can Blair please grow up?

See you all next week!