The Five Stages of Grief When Watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Recently, for science, I decided to watch the first few episodes of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo to see what millions of people were willingly subjecting themselves to each week. The results have seared my eyes, ears and soul, possibly permanently.

In short, the show is a spin-off of a Toddler’s and Tiara’s contestant (formerly the worst thing on TV) and follows an overweight people from the deep south who act out the worst stereotypes of the culture. Their english is so redneck-ified they need subtitles and they collective way more than the house they live in.

The experience is one that left me deeply, profoundly sad. So much so that I actually went through the traditional five stages of grief. I recorded my experience below:

Denial

“There’s no way this can be real. They’re actors, right? People like this simply cannot exist in the world, it’s just not possible. We should give them all Emmys for their powerful portrayal of everything that’s wrong with America.”

Anger

“This is for REAL? THESE PEOPLE ARE EVERYTHING WRONG WITH AMERICA! How can you feed your kids cheeseballs in the morning for breakfast? How can you have two kids by the time you’re 17, and not teach your OWN 17 year old daughter about proper birth control? TOO LATE SHE’S PREGNANT.”

Bargaining

“TLC, I’ll make you a deal. If you start airing shows that actually cause me to learn something other than ‘being a waste of life can get your own TV show,’ I will personally acquire a Nielsen box and leave your channel on 24/7 to boost your ratings. Sound good?

Depression

“This is our future. We’re only a few years away from total Idiocracy now. It’s one thing if people like this exist in the country, it’s another if we’re all watching them by the millions every night and making them into celebrities. At least the Jersey Shore apocalypse came with muscles and boobs. I’ve seen enough flab on this show for an entire lifetime.”

Acceptance

“Damn, I really hope Honey Boo Boo wins this pageant. She’s worked really hard for it.”

3 Comments

  1. John Jacobs September 25, 2012
  2. Cassie October 12, 2012
  3. peggy November 6, 2012

Leave a Reply

How to Train Your Dragon 2
Netflix Comings and Goings: September 2016
star-sports-screenshots
Why Netflix, Hulu & Amazon May Never Succeed at Live Sports
Al Roker on Ryan Lochte
Ryan Lochte Lied: Why We Love Al Roker Losing it With Billy Bush
The Voice Season 11 Preview
The Voice Season 11 Preview: Miley Cyrus & Alicia Keys – Keeping it Real
Deadshot and Harley
‘Suicide Squad’ Sets More Box Office Records, Beats ‘Civil War’
Archive 81
‘Archive 81’: An Interview with the Creators of the Horror Audio Drama, Daniel Powell & Marc Sollinger
Jared Leto as the Joker, laughing in the faces of critics.
‘Suicide Squad’ Shatters August Record for $135M Opening Weekend
Jared Leto as the Joker, laughing in the faces of critics.
‘Suicide Squad’ Soars with $65.1M Friday, Now Heading Toward $150M Opening Weekend
Leslie Jones "War Dogs" premiere 8/3/16
When Racism and Sexism Are Online Terror: The Attacks on Leslie Jones
Moviepilot
What Are Twitter Users’ #7favfilms?
The Star Trek 50th Anniversary Blu-ray Set Has 30 Discs
The Star Trek 50th Anniversary Blu-ray Set Has 30 Discs
Ghostbusters
Hollywood: Women in Movies From Past to Present
Kehlani, "Gangsta"
Check Out the New Music Video for Kehlani’s ‘Gangsta’ from ‘Suicide Squad!’
Suicide Squad: The Album
‘Suicide Squad’ Soundtrack Is the Best of the Summer: Review
Jared Leto as the Joker
Jared Leto Returns as Joker in ‘Purple Lamborghini’ Music Video for ‘Suicide Squad!’
Galactic Empire
Why Star Wars Fans Should Be Paying Attention to Galactic Empire
Sports News
The Best Lessons From the 2016 Olympics Opening Ceremony
150415194757-2015-playoff-graphic-2-041515.1200x672
The Top Five Moments in NBA Playoffs History
2themastes
Your Official Guide to Watching the Masters Tournament on TV
Austin X Games
X Games Austin 2016 Has an Amazing Sports and Music Lineup

Get more stuff like this
in your inbox

Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.