The Five Stages of Grief When Watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Recently, for science, I decided to watch the first few episodes of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo to see what millions of people were willingly subjecting themselves to each week. The results have seared my eyes, ears and soul, possibly permanently.

In short, the show is a spin-off of a Toddler’s and Tiara’s contestant (formerly the worst thing on TV) and follows an overweight people from the deep south who act out the worst stereotypes of the culture. Their english is so redneck-ified they need subtitles and they collective way more than the house they live in.

The experience is one that left me deeply, profoundly sad. So much so that I actually went through the traditional five stages of grief. I recorded my experience below:

Denial

“There’s no way this can be real. They’re actors, right? People like this simply cannot exist in the world, it’s just not possible. We should give them all Emmys for their powerful portrayal of everything that’s wrong with America.”

Anger

“This is for REAL? THESE PEOPLE ARE EVERYTHING WRONG WITH AMERICA! How can you feed your kids cheeseballs in the morning for breakfast? How can you have two kids by the time you’re 17, and not teach your OWN 17 year old daughter about proper birth control? TOO LATE SHE’S PREGNANT.”

Bargaining

“TLC, I’ll make you a deal. If you start airing shows that actually cause me to learn something other than ‘being a waste of life can get your own TV show,’ I will personally acquire a Nielsen box and leave your channel on 24/7 to boost your ratings. Sound good?

Depression

“This is our future. We’re only a few years away from total Idiocracy now. It’s one thing if people like this exist in the country, it’s another if we’re all watching them by the millions every night and making them into celebrities. At least the Jersey Shore apocalypse came with muscles and boobs. I’ve seen enough flab on this show for an entire lifetime.”

Acceptance

“Damn, I really hope Honey Boo Boo wins this pageant. She’s worked really hard for it.”


3 Comments

  1. John Jacobs September 25, 2012
  2. Cassie October 12, 2012
  3. peggy November 6, 2012

Leave a Reply

That Time Millie Bobbie Brown was on Grey’s Anatomy
Why You Should Follow “Misfit Garage” on Twitter
Five Things You Didn’t Know About “Tiny House Hunters”
Five Things You Didn’t Know about Paramount’s “Ink Master”
How The Terminator Reboot will Differ From the Original According to James Cameron
Don’t Worry Folks, We’ll See an “Iron Man 4,” Eventually
Why The Original Superman Movie Still Blows Away Every Other Superman Movie 40 Years Later
The Road to Infinity War: ‘Thor: The Dark World’
The Top Five Lynyrd Skynyrd Songs of All-Time
The Top Uses of Rakim Sons Song ‘Know The Ledge’ in Movies or TV
Kendrick Lamar
Kendrick Lamar Won A Pulitzer, So, No More Talk About Rap Isn’t Music.
The History Behind the Freddy Kreuger Theme Song
Snoop Dogg Explains Hockey Rules and Culture In Video Series For NHL Playoffs
We’re Praying That Floyd Mayweather Fights in the MMA
“The Mountain” Hafthor Bjornsson Wins Arnold Sports Festival Strongman Classic
Tennis Legend Andre Agassi Discusses Partnership With Watch Brand Longines
Pneumatic Overwatch Doomfist Guantlet Made In Real Life With 2,600 Pounds Of Punching Force
Shigeru Miyamoto is Officiall Not Allowed to Bike to Work for Fear of “Frogger”
Watch Jeff Goldblum Hilariously Read Famous Video Game Dialogue
The 10 Most Overpowered Weapons In Video Gaming History
Five Things You Didn’t Know About Constance Wu
Remembering Verne Troyer
Five Things You Didn’t Know about Diana DeGarmo
Gillian Flynn Continues to Prove She’s One of the Best Writers for Movies and TV