The Five Stages of Grief When Watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Paul September 25, 2012 3

Recently, for science, I decided to watch the first few episodes of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo to see what millions of people were willingly subjecting themselves to each week. The results have seared my eyes, ears and soul, possibly permanently.

In short, the show is a spin-off of a Toddler’s and Tiara’s contestant (formerly the worst thing on TV) and follows an overweight people from the deep south who act out the worst stereotypes of the culture. Their english is so redneck-ified they need subtitles and they collective way more than the house they live in.

The experience is one that left me deeply, profoundly sad. So much so that I actually went through the traditional five stages of grief. I recorded my experience below:

Denial

“There’s no way this can be real. They’re actors, right? People like this simply cannot exist in the world, it’s just not possible. We should give them all Emmys for their powerful portrayal of everything that’s wrong with America.”

Anger

“This is for REAL? THESE PEOPLE ARE EVERYTHING WRONG WITH AMERICA! How can you feed your kids cheeseballs in the morning for breakfast? How can you have two kids by the time you’re 17, and not teach your OWN 17 year old daughter about proper birth control? TOO LATE SHE’S PREGNANT.”

Bargaining

“TLC, I’ll make you a deal. If you start airing shows that actually cause me to learn something other than ‘being a waste of life can get your own TV show,’ I will personally acquire a Nielsen box and leave your channel on 24/7 to boost your ratings. Sound good?

Depression

“This is our future. We’re only a few years away from total Idiocracy now. It’s one thing if people like this exist in the country, it’s another if we’re all watching them by the millions every night and making them into celebrities. At least the Jersey Shore apocalypse came with muscles and boobs. I’ve seen enough flab on this show for an entire lifetime.”

Acceptance

“Damn, I really hope Honey Boo Boo wins this pageant. She’s worked really hard for it.”

  • http://johnjacobscomedy.com John Jacobs

    Check out the Rosetta Stone: Honey Boo Boo edition
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_804Pw6hoDI&feature=plcp

  • Cassie

    You can’t even write out this page, correctly. So what gives you the right to judge others? I doubt you’re in shape. Obviously not, if you have the time to watch lame shows like Jersey Shore. One show comes out, & you think the whole world will turn into morons? You’re clearly stupid & don’t know what you’re talking about.

  • http://yahoo peggy

    yes people do exist like them, but i have some people in my familey that goes way beyond them .if you think they have no morels or respect for others you should see my siblings an thier way of life .they do exist belive me my familey lives in ohio and you thought people where off the wall on jerry springer show hah they dont hold a candle to my bunch .and you know the worst of it being is we where not rasied like that. we where brought up by good parents who had 19 children and lost 4 of them as infents because of the fevers they had back then in the 30′an 40′s but rasied the orthers the best they could and if my parents just knew how they are today they would not claim them as their own .belive me. i dont live in ohio nomore not since i got married in 79 but i do go an vist them from time to time but not often i love them to death but they embrasse me to death just to go to the store with them or out in public with them. so yes they do exist and they are someones familey so you have to give them something for that .they are people that just dont have no problem about showing how they feel an have no shame they are as normel as the rest of us .and honey boo boo just needs a little switching on her legs to make her act like she should. but thats not her fault ether its just they treat her like a baby and she knows it and she knows she can get by with it because its what she has been learnt.so anyhow its not realy her fault.and that my thoughts of it .and people do exist i know from first hand and you just have to love them because they are someones familey..thanks!