How I Met Your Mother

The Name 'Lorenzo Von Matterhorn' is quite the rage amongst web surfers today, not bad for being the entirely fictional pseudonym of an entirely fictional How I Met Your Mother character.  Lorenzo Von Matterhorn is but one of Barney's (Neil Patrick Harris) many non de plume's on the show.   Von Matterhorn made an appearance this evening, setting off an explosion of web interest - most of it propelled by the discovery of a Wikipedia page that had been created for the character.  The page is a lot of fun, mostly talking about Matterhorn's afflictions - he suffers from phallumegaly, or bigness of penis disorder - and various hobbies.  Problem is, Wikipedia - as we all know - is a bastion of fact, and so this little bit of How I Met Your Mother fun had to go.

Once Wikipedia found out that the Wikipedia entry was part of a show-related hoax, they redirected the entry to Barney's character page - in the process jettisoning some highly entertaining 'facts' about Mr. Matterhorn.  But don't worry, we've fetched some of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn's most delightful details from the clutches of google cache. Here they are for your enjoyment.  You can also read about the brave Von Matterhorn's ballooning adventures on "The Balloon Explorers Club", yet another piece of viral marketing that can be traced back to How I Met Your Mother's creative team.

Lorenzo Von Matterhorn was born somewhere in Switzerland in the spring of 1974. The exact date and circumstances of his birth are unknown since he was immediately placed in a basket and tossed in a river. Young Lorenzo rode the pristine Alpine glacial melt waters for hundreds of miles until a young Milanese woman discovered the basket along the banks of the river Po. Some say it was this first early journey to Milan that fueled both his love of exploration and fashion. The woman would raise Lorenzo as her own, naming him Lorenzo after her father and giving him the surname Von Matterhorn to reflect his Swiss heritage as well as his uncommonly large penis.

Shortly after his family moved to New York City in the late 70’s, Lorenzo began rescuing stray puppies and other cute animals. As someone who had been abandoned himself, Lorenzo recognized both the pain of loneliness as well as the power of hope. One evening, while nursing a particularly cute Cocker Spaniel back to health, Lorenzo noticed the rest of his brood howling in unison. Curious as to their abilities, he spent the next several months developing their voices and then entered them as a musical act in a local festival under the name DOG STEVENS. They took first place, and went on to become one of the most successful animal musical acts since The Beatles.

At an early age, Lorenzo was diagnosed with phallumegaly, or bigness of penis disorder. As a result of his illness Lorenzo’s sense of balance frequently shifts, causing short-term memory loss. Lorenzo has been known to walk away from situations and not call again, and shouldn’t be held accountable when he does. Tired of ordering custom underwear and furniture, Lorenzo has pursued penis reduction surgery a number of times only to be told it’s too risky.

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