Did you miss last week’s episode of Modern Family, “Fears?” Read the recap here.
“Truth Be Told” opens with the Dunphy clan in their kitchen and Claire running through the family’s schedule for the day. Alex has a cello lesson at 11:00, and Junior Congress at 2:00. “Doesn’t she also have ‘No Boys at Forever?’” Haley inquires. “Don’t you have an eating disorder you need to attend to?” Alex replies. Phil notes that his plans are to meet his ex-girlfriend Denise (played by Judy Greer), who is in town selling cosmetics. Haley thinks her dad dating a woman is gross. “Thanks,” Claire says with an I’m-still-in-the-room tone. “Oh yeah, I had plenty of fun in my time. Then I met your Mom!” Phil tells his kids. “And thank you,” a helpless Claire remarks. Alex asks her father, “So, she’s like a door-to-door salesman?” “If it was you, then it would be a dork-to-dork salesman,” remarks Luke. Luke!! No one can believe the zinger that came from the youngest Dunphy. “Wow,” is all Claire can muster. “Let’s get you to your lesson,” she tells Alex. “You mean to her second lesson because she just got schoooooled,” Luke taunts as he throws his hands in the air. Luke! Again!! (Check out Haley’s face here behind Luke. It is absolutely hysterical!) Alex, for maybe the first time in her life, is struck speechless.
Manny is in a different mood: utter depression. It seems he was unsuccessful in securing a role in the school play that was written for him to play: Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof. If not getting the role wasn’t enough of an indignity, Rod Jackson was cast! “What does he know form suffering?” Job, I mean Manny, wonders. Well, Jay has purchased Manny something to cheer him up: an inspirational poster that says, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” Unfortunately, this isn’t enough to cheer-up Jay’s stepson. Fortunately, Jay’s biological son is in a better mood. Mitchell and Cameron are packing up supplies to take Lily to the park to feed the ducks. Although Cameron insists the ducks can’t tell the difference, Mitchell makes sure they don’t bring wheat bread to feed them, because the ducks don’t like it. Cameron loves animals. In fact, growing up on a farm, the animals were like his brothers and sisters. “Delicious brothers and sisters?” Mitchell asks his partner of his life on a commercial cattle farm. “Well, it was life on a farm, they know what they’re getting into,” Cameron responds regarding the livestock. With the supplies gathered and Lily looking adorable in a duck hat, the family is walking out the door when Mitchell’s phone rings. Cameron, knowing it is Mitchell’s office, insists he ignore the call. He has to answer the call, Mitchell explains, although this happens every Saturday. While Mitchell answers the call, Jay is hanging the framed poster in Manny’s room. Jay is obviously not a handyman, as when he steps away from his work, the poster falls, crashes through the tank on the desk below, and kills Manny’s turtle.
Via speakerphone in his car, Mitchell speaks to Cameron, who has gone ahead to the park with their daughter. Mitchell is livid that he has to go into the office, again, and miss spending time with his family. Stopped at a red light, Mitchell rips his into boss to Cameron. Unfortunately for Mitchell, he has his window open. So does the car stopped at the light next to him. That car, of course, contains his boss behind the wheel. Although he is unsure whether his boss heard him, Mitchell is understandably mortified. Back at the Dunphy home, Claire returns from picking up the kids, and finds Phil on the computer, laptop in hand. She asks if he knows when and where he’s meeting up with Denise, to which he reports he is still waiting to hear from her via Facebook. Phil and Denise are connected on Facebook? Yup, she’s one of his 447 friends. Phil is obviously very popular, “Everyone wants a slice!” he tries to impress upon his wife. Right then, Denise instant messages Phil to suggest they meet at the fancy French restaurant in town. Claire is clearly suspicious of the fact that Phil’s recently divorced ex-girlfriend wants to go out for an expensive dinner at an intimate French restaurant. Phil insists the meet-up is nothing like Claire is imagining. He even offers Claire the opportunity to read the messages he and Denise have exchanged. In a deep, sultry voice, Claire reads the messages. “Hi Phil, how’s it going?” “I’m happy to know your neck feels better.” Phil repeats the questions in a friendly voice to show Claire she is overreacting, but she doesn’t want to hear it. Fine, instead of the restaurant, Phil will invite Denise over to the house for drinks. Claire agrees so she can prove she is right that Denise wants Phil, and storms off. Phil accepts the challenge, and notes that he kind of likes Claire’s “sexy voice.”
Mitchell is in his car and talking to Cameron via the speakerphone again. When he stops, it is at the same intersection Mitchell encountered his boss, but no Cameron is in the spot the boss was. They are going to see if Cameron can hear Mitchell talking at the same level he was earlier. When someone behind Cameron honks at him, Cameron waves him on. “Go around! We’re recreating a faux pas!” The men run the experiment, with Mitchell noting that since there was traffic, “I sort of had to shout.” “You had to what?” Cameron asks. “Shout,” repeats Mitchell. “A little bit louder now,” Cameron responds. “Shout.” “A little bit louder now.” “Shout!!” “Hey-hey-ay-ee-ay-ee!” Cameron sings (and I almost spit out the water I was drinking). This is not a joking matter — Cameron could obviously hear Mitchell, so Mitchell’s boss surely did as well. Mitchell is “screwed.”
So is Jay. Having killed the turtle, Shel Turtlestein, he now has to tell Manny about the chelonicide. Jay, however, creates a story that a raccoon broke into Manny’s room, grabbed Shel by the neck, and flung him around until he was dead. Under the retelling of the demise of the turtle, Jay is shown staging a crime scene to match the story. Manny asks if he can see the body. When he does, Manny notes that he learned in school that raccoons are nocturnal. They are, Jay states; the raccoon must have been up for a midnight snack. Manny has to quickly leave because the emotions are too much for him. Gloria is not so easily fooled, however, “I’m Colombian. I know a fake crime scene when I see one.” Jay admits he was responsible, but he’s been in this situation before. He didn’t lie to Mitchell when he killed Mitchell’s bird, Flyza Minelli, and Mitchell never forgave him. Upon remembering the name of the bird, Jay wonders, “How did I not know that kid was gay?” Later, Manny approaches Jay with another fishy detail: raccoons have five toes on each foot, but the tracks left in Manny’s room only had four toes each. When his excuse that maybe the raccoon lost one toe on each foot in a fight, Jay notes that maybe Manny is coming up with these wild theories because he needs closure. To help, they will have a memorial for Shel Turtlestein.
All three Dunphy children are in the girls’ room when Alex decides it’s time to exact revenge on her brother. She tells Luke that he is really adopted, and that Denise is his real mother. Luke freaks and rushes out of the room. “Just because he called you a dork-to-dork salesman?” Haley asks. “The empire strikes back,” replies her sister. Denise arrives at the house, and after an awkward handshake/hug between she and Claire, Denise tells Claire that she is more beautiful than all of the pictures Phil posts of her. Denise’s boyfriend loves the pictures, especially the beach ones. Lastly, Denise has some of her company’s face cream for Claire. Not that she needs it, but it’s a limited edition, so she figured she’d give one to Claire for hosting her. When Denise is introduced to the kids, Denise remarks that she had really curly hair like Luke’s when she was a kid. The frightened/confused look on the boy’s face speaks volumes. Moving into the family room, Denise comments that Phil used to be the best breakdancer. Phil humbly agrees, noting that his breakdancing name was Ozone. “Ozone? That is dead-ass funny. I’m definitely calling you that,” Haley warns. “Thank you,” Phil responds, taking his daughter’s comment sincerely. Denise continues her flattery, saying that the kids are so cute, adding in a humorous whisper “I could take Luke home with me!” “Be my guest,” Claire plays along. “NO! I like it here!” Luke worriedly yells before running out of the room. Alex’s work is done here. Denise asks if she can use the bathroom, and when she leaves, Claire apologizes to Phil that she had Denise figured all wrong. When did Claire become so cynical and judgmental before meeting someone? “I first noticed it seven yea…you’re not!” Phil clumsily answers. Denise returns saying she can’t quite find the right room, and asks Phil for help. Away from Claire, Denise sets her plan in motion. “OK, how’re we going to do this?” she asks. “I thought I’d just point at the door…,” Phil starts explaining the way to the bathroom. “Here’s a key to my hotel room,” Denise interjects, shoving the key card into Phil’s hand, before running off. Phil is left behind in one of his most common states: bewilderment.



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