Die Hard Is Getting a Children’s Christmas Book

It’s got to be one of the last stories you might ever expect to hear as a Christmas story but it stands to reason that since Die Hard was in fact set during the Christmas season it might as well be a yuletide tale. The one thing you wouldn’t want to do is read this to kids expecting them to think that Christmas is all about guns, bombs, explosions, and snappy one-liners that might not be permissible in polite company. But at least the story reads as it was filmed, not leaving too much out and getting some of the good stuff in there for people to enjoy.

This might not be too bad as an adolescent Christmas story, or an adult one since those two age groups are capable of following the story without having to have the profanity and violence that are inherent in the movie. It’s kind of amusing really to be honest.

Nothing says “happy holidays” like sending one of your henchmen back in a Santa hat and a cryptic yet cheerful message written on his sweatshirt. Smile Hans! Now the games a little more fair, which bad guys usually tend to hate.

Of all the onscreen rivalries this one was among the best even though it only lasted for one movie. Karl was like the ultimate bad guy that just didn’t care who got hurt so long as he got his revenge. John of course was just out to survive and to save the hostages but definitely reminded Karl just why NYPD officers are so inherently tough. Despite the obvious difference in their fighting prowess John’s sheer toughness got him through.

But then of course he was probably running pretty high on adrenaline throughout the movie considering all that he had to go through. After all he had to crawl through a ventilation shaft that would have seemed small to a child, and he had wriggle through that thing for what seemed like a hundred yards if not a lot more. There’s a reason he was so filthy when he got out after all.

No good deed goes unpunished right? Leave to the hostages to stay put when someone tells them to get off the roof or it’s going to blow. And then when he opens fire into the air to get them moving he’s suddenly identified as the bad guy, and the good guys start plugging away at him. I would think that this is one Christmas that John would like to forget.

Yeah, let’s not tell the kids what oath he was really screaming when he jumped off the building. In fact it might be best if the kids didn’t see this part since so many kids tend to emulate what they hear and see. This was obviously one of the more tense moments in the story and one of the hardest to swallow, especially when he crashes into the office space and is almost dragged out of the window by the falling hunk of metal that once held the same hose that’s around his waist.

I’m not sure how much sleep a kid would get after hearing this on Christmas night, or any night.

Save



Leave a Reply

Nashville Is Officially Ending after Season 6
Why You Should Check Out “Black Girl in a Big Dress”
A “Stripes” TV Adaptation is in the Works at CBS
What the Show “Valor” Gets Wrong about the Special Forces
Ranking the Post–‘Justice League’ DCEU
Nintendo Planning to Release New Super Mario Bros. Movie
George Clooney Gearing Up to Star in and Direct The WWII Series Catch-22
Guillermo Del Toro Reveals Why The Shape of Water Was Terrible To Make
Dave Matthews Band to Play Night Before Super Bowl
The Top Five Xander Singh Movie Scores of His Career
The Top Uses of Phish Songs in TV
Are We All Just Pretending “Look What You Made Me Do” Doesn’t Remind Us of the Sixth Sense?
LaVar Ball’s New 16,000 Square Foot House Tour Will Annoy You Even More
Watch Marshawn Lynch Bulldoze High School Players at Oakland Tech
Russell Westbrook And Nick Collison’s ‘White Men Can’t Jump’ Halloween Costumes Are Perfect
My Secret “Albert Pujols Was on Steroids The Whole Time” Conspiracy Theory
A Complete Timeline of Every Star Wars Video Game Ever
Video Game Voice Actors Aren’t Always Told The Game They’re In
Super Mario Odyssey Gets the Honest Trailer Treatment
So This is the Guy Who Yelled “Finish Him” in Mortal Kombat
Five Things You Didn’t Know About Jennifer Konner
Paris Hilton Claims That She Invented the Selfie: Discuss
Highlights from the 2017 AMA Awards
Five Things You Didn’t Know About Storm Reid