House 5.18 “Here Kitty” Recap

You are here: Home » NBC » Heroes » House 5.18 “Here Kitty” Recap

It’s like the opening line of a bad joke: House walks into a room with tape, Popsicle sticks, and an IV bag. It just can’t end well. Cue Ted Nugent’s “Stranglehold” as House looks back on his handiwork. It’s… an epic Hot Wheels track constructed out of hospital supplies, set up to shoot the car over a plastic shark and into a bedpan. House officially has too much time on his hands. He sends the car down the track, but before it can breach the bedpan, Cuddy swoops it up, clinic patient (Hey, it’s Judy Greer! Kitty Sanchez from Arrested Development! Here, Kitty indeed.) in tow. When Cuddy destroys the track, House reluctantly listens to the patient (Morgan, the head of nursing at a nursing home) complain that she’s had colds all winter and feels run-down, but has no specific symptoms. Instead, she asks for a CBC or thyroid scan. Actually, she doesn’t get to finish her request, because she hits the floor, seizing. House rolls his eyes, steps over her, and calls Cuddy in for a consult. An appalled Cuddy tends to the still-seizing Morgan, and before House can extricate himself up to his office, Cuddy informs him that Morgan peed herself. And the pee is bright, neon green. Good thing she was wearing white pants.

The team suggests both Pseudomonas and toxin exposure before Taub walks in late, proceeding to bitch about taking the case. Taub proposes it’s adult-onset epilepsy and Morgan happens to have a taste for green beer. House orders the team to check her house and place of work for toxins, despite the fact that Taub continues to insist that whatever Morgan has, it’s not important. House fires back that neither is Taub, and the team’s dismissed. Goodness. Taub’s certainly got a stick up his ass today. Too bad his plight is so pathetically entertaining during this episode — I might actually feel sorry for him.

At Morgan’s office, Kumar tries to figure out what’s bothering Taub, but isn’t getting very far. They find methylene blue in Morgan’s office, and Taub brings it to House, informing him that he’s been “conned.” Morgan faked the seizure and took the methylene blue to turn her pee green and voila! Medical attention for a sufferer of Münchausen syndrome. House thinks that finding methylene blue in the office of a nursing home is no big deal, as it’s often used to treat Alzheimer’s. Plus, peeing on one’s self in public is really really hard to do. Phenol poisoning would explain the seizure and the urine, and can be found in some throat sprays (when administered in large quantities). Taub’s ordered to search Morgan’s house and Kumar’s instructed to start her on charcoal hemoperfusion for the phenol poisoning. Before Kumar can leave, though, House goes, “Seriously?!” Kumar looks dumbfounded, which is his default expression anyway and goes, “Oh! You were lying about the throat spray. That does make more sense.” House doesn’t want to let Taub in on the fact that he’s going to test Morgan for the fake seizures. Because House hates being wrong. I geddit, show.

Taub’s on his way out of the hospital when he runs into an old friend from high school (now the CEO of a major corporation that develops medical equipment), who’s banged his leg and needs someone to look at it snappy. Taub volunteers, and they head back into the bowels of PPTH.

House enters Morgan’s room and informs her they’re going to do another seizure test, because unless they can confirm she’s sick, she’s going to have to leave. House starts the photosensitive seizure test, and Morgan starts twitching and jerking after about five seconds. She passes out and House picks up her arm, lifts it over her head and drops it. She stops it before it can bang her head, indicating she wasn’t really having a seizure. Morgan apologizes, but says she’s going to die unless House helps her. “A cat predicted my death,” she blurts as House is walking out the door. “Cats make terrible doctors. Oh no, wait! That’s women.” Haha. Funny.

Taub slaps a big Band-Aid over his friend’s knee (I thought “Really? You came to the hospital for that?” the first time I watched this episode, but then it all made sense in the end; clever, writers) while his friend complains that he’s had a problem with dizziness for a while; he’s been antibiotics for a week, and they haven’t helped. Taub tells him to lay down and proceeds to gently twist his head from one side to another. When the friend sits back up, he’s amazed that the dizziness is gone. Taub figured he had a calcium deposit in his inner ear, and he shifted it around. The friend offers to buy him dinner, but Taub says he’s married and boring, so he has to say no. Say wha? The CEO of a successful corporation offers to buy you dinner and you decline? Someone check Taub for brain damage, stat!

Morgan intercepts House as she’s leaving. “If you’re going to kill me and rape me, please do it in that order,” House pleads. But no, Morgan has brought House the Death Kitty, who lives in the nursing home, only sleeping next to people when they’re going to die. Death Kitty slept next to Morgan the day before while she was sitting on her couch. “Can you come back later?” House calls from inside his office, “I’m conducting some business with the Prince of Nigeria.” She pleads with him to watch a video — all will be revealed! Morgan gets short of breath and collapses outside House’s office. Foreman runs to her aid, and House mocks, “Quick! Before she goes without attention for eight seconds!” Foreman indicates it’s a bronchospasm, which is really hard to fake.

House and Cuddy sit on the couch, watching a news special on the Death Kitty. Also? Cuddy’s hair looks about ten million times better this week — it’s been borderline wig-like for the last few weeks. Cuddy thinks Morgan’s a nutjob, and can’t see why House would want to treat her. She gives him 24 hours to figure out if Morgan’s faking or not, or else Cuddy’s throwing her out.

The next morning, the team sits around the table in House’s office, staring at him as he sits in a chair with a cat on his lap and a cigar in one hand. “What are you doing?” Kumar asks. “No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to diiiiiie,” he drawls before going into Morgan’s bronchospasm. Foreman suggests bronchitis. “No cough, no fever, and Blofeld didn’t smoke a cigar,” Thirteen points out. I hadn’t taken her for a Bond aficionado (she’s also HIGHLY less annoying this week). “He might have. Dude had a lair. Means he was rich. Rich people enjoy good stogies, sometimes send them as gifts,” House counters. “Hey, Taub! Did I sound like I was awkwardly trying to segway into making a point?” Yes, House. Yes it did. Thirteen thinks it could be emphysema, but Foreman points out there was nothing on CT scan. Foreman thinks the Death Kitty might not be such a crazy idea — dogs can predict diabetic seizures, among other things. Maybe cats can as well. House thinks it’s more likely that the cat is a coincidence. Foreman comes up with the GENIUS idea that the cat could have caused the deaths. “We shoulda listened to Ted Nugent,” House says. Cat-scratch fever in the form of visceral larva migrans (worms) is possible and Foreman is going scope Morgan for worms in the lungs. Taub, meanwhile, has found an empty box of Cuban cigars in House’s garbage, addressed to him. “Hey! That reminds me. Why is some fancy CEO sending you a box of Cuban cigars? Is it related to your money worries?” House points out that Taub has been skipping his morning muffin, so he must have lost most of his money in the market last year. Taub says he’s on a diet, but House points out that Taub forgot to log out of his online portfolio, which clued him in on his financial situation. But it was mostly the muffins. Oops.

Kumar and Taub look on as Thirteen and Foreman scope Morgan’s lungs. Taub is still angsty and emo because he keeps telling his wife they don’t need to downsize, but he’s starting to think that they need to do something. Kumar’s comforting skills as a friend are about as good as his bedside manner, though, so Taub doesn’t feel much better. Thirteen walks out to report that the worms are a no-go. The team follows House down the hall as he wheels a crash cart “because patients sometimes crash and they haven’t yet invented a crash tractor for [House] to drive wildly around the hallways.” The team goes into the coma patient room, where House is going to test the Death Kitty in a blind study. The patient it curls up against should be doomed. It really is a rather adorable Death Kitty. “If I could prove the non-existence of an omniscient God who lovingly guides us to the other side, I would. Cat-version will have to do,” House tells Kumar, who’s petrified of the Death Kitty. Taub thinks House could have screwed up in diagnosing the bronchospasm (it could be a laryngospasm — which would be a panic attack). Foreman takes offense to that implication, obviously. The Death Kitty doesn’t curl up to the first patient, so House moves on to the next one. Taub notices welts on the second patient’s arm — turns out he has a severe cat allergy. I’m torn between laughing my ass off here and rolling my eyes at the incompetence of these guys. House gives the guy a shot of something and says, “That never happened.” Meanwhile, the Death Kitty has curled up with the last patient. House thinks that Foreman’s position about airborne allergens makes the most sense, so he orders methacholine challenge on Morgan.

House is back in his office with Cuddy, who’s staring at Death Kitty’s litter box, telling House that he needs to get rid of it. “Do you see a cat?” House asks innocently. “I see a litter box,” Cuddy says. House holds up his cane, insisting, “This is a disability, Dr. Cuddy. I can’t make it to the men’s room on time–” “Do you pee on the mice too?” Cuddy cuts House off. “Well, you see, the mice actually prove that I don’t have a cat,” House responds. “Are these the genetically modified lab mice from oncology??” Cuddy exclaims. “Genetically modified for tastiness,” House replies. Hee! Cuddy grabs the mice and tells House to get rid of the cat and the patient. She also informs House that the methacholine challenge came back negative (Taub told her). “I wish there was a lawsuit cat who could warn you,” House calls after Cuddy’s retreating figure. Cuddy tells House that either he escorts Morgan out, or she’ll have security do it.

“You’re joining me for a goodbye smoke,” House says as he wheels Morgan outside. She’s confused, as she doesn’t smoke. House lights up one of Taub’s Cubans, blowing smoke into Morgan’s face. He looked into Morgan’s background and came to the conclusion that she used to be a pretty normal person until she turned into a “superstitious idiot.” Four years ago she got a divorce after her step son died in a freak choking accident at school. House thinks she wants to make it make sense. “What’s wrong with that?” Morgan asks, tearing up. “It’s meaningless, that’s what’s wrong,” House responds, “What’s wrong is that it doesn’t do a thing to bring your kid back, or put you and your ex together again.” Morgan develops a rash on her neck and starts coughing. House gets a second opinion on the bronchospasm from a nearby doctor before wheeling her back inside. Okay, I was okay with Morgan until they played the dead kid card. Really? She couldn’t just be bummed about her divorce?