Ever since they began dating, Tessa and Ryan have been spending a lot of time with Sheila and Lisa, which has made the spotlight on the latter’s singledom glare that much brighter. Sheila wants Tessa to find a guy to set Lisa up with to counteract the Shay genetic disposition to spinsterhood, although she’d rather her daughter get back with Malik, and Lisa agrees to it. However, it’s not that easy to find a good man in Chatswin; due to a dream she had of becoming a cat lady in 2037, Lisa’s desperate to be with anyone and she tells Tessa that her main requirement is limbs. Dating a torso, though, is not ruled out. Yet.
Online dating proves to be a bust, as Sheila’s against the idea, but in-person interviews begin to take place at the Shay home. 16-year-old Reggie is there under the impression that Sheila needed her lawn cut and that he’d be paid and although she offers him (and Lisa’s cousin Tate) a stipend to date her, no candidate emerges from the pool of interviewees. Before Tessa can pass along the bad news, Lisa informs her that she did find somebody on her own – AJ, a pudgy middle schooler who takes 9th grade math, tutors Ryan, and has to have Lisa cut his meat up at lunch.
Tessa manages to convince Lisa to break-up with AJ by showing her the online personal ad of a guy interested in her – a guy who writes poetry and is a vociferous reader…and who turns out to be Tessa’s ex Scott Strauss. Along with Ryan, the four meet up to go to dinner and while Tessa gets reminded of how good Scott is on paper (and in person), she knows how boring he can be and how happy she is with Ryan. Granted, Ryan becomes obsessed with Scott’s silky hair, but still, Tessa’s happily over it. Not over Malik is Lisa, who gets fed up with how awkward the date is and not feeling the same spark she had with Malik before going home. Although she wanted to learn how to be alone, Tessa agrees to sleep over that night.
Ever since Noah stole Dallas’ dog walker Ashanti, Yakult has been depressed, causing Dallas to call her ex Yoni to see if he can’t do anything about it. However, Yoni is more concerned with showing off his body by wearing a barely there pouch to hold Yakult to his chest and getting rid of George from the Royce home than with actively helping Yakult’s disposition. He seems to have gotten Dallas under his spell, as she agrees that George needed to leave to calm Yakult down and doesn’t entertain the idea of cage training. When George tries to confront Dallas about how she’d be freaking out if she were in his shoes, she reminds him of Alex coming into the picture.
When Yoni’s not seducing the other women in town, including getting Jill to wet her “bud” for the first time, he’s doing every new age trick in the book to make Dallas think that Yakult has healed. The dog goes to sleep during an aromatherapy session and he brings up banning George from the home, which Dallas protests to, and Yoni later reveals to Dalia that he doesn’t want to be her new daddy. He just doesn’t want George to be her new daddy.
That night, George breaks into the Royce home to take Yakult for a walk and when Dalia interrupts them, the three go out together. George gets caught up on Dalia failing science and continuing her exploration of Judaism; after a few weeks, both Dalia and Yakult are as happy as they’ve been in a while and Yoni gets exposed for not being good with dogs. He merely wanted a place to stay for 4-6 weeks due to bad credit and a worse ex. Dallas then kicks him out for good and later talks to George about them solving their own problems from now on.
Additional thoughts and observations:
-“Are you ready to watch me give it to my mom?”
-“Chest me! Chest me!”
-“I can’t chase balls forever, Tessa. I don’t have the knees for it.”
-“Yeah, I would consider dating a torso.”
-“And in closing, kugel…”
-“Sorry. We’re handicapped, right?”
-“Tessa, leave me for him. You have to.”
-For my money, this was the funniest episode of the season and provided the best balance between the shows tones that we’ve seen in season two.
-The feud between Yakult and Dalia seems to be over, but when the glow from their time with Daddy Altman dissipates, it might rekindle.
-The cats in Lisa’s dream were named everything from Jeff Garlin to Cream Cheese Rangoon.
-The music that played every time Yoni entered the room killed me. Very silly but very funny.
-Noah’s been trying to get Jill into bud play since college.
-Next week on Suburgatory: Dalia is forced to attend East Chatswin High, while Tessa becomes a producer for a hit show at Chatswin High.