Supernatural

We begin this week's Apocalyptic festivities in a rather non-conventional fashion as Crowley, the demon who Bela gave the Colt to (played by the always fabulous Mark Sheppard), seals a Crossroads deal with a kiss. Except it's with a fifty year old banker. Given the continued debate over the nature of the Crossroads Demons in 'Supernatural' lore, I find it incredibly entertaining. Castiel is peeping -- I mean, spying on the deal and follows Crowley back to his posh home. He can't get in because the place is guarded by Enochian script, so he calls Sam and Dean.

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That night, Jo, all dolled up in an adorable little black dress, plays the damsel in distress by ringing the gate bell and claiming her car broke down. Two of Crowley's demon lackeys try to wrangle her inside, but Sam and Dean ambush them. Wow. They have brains after all. I MISSED IT SO MUCH. The boys get inside and confront Crowley. He doesn't walk into their Devil's Trap, but he DOES kill two of his demon lackeys with the Colt and insists they need to talk. The man knows how to make a first impression. It seems Crowley started the rumors that he had the Colt in the first place so he could get the boys to come to him. He wants them to go kill Lucifer. Say it with me: whaaa? Crowley's worried about his own survival once Lucifer gets rid of the humans, because the next logical target would be the demons. Sam warily accepts the Colt and then, like any sane person, puts the Colt to Crowley's head and pulls the trigger. *CLICK* Oh. Crowley needs to give them the bullets. And Lucifer's location. "How about you don't miss, okay? Morons," he calls after the boys as they leave. HEE. I like this guy.

Back at Bobby's place, Ellen and Jo are doing shots with Castiel, who's gotten considerably better about his alcohol consumption. Hehehe. Sam and Dean are in the other room, planning their attack. Sam's worried that they're walking into a trap, but Dean figures it's a stupid plan, but they have to try. Hrm. Where have I heard that before? Lucifer's target, Carthage, Missouri, is lit up like a demonic Christmas tree. Dean initially wants Sam to stay behind because it would be really unfortunate to hand Lucifer his vessel just like that. Sam gives him the "we're in this together" speech, and Dean relents. Stupidly.

Dean catches a glimpse of Jo's denim-clad ass in the other room and goes into immediate horndog mode. Strangely, it's not nearly as awkward as it was in Season 2. He gives her the "last night on earth" speech (nice parallel to Anna, heh) and she give him a kiss before saying that she's got more self respect than that. Aww. You go, girl. Bobby gets a picture of the group and it's kind of adorable. In an awkward sort of way.

The Hunter Brigade rolls into Carthage (sans Bobby). While Dean and Sam go to check out the police department, Castiel tells Ellen and Jo there are a crapload of reapers hanging around the place. They only show up in huge numbers during times of great disaster. It's fuckin' creepy. Castiel follows one into a motel and there's a flash of light after he hears a guy say, "Hello, brother." DUN DUN DUN. It's Lucifer and he's got Castiel trapped in a Fiery Circle of Angel Containment. Turns out Lucifer's vessel is "wearing a bit thin" (by that, he means bits of flesh are peeling off), and he's getting getting impatient with Sam. Lucifer tries to make friends with Castiel by saying that they're both on the same side, they've both been cast out, blah blah blah, but Castiel is having none of it.

Outside, the boys and the girls run into Meg, still in the same meatsuit from 5.01, which I thought she clearly abandoned, but whatever. She wants to take them to see her father, who I thought was the YED, but apparently she means Lucifer. Goddamn it, Kripke. Keep your canon consistent. Dean points the Colt at Meg, but she's got hellhounds with her. JUST SHOOT HER AND RUN. Dean only manages to take out a hellhound before royally pissing them off. Everyone runs. Oh, yeah. That's a GREAT plan. What was it Crowley said earlier about morons? One of the hellhounds knocks Dean down during the retreat and it looks like he's a goner. Jo tries to fend it off, but gets attacked. They all retreat to a hardware store and lock it down, but Jo's bleeding badly. Like, intestines on the floor badly.

The guys and Ellen do the best they can, but it's not looking good for Jo. Dean manages to get Bobby on the radio and tells him the bad news. He's having trouble dealing and... oh, god. Ackles is killing me. Man up, Dean! For my sake. Bobby thinks Lucifer's planning on unleashing Death, a.k.a. He Who Rides a Pale Horse, the Big Daddy Reaper. Seems there was a really big Civil War battle in Carthage and Bobby thinks that the whole she-bang's gonna go down on the battlefield at midnight.

Meg reports to Lucifer that the hellhounds have the Winchesters pinned down. Lucifer tells her to let 'em squirm.

The guys start planning to get Jo back to safety, but she tells them to stop and be realistic. She's can't move her legs, she can't be moved, her guts are gonna fall out... she's not going anywhere. Instead, she volunteers to be a human hell-hound bomb. Let the dogs in, let Ellen and the boys get out, and then BOOM. Ellen's having trouble with this plan, understandably. As am I. But kudos to Jo for actually being useful for once. It took five seasons, but there you go.

Okaaay. So the boys and Ellen build a bomb with lots of propane, iron nails and rock salt. I'm... not sure how that's gonna work,  technically speaking. I mean, the boys never tried iron or salt with the hellhounds in 'No Rest for the Wicked.' I just kinda presumed that they weren't kill-able, but whatever. Dean tells Jo he'll see her on the other side sooner or later. She hopes it'll be later. He kisses her on the forehead, and then the lips before he tears himself away. There's very little dialog here and thank god, because both Jensen Ackles and Alona Tal do such a good job with just the emotion. I thought the Dean/Jo elements of Season 2 were really awkward, but I can definitely see it now. Not in a sexual way, so much, but more of a "soulmates" sort of way. They seem to get each other in a way that no one else does. He leaves and Ellen sits down next to Jo. It seems she's staying there to let the dogs in. It's not really that so much as she's not gonna sit back and let her daughter die alone. Aww, Ellen. Loyal until the very end. The boys protest, but Ellen tells them to go. She also Ellen tells Dean not to miss. Dude. It's not Dean with the bad aim, as I recall. Jeebus. Am I the only one here who bothered to watch 'Salvation'?

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I'm not normally one to cry at television shows. Admittedly, I bawled like a little girl at the end of 'All Hell Breaks Loose, Part I' when Sam went all floppy in Dean's arms and Dean was yelling 'Saaaam!' into the cold dark night and... look, I don't wanna talk about it. But when Ellen lets the hellhounds in and tells Jo that she will always love her, except Jo's all cold and lax against her shoulder and Ellen starts crying and telling her that it's gonna be okay and the hellhounds bust in.... god, Julia. Pull it together. Ellen lets the hellhounds get close enough to blow her hair and she pushes the bomb-trigger. The hardware shop goes BOOM, probably not unlike the Roadhouse several seasons ago. Goddamn it.

The guys make it to the Civil War battlefield in one piece. Sam asks Dean if he's got any last words. Dean's good. So is Sam. Awww. That's my boys. They move in. The townspeople are gathered around Lucifer, who's digging around in the dirt with a shovel. Sam confronts Lucifer, who, upon seeing the old revolver clutched in Sam's hand, assures him that he's never going to hurt him. Psyche! Dean pops up with the Colt and puts one in Lucifer's head. Woah! Holy shit. I didn't think they'd actually do it. Except Lucifer gasps back to life with an, "Owwww!" and asks Dean where he got the gun before flinging him against a tree, quite like the YED did in the Season 2 finale. The bullet wound heals and Lucifer asks Sam where they were. Crap. (Well, c'mon. Really? Did you really think the Colt was going to work on the King of the Underworld? Isn't there, like, a sword floating around there or something?)

Sam tells Lucifer to fuck off. He's not going be his vessel. Lucifer tells Sam it will happen, in six months, in Detroit. Oooh. Sounds like a prophecy if I've ever seen one. Sam promises he's going to rip Lucifer's heart out. Seems Lucifer put a demon in every able-bodied man and killed the rest of them and put them in the ground of the battlefield. Eww. Lucifer gives the "poor little brother" speech for what feels like the millionth time. It seems Michael wouldn't stand with him and then beat him down because he was different and had a mind of his own. Sigh. We were doing so good tonight without the anvils.

Lucifer goes to finish the ritual and Dean finally regains consciousness. The remaining townspeople start dropping like flies. Back in the Firey Circle of Angel Containment, Meg pontificates to Castiel about god knows what. I think that's Hell's Army's problem. All the oxygen that should be going to their brains gets expelled out of their mouths with the talky. Castiel tells Meg about Crowley's little plan to kill Lucifer, which kinda pisses Meg off. It was all a distraction, though, and Castiel's secretly been working on screws from a nearby pipe with his angel telekinesis. The pipe falls and it pushes Meg into the Fiery Circle with Castiel. He tries to send her back to Hell, but he doesn't have enough angel juice. So he throws her into the fire and walks over her on the way out. Heh.

So... things aren't looking good back at the battlefield. Death's arrived. Something looms over Lucifer but then suddenly we're back at Bobby's and the television's saying there's a huge emergency in Carthage, and Bobby burns the picture they took earlier and Dean looks longingly at Jo's visage until the screen fades to black. Ooookay. We were doing great up until that little jump. How did they get out of Carthage? What happened with Death? Does he drive a white Pinto? WHAT HAPPENED TO MEG?? Inquiring minds want to know. Ten more minutes to resolve those issues and I would want to have this episode's dirty little babies. The pacing, action, emotion, and guest stars were all fantastic. I have my quibbles with some canon-issues not lining up, but those aside, it was a very enjoyable hour.