The ABC pilot "Georgetown" has us here at TVOvermind buzzing with excitement, anticipation, and that little shred of hope that Josh Schwartz, who serves as executive producer on the pilot, can strike lightening in a bottle twice as he did with the pop culture sensation The O.C., Chuck, and Gossip Girl. The pilot/show, which was created by Will Fetters ("Remember Me"), will center around a group of 20 somethings as they lead professional and personal lives among Washington D.C.'s elite. The group of sexy Quarter-lifers is led by Lonestar's James 'Jimmy' Wolk, who is joined by the likes of Kevin Zeger (Gossip Girl), Tiya Sircar (The Vampire Diaries), Joseph Mazzello ("The Social Network") and the "can do no wrong" Katie Cassidy. It's a damn fine recipe for some good "OMG!" television that we can't wait to have our first taste of, OD on it, and then ask for more afterwards.

If you need more reasons why ABC should make "Georgetown" a top priority for a place on the schedule this fall, here's a few we've scrounged up for your reading 'pleasure:'

1. The Brilliant Mind of Josh Schwartz

Sure, Will Fetters wrote the pilot, but Schwartz could help Fetters steer this ship of greatness in becoming another pop culutre staple in our lives. Schwartz uses pop culture as his weapon and witticism as his shield. With those two attributes under his belt, Fetters is in damn good company and ABC could win more viewers in the coveted 18-49 demo, which will make this a win-win situation for everyone involved. Did we mention how brilliant Josh Schwartz is?

2. The Cast is Just Banging...

Need we say more? The main draw for FOX's now defunct show Lonestar was the acting chops and sex appeal of James Wolk, who insiders knew would easily be snatched up for another role when the 2011-2012 pilot season started. His face could be a sure fire draw to the show, just as Katie Cassidy, TV land's current "It" girl/goddess, will fill in seats of the male persuasion. Kevin Zegers is fresh off of raising hell on Gossip Girl and who doesn't want to see what "Jurassic Park's" Tim Murphy, aka Joseph Mazzello has been up to? (Anyone?) The cast is a chemisty experiment ready to explode in all the right ways and we can't wait to see the sparks (heels, barbs, punches, etc) fly across our screens.

3. The D.C. Setting is a Hot Bed For Scandals Galore

Watergate. Monica Lewinksy. The Iran-Contra Affair. The list for Beltway scandals goes on and on, which means Schwartz and Fetters have plenty of material to use for some crazy plotlines involving the cast and their political surperiors. An unfaithful Senator? A corrupt President? A D.C. lobbyist using sex as a weapon in the name of their political issues? The possibilities are practically limitless and only needs dashes of sex, bitchery, and backstabbing to make the cocktail even sweeter. We'll have three to go, please and thank you.

So what do you guys think? Could "Georgetown" prove to be next season's most guiltiest pleasure?

The Awesomeness That Could Be ABC's "Georgetown"

Early this morning, Variety reported that Glee's Chris Colfer is heading to the movies. Yup, that's right! Everyone's favorite former member of new directions/new member of the Warblers (or is that Darren Chris?) will be filming a movie during Glee's summer hiatus.

Struck by Lightning will be a coming of age tale and was written by Colfer as well. Producer David Permut from the 2009 film Youth in Revolt likens the script to those of John Hughes who wrote the Brat Pack classics Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Weird Science. No director or other cast members are attached to the film as of yet.

In other glee clubber turned movie star news, an awesome new trailer for Dianna Agron's film "I am Number Four" was released today. The film, which opens on February 18th, 2011 is based upon the Young Adult sci-fi novel written by Pittacus Lore. The script was written by Al Gough (Smallville), Miles Millar (Smallville) and Marti Noxon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer). It also stars a sure to be new hearthrob, Alex Pettyfer and Timothy Olyphant.

Glee Stars on the BIG Screen

Seems like Juliet will be wreaking more havoc over the second half of the Gossip Girl season.

EW's Michael Ausiello has spoken with Gossip Girl's EP Stephanie Savage about what's going on with Juliet Sharp (Katie Cassidy) and how long her plan to take down Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) will last. This is what she had to say:

“A good chunk of Juliet’s plan will be revealed by the end of the first half of the season, but elements of it will carry over.”

Sounds like we have a November sweeps cliffhanger on our hands, people. Also interesting is Ausiello's blurb about two main characters joining Juliet's ranks to bring Serena to her knees. With that little tidbit, I have a few thoughts in my head:

1) Who will be the ones to defect to the dark side with Juliet? Blair and Vanessa are out of the question since Juliet has burned bridges with those ladies and Chuck has his own issues to worry about. This leaves Nate (Chace Crawford) and Dan (Penn Badgley), which leads us to

2) Will the two 'accomplices' be willingly doing the dirty deeds or will they be conned into doing them? Juliet, as we all know, is very crafty with spinning lies. Plus, she has the two exes of Serena under her thumb, so anything is possible. Just know that we will be here waiting for it when the proverbial crap hits the fan.

In other GG news, remember Damian Dalgaard (Kevin Zegers), the drug peddling love interest of Jenny last season? Well, he's heading back to the Upper East Side for one episode and returns later in the season for a multi-ep storyline. Zegers has been seen on the set filming some scenes according to E! Online, but no one knows if Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen) will be a factor in Damian's return. So, Hurricane Jenny bashers, put down your pitchforks, because she hasn't shown up on the radar yet. We will let you know when to bored up your houses and boyfriends accordingly.

Now, some behind the scenes Gossip Girl news. Longtime couple Blake Lively and Penn Badgley made their split official, after being reported to have ended things in mid-September. Us Weekly reports despite the breakup, Blake and Penn are still cordial and get along fine on set. Now, if we can just get them to drop the "Dan pursing Serena again" story line...

What are your thoughts?

Sources: EW's Michael Auseillo, Us Weekly, E! Online

Gossip Girl: Juliet Stays A Bit Longer; Old Troublemaker Returns, Behind The Scenes Split

Season 4 Premiere: Monday, September 13 @ 8:00/7:00c pm on TheCW.

When we left Gossip Girl last year, we had an almost 'Who Shot Chuck Bass?' incident on our hands, but since we knew who shot GG's resident bad boy, the cliffhanger question turned to "When Will Chuck Bass Recover and When Will He Reconnect With Blair?" Not as catchy as "Who Shot Chuck Bass?" I'm sure, but you get the drift. Before we get ahead of ourselves, let us take you back to those little cliffhangers that served as the second best on a CW show (behind The Vampire Diaries, that is).

What You Should Know

Daddy Issues - Serena had finally found her father Dr. William van der Woodsen who had returned to take care of Lily by curing her of cancer. But unbeknownst to Serena's blind eye and everyone around him, William was in fact back to reclaim his family and push the Humphreys' out the picture. Thanks to the power team of Chuck, Blair, Dan, and Nate, William's plan was nixed and his duplicity was revealed to Serena, who let him go into the night again. This did not sit well with Nate and the two are now on the outs with each other. While Serena ran to Paris with Blair, Nate decided to take some pages from Chuck's little black book and numb his pain.

Daddy Dan? - After being caught in a compromising situation with Serena by Jenny, who then sent a pic of said position to Vanessa, you would think Dan would get some much needed rest for the summer right? Wrong. Wait!  Who was that? Of course, it was the finale, which called for Georgina Sparks to arrive and cause some hell. Since Dan spurned her at the beginning of the year, it would only suit her best that it would be him. But we weren't expecting her to be... expecting. Expecting Dan's child that is... This will not sit well with Vanessa one bit.

The Banishment of Little J - The platinum dye abuser known as Jenny Humphrey was given a gracious send off after causing enough destruction for denizens of the Upper East Side to file FEMA claims from the damage that transpired. Not only did Jenny send a GG blast that featured Serena and Dan, her own brother, in a compromising position, but she also was an instrument in destroying the long-awaited reunion of Chair, which made me fear for the girl’s life. Seriously, I was praying that Jenny wasn’t going to be sniped before she boarded the train out of town and out of the opening credits of next year. To give Jenny credit, she did realize the error of her ways before the whole Chuck debacle and, in my eyes, wasn’t trying to stick it to Blair before leaving, so I can’t fault her for that. Everything before hand? Bitch-slap worthy.

The Smashing of "Chair"/Chuck Bass Down! - After the really messed up of break up of Chuck and Blair this year, we knew they were bound to get together by the finale. Just when that moment is about to happen, Chuck and Jenny's tryst is revealed in the most inopportune moment, which was Chuck proposing to Blair. The blow sent Blair to Paris, the banishment of Jenny (which I think is a total crock, but that's me) and Chuck to Prague, where he was shot(!!!) in a robbery attempt! Sacre bleu!!!

CONTINUE TO THE NEXT PAGE

Previously On... 'Gossip Girl'

There Is A God.

This weekend, news broke that Katie ('Can't Do Any Wrong') Cassidy will have a long stay on this upcoming season of Gossip Girl, clocking in 10-12 episodes out of the total 22 ordered.. This means that we will have more chances of a catfight or two going down between Cassidy's character Juliet Sharp and resident "Queen" Blair Waldorf before the season is out. Color me stoked.

As reported, Cassidy's character Juliet will be Nate's (Chace Crawford) latest love interest to come to the Upper East Side and will cause HELLA trouble for Serena (Blake Lively) and Blair (Leighton Meester) when the gal pals return from Paris. Hopefully Juliet will teach Jenny a thing or two about that thing called life, but I digress. No word yet on if Katie will debut in the season premiere or later, but our wish is for Katie's stint to be spread out throughout the season instead of a quick succession of episodes.

Cassidy is fresh off her stint from the short lived Melrose Place reboot (which I am still mourning over) and a run in with Freddy Kreuger in this year's A Nightmare On Elm Street reboot. Upcoming projects include Monte Carlo (which she stars in with her Gossip Girl co-star, Leighton Meester and Selma Gomez) and Fencewalkers, a top secret project ftom X-Files creator Chris Carter. Our little girl is going to be super busy it seems!

So do you want to see Katie take on Leighton, Blake, or both? Sound off below or in our fourms!

Gossip Girl returns to Monday nights @8/7c this Fall on The CW.

Gossip Girl: Katie Cassidy Takes On The Upper East Side For Awhile

Katie Cassidy is staying within the CW family.  Cassidy, who previously appeared in Supernatural and last season's Melrose Place (which lasted one season before being canceled), will be joining season 4 of Gossip Girl in the Fall for a recurring role.  Cassidy is scheduled for a multi-episode character arc and EW has a few more details about her character:

She’ll play a student at Columbia and a love interest for fellow undergrad Nate (Chace Crawford).

This next bit probably goes without saying, but a Gossip source tells me that Cassidy’s character “will make trouble” for several Upper East Siders, adding, “She is not what she appears.”

Cassidy will first air in the season 4 premiere.

This is great news.  While I wasn't fond of Cassidy's character in season 3 of Supernatural, I grew to love her in Melrose Place (yes, I watched that show...and I am ashamed of this fact).  I think she was the best thing about that show and if she's going to play a bitchy character like she did in Melrose Place, then we're in for a treat.

You can also read an article we previously posted with Gossip Girl season 4 spoilers, including details about the Paris storyline that will open the fourth season of the show.

Gossip Girl Season 4 Spoilers - Katie Cassidy's Guest Appearance

The clock is winding down on Melrose Place with it's season, and (sadly) possible, series finale and the ratings are still looking anemic. The show has not only taken a beating in the ratings game, but with snarky critics and non-fans as well. Non-fans are calling for the cancellation of the show for reasons ranging from simple competition for slots for One Tree Hill and new hit Life Unexpected to just people who have some sort of need to hate something that doesn't pertain to them. You know... Like people against the recently passed health care bill. But I digress. Melrose Place needs someone to stand up for it in it's time of need and I feel like I am that man for the job. So whatever the reasoning behind people's dislike for the show, I am here to plead Melrose Place's case for a second season and will serve as it's defense lawyer in the current trial of The People Vs. Melrose Place, which is pretty much what it is looking like in the TV blogosphere. So sit back and let me present the evidence that Melrose Place deserves a second go like every other show on The CW does.

Exhibit A) - The Show Has Picked Up Tonally And Is Different Than It Started Out...

Melrose Place started off on a rocky start when they killed original series character Sydney Andrews (Laura Leighton) in the pilot episode. Some people said it was a bad move that alienated the original series fans and without that core audience, the show was doomed. But I think it was a great idea to introduce the characters in light of the mystery at hand, because who would've cared if a new resident was the one floating in the pool at the beginning of the episode instead of someone established and well known? I sure as hell wouldn't. The characters are fully fleshed out now and can move on with their lives, which means crazy plots and insanity galore to come. The original series spent half of its first season building up their characters hopes and dreams before tearing them down with the crazy on a weekly basis. The route the original series took might not have worked with today's audiences, because it wasn't too serialized and plots were wrapped up by episode end. So what is wrong with having a half-season long mystery to keep you coming back, while learning the characters in the process?

Exhibit B) - Katie Cassidy As Ella Simms

Need I say more??!? Katie Cassidy as the delectable Ella Simms is a reason alone to watch this show. She brings life to MP and her one liners are worthy of an Amanda Woodward's School of Bitchery class if one existed. Cassidy has a glow about her that helps bring the old concept of "beautiful twenty somethings living in an apartment complex" into the new millennium easily, which is tastefully done if you ask me. She shines in every scene that she is in and can hold her own with the old cast, who Ella has shared a scene with whenever they appeared on the show, if I am not mistaken. Sure, some people are screaming that Cassidy's talents are being wasted on Melrose Place, but where else can you see Ella Simms? And since Katie seems to be having fun with this character, why not let her enjoy playing Ella a bit more? Hmmm?

Exhibit C) - Unlike 90210, The Old Cast CAN Return!!!!

One of the pet peeves with me when the the revamped 90210 premiered was the conflicting angles new and old fans wanted the show to take. You had one side who wanted the original cast to feature into the new show, despite the series being centered around a whole new set of teens. Then you had the other faction who wanted the show to ditch all of the casting stunts with Shannon Doherty and Tori Spelling and focus solely on the new class of West Beverly High. With Melrose Place, you are dealing with adults and you wouldn't have to worry about trying to tie in old cast members with new high school children.

The return of original MP characters Jane Andrews (Josie Bissett), Jo Reynolds (Daphne Zuniga), Dr. Michael Mancini (Thomas Calabro), Sydney Andrews (Laura Leighton), and Amanda Woodward (Heather Locklear) didn't seem forced or irritably convenient to some extent. The new characters had a past with several of the old characters in a tried and true soap opera paradigm that was used wisely by the writers and shouldn't be taken so seriously by viewers. I mean, this IS Melrose Place, people! Aren't crazy, nonlogical incidents the reason we loved the original?!!? But the point is that since 4616 Melrose Place has always been a revolving door for new tenants, old characters can pop in on a regular basis and wouldn't feel out of their element without it feeling staged. The reunion scene in last week's episode is a great example since each original MP cast member played a part in an ongoing story line and really just didn't pop up out of nowhere for a ratings stunt/sweeps  episode. In short, other faves might return if we just give this show a chance!

Exhibit D - What's Wrong With Fun TV?

With a lot of shows on TV today, there tends to be a trend of intricate plotlines with a sci-fi element thrown in. Melrose is one of the few shows left that gives you the goods at face value without making your mind explode in the process. Is intellectual TV bad? Hell no. But Melrose Place is that nice ice pack that you can apply to your head after watching an episode of LOST, which is highly needed in my book. So why not indulge yourself in one of the best guilty pleasures of 2010? Give in to the crazy... Give in to the crazy...

Closing Arguments

Melrose Place is what it is at face value: a campy, soap with all the fixings and  enough substance to not make you want to leave your living room couch in shame for watching it. If you are new to it, there is nothing to fear, except your popularity dropping. For those who tuned in and tuned back out, I promise you that you do NOT know what you are missing!!!! So come on, people! Let's make Tuesdays a bitch... ;)

Melrose Place airs on Tuesday nights at 9/8c on The CW, right after 90210.

The People vs. Melrose Place: A TV 'Case Study'

Melrose Place

Network: The CW

Premiere date: Tuesday, September 8 at 9:00/8:00 Central

Cast: Katie Cassidy, Colin Egglesfield, Stephanie Jacobsen, Jessica Lucas, Michael Rady, Shaun Sipos, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz

Synopsis (from The CW): 

In an elegant Spanish-style apartment complex in the trendy Melrose neighborhood of Los Angeles, the lives and relationships of a diverse group of 20-somethings intertwine to form a close-knit surrogate family. Sydney Andrews (Laura Leighton, the original "Melrose Place") is the landlady, still beautiful at 40, and a central figure in the lives of all her tenants, especially handsome and rebellious David Breck (Shaun Sipos, "Shark"). Sydney started an affair with David despite her turbulent history with his estranged father, Dr. Michael Mancini (Thomas Calabro, the original "Melrose Place"). Both father and son learned through experience that Sydney was not above using blackmail to control people.

Another tenant, high-powered publicist Ella Simms (Katie Cassidy, "Supernatural"), once considered Sydney her mentor, but their friendship was destroyed by betrayal, and Sydney threatened to evict Ella and ruin her career. Sydney also played a pivotal role in the career of Auggie Kirkpatrick (Colin Egglesfield, "All My Children"). After they met at an AA meeting, she became a supportive friend to Auggie and encouraged his dream to become a chef. He’s now a successful sous chef at the trendy restaurant Coal, but his relationship with Sydney has gone sour since she began drinking again.

The other tenants include Lauren Yung (Stephanie Jacobsen, "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"), a medical student in desperate need of money to pay her student loans, and Jonah Miller (Michael Rady, "Swingtown"), an aspiring filmmaker who has just proposed to his live-in girlfriend Riley Richmond (Jessica Lucas, "Cloverfield"), a first-grade teacher. The newest tenant, wide-eyed 21-year-old Violet Foster (Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, "7th Heaven"), has just arrived in LA and is horrified to find a bloody body floating in the courtyard pool. David is the leading suspect but, as the police are soon to discover, almost everyone living at Melrose Place had a reason to want the deceased out of the way.

An updated version of the popular 1990s series, MELROSE PLACE is from CBS Television Studios with executive producers Todd Slavkin & Darren Swimmer ("Smallville"). Oscar-winner Davis Guggenheim ("An Inconvenient Truth") is the director and executive producer of the pilot.

What We Think:

If it is anything like its predecessor, Melrose Place will be "90210" for grown-ups.  Expect lots of sex - lots and lots 0f sex - with this next generation of back-stabbing, partner-swapping, ladder-climbing group of beautiful people as they all try to land on top, both in the bedroom and the boardroom.

There will be no scheme too big, no relationship too solid, and no partner untried in this sordid hotbed of scandal.  Yes, each of the characters has a dream of a successful career and a passion for what they do.  But really, you'll be watching to find out who is doing whom, who knows, and what they are going to do about it.

Don't feel bad about this guilty pleasure.  I'm going to be watching right beside you.

2009 Fall Preview: Melrose Place

There sure are a lot of dead people being cast on the revival of Darren Star's 1992 relationship drama "Melrose Place".  In addition to returning cast members Josie Bissett, Daphne Zuniga and Laura Leighton (for however long she survives), Katie Cassidy is being reunited with fellow Harper's Island victim Victor Webster.

Katie Cassidy will play Ella Simms.  Earlier reports have her as is either a  good-natured bisexual college grad or a smart, sassy lawyer but most the most recent promos have her occupation listed as a talented publicist.  The bi-sexual/lesbian part of the role is a constant in all cases. 

Victor Webster's character will arrive in the second episode as Caleb Brewer, a cigar-smoking, scotch swilling man's man except for the fact that he likes men.  Caleb is gay, out, and Ella's boss.

Cassidy and Webster join Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, who will play Violet, a small-town girl in the big city, Colin Egglesfield, who'll play wannabe chef and currently surfer Auggie Kirkpatrick and Michael Rady as Jonah Miller.

Just like old times, the new Melrose Place will premiere on September 8th, right after the second season premier of 90210, the show that started it all (the first time.)

Melrose Place - Casting News and Spoilers

This week it's the day of the bachelor/bachelorette parties. The boys go fishing and find something better than sockeye, and the girls just wanna have psychic fun. But someone's going to come down with a terminal case of late, who's it gonna be?

Previously: Uncle Marty had charisma, pills, a gun and a bag full of cash. Then he had a problem keeping his bottom half attached to his top half. Hunter had a sweetheart deal with Wellington to win Trish back, then he had a sweeter deal to just leave. Then he had a boat with Uncle Marty's cash on board...and a shotgun blast to the face.

The dead: Cousin Ben (never seen), Uncle Marty, the preacher, Kelly, Lucy, Hunter…and yeah, Cal and Chloe still live, but at least they're getting more tolerable...I hope. After this episode, I have serious doubts about Cal.

The drinking game: Wondering where the dead people are, and anytime someone's showing some skin. (You didn't think I was letting this go, did you?)

After our obligatory opening shots of island porn we open on the accoutrement of the psychic Karena, who Shea has hired to entertain at Trish's bachelorette party. Checking up on things, Shea and Karena talk while creepy little Madison zeroes in on the tarot deck.

Like you're even surprised.

Shea tries to apologize, but Karena waves her off, deciding it's time to help Madison get a little creepier. "They look magical." Karena nods and tells the little girl that the cards tell her things about people. "I know things about people." Pointing to The Tower, creepy little Madison asks if it means that people are going to die. Karena just looks enigmatic, I shout, "Hell, yeah!" at the screen. And oh, hey, let's add to the liver damage - Creepy kid is creepy? Drink. This first one's on me.

At The Cannery, Nikki and Abby are chatting about the getting gifts for the uber-rich. Abby's asked Nikki for a secret recipe and she's flipping through a scrapbook, stuffed with memorabilia about Trish and Henry. They switch when Nikki passes over the recipe and she begins flipping though the book, looking at the pictures that Abby's painstakingly put together. Thanking Nikki for the now, not-so-secret recipe, Abby takes the book and heads to the newspaper office to pick up an article she needs to finish her masterpiece before the bachelorette party. Ruefully, Nikki tells Abby that she should come to The Cannery for the bachelor party instead. That actually sounds like a good idea to Abby so she half-seriously asks if Nikki needs help, when a familiar voice says he could use a hand.

It's lovelorn Jimmy, hauling a delivery of fresh seafood onto the counter. Both girls just stare and Jimmy smirks at the crate, "Is it because I have crabs?" Nikki looks as disgusted at the joke as I am, and Jimmy gives a "tough room" whistle before an extra comes to take the crate away. Abby just rolls her eyes and smiles at the lovable doof.

Henry's washing up back at the Inn and as he walks out he does a double-take at his fiancee, standing in the room, naked. DRINK! She makes cute about not being able to decide what to wear, but Henry knows better. It's her not-so-subtle reminder to have fun at his bachelor party, but not too much fun. Trish totally does the, "Bachelor party? That's today?" complete with batted eyelash and a "golly-gee I should just get dressed then." Like the entirety of the male viewing audience, that doesn't sit well with Henry so he pulls her to the bed. Like rabbits these two are.

Walking along, Madison asks her mother if spirits are real, if they could be telling Karena bad things. Shea answers that it's all for fun, that it's make-believe, but Madison, pulling the pilfered Tower card from her pocket, doesn't seem convinced. Back inside, Karena's looking at the list of birth dates Shea provided. When she and the camera fix on Abby's name, a drop of blood falls on the card. The spirits have given Karena a bloody nose. Gasp!

…SLICE! Titles, “One by one…”

Outside The Cannery, Jimmy's admitting he has a hidden agenda. "In giving me a ride, or delivering crabs?" Abby asks. He wants to apologize for Shane being a psycho, and Kelly's death. He wants her to enjoy her time back on the island. Abby smirks, then asks him if he really wants her to have fun. That would be the general gist of what he just said, Abby. With a grin, she says, "Let me drive." Jimmy offers up the keys, and they take off.

Sully is greeting the groomsmen, sans Malcolm, to the "big day" and there's back and forth about the wedding day being the big day for the girls and the bachelor party being the big day for the boys. The adorable dork Booth hints at the all-important question, did Sully find a stripper? The answer is a big yes, but Sully adds the caveat that she's a local girl so they shouldn't get their hopes up. He shushes them when Henry walks up, guess the stripper will be a surprise then, and Henry remarks, "This is my party? Three guys and a cooler of beer? You shouldn't have." They didn't and Sully pulls out a box of something and passes it over to Henry. He opens it to a collection of fish heads (eat them up, yum!) and assorted cut-up parts. In other words, bait. Henry's face slowly lights up like a kid in a candy shop.

Apparently he likes to fish. A lot.

Sully says he's rented a boat, Malcolm's finishing his pitch to Wellington, and even poor seasick Booth is coming. And, apparently, Muffin the blow-up-doll.

Through a window a stone-faced Wellington watches, along with Richard and a very nervous Malcolm who's there to pitch his home-brew beer manufacturing to the pair of potential investors. Aside from being really nervous, Malcolm seems to have done his homework, and passes his info to Richard who begins flipping through it. Wellington asks for the bottom line.  Malcolm gives it. "For one hundred-thousand dollars you can be a majority stakeholder in Sacred Turtle beer."

Harper’s Island 1.04 “Bang” Recap

Straight from the land of shiny new laptops (huzzah!) comes more murder, mayhem, and mystery as the Sheriff tries to determine if Kelly's death was indeed an accident, and sweet revenge is had by one of the wedding guests.

Previously: Hunter's on the Island, he's a bad guy, but Wellington's brought him to break up Henry and Trish. Cal got strung up by a hunter's trap and Sully left him there so he could flirt with Chloe. Kelly and Abby bonded over their dead mothers and Abby didn't let Kelly's belief that Wakefield was still alive deter her from offering to let the girl live in LA with her. She also noted that JD an Kelly were sleeping together. Lucy fell in a pit trap and got bar-b-que'd, her dog, Gigi's, fate is unknown. And last, but not least, Kelly was found hanging from a rafter in her home - apparently a suicide. Or was it?

The dead: Cousin Ben (never seen), Uncle Marty, the preacher, Kelly, Lucy...and yet Cal and Chloe still live. I'm trying hard not to be disappointed by the fact.

After our obligatory opening shots of island porn, the camera drifts lightly over the bikini-clad body of Abby, floating in the inn's pool serenely. She looks up and sees Beth who I'd forgotten was on this show except for her pic in the character gallery. she invites Beth in and Beth laughs as the serenity of the moment is completely broken by the gaggle of groomsmen who just took flying leaps into the pool. Shenanigans ensue as the camera begins wandering around, showing Wellington and Katherine sipping champagne and finally settling on Richard, watching Katherine and Wellington sipping champagne from a distant balcony. If you think it sounds creepy, you're probably right.

Henry comes up behind Richard asking him how he can manage to deal with marrying into the Wellington clan. His answer is vague, much like his personality at this point, and mostly revolves around Shea and Madison being happy and well cared-for. When asked about his own happiness he replies, "Well you just...find a way." The camera pans back to Wellington and Katherine, and yes, that falling anvil means it's really on Katherine.

It's time for skeet-shooting with the Wellingtons. Ka-blam! (But not the one we're looking for.) Unsurprisingly, Mr. Wellington is quite adept and Trish cheers her father on, while slyly suggesting that Henry take a shot at "dethroning the king". He looks as though he's considering it as Wellington misses his final shot. He is not amused by this as Henry takes his place.

Meanwhile Madison's in a flowerbed, pulling the blooms off the flowers and tossing them into the brush. She's practicing being the "flower girl", see? Shea tries to tell her to stop, but Richard excuses it, it's not like she has anyone her age to play with. At least she's not burning snails anymore.

As Henry starts setting up, a message is delivered to him. Trish watches as he reads it with a serious expression and she walks up, asking if everything's OK. Anyone with eyes can see it's not, but love is blind and today, so is Trish so she believes him when he shrugs it off. As her father asks if Henry's ready she reminds him that he has a toast to write for that evening, thanking Wellington for his hospitality. Oh, that should be fun. Henry gets set and with a peck on the cheek, Trish cheers him on. He gets in tying distance with Wellington and Richard asks him if he has what it takes. Katherine smirks in his direction and that pair already creep me right the hell out and we haven't even gotten to the "good parts" yet.

In case you didn't see it coming a mile away, Henry chokes, I choose to believe intentionally.

At the local medical center/coroner's office, the Sheriff is asking the local doc to do an autopsy. The Doc's sad, he delivered Kelly, now he has to do her post. As he pulls down the sheet, we see one of her tattoos, it's of The Tree with the words, "John Wakefield, John Wakefield, Come back for me." Creepy, yes, but not as much as this next bit. As the Sheriff and the Doc chat, the Doc checks her eyes. Calling the Sheriff over, the camera gives us a beautiful shot of Kelly's dead face and REALLY blood-red eyes. That? Is not petechial hemmoraging. That? Is the showrunner's deliberate attempt to shake me off. Teeth and eyes, my two weaknesses, but I will not be deterred and that cap will be in the end gallery.

…SLICE! Titles, “One by one…”

Jesus Christ, he's sticking a needle in her eye for a sample! That's NOT FAIR, show. But the camera thankfully cuts away as the doc begins to list off some facts. The red in her eyes is not exactly typical (ya think!?), there's some skin beneath her fingernails (JD's, but you already guessed that, right?), and there is evidence of sexual activity. They are setting JD up so hard for this fall, it's not even funny.

We cut back to pool shenanigans as Chloe and Cal appear, Cal moving a bit awkwardly after spending the majority of the previous day upside-down. Sully can't imagine what she sees in him and Abby helpfully provides the "he's a nice guy" defense. Sully doesn't buy it and swims off to the end of the pool where the C&C Annoyance Factory have arranged themselves. I find it amusing to note that Cal's in slacks and button-down and vest...and Chloe's in a bikini. We're getting a lot of skin in this episode folks. Once there, Sully delivers the most half-assed apology EVER, culminating with the offer to buy Cal a beer. The couple are about as impressed as I am and neither says a word to him as he sloooowly swims away, watching Chloe the entire time. Back with the group, the wedding party is still kidding around when the Sheriff shows up, asking to talk to Abby.

She doesn't look happy, but nods.

Harper’s Island 1.03 “Ka-Blam” Recap

There are not enough words to apologize for the tardiness of this recap, and no excuses save to say that John Wakefield killed my home computer and strung my recaps and screen-shots up in a tree. Like Abby, I am scarred for life. But enough about me, let's get to the corpses.

Another show, another heroine with a voice-over. Oh, dear. At  least this one appears to be in the vein of setting the scene, "Welcome to the island, there's gonna be a wedding, people are gonna to die." as opposed to some of the more philosophical ramblings of one Sarah Connor. And, the powers that be still give us a previously reel. So without further ado:

Previously: Abby returned to the island where her lovesick puppy of an ex was glad to see her. His friend Shane tells him to get over it. Henry's got an estranged brother, JD and he and Uncle Marty are the only family he has. Trish has an ex who's hanging around at Daddy's invitation. Uncle Marty overheard one of their conversations and let Daddy Wellington know that he was onto him...without actually saying it. JD hit on local gal and former girlfriend of Shane's, Kelly. JD and Kelly have tattoos. Shane has fists. Which leads to fisticuffs. Uncle Marty takes a walk across a broken bridge and loses something important...the lower half of his body. And last, but not least, someone leaves a poorly-headlined news article on Abby's bathroom mirror. Got all that?

The dead: Cousin Ben (never seen), Uncle Marty, Too Be Killed....

There's several shots of island porn before we open on Abby, waking up post-news clipping fiasco. She's still in the red dress and she has a chair wedged under her hotel room door. To clear her mind she goes for a run in the woods. She stops to look in wonder at a lone deer in her path. Say it with me, people, awww.

Elsewhere there's a beautiful long shot of a lonely Trish waiting for someone. That someone is Hunter who saunters up sexily with a sultry sway. What can I say? He's easy on the eyes. Trish is not amused and wonders if he just expected her to swoon and fall into his arms again; he had his chance and he blew it. He wonders her what she'll do if he refuses to leave. She looks cagey and says she doesn't want a repeat of college. The way he replies that he's "not worried about Henry" makes me think there's backstory galore to be had with the trio.

Back in the woods, Abby is still entranced by the deer when a bloodied hand clamps over her mouth. It's Jimmy and he whispers in her ear, "This will only take a second." Because we can't kill the heroine this early in the game, I'm rather unsurprised when Abby and the camera look over to see Shane with a hunting bow, taking aim. Abby's not amused so she stomps on Jimmy's foot, causing him to shout which in turn causes Shane to miss. Bambi's mom lives to graze another day. Abby starts right in with a "what the hell" but Jimmy 's actually being reasonable. If they don't cull the herd, they starve in the winter, there's no where for them to go. So Jimmy's trying to make nice, but Shane's an ass and so he randomly tosses Abby's abandonment of all things Island, including Jimmy, in her face. Abby stalks off, Jimmy trying to follow, but she won't have it. She's not judging, she's just seen enough killing on the island.

Elsewhere, there's been a break-in at the local Maritime Museum. The Sheriff looks around and asks the usual questions so we can establish that the break-in happened before Uncle Marty's killing. That's good to know, because the missing item? A head spade would have been perfect to affect his bifurcation.

Shane's bitching his way through the woods stating that he doesn't tell Abby how to live in LA, she shouldn't tell him how to live here. Jimmy points out a) it's not Abby's fault that Shane can't hit a moving target and b) apropos of very little, she's a writer. Long story short, Shane still thinks Jimmy's kissing up to Abby. Luckily they stop dead in their tracks when they get back to the truck. The camera pans over and there's a lovely deer corpse, throat ripped out, splayed over the hood with the word "PSYCHO" written in blood across the windshield. And yes, there's a gore-cap on the last page for you fiends.

From a nearby vantage point, a dark figure watches.

There's water running as Henry walks into JD's room, "You dressed?" he asks as he idly picks up a prescription bottle from the counter. There's quite the selection. JD says no, but after a moment we pan to the bathroom and see that's a lie. Henry's oblivious and playing my new favorite drinking game, "Where's the Dead Guy?" as he asks if JD"s seen Uncle Marty that morning. (DRINK!) The answer is, of course no. Awkwardly, Henry gets to the point of the visit. He'd really appreciate it if JD didn't get in anymore trouble, after all, they're not locals anymore. They never were locals, JD insists, they were "summer guys" and Henry got tolerated because he hung out with Abby. JD didn't have that luck - not that it matters - Henry's the one with a need to be liked, not JD. Henry just wants the week to go well and we all join JD when he says, "Good luck with that."

This is not a subtle show.

Henry pauses a moment and then leaves so the camera can pan back to JD. He turns on the water again so we can pan down to see him furiously scrubbing what looks like blood off his hands. Heh.

...SLICE! Titles, "One by one..."

Harper’s Island 1.02 “Crackle” Recap

Disclaimer: Your recapper has a deep and abiding love for horror, gore, and pretty-pretty corpse porn and CBS does not appear to be holding back as compared to some other TV shows. Descriptions of the deaths will NOT be glossed over for the squeamish, but I will keep the more graphic kill-caps for a last page spread, as opposed to peppering them throughout the recap.

For comparison’s sake, I don’t think we’ll have as much spurting blood as, say, an episode of Supernatural, but the sound effects are squishy and the dead bodies will be on gore-ious display. I’d peg them as on par or a little worse than your nastier CSI-corpses.

You've been warned. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! On to the carnage!

Harper's Island 1.01 “Whap” Recap