We begin this week's Apocalyptic festivities in a rather non-conventional fashion as Crowley, the demon who Bela gave the Colt to (played by the always fabulous Mark Sheppard), seals a Crossroads deal with a kiss. Except it's with a fifty year old banker. Given the continued debate over the nature of the Crossroads Demons in 'Supernatural' lore, I find it incredibly entertaining. Castiel is peeping — I mean, spying on the deal and follows Crowley back to his posh home. He can't get in because the place is guarded by Enochian script, so he calls Sam and Dean.

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That night, Jo, all dolled up in an adorable little black dress, plays the damsel in distress by ringing the gate bell and claiming her car broke down. Two of Crowley's demon lackeys try to wrangle her inside, but Sam and Dean ambush them. Wow. They have brains after all. I MISSED IT SO MUCH. The boys get inside and confront Crowley. He doesn't walk into their Devil's Trap, but he DOES kill two of his demon lackeys with the Colt and insists they need to talk. The man knows how to make a first impression. It seems Crowley started the rumors that he had the Colt in the first place so he could get the boys to come to him. He wants them to go kill Lucifer. Say it with me: whaaa? Crowley's worried about his own survival once Lucifer gets rid of the humans, because the next logical target would be the demons. Sam warily accepts the Colt and then, like any sane person, puts the Colt to Crowley's head and pulls the trigger. *CLICK* Oh. Crowley needs to give them the bullets. And Lucifer's location. "How about you don't miss, okay? Morons," he calls after the boys as they leave. HEE. I like this guy.

Back at Bobby's place, Ellen and Jo are doing shots with Castiel, who's gotten considerably better about his alcohol consumption. Hehehe. Sam and Dean are in the other room, planning their attack. Sam's worried that they're walking into a trap, but Dean figures it's a stupid plan, but they have to try. Hrm. Where have I heard that before? Lucifer's target, Carthage, Missouri, is lit up like a demonic Christmas tree. Dean initially wants Sam to stay behind because it would be really unfortunate to hand Lucifer his vessel just like that. Sam gives him the "we're in this together" speech, and Dean relents. Stupidly.

Dean catches a glimpse of Jo's denim-clad ass in the other room and goes into immediate horndog mode. Strangely, it's not nearly as awkward as it was in Season 2. He gives her the "last night on earth" speech (nice parallel to Anna, heh) and she give him a kiss before saying that she's got more self respect than that. Aww. You go, girl. Bobby gets a picture of the group and it's kind of adorable. In an awkward sort of way.

The Hunter Brigade rolls into Carthage (sans Bobby). While Dean and Sam go to check out the police department, Castiel tells Ellen and Jo there are a crapload of reapers hanging around the place. They only show up in huge numbers during times of great disaster. It's fuckin' creepy. Castiel follows one into a motel and there's a flash of light after he hears a guy say, "Hello, brother." DUN DUN DUN. It's Lucifer and he's got Castiel trapped in a Fiery Circle of Angel Containment. Turns out Lucifer's vessel is "wearing a bit thin" (by that, he means bits of flesh are peeling off), and he's getting getting impatient with Sam. Lucifer tries to make friends with Castiel by saying that they're both on the same side, they've both been cast out, blah blah blah, but Castiel is having none of it.

Outside, the boys and the girls run into Meg, still in the same meatsuit from 5.01, which I thought she clearly abandoned, but whatever. She wants to take them to see her father, who I thought was the YED, but apparently she means Lucifer. Goddamn it, Kripke. Keep your canon consistent. Dean points the Colt at Meg, but she's got hellhounds with her. JUST SHOOT HER AND RUN. Dean only manages to take out a hellhound before royally pissing them off. Everyone runs. Oh, yeah. That's a GREAT plan. What was it Crowley said earlier about morons? One of the hellhounds knocks Dean down during the retreat and it looks like he's a goner. Jo tries to fend it off, but gets attacked. They all retreat to a hardware store and lock it down, but Jo's bleeding badly. Like, intestines on the floor badly.

The guys and Ellen do the best they can, but it's not looking good for Jo. Dean manages to get Bobby on the radio and tells him the bad news. He's having trouble dealing and… oh, god. Ackles is killing me. Man up, Dean! For my sake. Bobby thinks Lucifer's planning on unleashing Death, a.k.a. He Who Rides a Pale Horse, the Big Daddy Reaper. Seems there was a really big Civil War battle in Carthage and Bobby thinks that the whole she-bang's gonna go down on the battlefield at midnight.

Meg reports to Lucifer that the hellhounds have the Winchesters pinned down. Lucifer tells her to let 'em squirm.

The guys start planning to get Jo back to safety, but she tells them to stop and be realistic. She's can't move her legs, she can't be moved, her guts are gonna fall out… she's not going anywhere. Instead, she volunteers to be a human hell-hound bomb. Let the dogs in, let Ellen and the boys get out, and then BOOM. Ellen's having trouble with this plan, understandably. As am I. But kudos to Jo for actually being useful for once. It took five seasons, but there you go.

Okaaay. So the boys and Ellen build a bomb with lots of propane, iron nails and rock salt. I'm… not sure how that's gonna work,  technically speaking. I mean, the boys never tried iron or salt with the hellhounds in 'No Rest for the Wicked.' I just kinda presumed that they weren't kill-able, but whatever. Dean tells Jo he'll see her on the other side sooner or later. She hopes it'll be later. He kisses her on the forehead, and then the lips before he tears himself away. There's very little dialog here and thank god, because both Jensen Ackles and Alona Tal do such a good job with just the emotion. I thought the Dean/Jo elements of Season 2 were really awkward, but I can definitely see it now. Not in a sexual way, so much, but more of a "soulmates" sort of way. They seem to get each other in a way that no one else does. He leaves and Ellen sits down next to Jo. It seems she's staying there to let the dogs in. It's not really that so much as she's not gonna sit back and let her daughter die alone. Aww, Ellen. Loyal until the very end. The boys protest, but Ellen tells them to go. She also Ellen tells Dean not to miss. Dude. It's not Dean with the bad aim, as I recall. Jeebus. Am I the only one here who bothered to watch 'Salvation'?

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I'm not normally one to cry at television shows. Admittedly, I bawled like a little girl at the end of 'All Hell Breaks Loose, Part I' when Sam went all floppy in Dean's arms and Dean was yelling 'Saaaam!' into the cold dark night and… look, I don't wanna talk about it. But when Ellen lets the hellhounds in and tells Jo that she will always love her, except Jo's all cold and lax against her shoulder and Ellen starts crying and telling her that it's gonna be okay and the hellhounds bust in…. god, Julia. Pull it together. Ellen lets the hellhounds get close enough to blow her hair and she pushes the bomb-trigger. The hardware shop goes BOOM, probably not unlike the Roadhouse several seasons ago. Goddamn it.

The guys make it to the Civil War battlefield in one piece. Sam asks Dean if he's got any last words. Dean's good. So is Sam. Awww. That's my boys. They move in. The townspeople are gathered around Lucifer, who's digging around in the dirt with a shovel. Sam confronts Lucifer, who, upon seeing the old revolver clutched in Sam's hand, assures him that he's never going to hurt him. Psyche! Dean pops up with the Colt and puts one in Lucifer's head. Woah! Holy shit. I didn't think they'd actually do it. Except Lucifer gasps back to life with an, "Owwww!" and asks Dean where he got the gun before flinging him against a tree, quite like the YED did in the Season 2 finale. The bullet wound heals and Lucifer asks Sam where they were. Crap. (Well, c'mon. Really? Did you really think the Colt was going to work on the King of the Underworld? Isn't there, like, a sword floating around there or something?)

Sam tells Lucifer to fuck off. He's not going be his vessel. Lucifer tells Sam it will happen, in six months, in Detroit. Oooh. Sounds like a prophecy if I've ever seen one. Sam promises he's going to rip Lucifer's heart out. Seems Lucifer put a demon in every able-bodied man and killed the rest of them and put them in the ground of the battlefield. Eww. Lucifer gives the "poor little brother" speech for what feels like the millionth time. It seems Michael wouldn't stand with him and then beat him down because he was different and had a mind of his own. Sigh. We were doing so good tonight without the anvils.

Lucifer goes to finish the ritual and Dean finally regains consciousness. The remaining townspeople start dropping like flies. Back in the Firey Circle of Angel Containment, Meg pontificates to Castiel about god knows what. I think that's Hell's Army's problem. All the oxygen that should be going to their brains gets expelled out of their mouths with the talky. Castiel tells Meg about Crowley's little plan to kill Lucifer, which kinda pisses Meg off. It was all a distraction, though, and Castiel's secretly been working on screws from a nearby pipe with his angel telekinesis. The pipe falls and it pushes Meg into the Fiery Circle with Castiel. He tries to send her back to Hell, but he doesn't have enough angel juice. So he throws her into the fire and walks over her on the way out. Heh.

So… things aren't looking good back at the battlefield. Death's arrived. Something looms over Lucifer but then suddenly we're back at Bobby's and the television's saying there's a huge emergency in Carthage, and Bobby burns the picture they took earlier and Dean looks longingly at Jo's visage until the screen fades to black. Ooookay. We were doing great up until that little jump. How did they get out of Carthage? What happened with Death? Does he drive a white Pinto? WHAT HAPPENED TO MEG?? Inquiring minds want to know. Ten more minutes to resolve those issues and I would want to have this episode's dirty little babies. The pacing, action, emotion, and guest stars were all fantastic. I have my quibbles with some canon-issues not lining up, but those aside, it was a very enjoyable hour.

MGM released the latest SGU: Kino webisode yesterday entitled, "Only Run When Chased", and it's just a filler webisode that focuses on how the Destiny crew kill time.

They rewatch a South Park episode and run laps.

The webisode opens with Park, Eli, Volker and Brody laughing at an episode of South Park when Scott walks up. He asks if that was the 50th time that they watched the episode and Eli comments that each viewing has layers that you have to peel back (he is so right).

But Scott wants them to get ready for their work out, which gains groans. I mean Scott is looking at the least athletic people on the ship. I would groan as well. Volker states that he only runs when he is chased, which Scott says might happen on an offworld mission. He then tells them his workout plan for the day: 8 laps around a quarter mile loop that will give them a two mile run. Frak that!

Scott then gloats about how fast he can run, which Eli challenges him to with a granola bar. Scott takes up the bet and has Park time him. When Park says go, the group watches Scott sprint off and Eli takes back his granola bar and they continue to watch South Park.

HA!!!!!

See ya next week!

Source: MGM's Official Stargate Website

All bow down to the queen… NOW!

Amanda Woodward returned to Melrose Place last night and while she wasn't the center of the attention tonight, boy did she leave a wammy of a cliffhanger ending!!!!! Also, the doors are slowly but surely closing on Auggie and Violet to the point that their scenes are unbearable to watch. Plus, Sydney's murder just got even more interesting!!!!!

The Set Up

Jonah and Riley race to the newsstands to peep her new spread, which is everywhere! Even on the side of buses! The two rejoice!!

Back at WPK, Caleb and Ella discuss the Anton V launch party and how crucial it is for Ella to be near Riley at all times. Ella wishes she could be elsewhere and nowhere near Riley. When Caleb mentions that the orders are straight from New York, Ella disses the branch and AMANDA WOODWARD (special guest star Heather Locklear) STEPS INTO THE ROOM AND STEALS THE FRAKKING SCENE!!!!! It turns out that Amanda is not too pleased on how the branch is being ran as she goes deep in Caleb's ass with each inch of her stiletto. She clearly hates the Anton V campaign and let's Caleb know by counting the ways, while Ella looks on in awe. Let me sum the scene up perfectly.

Amanda: "You Could've Been A Leader, Caleb. But your focus shifted… from you client's assets to you client's ass. Your fired, Caleb. And get out! Take your balls and bat with you…"

ZZZZIIIINNNNG!!!!!!!!!! Let the one liners begin!!!!!

Amanda Begins… (again)

Amanda immediately takes over the LA branch of WPK (which she owns) and Ella quickly starts puckering up to Amanda's ass by saying that Amanda is the reason for Ella's career choice. Amanda gives a whatever and tells her that she knows about Ella's past and is only impressed about the skeletons in Ella's closet (absent father and pill-popping mother) rather than her aspirations. I bet this comes up again later. Amanda also thinks that Ella needs to step her game up since she had insight that Riley was not "real" enough to do the Anton V jeans ad. So Amanda gives Ella her first test: make the the press think that Riley is from the hood and not a "brownstone kid" so that she can be more relatable. Hmm… frak it. It's Amanda Woodward, for Christ Sakes!!!!! I'll roll with that! But Ella catches morals and Amanda doesn't play that crap and tells her that if she doesn't do it then someone else will be Amanda's lap dog.

When Riley sees her "bio", she freaks. Ella tries to console Riley through Riley's sympathy by saying that if Riley doesn't lie, then Ella will lose her job. Ella also throws in the reminder that if Riley  refuses to cooperate with publicity then the ten grand is history. Jonah tells Riley she doesn't have to do it, but Riley says its her time to pay the bills and she will do it only for that reason only.

Ella returns to work and sees Caleb still there. He warns Ella of Amanda's presence, which according to him is the equivalent of Sasquatch being located on the beach in broad view. He claims that Amanda is up to something and it has to do with Ella, since Amanda wanted to know a lot about her. Ella doesn't buy it and let is be known that Caleb is last month's issue. She is on the ladder up and Amanda is guide now.

At the party, Riley is bombarded by the press and poor little Jonah is pushed to the side. Ella tells him that his day will come, he just has to wait. Meanwhile, Ella has to practically babysit Riley from not saying or doing anything that goes against her press release. Amanda makes sure to let Ella know that she is monitoring her every move and to not screw this up.

While Amanda frolicks, Ella is approached by a sexy Aussie woman named Melissa Sax, who wants Ella to ditch WPK and to attend a meeting in the bedroom with her. Melissa and Ella make out (which was kinda hot), but Melissa wants Ella to really come over to her talent firm and ditch Amanda and WPK. But Ella says that her heart and her life belongs to WPK.

Later, Riley finally snaps under the pressure and lets the press know the truth. Then she and Jonah leave while a frantic Ella chases after them. Amanda then comes and gives Ella the third degree before telling her to be at a certain spot the next day at 1 o'clock.

Uh oh!

After Ella leaves, Amanda runs into Melissa, who lets Amanda know that Ella is legit and is loyal to Amanda and Amanda only. That scheming bitch! LOVE HER!!!! Melissa then asks Amanda if they are even. Hmm, what does Amanda have on her?!

At the lunch meeting, Amanda asks Ella what will she do to make up for the faux pas of the night before. Ella pleads her case, but Amanda tells her that she can't dissect friends from her career, which is kind of true since most of Ella's saves this season has been from friends. So Amanda ups the ante after Ella declares how much WPK means to her. Now Amanda wants for Ella to snitch on Riley for using sick days to do the photo shoot and I am like DAMN, AMANDA! REALLY?!?!?!

But Ella decides to put her foot down on this one and feels that selling out someone to be like Amanda Woodward is too rich for her blood. Boy my friends and associates better be glad I love them…

Back at the apartments, Jonah and Riley celebration is cut short when Riley gets a phone call from the school berating Riley for what the sick days and then firing her. Riley is hurt, but Jonah wants her to fight it, but she can't because it sounds like it was in the bylaws of the teaching position. After Riley declares that they don't have a steady flow of income, Jonah offers to take up the slack with a bookkeeping job. While the couple discuss this, Ella listens from their window and feels like crap when she realizes that Amanda is no bluff. That Amanda Woodward!! Ya gotta love her!!!!

"You Don't Need That… You Need Someone Who Believes in You!"

David gets a text from Violet saying that Auggie got busted for Syd's murder. David goes to talk to Auggie, who stands by his innocent plea. Auggie also says that someone had to have planted the knife on David and is trying to set both of them up. David knows only one demented person who could do that: Michael Mancini, his father.

David posts bail for Auggie and brings him back to the complex, where everyone gives him an icy welcome, including the person he least expected: Riley. Just to note, Jonah was super smug the entire time, kinda growing a dislike for dude. Anyway, the only arms that welcome Auggie is Violet, who tries to be his support rock while Auggie cleans up his smashed apartment. But Auggie tells Violet that it would be best to stay away from him or everyone else will turn on her as well. But Violet has gotten a taste of Auggie and doesn't want to let go. She thinks that it has something to do with their night of passion, and tells him that she expected a phone call. Auggie admits that he messed up, but wants to be just friends. It's a wonder she didn't take him out on the spot, but this coupling isn't over by far.

When Riley and Jonah return home from the launch party, Auggie tries to talk to Riley about ratting him out. Jonah butts in and makes matters worse. Again, gaining dislike for Jonah. When Auggie asks Riley if she really think he did it, she doesn't answer immediately. After the two hot heads leave, Auggie is pissed. And he eyes a bottle of an alcoholic beverage.

Uh-Oh!

Now I have to ask who leaves a rack of expensive ass alcoholic beverages in the middle of an unmanned apartment courtyard open for anyone to grab? Wouldn't that place be Wino Central?!

Anyway, Auggie sits and sweats about the plunge he is about to take by drinking. Violet walks in and I swear she has to have a window seat of the apartment complex. She tells Auggie that forget them mofos over there and that he doesn't need them, but Auggie declares that he does care what they think. I mean come on! They think he's a murderer! So Auggie takes the bottle and open it and then we have Violet's Crazy Moment of the Week bestowed to us as Violet turns into Super Crazy Bitch, with her own theme music mind you, and tells Auggie: "You don't need that. You need someone who believes in you!" She takes off her shirt and the wild hair, the eyes, and the background music was too much for me NOT to laugh at what was transpiring in my peripheral. Violet takes down Auggie and the two go at it like rabid animals knocking over everything in site, including the bottle of whiskey that shatters on impact on the floor.

David and Laura: The Most Unlikely Duo

David continues to pursue Lauren and he finds out about how Lauren misses the fall weather of her hometown. When he tries to persuade her to go to a movie with him, she turns him down.

Later, Lauren shows up at the launch party and she asks Riley if she had seen David. Riley figures out that there is something between David and Lauren, who she teases about it. Lauren then tells Riley that she feels that her and David are not going to happen with her workload (tell me about it…) Riley preaches that Lauren wouldn't know that unless she tried it. Lauren returns home to find that David has cooked dinner and decked her apartment out in fall colors complete with leaves, something Lauren remarked that she missed. The two let the mood get to them and they get hot and heavy until Lauren stops and tells David that she doesn't want to end up like one of his girls. David assures Lauren that she is not like any other girl he ever dated. That's enough for her to calm down and the two eat instead of freaking.

How romantic! The thief and the call girl. Could be a show!

Sydney. What. The. Hell?!?!?

David goes to pay the Mancini mansion a visit for something incriminating, but runs into McBitch herself, Vanessa. She gives David the "get off my property" speech and David tells her that if he wants Noah to be safe. then she will need to leave Michael and head for the hills. David also throws in Michael's treacherous and maniacal nature, which Vanessa says is impossible. Bitch, please…

David also tells Vanessa about Sydney and Michael's tryst and how Sydney was going to tell Vanessa about it before she was murdered. Now, Vanessa really wants David gone. But David comes back late that night and breaks in, but finds nothing. He calls Auggie with the news, and Auggie tells him to find somewhere that Vanessa wouldn't be caught snooping in. David spies Michael's Lamborghini (?) and searches it to find Sydney's necklace she wore the night she was murdered hidden under the floor board.

Oh, and didn't I mention it's bloody as hell!??!?!

Dun, Dun, DUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

Later, David tells Ella about his findings and asks for Ella to help clear Auggie's name with her connections at WPK.

But, who is this walking around in Sydney's apartment? It's Amanda Woodward, of course, and she isn't looking just to be nostalgic, either. The one thing I did NOT expect was for her to go into Sydney's bedroom closet and find a hidden panel that she knew was there. The hidden panel contained a safe, which Amanda knows the code to!!!! But what Amanda thought she was going to find wasn't in there.

Only a note from Sydney that only said: "Amanda, you will NEVER find it! – Sydney"

You can almost hear the "Nyah Nhyah!!!" from Sydney and I am floored!!!!!

WHAT THE HELL DOES AMANDA WOODWARD HAVE TO DO WITH SYDNEY?!?!?!!?!?!

Amanda's Corner

- So did Amanda knock it out the park or what?!?!?! She came in and kicked so much ass that I had to wake up to take notes and stay focused for her next zinger. True, she wasn't all over the episode, but her presence was felt and it will cloud the lives of the residents of 4616 Melrose Place pretty soon. "Bring it" is all I got to say…

- Does anyone think that Ella could be of some relation or whatnot to Amanda? I know that Amanda is an only child, but maybe a distant cousin or something? Or did Amanda put together that Ella worked for WPK AND stayed at her old address and Ella is just a key into the apartment? Hmm…

Stay tuned, because the bitch is back in top form!

Tonight's episode of The Mentalist, "His Red Right Hand" saw the return of Patrick Jane's nemesis Red John and plenty of shocks for the audience.

"His Red Right Hand" begins sweetly enough, with Rigsby and Van Pelt sharing a moment cuddling in bed before they're both phoned separately by Lisbon. They arrive at a cemetary building, where a dead and frozen man has been found naked–his modesty preserved by a carefully arranged bouquet of yellow roses. While on the scene, Jane gets called by Bosco, who tells him to come see him as soon as he can.

The CBI returns to the department headquarters, joining Bosco's secretary Rebecca as she's bringing coffee to her boss. The coffee is soon spilled, as Rebecca discovers Bosco and two of his agents gunned down in his office. Stunned by the bloody crime scene, Jane stands immobile as Lisbon tries to revive Bosco, only spurred into action when Lisbon shouts at him to help. The building is locked down; Bosco is revived on scene by paramedics and taken away in an ambulance.

Lisbon sends Van Pelt and Rigsby to interview people in the building and check the security cameras. Jane still seems to be in shock, but then he tells Lisbon that Hicks is missing. The team investigates, and finds he's not at home and his car is gone. They interview Rebecca, who tells them Bosco's team was close to making arrests in a drug cartel case. Van Pelt is stunned when she and Rigsby discover there is missing security footage; that the cameras were disabled during the crime.

While Lisbon and her team investigate the cartel leads, Jane insists on pursuing their original frozen man case. The victim turns out to be a Dr. Towlan Morning, and Jane goes to the hospital where he works. Lisbon and Cho follow. On the way in, Jane becomes agitated when he sees a vase of yellow roses by the door. Approaching the doctor's office, Jane first sees the telltale Red John smiley face on the wall. He also finds Agent Hicks, dead on the desk.

CBI boss gives a press conference about the agent's deaths, and has a meltdown when asked to describe his "feelings". He says he's tired with the press and their horse's assery, and that they have no idea what the fine agents of the CBI go through each day. "I feel sad, you moron," he tells the reporter, before ending the conference. Lisbon commiserates with him after, assuring him that he told the truth.

Through further investigation, the team discovers that Bosco had a lead on one of Red John's mistakes–a missing victim named Carter Peaks. The body was found at a construction site, and Bosco hoped there would be DNA evidence to help them find Red John. Lisbon and Jane head down to the Cloverville morgue to collect the body and evidence, only to be told that an Agent Roho from their division already picked up the body. Asking the man on duty that night for a description of the agent, Jane realizes it's Rebecca–Bosco's secretary.

With her insider access, Rebecca was able to disable the cameras and get close enough to Bosco and his team to shoot them with a silencer gun (while announcing "Red John Says 'Hi.'" Lisbon and Van Pelt catch Rebecca in Bosco's hospital room, trying to finish the job, and Van Pelt nicely slams Rebecca face first into a wall. Lisbon is contemplating shooting the maniacally grinning Rebecca when Bosco wakes up to ask what's going on.

There's heavy police and S.W.A.T. protection as they bring Rebecca in to the CBI. They put her in a room with Jane. They sit in silence for awhile, then Jane asks one of his usual innocuous questions about music. Rebecca doesn't fall for it, telling him she knows all his tricks. Jane tells her she is nothing but a useful object to Red John, that he is not a good man. Rebecca counters that Red John is "on a mission of love and enlightenment. Without death, there is no life, without dark there is no light." She tells Jane he is a perfect example, that when his family was murdered, he finally saw the world for what it truly was.

Jane assures her that she will one day regret what she's done and open up to him. But he asks her to explain why Red John had her murder Bosco's team when he already had the body and the evidence. In a chilling moment, Rebecca tells him that Red John thought he would understand, that he killed the team so Jane could have the case back. "He wants you back. And it's what you wanted to, isn't it?" Jane's slight smile is hard to read, but then he becomes serious and ends the interview.

While she's being transferred, someone passes her in the hall and slaps a poisoned substance onto her hand. She dies instantly, removing the last link they had to Red John.

Back at the hospital, Bosco gets Lisbon to tell him the truth about his condition–he's lost too much blood and probably won't make it. He tells Lisbon he loves her–that it had to be said. She reciprocates, but it seems they both know he means it more intimately than he does. Bosco asks to talk to Jane, and tells him that he will catch Red John. And that when he does, he shouldn't arrest him, he should kill him. Jane replies "That's the plan." He then whispers something else which Jane leans down to hear, and he then he's gone.

Lisbon returns to the office, only to find that their boss Minelli has decided to retire. It's clear that the loss of four agents has been too much to bear. Lisbon is upset, but she understands, and hugs him goodbye. Back in the office with her team, they drink the last of Bosco's secret stash of tequila. While Rigsby quietly leads them in a verse of "Amazing Grace", which was played at Bosco's funeral, Jane slips away to immediately dig into the Red John case.

Read all the TVOvermind The Mentalist recaps.

Watch The Mentalist on CBS, Thursday nights at 10/9c.

PHOTO: Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, The Mentalist "His Red Right Hand" screencap, c2009 Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS.

Tonight’s episode of FlashForward was focused primarily on Bryce.  We learn that he has terminal cancer, but he's convinced that he has something to live for in the mysterious woman he saw in his vision.  In fact, he travels to Japan to try to track her down, but  returns home dejected.  In conjunction with Bryce's trip, we actually learn more about the woman, Keiko, who is a mechanical engineer at a Tokyo robotics firm, but dreams of being a guitar player.  She too saw Bryce in her flash forward and believes he's out there for her.

In LA, the FBI's attempts to learn more about Suspect Zero and his ring don't uncover much.  But it leads them to learn more about the call Demetri received from the woman who told him about his murder – including the fact that the call was made from Hong Kong.

Mark, meanwhile, tries to discover whether Aaron or Stan is sending Olivia texts about him drinking in his flash forward, but just manages to causes rifts with them both.  Aaron's going through his own problems – dealing with his daughter Tracy, who has become an alcoholic under the pressure of the last two years she's spent in hiding.

Click here to read the entire recap.

There was lots of laughs, big guests (Ed Norton and Liz Banks) but most importantly a big hilarious family on Modern Family!

Today is Phil and Claire's anniversary and Phil gives Claire a nice surprise to wake up to. He gives her a ViewFinder with their life together and a nice diamond bracelet. Claire gives in return a nice big red envelope of…….hugs! In terms of coupons. Phil takes this as quite a surprise as he wants plenty of things but Claire says he does not want anything.

Mitchell and Cameron are still new parents and with that means long hours and no days out. Tonight that will change when they decided to call their old pal Sal, who is supposedly a raucous at the club and gives everybody, they mean everybody, a good time.

Jay and Gloria decide to babysit all of the grandkids, and Jay is one excited grandpa, but Haley is less excited as she wants to go to her friends party. With the kids bickering in the kitchen, Claire gets flowers at the door and taken back by Phil's generosity and he is getting curious about what he is getting, but he has no idea Claire has no idea either.

Sal's in the house! Mitch and Cam meet her at the bar with a brand new pair of…..boobs!  Meanwhile with their baby, Gloria is having a great time with Lily as the rest of the kids come, with Haley getting rejected by her grandfather. By the way, Manny has a weird crush on his cousin Haley. Strange.

Phil and Claire has there night only, Claire gives Phil the gift of a lifetime or so she thinks. At the door is Izzy LaFountaine, the leader singer of a totally 80's band that Claire things is Phil's fave band. For Phil, not so much. Back at the club, Mitch and Cam are betting Sal to make out with waitress and going to Cabo! But as they are parents are still concerned with Lily which making Sal feel left out. She secretly whispers "Kill the baby" but with not really out of hearing distance from the parents.

Phil and Claire are having a seemingly great time with Izzy who is playing his favorite tunes. Even though this was Claire's gift, it seems she is enjoying it a lot more than him! Also enjoying it a lot more that there guests is Mitch and Cam who cannot stop gushing about the baby which makes Sal even more upset muttering "Throw her in the ocean" as she goes pee and Mitch and Cam have no idea what to do so they decide to confront her but the real baby her is Sal who starts to cry and whine, then to bed. Is she 8 months old? No, but it sure is funny.

One baby who is not sleeping is Lily with Gloria doing some weird Columbian chants that nobody could go to sleep with. Haley is still really upset that should could not go, but Jay knows that she is just like Claire as a kid with saying she is only going for 2 hours, and hiding her boyfriend Dylan in the yard. He tells Dylan to go in and take her to a party, but he is more excited about the "Sloppy Jay's" at the house than a party.

Claire is having a great night and recites a little story about their life with Izzy's music who cannot take the fact that Phil is not even a fan. Claire realizes this feels so stupid she cannot do a simple task for he hubby. But we remember it is the heart that counts and Phil just happy her wife cares. Oh, family!

Remember Modern Family airs every Wednesday at 9/8c with repeats at 8/7c! Next week, Cam's clowny past.

Last night, we said goodbye to a beloved BH 90210 alum. Plus, Jasper officially landed on my Ish List by becoming 90210's answer to Oliver from The O.C.

Jackie Taylor, "Perfect Mom"

Silver freaks out as they take Jackie into the hospital. When Kelly comes, they find out that Jackie is not long for this world and when asked to see her, Silver accepts while Kelly stays behind. Later at home, Kelly pampers Silver, who stayed at the hospital with Jackie, but Silver doesn't want pampering. She wants Kelly to come visit Jackie before it's too late. Kelly doesn't want to budge, because of all the bad baggage between her and her mother. Silver tells Kelly that she will have to let bygones be bygones or she will be haunted for it. Kelly still isn't going for it.

Later when Kelly stops by to pick up Silver, she sees that Jackie's room has been cleared out. The realization hits and it sends Kelly to the ground. While Kelly cries, Silver shows up and Kelly tells her that she was right. She should've said goodbye. Silver reveals that Jackie is actually in a private room and that Kelly still has a chance to reconnect.

We finally see Jackie and the scene is emotional. Jackie tells Kelly that she is damn glad Kelly didn't turn out like every other Beverly Hills brat. She goes on to say how proud she is of that and how Kelly raised Silver. Kelly tearfully says that she forgives Jackie. Sniff, sniff… Then while holding a sleeping Jackie's hands, Silver and Kelly (and the world) witness Jackie Taylor take her last breath.

R.I.P. Jackie Taylor…

Ryan Matthews and Jen… Why?

Ryan Matthews and the Bitch Monster From Hell Jen plan to go to a fundraising event and Ryan Matthews is so uncomfortable that I have no sympathy for him not speaking out like he does with his students and Harry at school.Jen notices and he (meekly) begs for Jen to go to more of his events, like camping. She thinks it over and "accepts". HA! Jen shows up with a crap load of stuff to take camping with them, stuff that requires plugs and unless there are trees that house three prong sockets, they are completely useless. Ryan Matthers talks sense into Jen and the two leave. When the couple arrive at their campsite, I wonder why Jen is dressed as if she is in Aspen, Colorado and not Southern California. Is it not too hot for suede boots in the woods? Their love nest is cut short when it begins to rain, something that Ryan "forgot" to check.

After packing all their stuff up on his own, Ryan Matthews finally lets loose on Jen and tells her how he feels about attending her events and how he puts up with it, because he likes her. Jen claims that she didn't know and Ryan tells her that it would be dangerous for them to leave now so they have to wait till the rain lets up.

Navid Is Not Adrianna's Axis No More/The Plan

Naomi approaches Navid about joining the West Beverly Blaze, which he reluctantly accepts. Then he reveals that Adrianna is back on drugs. Naomi confronts Adrianna who flat out lies/denies the scoop.

Adrianna confronts Navid about telling Naomi that she was using again. Navid claims that he saw her get drugs from Jasper, but Adrianna wants to know why the sudden concern. Navid says that she started using because of him, because one minute she is on the verge of ending her life and the other minute she is one of the girls again. Adrianna says that she is fine and that it didn't have anything to do with Navid and that he wasn't that hard to get over, which means that she never loved him. Navid SOOO walked into that one…

Meanwhile, the guys and Ivy all try to come up with a plan for taking down Jen. These plans range from the ridiculous (Dixon wants to take Ivy's voice and manipulate it in a studio to sound like Jen's) to the down right inane (Navid feels like Liam should "seduce" Jen and then get her to confess while Naomi stands in the corner listening). Fellas, leave all plans to Teddy for the time being…

'Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?' Meets 'Psycho'

At the Wilson house, Dixon is still acting like a snot and Annie has a new lease on life, that is actually a leash, but who's paying attention, huh? Debbie and HArry ask what brings rosy Annie back and she tells them about Jasper and ask if he can come to dinner. They happily accept and Annie runs upstairs and tells Jasper who spent the night. This should be interesing…

While prepping for dinner with Jasper, Dixon comes out with an attitude and I want to knock him on his ass. Annie wants to know what his deal is and he claims that he doesn't want to hang around weirdo Jasper, which Annie counters with Sasha's age and unstable mind. Dixon gets pissed and reveals what Navid told him about Jasper being a drug dealer. This stuns Harry and Debbie, but they don't have time to react cause Jasper is at the door.

The Q&A is awkward, especially when Debbie and Harry pry about Jasper's social life. Annie blows a gasket and looses her damn mind as she snaps at how ignorant the students of West Beverly are. While Debbie and Harry are unsuccessful at calming down Annie, Jasper is. But in a way that clearly shows Debbie and Harry that Jasper has a hold on Annie's mind so tight that he has strangled any sense from it. While Debbie and Harry go set plates, Jasper senses the discomfort from the parentals and Annie says that it may have something to do with that drug dealer rumor. Instead of letting it slide (because Debbie and Harry did it seemed), Jasper creepily "reassures the parentals" that he is not a drug dealer. Just someone who loves Annie a lot.

But it's not enough for Debbie and Harry to buy it, because after dinner ends and Jasper's gone, they forbid Annie from seeing Jasper. But Dracula's bride won't have this! She immediately reports to the Prince of Darkness, who tells her what's done is done and she should just chill. But he throws his phone across the room in a fit of rage. Practice what you preach, bruh…

Naomi Does Truth For Once

Naomi hangs out with Jamie, blowing off helping the Blaze in the process. But then Richard and Richard's mother, the Dean of Admissions, stop by. The Dean notices Naomi with Jamie and calls Naomi out on snuggling up with her son's roommate . Classy… Jamie later doesn't understand why Naomi is so upset that the Dean showed up. Naomi dodges the question, but finally reveals her scheme. Jamie is appalled and tells Naomi how much Richard beat himself up over losing Naomi. When Naomi displays how sorry she is, Jamie dumps her on the spot. HI-YO!!!!

Naomi goes to apologize to Richard and tells him the truth and he doesn't take it lightly. Later, Naomi goes to help Navid move boxes for The Blaze and she bumps into Liam, who injures his hand. Naomi tends to Liam's hand and Liam apologizes for hurting Naomi and he says it in such a way that she actually listens. After the day is over, Naomi finds Jamie outside waiting for her and he says that he is so proud of her for sincerely coming clean with Richard that he revokes the breakup and wants to start anew with her. Naomi tells Jamie while all that is fine and dandy, she in truth actually is still hung up over someone else and that she needs to admit it before moving on. I think I see where next week is heading…

Conclusions

- Naomi stops by unannounced to visit Adrianna who tries to hide a bottle of pills from her. Naomi is pissed when she finds out that Adrianna lied to her and she tells Adrianna that she is through with the B.S. and leaves. This prompts Adrianna to pop a few. Damn…

- Ryan Matthews awakes in his car to find that not only has it stopped raining, but that Jen has organized their campsite. Um, Jen has a heart now? She tells Ryan that she doesn't believe in "relationship cliches" and that knowing her might end their relationship. She comes clean about leeching off of Naomi and that she blew all her money to fight her husband in divorce. Hmmm… Now, I don't know if Jen is lying or not. You just don't know with this bitch, but Ryan buys it and I smell ugliness next week when the Liam/Jen lie hits the fan.

- Oh and Jasper pushes Navid down a flight of stairs, because he's freaking PSYCHO!!!!!! Problem is that Navid only caught a glimpse of Jasper's boots and not his face. Wonder how long they will take to drag this one out?

Issues

- Dixon really needs to figure out if he wants to be a Wilson or not. Not saying that Debbie and Harry should set him up for readoption, but something needs to be done. Maybe a kick in the ass?

- Speaking of Dixon… DJ Mr. Big Dix?!??! Really?!?!!?!

- Jasper needs to be put down immediately. Like last week immediately.

- The one big issue I had this week was the screen time we got for Jackie Taylor's death. While Jen and Ryan Matthews got too much play this week, I thought they could have spent more time on an iconic 90210 character than on people who probably won't make it to the core casts college years. While we got a proper goodbye scene, the episode could have featured more Kelly/Jackie interaction. I'm just saying.

See you all in December!

The second half of Monday night's The Prisoner, or the fourth episode of the miniseries, exposed some rather large plot developments. 6 is matched up with 415 by the Modern Love Bureau of the Village (sort of like a mandatory eHarmony), who actually turns out to be Lucy, the girl from his past, though she is blind and seems not to remember him. Meanwhile, 313 and 2 work together to kidnap 6 at night, though it is revealed that 313 is in love with 6. However, she is being forced to inject 6 with chemicals that make him fall in love with 415. 6 and 415 fall in love and quickly decide to get married, even though 313 tries to stop the chemicals from working. 313 even kisses 6 at his wedding, though he is still in love with 415, and follows her out to the mountains, where she meets with the glowing white ball, which apparently supplies her with her memories back, though she realizes that 2 brought her to the Village only to break 6's heart. This erases 6's love for her.

Meanwhile, a giant hole is developing in 147's yard, and when he's not looking, his little daughter, 832, falls in. Though he desperately attempts to save her, he is told by 2 that the hole is oblivion, and that the girl is gone. However, Lucy flings herself into the hole some time later, and causes an explosion in New York City. 6, who is somehow in New York as well as the Village, looks up in shock, and 2's comatose wife, who is also in New York, opens her eyes and gasps in shock.

aled that 313 is in love with 6.

This week's Kino webisode featured an epilogue to last week's SGU episode, "Time", which I still gives me chills thinking about it. It also re-explains the time loop scenario that Dr. Rush expounded to Young, Greer, and Eli when he figured out the problem.

The webisode opens with Scott and Eli talking about them finding two Kinos on a planet that explained to them the events that happened in "Time". They took Scott's advice, went back and retrieved the aliens during the daytime. TJ is now working on a cure for their sickness from the ice from the ice planet. Scott tells Eli to explain the solar flare/time loop scenario, but Eli shows us a recording of Riley (YEAH!) explaining the time loop with his computer and pretty much repeating Rush word for word. Eli remarks on how complicated the science is and Riley only says that it is fairly simple to him, nonchalantly. HA!

OK, Eli. You think that the science behind a solar flare is confusing, but you crack a code to open a wormhole to a distant universe? I am so wagging my finger at you, bruh.

Anyways, the webisode ends with Scott and Eli telling us that Volker and Chloe are in fact sick and that they owe their lives to the Alternate Scott, who is probably somewhere dead now.

I bet this webisode calmed a lot of people down who didn't like how the show ended last week, but I thought "Time" ended boldly and probably got some cheers from 'non fans' out there. 'Non fans' who are still watching SGU… Odd…

Anyway, what did ya think?

Here's a taste of what happened on the first half of tonight's The Prisoner, the episode "Anvil."

6 was recruited by 2 to assist an "undercover" named 909 in finding "Dreamers," or other people who believe there is an outside world. The two go after a history teacher named 1955 — spying on him with small tubular camera that can be installed anywhere, though when he discovers that he's being spied on, he cuts his own throat. However, both 2 and 6 find that they're being spied upon — 6 by 909, and 2 by a little girl doing an assignment for surveillance class.

Meanwhile, 909 is revealed to be in a relationship with 2's son, 11-12, but their relationship is cut short when 2 reveals his suspicions that 909 is spying on him to his son. 11-12 promptly goes to his lover's trailer and kills him by stabbing him in the neck. 6, meanwhile, goes after 313, who has been captured under suspicion of being a dreamer, but after seeing a mysterious event regarding the giant white ball, they are released.

Other great information learned in the episode is that some numbers, like 2, are positions rather than names (there have been a long succession of 2's), and the fact that there is no '1.'

The second episode of The Prisoner, "Harmony," started just where "Arrival" left off. As 6 lies unconscious on a sand dune, he has a flashback to going to his apartment with Lucy. 6 wakes up, seeing flashes of a young boy on a beach. Suddenly, he is approached by a man, who is very glad to see him.

6 returns to the Village, where 2 informs him that the man who rescued him is his brother. He shows 6 evidence of the two together as children, and then tells 6 that he has scheduled him for therapy, or "the talking cure."

6 returns home with his brother, and is recognized by his brother's family. While they are happy to see him, they all crowd around to watch the soap opera, which appears to be all there is on television. 6's neice is able to recite many of the major plot points of the soap, and the entire family is very immersed in it.

Meanwhile, at 2's palace, 11-12 sneaks into his mother's bedroom, briefly sitting beside her on the bed. He soon hears 2 approaching, and hides outside the window, watching as his father enters and gives his mother some pills. As 11-12 looks on, his father sits down at a table beside the bed and begins to eat.

6, meanwhile, approaches his brother, who is fixing the bike. 6 tries to get his brother to admit that he's lying, but his brother will do no such thing, instead becoming distraught and leaving, wishing for 6 to acknowledge that he is indeed part of the family.

6 then goes to therapy, where he is put in a dark room with a therapist named 70, and a shadowed man in the background. The two debate on whether or not the Village is real, and 70 tells 6 that he can't cure his own thinking. 6 reflects back on his meeting with Lucy, where he found out that when she borrowed his phone, she did not make a call on it. Instead, 6 tells 70 about seagulls and the beach, two things which 70 does not know of.

6 then discovers that the shadowed man behind 70 is actually another 70, who reflects on the meeting while the other 70 engages the patient. 6 decides to leave, but 70 tells him that it isn't important for him to tell his thoughts to 70, only that he has the thoughts.

6 leaves, and is taken to work by his brother. They work at a bus depot for a tour company. His brother tells 6 that he's going to go out on the town with the bodys before long, and have a few beers. A faraway shot through a closed-circuit camera indicates that someone is watching the conversation take place.

2, meanwhile, goes to meet with the two 70s, asking them about 6. When 70 isn't sure, 2 asks the 70s to give him a therapy session, supposedly curious to see what makes himself tick. 2 reveals to 70 that he is the reason his wife is the way it is, and worries that if his son knew who he truly was, he would not like him very much. 2 then asks 70 if he likes him, but 70 is reluctant to respond, citing that he doesn't really know 2. 2 then begins to insult 70, telling him that he does not believe in "the talking cure," and instead only wants 6 to believe in it.

As 6 drives his supposedly first tour bus (with his brother narrating the tour), he looks in the rearview mirror and sees one of the passengers winking at him. 6, after a short tour around the Village, drives out into the desert for no apparent reason, finding an anchor lodged in the sand. The passengers, confused, all crowd out around the bus. 6's brother tells 6 that he needs to show him something. Taking him to an old abandoned train station with a few tracks, his brother tells him that these "ruins" are where they used to play all the time. 6 admits that he does feel some belonging at the ruins, but is still skeptical.

Returning to the bus, 6 has a flashback once more of Lucy, where his growing suspicions about her are starting to grip him. He then has a vision of 2 on the bus, asking if he knows the way. The tour continues to the Palace of 2. Suddenly 2 comes out and enters the bus, giving a free vacation to 6's brother and his family. His brother urges 6 to accompany them.

6 soon ventures to 313's home, and finds that hse has confiscated his pictures, such as the drawing of the Statue of Liberty. She claims she did it because she liked them, and 6 seems to believe her. He flashes back to his meeting with Lucy. When she asks him why he is so suspicious of her, he tells her that it was because he worked for a company that specialized in CCTVs, and he eventually resigned. She tells him that he needs a distraction.

That night, 2 is in bed when he hears something downstairs — it's 11-12, looking through several old toys. 2 claims that 11-12 loved a particular toy, but 11-12 has no memory of ever doing so.

Meanwhile, 6 dreams of himself as a child with his brother at the beach, with his brother going into the ocean and drowning as he looks on.

6 soon goes to therapy, but instead of giving the therapist any viable information, he begins reciting the complicated love triangles of the soap opera. He then tells 70 that he is a prisoner int he Village, whether he knows it or not.

6 then travels to the ruins with 313, and finds a box buried under the tracks, with a note hidden inside by himself when he was eight years old, along with a picture of himself. He doesn't believe that this a legitimate fact, but 313 tries to convince it it is. 6 then has yet another flashback to his time with Lucy. When she asks him why he resigned, he tells her that after finding a change in several people whom he watched on the CCTVs, he was told to cease and desist from a higher-up.

Back at the village, 6 is visited by the woman who winked at him in the bus, who tells him that she was on the tour bus because she'd heard the ocean in the desert, at one point. The two take a taxi ride from 147 out into the dunes, but she doesn't hear the sound. As 2 looks on through several hidden cameras, 6 realizes that he'd forgotten all about the vacation planned for that day, and rushes back to the bus stop, where his 'family' is waiting for him. 6 begins to drive them to the "Escape Resort" (which isn't so far away from the Village) when he takes a detour to the anchor. Falling to his knees at the anchor, he begins screaming at the sky. He then has a vision of being chained to a pole by 2, and having a grenade shoved in his mouth. 2 teases him with water just out of reach, and the grenade explodes. 6 wakes up on the bus, where his brother is shaking him. 6 apologizes to his brother for denying that he is his brother, but his brother then reveals to him tearfully that he has been lying — he's not actually 6's brother. He then asks 6 for help.

At the resort, 6 talks to his 'brother,' about the existence of another place, though they are being watched by the hidden cameras once again. 6 assures his 'brother' that there is another place, and tells him that when he finds a way out, they'll be the first out together.

They then return to the Village to meet with the woman who claims to have heard the ocean. Travelling out into the dunes, 6's 'brother' is afraid that 2 will find out. After walking for a while, they soon discover a boat — and then they find the ocean. 6's brother, in his delight, runs out the ocean and begins to play in it. However, in a scene reminiscent of the flashbacks  had been having, he watches his brother drown as the giant white ball, though travelling underwater, pushes his brother underwater and drowns him.

6 flees, and returns to the spot with 313, though the ocean is gone, replaced by desert. When 6 tries to inform his 'brother's family about his brother's death, they only laugh hysterically at him, as does 2, who is watching from afar. 6 is then straitjacketed and placed on a gurney at the mental institution. While 6 tries to resist (shouting at 2 that he is "not a number"), he eventually gives in, screaming that he "is 6″ as he is wheeled away through some double doors and out of sight.

So last night's DH was all about… Passion. And how it can get you in a heap load of trouble. Plus, a plot twist (or red herring) was thrown at us last night… And the running motif this week was a place called the Coffee Cup.

Susan vs. Katherine: DH Bitch Bowl '09

Susan has her day in court and after some prodding by Katherine to the judge, she is given community service, which consists of Susan picking up trash on the side of the road. Orange jumpsuit and all. Katherine drives by one day to mess with Susan, but Susan isn't phased. So Katherine throws a plastic cup in front of Susan for her to pick up. She drives off and Susan's supervisor exclaims that Katherine could get in trouble for that, wishing he could have gotten her license plate. Susan gives him one better: Katherine's house address. Round One goes to Susan.

Soon Katherine is out there picking trash with Susan, but can't take the heat and breaks down. She admits defeat in the war over Mike if she is in orange picking up trash. If that was the case then, Katherine, I could have had something set up soon for you to gain your sanity back. Susan doesn't buy Katherine's white flag, but Katherine looks genuine. Then Katherine reveals that she doesn't know where she will find a man like Mike, who can have sex five times a day. Susan mouth drops and she calls Katherine on her lie. Except Katherine isn't lying. Seeing that she might have something that Susan doesn't, Katherine regains her resolve with gusto. Round Two goes to Katherine.

Susan tries her damnedest to beat Katherine's record with Mike, who doesn't know where Susan is getting her libido from. When Mike finally says that his body is out of service in the horizontal mambo department, Susan thinks that it's because he is more attracted to Katherine and that sex with Susan is a "chore". She then reveals the talk she and Katherine had and Mike explains the truth. Yes, he and Katherine went at it five times in one day, but that's because they were trapped in a cabin without anything else to do, but keep each other warm. Talk was limited and Mike explains that sex was all that he and Katherine had. But with Susan, he has the world and then some. Nice save, Mike. Susan wins the final round of the night. Even if I think Mike's story is kind of a crock…

Orson vs. Karl: Bree's Dilemma

Bree takes Karl to the opera, Madame Butterfly, but Karl is more interested in sex since the No Sex For 30 Days Rule has grown old for him. When Bree returns home, Orson is drinking wine and listening to the latest recording of Madame Butterfly, which hits a spot for both of them. Bree breaks the spell by announcing that she is going to bed. Later, Angie stops by to see if Bree is home, but finds a depressed Orson listening to Madame Butterfly and drinking again. He tells Angie that he thinks Bree is having an affair, which Angie balks at. Clearly, Angie didn't pay attention last week. Angie defends Bree's morals, but Orson declares that if Bree is having an affair that he might end up doing something stupid in retaliation. He then asks Angie to watch Bree while he' gone out of town that weekend.

Angie tells Bree what Orson told her and Bree freaks and calls Karl to speed up the divorce. Angie watches Bree from inside Bree's kitchen, noticing something's up. Later, Karl arrives on Bree's doorstep unannounced and Bree pulls him in. Angie spots this from next door. Karl tells Bree that he found away to get rid of Orson. Since Orson is still on parole, if he is caught talking to a felon then his parole is revoked and back in the can he goes. The two celebrate by engaging in sex. Angie spies on the two and sees Orson pull up outside, clearly hellbent on finding Bree in a compromising position. Angie calls Bree, who takes forever to answer the phone. Orson spots wine for two on the table and knows something is up. Angie finally reaches Bree and tells her the jig is up and to hide Karl. When Orson does walk in on Bree, she plays it off perfectly, but he asks about the wine, which is when Angie shows up to save the day. After Orson leaves, Angie reveals that she saved Bree's ass for Orson's sake. Bree tries to explain the pros and cons of both men, but Angie says if Karl is so good in bed then why does she hold on to Orson. Bree declares simply that Orson loves the opera. For those slow like me, that's code for Orson has class… Interesting…

Lynette vs. Gaby: The Battle of the Mothers!

Lynette is now showing in the belly department, which results to her wearing Tom's clothes. Lynette wants to close a big deal with Terrence Henderson, a coworker at work, so that Lynette can break the news of her pregnancy easily to Carlos and for Terrence to take over her position while she is on leave. Meanwhile, Gaby tries to bribe the priest of the Catholic school that Carlos tried to get Juanita into. The priest says that the list is still long and that Gaby and family hasn't been attending mass on a regular basis, which also hurts their chances. After Lynette, Carlos, and Terrence close their deal for the new Florida office of the company, Lynette tries to sale Terrence as a damn good worker. Meanwhile, Gaby tells Carlos that a nice donation might could get Juanita a spot on the list, but Carlos has his mind on finding someone to run the office branch. After conversing with Terrence, Gaby finds out that Terrence's daughter is in the second grade and attends the same Catholic school that Juanita could get into. Ding Dong! Problem solved for Gaby, but time for damage control for Lynette. After unsuccessfully trying to get Carlos to keep Terrence in Fairview, Lynette takes matters into her own hands.

Lynette and Tom tag team on Terrence and his wife, Crystal, with "pros and cons", which eventually leads Terrence to not accept the job. Problem solved for Lynette, but damage control for Gaby, who finds out via the priest at the church. Gaby goes to Lynette after talking to Crystal, who revealed that Lynette was the one who helped change their mind. Lynette only tells Gaby that she just needs Terrence here, but doesn't say why. When Lynette gets frustrated, Gaby goes in for a hug, but feels the babies kick. Lynette finally comes clean to Gaby, but the celebration is short lived when Gaby realizes Lynette's treachery. Feeling disgusted, Gaby leaves with ill feelings for Lynette.

The next day at the office, Carlos stops by Lynette's office and she asks if he talked to Gaby Carlos says no, but that he wanted to tell Lynette that he wants her to run the Florida office. Lynette thinks this is a joke and shows Carlos that she's pregnant. Carlos says that's fine, but that he still wants her to run the Florida office. Lynette turns it down, but Carlos declares that he needs Lynette in Florida and not there in Fairview. Not anymore, that is… Lynette says that Carlos can't fire her for being pregnant, which Carlos claims is not the deal. He says that he is simply offering Lynette a promotion, which she can either accept or quit. He then congratulates Lynette and I officially stamp EPIC FAIL beside Carlos's name on my 'Ish List (which is going to be posted soon. I promise.)

Angie vs. Nic's Libido

Julie runs into Angie at The Coffee Cup and the confrontation gets a little snippy and ends with Angie demanding that Julie pay for java. Angie later sees Nic there and the waitress, Emily, flirtatiously wiping crumbs off Nic's shirt. After being called to the back by her coworker/manager, Angie confronts Nic and tells him that she want's heroic Nic back, not jerk face Nic. Later, while Emily is blowing someone off on the phone, Nic is the last customer to leave, but before he does, he makes an extremely cryptic call to someone asking for clemency for Angie I am assuming, but that he is "coming in". Nic gets testy when he thinks Emily was eavesdropping, but she says that she really is trying to close up. After Nic leaves, Emily cleans everything and heads to the door to lock it, but someone comes in. Clearly knowing the person, Emily asks if they left anything and then the person proceeds to strangle her and this time it looks like The Strangler has his first murder victim.

So what do you guys think?

Well, I think I solved the mystery of the strangler. But it's not who you would suspect. Read about it in my article that breaks down the reasons why I stand by my belief until further notice.

The six-hour-long miniseries The Prisoner began tonight with two episodes back to back, a trend which will continue both tomorrow and Tuesday, with the show ending Tuesday night. There was mystery aplenty in the first two hours of the series, and I can only guess that the mystery will continue to deepen with each passing night.

A man wakes up in a desert, with fractured memories running through his mind of himself in his apartment. Disoriented, he stands up and begins running around, unsure of where he is or where he should go. Suddenly, he hears gunshots and barking dogs. As he climbs over a ridge, he sees figures standing on a clifftop, shooting at an old man who is fleeing below them, stumbling down rocks and dunes. He falls, and sees our hero. He calls to him for help, and our nameless hero obliges, picking up the man and carrying him to a cave. As he waits for the old man to regain consciousness, he takes a peek outside and finds that the land all around him is barren. It's all one big desert, as far around as he can see.

The old man finally wakes up, and tells him to visit someone named 554. When our hero has no idea what he's talking about, the old man realizes that he isn't from here, and calls him a "bloody miracle." After uttering "Be seeing you," he dies abruptly.

Our nameless protagonist buries the old man and begins wandering around once more, eventually stumbling on a perfect line of suburban houses, which he soon sees are part of a larger neighborhood. He flags down a passing taxi (which looks like it's from the 1950's) and wants a ride to the railroad. When the taxi driver isn't sure what he means by railroad or train, he tells him that he just wants to leave. The taxi driver laughs him off, telling him that he's in the Village. There is nowhere else. The man then jumps out of the moving taxi, much to the driver's chagrin.

The man continues, eventually stopping at a dance club. He catches a woman's eye, and he nears her. He expresses to her his confusion, though she's not sure what he's confused about. He begins hearing the dogs once more, and he leaves once he sees the shadows of the men on the wall — though the woman he has met sees nothing.

Upon fleeing, he once again boards the taxi. The driver seems to think nothing of his earlier behavior, and then begins complaining about the long hours, which give him no time to see his family, including his daughter, "my 832." The man is confused by what the driver has called his daughter, but realizes the correlation between the name and what the old man told him, and asks to be taken to see 554. The taxi driver seems to know the location, and they take off.

Sorry, sorry, SORRY for this week long delay in this recap. Life went hectic, other stuff came up, and my internet service sucks so please forgive me!

But last week's lesson on DH dealt with what you could learn from a book, but I think common sense is what the doctor needs to prescribe for the denizens of Wisteria Lane.

Ghosts of Susan's Past

Susan follows up on Angie's advice about Katherine possibly being Julie's strangler. When she and Mike go to the police of Fairview, who I think are the most incompetent police force in history, the officers don't buy her story. But Detective Denise Lapera (guest star Kathy Najimy) decides to take the case, because she and Susan "go way back". But Susan doesn't remember. When Susan finally finds out who the woman is, she still doesn't recollect the connection. But after sending Det. Lepara over to Katherine's to investigate and looking through her yearbook, the revelation smacks Susan in the face.

Susan ruined Det. Lepara's life in high school by giving her the nickname "Moose". Damn shame.

Susan fears that Katherine and Det. Lepara will bond over their hatred for Susan. While Susan is half right, Det. Lepara tells her that Katherine was on the phone with Dylan the entire time and that the phone records proved it. Plus, Katherine let slip about the shot heard around Wisteria Lane that never went reported, which is a crime. Lepara then gleefully throws Susan in jail. HA!!!

Gaby Wins Desperate Housewife of the Year

Gaby's trying to give her all in the homeschooling department, but Juanita is so not helping. So Gaby asks Carlos to get a tutor for Juanita since she can't both teach Juanita and clean the house at the same time, the latter which she would rather be doing. Carlos says that Juanita needs her mother to teach her and gets a maid instead. Carlos has officially landed on my 'Ish List. While schooling Juanita one day, the maid reveals that she in fact has a master's degree from a prominent university overseas, but that it doesn't mean squat in the United States. Gaby asks for the lady to help Juanita instead of cleaning. Carlos notices the house not getting any cleaner and fires the maid, but Gaby goes to the maid's new job and asks her to tutor Juanita, while she does the maid's job. If that doesn't spell a desperate housewife, then I don't know what does, because Gaby's doing everything in her power to cater to Carlos and Juanita's issues. Gaby is hurt when Juanita doesn't want to go get ice cream with her, which she fills Carlos in on after he can't see why Gaby can't teach Juanita herself. He says that he will get Juanita a tutor to save the relationship between mother and child.

Bree's Snobby Bitchery Reappears

Bree and Orson attend a dinner date with Angie and 'Nic Bolen, but Bree isn't too fond of Angie and thinks the night will be a disaster. While it was not an absolute disaster, Nic asked Bree if she needed help with the catering business, but Bree declines. 'Nic tries to push the subject, because he thinks Angie could use the job since Orson and Bree fawned over Angie's dinner. Nic doesn't stop and Angie gets pissed off. Later, Bree talks with an Italian couple about catering an event for them, but nothing on Bree's menu is up to par for them. Bree then remembers the dish that Angie cooked for her and Orson the other night and makes a promise to the Italian couple that she can make that dish. Problem is that the dish has a  secret family recipe that Angie is not ready to up for anyone. Then Bree lies that she had a friend who was burned in a fire and loves the dish that Angie cooked, which warms Angie's heart into releasing the recipes. When Angie stops by to see how Bree is coming along she finds the dish made for 500 people, not one burned victim. Angie snaps and lets Bree know what she thinks of her, before taking her recipes and leaving. Later, the women reconcile when they realize that their differences are not so "different". Angie agrees to work for Bree afterwards.

Lynette and Julie: Part Deux

Julie has been having nightmares of her strangler, so it doesn't help when Nic stops by one day and tries to reconcile with Julie. Lynette, unknown of what she is about to step into, just so happens to stop by Susan's house and hear Julie and Nic arguing. When she questions Julie, the truth comes out and it wasn't what Lynette wanted to hear, because she will have to tell Susan after the pregnancy scare. Julie begs for Lynette to not tell Susan, and Lynette agrees and says she will deal with Nic herself. When she confronts Nic about the affair and to leave Julie be, he threatens that if anything comes out about the affair that Lynette will be sorry. But this is Lynette Scavo, dammit, and you do NOT threaten a defiant woman like her. She immediately tells Tom that she thinks she knows who strangled Julie. When Tom and Lynette invite Julie over to tell her what they think, Julie is in denial and doesn't think Nic could be so cruel. Lynette and Tom go to the police with their information

Later that night, Nic returns home and Angie tells him nonchalantly about her day and that the police called to question him about Julie's attack. Nic tries to play dumb, but Angie reveals that she had in fact known about their affair for weeks, but decided to let it slide, because of the hell she has drug Nic through. When asked if they were cool, Angie serves a blood gushing punch to Nic's nose. I think they're even.

So what do you guys think will happen? I guess half of you know as you are watching this week's episode right now as we speak. See you in a few hours!

For some reason, this webisode disappeared from the MGM Kino site, but it reappeared and now I am bringing you this week's Kino antics aboard the Destiny.

While walking down a corridor, Greer and Scott (and possibly the entire ship) hear the intercom come on and the voices of Brody and Park testing something they just invented. The Kino is on Greer and Scott's faces the entire time. Seems that Park rigged a full duplex interface with the Destiny's communication system and the frequencies got swapped somehow and now everyone can hear their conversation. It seems that they should have tested the thing thoroughly before talking bad about the military personnel, who Brody declares "can't walk without dragging their knuckles" let alone work a simple device. Then Brody notices that a light is on, despite Park claiming that the  intercom was off. The looks on Gree and Scott are priceless.

Ok now to the real question: would you guys rather me do these in Volumes or single recaps? Did you even like the first two volumes? Sound off below!!

View the webisode @ MGM's Main SGU Site

How did you like the SGU-Kino Vol. 1 webisode recaps? Well, if you loved them here goes Vol. 2 like I promised. After one of the most bizarre hours of Sci-Fi TV that I have ever seen (tonight's SGU- "Time" episode), I feel in the mood to explore more of the Destiny. How about you?

Let's begin with webisode 11!

Webisode 11 – Kino Race

Riley and Eli race two Kinos and nearly takes off Camile's head in the process. Or I think it was Camile… Hey, they got to have fun somehow, right?

Webisode 12 – Covered Kino

Vanessa James gets ready to take a steam shower and spots the Kino watching her. She rightfully covers it up. I bet it was Riley, that weasel…

Webisode 13 – "Variety"

A scientist and Chef Airman Becker create formulas to make different flavors for food, for instance, banana. Chef Becker asks if there is any chance they could make chocolate, but the scientist says that consists of thousands of chemicals. Then the ship is rocked and they run to see what's going on.

At least they are trying to make their stay tolerable. Mush on a daily basis? GOD, I would hate to have to smell their damn bathroom units!

Webisode 14 – "You Okay?"

This is one for the Scott/Chloe lovers, which I am clearly not a fan of. Scott asks Chloe if she was okay and she replies that she really thought they were going home. (Does this take place after "Earth"?) Scott tries to cheer her up by saying they are scheduled to use the Communication Stones tomorrow, but Chloe hates to see her mom in that state. She says it makes things worse and makes her miss home more. The two then share a kiss.

Gag me.

Webisode 15 – "Do I Look Stupid?"

This webisode takes place during "Earth" as Riley and Brody are being suited up by Volker and Scott. As soon as Riley gets his suit on he has to use the bathroom, number 1 to be exact. Scott tells him to just do it in the suit and Riley refuses. Scott mentions the movie The Right Stuff, but that doesn't calm Riley. He demands out of the suit, but Volker reminds him that he might need to get used to using it in the suit. Brody tries to talk a walk but falls flat on his face. HA!!!!

Webisode 16 – "All Telford's Fault"

Now, this takes place during "Earth" as well. Brody beats himself up about Riley's accident and Park is the sympathetic ear. Brody declares that Riley's accident is all Telford's fault and Park says that it was Rush's idea for them to go into the closed off section. But Brody said that Rush is right, Telford will get them all killed and he tells Park that they need to help Rush topple Telford's ignorant ass. Right on, Brody!!!!

That's it for now! I will follow the webisodes from now on and post them as soon as I hear word of their premiere. Have a nice weekend!! And tell me what you think? Do the webisodes add or detract from the show?

An offworld adventure?! NO WAY! That was my first thought when the first frame of SGU came across my screen tonight.

Then I got my ass handed to me on a silver platter. Was NOT what I had expected. Let me begin…

The Set Up

The show opens with the crew coming through the gate unto a dense jungle area. The whole scene is seen through KINO VISION!!!!

Eli works the nerves of just about everyone since he is playing with the Kino and not working on stuff, which is kind of messed up with most of the soldiers walking around looking 'cute' and not lending a hand. Eli comes across TJ and soldier laughing extremely hard and figures it's about him. The group finds some fruits, but don't know if they are edible. Eli tries one and spits it out and Rush declares that Eli just exposed himself and now they wouldn't know which one. Then Brody announces that Volker is sick. TJ tends to him and finds out that he hasn't eaten anything and has headaches and is dehydrated. Then he passes out and Chloe does as well.

Scott orders for everyone to pull em up and ship them out. But TJ says that whatever Chloe and Volker has might be contagious and that they should stay there for the time being. The Kino closes in on a pissed Rush and he shoves it out of his face.

Still in Kino Vision… Later, TJ fills Col. Young via Comm about the situation and asks for Col. Young to check the ship for similar symptoms of what Chloe and Volker have. Later, Rush berates TJ for using up antibiotics on something she hasn't diagnosed yet. I want TJ to inject his frakking eye. The Kino catches Scott getting sick as well, but he brushes it off. Eli, Scott, Greer, and Rush come across a mound that is producing sulfur into the air. Greer questions if that is what's making everyone sick and Rush says he doesn't know yet. Grer thinks that if it is then they might need to find out so they can leave.

While it is raining cats and dogs now, Eli bores Rush to no end with movie trivia. Scott comes to report that Vanessa has also fallen ill and TJ sees that Scott is sick, too. But before she could give the order, something attacks someone and then the whole camp is ambushed by creatures burrowing through everyone until everybody is dead.

Yes, I said DEAD.

So imagine the looks on everyone's face as they watch themselves having just been slaughtered by aliens back on the Destiny. The crew had been watching a Kino of themselves the entire time. Chloe pukes and Eli says what's on everyone's mind, including mine:

"What. The. F–"

Now, follow me on this, because I am about to tell you how this came to be. Kino Vision from Planet Pitch Black will be in italics.

The Actual Trip Through The Gate

Soon everyone on board the ship is abuzz with news of their "deaths", but they had only been on the planet for about half an hour and during that time they found another Kino laying in the grass not far from the gate, filled to capacity on data. They also found human remains as well. What. The. FRAK!!!!

Back in the Kino room, TJ thinks that they should quarantine everybody on the ship who went to the planet, but Young points out that most of everyone who did the mission have mingled with more than half of everyone who didn't. Skepticism pops up about panic of events that didn't happen, but Rush brings up that it is in fact them on the Kino and that the recording happened somehow. Young gives the go ahead to quarantine and Chloe, Greer, Young, Rush, Eli, and Scott watch the rest of the footage.

Now What?

The footage picks up with Eli announcing that Chloe, Vanessa, Spencer, Brody, and Marsden (?) are all dead from the attack by the creatures and that gate travel is impossible due to the wormhole being unstable. The creatures that attacked are nocturnal and they have little ammo left. In other words, their chances are slimmer than Calista Flockhart's body during her Ally McBeal years. While everyone there berates Eli for using the Kino, he tells them that its best if someone found out what happened to them. Eli goes to explain that Volker died from the sickness, and that Scott is in a coma due to the bite he received from one of the creatures.

On the ship, Greer has had enough of the Kino and leaves.

On the Kino, Greer found a cave to sleep in and protect themselves from. Eli later talks to TJ about her job. Meanwhile, while talking he tells TJ that his mom, an ex nurse, contracted HIV from trying to restrain a junkie and was stabbed in the process. He also reveals that his Dad left them after it happened. Eli was 14. TJ reveals her family lineage and says that her dad, a tailor, was the first person who showed her how to do stitches on people.

Later, Eli explains to Rush how he first realized that he was going to die one day and how it scarred his perception of things. Rush asks if it changed him to make something of himself in his short time. Rush then talks about the Ancients Ascension and how it can be done again.

Col. Young goes to check on Greer, who says that he refuses to believe what the Kino says. He wouldn't have let all those people die on his watch. Col. Young tells him that it wasn't is fault and that he couldn't have done anything differently in the state they were in. Greer doesn't want to hear that and Young tells him that it's just a precautionary tale for them not to go back to the planet. When Young says that he at least wants to see how it ends, Greer says he will pass.

Meanwhile, Chloe has collapsed and is showing signs of the symptoms that they had in the Kino. They take her to TJ in the infirmary, which is quickly filling up due to the virulent illness. They inform TJ that Volker died with in 12 hours of having the illness.

On the Kino, Greer shows Eli how to use a carbine rifle. Later, the two blow up the sulfur stacks that they found at the beginning of the episode, which Greer reveals is where the creatures went to after they attacked them. At night, Rush reports that the gate is still unstable and that there is little chance that the gate could even be connected to the Destiny at this point. He also mentions that it could be anything that is messing up the gate.

TJ tells Scott that she has no clue on what's happening and that they are running out of antibiotics. The cause is what she needs to determine a proper cure. Park comes in and it is apparent that this is a ship wide epidemic.

Meanwhile, Greer returns to watch the rest of the Kino.

Back to the Kino, the group prepares for another attack from the creatures and boy do they come. Eli and Rush run out of ammo, but Rush makes a run for the Stargate, which is still malfunctioning. Rush says someone needs to try the gate and leaves Eli with a line from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, which was the last thing Butch says to Sundance before they faced the Bolivians. Eli runs back to the cave and as soon as he gets there Greer is taken down by the creatures as well as Eli.

Meanwhile, TJ finds out the source of the sickness problem: it's the water from the ice that came from the ice planet. Turns out that the water was checked for organisms but the microscope wasn't powerful enough to detect them. The antibiotics won't cut it and by everyone's immune system being different, the symptoms will appear differently for each person.

Confused yet?

On the Kino, Scott wakes up to find everyone dead and him being the sole survivor of the team. Later, Scott talks to the Kinosaying that there is 45 minutes left to the Destiny resumes course. He talks about how he feels well, except for the bite, but that he will send the Kino through the gate to see how if the Destiny can reach it. He then says he will go in as well after a certain amount of time cause he won't survive the night on his own there. He rolls the Kino through the gate…

And it lands beside a dead Rush on the same planet!!!!

WHAT. THE. FRAK!!!!!

That was all that Rush needs to figure out what happened. The Kino went back in time.

Now this is where the science gets choppy for me.

According to Rush, a solar flare is the cause of the fracture in time dealing with the gates. If a wormhole's trajectory is too close to a star, and it passes through an active solar flare, it can go forwards or backwards in time and in some cases (like this one) loop the wormhole, creating a time loop. Now, the solar flare happened after they got there so in other words, which is why they were stuck in the loop.

Got that? Again, commenters, if I screwed that up, you know what to do. The box is below. Stop reading now and go and correct me. Please.

So Rush dials the planet back to see if the event has happened yet. He checks and sees that it hasn't, which is good for them. Greer asks why should they be worried and Rush says because they might have to go back. Um… EPIC FAIL, RUSH!!!!

Back in the Kino room, TJ confirms Rush's theory by picking up that the Alternate Scott who was the last survivor was healed from his sickness from the water by the bites of the creature. TJ thinks the creatures hold the antidote, which explains why the Destiny hasn't hauled ass yet.

Greer volunteers to go, but Young takes Scott and Spencer with them as well. Rush gives them 45 minutes and TJ says she might need the specimen alive. The men enter the gate. Meanwhile, TJ goes to the infirmary and Eli sits with Chloe. TJ tells Eli that Chloe might not make it, but Eli doesn't believe that she will die. Park comes in to tell TJ that they are out of antibiotic just as TJ puts a blanket over the dead blank stare of Vanessa James.

WHAT?!?!!

Eli then decides to say "frak it" and tells Chloe how much he loves her and how they are right for each other, but TJ knows that Chloe has died and lets Eli know the facts before covering Chloe's body as well. She then breaks down and Park comforts her.

OMG!!!!!! This can't be!!!!!

Back on the planet, Rush reports in and tells the group that Franklin, Volker, Vanessa, and Chloe are dead. Scott hears this and zones out, but it so not the time for that. Low and behold, the creatures then attack killing Greer first, then Spencer and then Col. Young!!!!! Scott makes a run for it back to the gate and dials it. Scott takes the Kino and explains everything that has happened from point A to B for when the Destiny finds it again . He waits for the solar flare to occur so that he can send the Kino into the past to reset everything. He kills a creature before returning to the Kino and finishing the monologue by saying "Act now or you all are going to die!"

The screen fades to black.

Now, you can't possibly tell me you did not enjoy this episode.

Only one problem though. If they were incompetent to beat the creatures the first two times then will they competent the third time around?

I want to hear your observations first.

The Official Stargate Website airs webisodes called SGU-Kino, which I reported on earlier last week. Well, I have decided to recap all of the first ten episodes as Volume 1 and the next seven as Volume 2 for the fans of the show since there has been such a good turnout on the sight for the regular recaps.

So here are the first ten recaps of SGU-Kino:

Webisode 1 – Get Outta Here…

The Kino spies on Col. Young as he writes something in a notepad. Col. Young feels it's presence and says, "I say you could use that thing to watch me" before standing up and shutting it off. Not much, but it's a start.

Webisode 2 – Not The Com Lab

Eli gives a tour of the ship and comes across a door that he says is leads to the Com Lab. He mentions that a lot of people still don't know how to get around the ship, but that he has a great sense of direction. When Eli opens the door, he realizes that it's not the Com Lab, but actually the infirmary. Eli then ponders how to get back to his starting point.

So much for a sense of direction… But another thing I want to note is that the infirmary had a lot of cases that looked like they were modern and had clasps on them. Did the survivors of the Icarus Base manage to get that much stuff through the gate? Or were the Ancients more super advanced than I thought?

Webisode 3 – No Idea

Eli is still touring and he comes across a room he has never seen nor has any idea what it does. He explores it, completely forgetting about the tour.

Webisode 4 – The Stargate Room

Eli's still touring and come across the Stargate Room. As he marvels at the Stargate, Eli tells the Kino that Dr. Rush feels that the Stargate on the Destiny is like the prototype of the other Stargates, due to it's age. That statement brought up a lot of questions that nearly sent my brain in self-destruct mode. What do you guys think?

Webisode 5 – Eli's Room

Eli ends his tour in his room, which is the size of a freaking closet. He claims that room shortages are due to so many parts of the ship being locked and that Rush wants everyone to focus on repairs, while Col. Young wants everyone to concentrate on getting home. Eli says that he agrees with Young, mostly. Hmm… Is this where Eli begins his teeter totter on the fence between Rush and Young? Eli ends the clip by saying that he has to be up the next day (how do they tell time?) for calisthenics with Greer. The horror… of Eli doing exercises.

Webisode 6 – "Don't Encourage Him"

The Kino flies into the mess hall and TJ tells Greer and Scott to not encourage Eli's shenanigans since the Col. caught Eli spying on Scott's girlfriend. Scott asks, "Who Chloe?" Um, no dumbass, Vanessa. Eli declares his innocence, but Col. Young put out a warning to all females to look out for the Kino. Eli again says that it was in fact Riley who was the culprit, but Greer grabs the Kino and warns Eli that if he finds out that the Kino has been spying on any of the females on the ship, then he will use it to spy on Eli "from the inside". HA! But it was Riley, if I am not mistaken.

Webisode 7 – Corridor Conversation

This just showed a conversation between Scott and Chloe, but we can't hear them and they leave from frame. Wasted opportunity or wasted film?

Webisode 8 – Marked Hatch

This webisode feature Eli trying to figure out if one of the marked hatches is safe enough to enter or not, because he doesn't know if they fixed it yet. Hmm…

Webisode 9 – "Not Supposed To Be In Here"

Eli enters the one useable shuttle, saying that the other one is "toast". He then whispers that he isn't supposed to be in there, because it's military personnel only. Eli then thinks about this tidbit and leaves the shuttle.

Webisode 10 – "Nobody Cares"

Eli interviews Chloe, who feels that nobody cares about her and wouldn't want to know the color of her eyes or her height in heels if someone finds the Kino with their info on it. Eli states that he feels like people should know them, especially Chloe, who Eli feels will have a school named after her one day and her stats "will line the halls of the gym". When Chloe starts whining, Eli tells her that he can't leave her when she starts talking about how nobody likes her. Chloe then makes it known that she is going to sleep and Eli says that this is only part two of a forty-seven part interview. HA!

Well that's Vol. 1, folks! Volume Two will be done soon. What do you think? You can view them all here. Keep in mind that the clips are numbered, but they are NOT in order!

If you heard a grown ass man screaming like a little bitch last night out of the blue, then I am sorry. That was me. And I blame The Vampire Diaries.

Let's get to the recap.

The Haunting of Bonnie Bennett (Part One)

Straight out of Nancy's first dream sequence at school in A Nightmare On Elm Street, The Vampire Diaries opens with Bonnie falling asleep in class and "waking" up to find a presence in the hallway. She leaves the class to investigate and runs into her ancestor Emily (guest star Bianca Lawson). Bonnie then trails Emily from the hallway into the yard in front of Old Fells Church. There Emily explains to Bonnie that this where everything started and where it needs to end. She then asks that Bonnie help her, but Bonnie refuses and tries to run and can't escape the presence of Emily, whose innocent request turns to a stern, creepy demand.

Bonnie wakes up in class, but finds Emily sitting beside her. This time Bonnie screams herself awake in her pajamas in front of the Old Fells Church.

Setting Up The Character Chess Board

At school, Caroline is still pissed at Bonnie about the whole necklace thing, but Elena decides to stay out of it, but is worried about Bonnie's whereabouts and why Stefan hasn't contacted her. Caroline bumps into Matt, who only tells her "hi" without breaking his stride. Caroline immediately feels dissed. At the Salvatores, Damon tries to make up for killing Lexi, but Stefan (and I) are not for it. They have a mini-truce and taunt each other by mimicking the other. Paul and Ian clearly couldn't wait to rag on each other and I applaud the actors for this humorous scene. The students get a new history teacher in Alaric Saltzman (guest star Matt Davis), who is young and WAAY more tolerable than that miserable bastard Mr. Tanner ever was. Bonnie enters class and looks beyond spooked. Elena notices and is concerned.Bonnie eventually tells Elena everything that has been happening to her and how scared she is. Despite Bonnie wanting to embrace her heritage, she wants it to stop. Elena finds Stefan, but he has news that he is leaving school and Elena immediately thinks that it's because of her. Stefan senses her anger and tells her to use it, because it will make the decision easier.

The Haunting of Bonnie Bennett (Part Two)

Damon confronts Bonnie about the necklace again, but she remains firm and doesn't hand it over. Damon then reveals that he knows she's a witch and that Emily is haunting her. Bonnie marvels that Damon knows about Emily, but he says that he is trying to protect her and to tell Emily that he will get the necklace one way or another.

Bonnie reveals all this to Elena, who demands that Bonnie stays with her tonight. But Bonnie Damn can enter your house as well, remember? Bonnie then suddenly stops the car their driving in, gets out and tosses the necklace into an abandoned field.

Elena calls Stefan and tells him about Bonnie and Damon. Elena give Stefan the full story on the necklace and Stefan makes sense of everything. Seems that Emily was Katherine's handmaid and that she gave the necklace to Katherine. Stefan says that it means something, but doesn't say what and declares to get the info out of Damon.

Later at Elena's, Caroline joins them and Elena gets Caroline to apologize in only the way Caroline can. But Bonnie tells Caroline that she tossed the necklace and an argument ensues. It's a minor one, that is until Caroline finds the necklace in Bonnie's backpack. THEN the big argument goes down. Caroline whines that Elena and Bonnie leave her out of everything when the latter two girls discuss Emily's persistence, which Bonnie says is because Caroline doesn't listen when people are talking to her. Caroline proves Bonnie's point by being not concerned when Bonnie reveals her secret. Moment later, the girls make up and Caroline tells her that she will support Bonnie's witchy lifestyle.

Something tells me that Caroline still doesn't get it.

But the girls decide to celebrate the mending of their friendship by having a seance… Hmm…

During the seance, Bonnie calls on Emily, who doesn't disappoint as the candles, wind and lights do the supernatural mambo. Bonnie panics and throws the necklace on the floor. But the lights go out for good as well as the candles and it's pitch dark. When the lights return, the necklace is gone. Everybody freaks, but Bonnie finds the necklace on Elena's bathroom floor. Then the doors slam shut and all Elena and Caroline can hear are Bonnie's screams as she tries to get out.

Then the doors finally let loose and Bonnie stands there with her hands over her face. She raises her head and (in a deadpan manner) says she's fine. But when you see Bonnie's reflection in the mirror, it's EMILY!!!!!! Caroline throws the deuces

Elena then realizes after Emily/Bonnie says that she has to go back to where it all begins, that Bonnie is now Emily/Bonnie, who  runs from the house at the revelation with a warning that she must stop Damon. Elena calls Stefan.

Damon's Diabolical Plan is an Unimaginable One

Stefan tries to throw the 'let's be brothers' charm on Damon can smell Stefan's crap from China if he was there. Damon wants to know what the hell Stefan has up his sleeve. Over game of power football, Stefan tells Damon that their love for Katherine isn't real since she compelled them to do a lot of things. Damon doesn't want to hear it, but this opens up the conversation to talk aboutDamon's plans with the necklace. Damon says that Emily gave the necklace to Katherine on their last night, and that he would know since he was the last person with Katherine. Stefan reveals that he was actually the last person to see Katherine alive. Damon reveals that he is going to bring Katherine back.

Um, NO!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!

But a secret part of me wants this plan to go down…

Damon explains that he went to Emily for help to save Katherine and that Emily asked for Damon to protect her family's lineage in return. Emily used the necklace to put a protective shield over Katherine in a tomb below the church she was burned in. To access that power, Emily needs the celestial events of stars to do her magic, i.e. a comet. Damon also reveals that Emily did it to protect her family, because Mystic Falls didn't want to have anything to do with witches at the time either.

Whoa! Whoa! WHOA!

Stefan gets the call that Emily has possessed Bonnie and that Emily/Bonnie are headed to Old Fells Church to destroy the necklace. Damon ear-hussles this and leaves to catch up with Emily/Bonnie. When he catches up with her, Damon declares that they had a deal, but Emily/Bonnie throws Damon against a tree, impaling him.

The Haunting of Bonnie Bennett (Part 3)

When Stefan reaches Damon, he pulls him down and comes across Emily. She declares that the townspeople of Mystic Falls doesn't deserve the evil Damon plans on unleashing and that she can't let them loose unto the world. Let WHO loose?

Damon warns Emily to shut up, but Emily reveals that to save Katherine, she had to save ALL 27 vampires that were in the church with her as well.

*Blinks*

Elena shows up as Stefan tells Damon that he can't bring back those vamps unto Mystic Falls and Damon says that the town of Mystic Falls deserve EVERYTHING that is thrown at them, because of what happened 145 years ago. Damon also declares that Bonnie will be burned at the stake if the Mystic Falls Superfriends found out about her just as they will if Damon and Stefan are exposed. Emily declares things are different and starts the spell. She destroys the necklace and when everything is over, Bonnie is back.

But Damon doesn't give a damn as he CHARGES BONNIE AND BITES HER NECK!!!!!!!!!

This is where I screamed.

Bonnie's neck looks BAD and she's barely alive. Elena, beyond beyond pissed, cannot look at Damon without feeling disgust. Stefan gives Bonnie some of his blood for her to drink. Bonnie's wound begins to heal quickly.

Later, Damon declares to Stefan that Katherine never compelled him and that his love for her was real. He tells Stefan that he will leave town now. Yeah right…

Bonnie wants to know what the hell is going on and Elena promises to tell her everything later, but has to speak with Stefan first. After finding out that Bonnie can't turn vamp if she is alive, Elena tells Stefan that he has to tell Bonnie the full story. Stefan agrees and then Elena is on her "I want to be with you" tip this week and asks Stefan to stay with her. But Stefan has made up his mind and says he has to go before other people get hurt. Then he turns and walks away, leaving Elena's heart in shambles.

During the closing moments, Elena cries to Bonnie as she spills everything, or what I perceive to be everything since the editors decided to mute the conversation while music played. The scene looks damn good, but I wish I could have heard that conversation.

A Match Made In Mystic Falls?

The low denominator plot of this week is between Matt and Caroline, who is smitten about Matt's "hi's" and wants to know why he is being a typical "guy". Matt tells her that he has always said hit to her and that she is being a typical girl for thinking deep into something. Hmmm. Got a point there, Matt.

Later, after that experiencing more supernatural events, Caroline is about to chill when Matt comes through her window. He tells her that he never liked her like that, but that he enjoyed cuddling with her, because he gets where she is coming from in the lonely department. The two decide to make a night of it pigging out on junk food and giggling. Hmmm…. Wonder where this will head?

Meeting Mr. Alaric Saltzman

While Plot A rocked this week, Plot B was just as slap happy fantastic.

Mr. Saltzman calls Jeremy into the classroom and reveals that Tanner had a "jackass" folder for students he didn't care about. That's a damn shame. Didn't anyone tell Tanner that karma is a fickle bitch?

But Mr. Saltzman wants to give Jeremy a clean slate and to help Jeremy with his struggling grades. He gives Jeremy a history paper assignment to start the ball rolling. The two shake on it and they make it painfully obvious for us to focus on Mr. Saltzman's ring, which looks ANCIENT! Jeremy asks about the ring and Saltzman only says that it is a family heirloom.

Later at the Mystic Grill, Jenna spots Mr. Saltzman and is immediately intrigued. Jeremy thought that Jenna was still pissed about Logan's "disappearance", but Jenna declares that she is over that nonsense. She then reveals that for Jeremy's history paper, he could use all of his father's history books on Mystic Falls that date back pre-Mayflower.

Mr. Saltzman walks up and then Jenna and Saltzmen get their flirt on, much to Jeremy's 'displeasure'. After Jeremy leaves, Jenna and Saltzman continues their flirt-a-thon and they reveal their pasts and past relationships. While we know about Jenna's past with Logan, Saltzman reveals that his wife was murdered and that it is still considered a cold case. Take notes, people. But Saltzman loves the town of Mystic Falls for their rich history. Really, now?

Hours later while Jeremy finds his father's things, Jenna comes home with Saltzman. Only thing is that Saltzman seemingly CANNOT ENTER THE HOUSE! But Jenna doesn't invite him in, because of Jeremy being there. Saltzman is cool with it and leaves. WTF?!!?!

Jeremy finds a picture of Logan and Jenna, who takes it and leaves the room, while Jeremy finds an ancestor's journal dating 1864.

Moments later, Jenna tears up the photo of her and Logan and trashes it when there is a knock at the door.

It is Logan…asking to be invited in.

SMACK! And I am on the floor clutching my jaw.

Are you all out there feeling abused by the love of your lives that is The Vampire Diaries?!??!?! Please let's discuss this in group below!

You know it's a rough Thursday night when The Vampire Diaries was more engaging than Supernatural.

Maybe it's just me, but I've always thought of fandom as some blend of Las Vegas and Fight Club: what happens on the internet stays on the internet and we don't talk about it. I've never been to a convention myself, but I do watch the YouTube videos. Through my fingers. Squinting. Trying to listen to what the actors are actually saying over the periodic screeching that maxes out the videocamera microphones. If that's your thing, that's cool! I'm not judging you! I just don't need an entire episode devoted to it. And what about the poor people who watch Supernatural without the aid of the internet? They surely must be scratching their heads, going, "I'm not sure what just happened here."

Okay. Fine. I have my quart of vodka by my side, so let's get on with it. Becky (the smut-writing fangirl from 5.01), stole Chuck's phone from out of his pants (yes, they're doing it) and sends a faux-emergency text message to Sam and Dean to come meet them at… a Supernatural fan convention. Not sure why Chuck would call the Winchesters in a life and death situation instead of letting the archangel take care of him, but whatever. There are fangirls galore dressed in plaid and facial hair and the awkward questions run rampant ("If you don't like the books, don't read 'em!" Becky screams at a Hookman impersonator who dareth call Chuck out on storyline inconsistencies). Chuck announces that a wealthy Scandanavian publisher has given him enough money to start publishing the books again. Sam and Dean are not very enthusiastic about this development, to say the least.

When there's a scream from upstairs, and the guys run to comfort the Maid Who Saw a Ghost, only to find that it's an elaborate LARP-ing (Live Action Role Playing) setup. Long story short, there's supposedly a ghost haunting the hotel. When one poor Sam Lookalike goes stalking the hallways upstairs, he sees an OMG REAL ACTUAL GHOST. And it tosses him around a room before disappearing.

Sam 'n Dean decide to do shots at the bar ('cause THAT'S a good idea) and overhear Sam Lookalike talking about the REAL ACTUAL GHOST he saw upstairs. The guys go to the hotel manager, who reveals the hotel is ACTUALLY haunted by the spirit of an angry schoolmarm who had a penchant for killing the orphans who were housed there.

Two other VERY SERIOUS LARPers (Demian and Barnes, named for Television Without Pity's Supernatural recapper and old forum moderator) find the REAL ACTUAL ORPHAN GHOSTS upstairs, along with a map. Meanwhile, Sam and Dean are up in the real attic, where the EMF is going crazy, and they find another REAL ACTUAL ORPHAN GHOST with half his scalp missing. Ewww. Back downstairs, Becky tries to make moves on Sam. Chuck is not amused. Sam manages to confirm that the schoolmarm killed her own son as well (scalped him). They overhear Barnes and Demian talking about their map, which marks the location of the cemetery on the property. They agree to share it with the guys as long as they get the Sizzler giftcard for winning the LARPing competition. Dean's a little confused why anyone would want to be a part of the fucked up, dysfunctional member of the Winchester Family Saga and Jesus Fucking Christ, I get it already!

They find the cemetery and Barnes and Demian get a little freaked out when Sam and Dean pull out their shovels and rock salt. Dean finally gets to the casket of the schoolmarm and Barnes and Demian are appalled when they discover it's a REAL ACTUAL SKELETON. Their disbelief is short-lived, though, when the schoolmarm's ghost shows up and tries to kill them. Dean manages to salt and burn the bones before anyone actually gets hurt.

Back at the bar, Demian and Barnes are taking shots to calm their frazzled little nerves. "Good luck with the Supernatural books, and screw you very much," Sam and Dean tell Chuck on the way out. Except they're not getting out because they can't open any of the doors or windows. Oops? Scalped-Orphan Boy tells Sam and Dean that his "mommy" (the schoolmarm) didn't take his scalp. Turns out it was the other little orphans. They attack Hookman and take his scalp as well.

As Chuck's finishing up the convention, Sam runs up and tells him what's going on. Chuck has to stall the fans. Seems the little orphan boys were playing Cowboys and Indians (their own version of LARPing – OMG, lookit the parallels!), the schoolmarm's ghost must have been keeping them under control. She's salted and burned, so… they're in trouble. Sam and Dean convince the LARPing schoolmarm to help them out and Demian and Barnes join in as well. The Fake!Schoolmarm calls the boys and they materialize in front of her. She tells them to open the doors. Demian and Barnes manage to slip out the door until the schoolmarm's phone goes off. Dean tells her to run and confronts the little bastards with a fire poker.

Demian and Barnes are being productive, though ("Supernatural makes digging graves seem so easy, but it's not! I think I'm gonna throw up…"), and are trying to get to the graves of the orphans. Sam manages to save Dean from the murderous orphans, but things are getting out of hand. One of the convention-goers tries to leave and accidentally breaks the circle of salt encircling the main room, but Chuck goes at a murderous orphan with an iron stick and it makes Becky all tingly. Just when one of the murderous orphans is about to take a knife to Sammy's fantastic mane, Demain finally gets his lighter working and POOF. Salted and burned.

Sam and Dean thank Barnes and Demain for their help. They don't believe Dean when he says he's the REAL Dean. Demian tells him he's not sure if he gets what the Winchesters' story's about: it's about waking up every morning and saving the world and having family that would die for you. Also: Barnes and Demian partners. A.k.a. the gay kind. It's kind of cute, if you ignore the Wincest connotations. Becky laments the loss of her "relationship" with Sam ("like a monkey on the sun, it was too hot to live"). She and Chuck appear destined to live happily ever after. And Sam makes Chuck promise not to write any more books. P.S., Bela didn't really give the Colt to Lilith. HELLO RETCON. Not again. Sam joins Dean back at the car and lets him know he's got a lead on the Colt and they drive off into the sunset, sans classic rock. Well, I'm out of vodka, and I'm still not enthused with this episode. Next week looks more entertaining, thank goodness.

The big news tonight on The Mentalist episode "Red Bulls" is that Patrick Jane (Simon Baker) and Agent Sam Bosco (Terry Kinney) work together on a case. The episode begins with a tense scene involving Bosco's team, busting into an abandoned house they believe houses a kidnap victim and her captors. Guns drawn, they rush into a crowded room–populated by Agent Teresa Lisbon's (Robin Tunney) CBI team, including Jane. After a tense moment of adrenaline and demanding to know what the other is doing there, Jane finally gets them all to lower their guns.

Turns out Lisbon and her team were asked to investigate a report of a dead body in the abandoned house. The body turns out to be a young man who had been kidnapped years earlier. CBI boss Minelli (Gregory Itzin) agrees with Jane that the coincidences are too great between the two kidnap cases, and orders the two teams to work together. Bosco is, of course, furious at having to work with Jane and the hostility extends through both divisions.

Bosco, Jane, and Lisbon visit the family of the kidnap victim, Mia Westlake (Marissa Skell). The only relative is Mia's sister Verona (Meredith Monroe) and her husband. The Westlake sisters have a considerable fortune they inherited from a wealthy grandfather. Verona is the self-professed screw-up, and isn't sure how to handle the kidnapping. While Lisbon and Bosco ask the usual questions, and try to find a connection between Mia and the first kidnap victim, Jane observes the couple and their lawyer. He also finds their baby crawling behind the furniture, and the nanny is hastily called in to retrieve her.

Jane is his typical blunt and straightforward self, and warns Mia against drugging herself into oblivion during the crisis–because she'll regret being absent later. While Bosco is ordering Lisbon to get Jane out of his sight, Mia's husband Duncan orders Bosco to throw Jane off the case. Bosco apparently hates being told what to do more than he hates Jane, and tells Duncan the CBI will do whatever they need to, with Jane. Mia then calls Duncan off, saying Jane was right about what he had said. With a smile, Lisbon leaves Jane and Bosco together to work on another lead.

Since the proof of life video showed a man's hand with a recognizable Mexican gang tattoo, Bosco takes Jane over to meet with some of the gang members and interview them. Jane is nervous at first, until he realizes one of the gang members is an undercover agent that Bosco knows. Jane is not surprised when they find no link between the gang and the kidnapping, and gives Bosco a hard time for pursuing an empty lead just to show Jane what "real" cops do.

Meanwhile, Rigsby (Owain Yeoman), Van Pelt (Amanda Righetti), and Bosco's man Hicks (Dominic Hoffman) follow up on a gang of drug dealers who've taken up kidnapping to make faster cash. Van Pelt warns Rigsby to wear a Kevlar vest, but he refuses because Hicks isn't wearing one. Van Pelt is frustrated with all the macho posturing, which continues as they move through an apartment building, questioning the inhabitants. While Hicks and Rigsby are bickering, Van Pelt reopens an apartment door to give a potential witness her business card, and ends up with several rounds pumped into her chest.

Saved by the vest, Van Pelt urges Rigsby to go after the shooter. He and Hicks hunt the girl down through a maze of buildings, and Rigsby eventually shoots and kills her just as she's about to shoot down Hicks. There's new respect between the two officers, but Lisbon argues with Bosco about taking responsibility for the animosity that nearly got Van Pelt killed.

While the team is distracted, Rigsby sneaks into the ambulance to check on Van Pelt, and he tells her he loves her. Van Pelt thanks him sweetly, then smacks him for not wearing a vest. Her way of saying she loves him is apparently letting him know she doesn't want his ego getting him killed.

The specific amount of the ransom for Mia Westlake makes Lisbon and Jane think there might be someone on the inside who knows the status of their bank account. Their suspicion gains credibility when they discover that the woman who shot Van Pelt was the first kidnap victim's girlfriend.

As the time for the ransom payoff looms, Lisbon and Jane try to convince Bosco to use one of Jane's unorthodox ideas. It's clear from the previous kidnapping that Mia will be killed the moment they get their money. When Bosco refuses, Jane appeals to Verona, telling her that someone close to her is in on the kidnapping. He points out Verona's lawyer, and Verona immediately attacks her, creating a commotion.

Jane retreats to another room with Lisbon and Bosco, who actually was in on the plan. They watch the hidden video of the room containing the ransom money, waiting to see who turns up to check it out. The nanny suddenly appears, taking the transmitter out of the suitcase and then disappearing upstairs. The agents follow her, and overhear her making a phone call to her partners, letting them know the money's on its way. The agents arrest her, and use her phone to trace the call back to its source. Mia is rescued, and reunited with her sister Verona.

Afterwards, Lisbon and Bosco share a drink and mend fences over their earlier arguments. Bosco tells Lisbon he's enjoyed working with her again, and they share a few meaningful glances. Later on, Bosco approaches Jane and concedes that he was wrong–that though Jane isn't an officer and never will be, he offers a valuable perspective. He then gives Jane the file on Red John, and asks for that perspective. He expects grateful thanks, but instead he gets a pointed request from Jane for the whole file. It's clear these two don't fully trust each other just yet.

Read all of the TVOvermind The Mentalist recaps.

Watch The Mentalist on CBS Thursday nights at 10/9c.

PHOTO: Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, with Terry Kinney as Agent Sam Bosco, The Mentalist "Red Bulls" screencaps, c2009 Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS.

Tonight was So You Think You Can Dance's first live results show for Season 6.

We got to see the top 16 perform a group dance and then it was down to the nitty-gritty of who had the most votes and who had the least.  From the very beginning, the judges were in a cantankerous mood.  They made no effort at all to hide the fact that they believed that America had gotten it wrong.  America had not voted for the best dancers, but for the dancers they liked the best.  Adam Shankman thankfully reminded everyone that this competition is about find America's favorite dancer, not America's best dancer.

In the end, Pauline and Peter were sent home.  Neither choice surprises me, but I do wish I could say more on the subject.  I wish I could compare their dance to the others performed, but it seems that DirecTV hates me.  Anytime there's even the slightest hint of rain, or cloudy weather, or the faintest of breezes, my reception goes to crap.  The audio cuts in and out, the video skips around or pauses and generally makes watching anything unbearable or impossible.  So because we were having a bit of rain Wednesday night, my DVR could only manage to record about half the dances.

Now!  For your reading pleasure, a recreation of Mollee and Nathan's salsa, as we experienced it:

Cat's standing in the audience, looking at the camera.  "Everyone, give it up for Mollee and Nathan!"  The camera swoops over her shoulder.  The music, "Quimbara" by Celia Cruz and Johnny Pacheco, begins.  Mollee and Nathan fall out of their dynamic poses and begin . . . the image freezes, stutters, cuts to black, and then returns with Mollee and Nathan out of breath and the crowd cheering for what the wife and I could only assume was the shortest and/or fastest salsa of all time.  The wife and I look at each, both with clenched teeth as we flashback through all the different TV moments we've missed out on, culminating in the missing final fifteen minutes of Battlestar Galactica. "Call EPB.  I want fiber optics," is all she says.  "I'm tired of missing our shows."

Anyway!  Sorry to Pauline and Peter, consider other cable providers, and good luck to the remaining 14!  I hope Mollee and Nathan prove the judges wrong next week because I want them stick around for as long as possible!

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in the Melrose Place recap this week. I was hit with life altering events Tuesday, who I will just label 'parents', that I could not ignore. But here I am for the penultimate episode before Amanda Woodward's entrance. Was it juicy? You bet your "Juicy Fruit" sweet ass it was!

The Set Up

It is literally the day after all hell broke loose for Auggie at Coal and Riley and Jonah's relationship, but we pick up with Lauren staying later with a client and coming home super early, but lying as if she had just got off a shift at the hospital. While Lauren has learned how to spin her lies just as well as turning tricks, Ella still knows something is up and tells her to be careful. Meanwhile, the bedroom is a cold and lonely place for Riley and Jonah as they give polar opposites a new meaning. Crazy Violet has just received a summons for resisting arrest when the police came to talk to her. David plans on hanging out with his little brother Noah, but unbeknownst to Michael and Vanessa (guest star Brooke Burns).

Riley and Jonah's breakfast is awkward and the two ask the short simple questions that couples as to be civil while mad, but it takes Riley to get to the elephant in the room. Jonah reveals that he wants to take a road trip to clear his mind, but Riley wants the complete opposite and wants to hang out with him more. Before the debate can go even further, they hear noises coming from outside the courtyard and run to investigate. They run into a task force that is all over the place and leading said task force is none other than Det. Rodriguez aka Buzz Killington. Rodriguez asks the couple if they had seen Auggie, because the police found the murder weapon and Auggie's blood is all over it and is wanted for murder.

Oh really now…?

Ella's Thing For Jonah is Revealed, But Riley's Lost Her "Thing" For Auggie?

Ella gets an assignment from Caleb, who is either the laziest or least charismatic PR boss ever, to go and snag Franz Kappler, a potential client for WPK. Caleb was supposed to do it, but… you know. Ella, who has no interest in this meeting accepts it, but calls in Jonah to come with her and do all the movie talking while she talks publicity. Meanwhile, Jonah is beyond convinced that Auggie is Sydney's murderer, so imagine how he feels as Riley defends Auggie profusely and even lets slip that she might know where he is located, since nobody can seem to contact him. Jonah says that despite her heart saying that she knows Auggie, in reality she doesn't. Then Ella calls and now it's Jonah on the defensive as Riley give him the third degree. Jonah says that he would rather spend time with himself and sees Ella's "emergency" as a "blessing in disguise".

Ouch.

Once Jonah gets to WPK, Ella fills him in on the assignment at hand. Jonah fills Ella in on the drama at the complex, which Ella strangely is affected by. Hmmm. Of course she didn't show her concern to Jonah. When they get to Coal for the lunch date, Franz can't get enough of flirting with Ella, who is not happy about it. Jonah jumps in and claims that he and Ella are engaged and this stops Franz in his tracks.

Back at the courtyard, Riley and Violet talk about the elephant in the courtyard, this time it's Auggie. Both girls talk about their disbelief of the situation and Violet explains Auggie's temper the night before when he laid out Marcello. Violet also throws in that she 'took care' of Auggie afterwards and that they have become intimate. Ha! It was a pity lay, Violet. But Riley is slightly disturbed.

I would be, too. I mean, it's Violet for crying out loud.

Ella, Jonah, and Franz close their lunch date and Ella takes the opportunity to plant a nice, sensual kiss on Jonah. After Franz leaves, Ella tells Jonah that she thinks he enjoyed playing her beau and that it's been something that he has been dying to so they met. Jonah thinks Ella is drunk, but boy she's far from it. When Ella proposes that Jonah sleep with her, Jonah is shocked to realize that Riley had been right… EPIC FAIL, Jonah!!!! Ella fights for her reasoning and talks about how Riley is too damn normal for someone like Riley. Jonah declares that the only reason he went out with Ella was because he knew that Riley trusted him. Plus, he's appalled that Ella would not only bad mouth Riley, but that she would actually think that he would buy her offer.

I would've, but that's just me.

At home, Riley IM's Auggie, who actually responds back, but his IMs scare Riley to the point that she pulls out the police calling card and ponders what she should do. Is she doing this out of morals or out of spite? When Jonah comes home, the two talk and Riley says that Jonah was right: she doesn't know Auggie like she thought she did and it's not her place to decide his innocence. She calls Det. Buzz Killington to reveal Auggie's whereabouts.

Wonder how that turns out?

Meanwhile, Caleb tells Ella that Franz signed with WPK thanks to Ella and her 'boyfriend' Jonah. While trying to convince Caleb that she and Jonah are not an item, Caleb throws in that the only reason Jonah would want to pretend to be Ella's boyfriend is if he actually wanted to be her boyfriend. Ella plays off the comment, but deep down she knows she wants what the Jonah is cooking.

Michael's Two Sons and Lauren's A Rock Star!

David waits till after Michael and Vanessa leaves and picks up Noah, courtesy of the Mancini's housekeeper who is nervous about the situation. Meanwhile, Lauren (working on an hour and half worth of sleep) fumbles in a routine rounds checkup and Mancini berates her in private for it.

At the carnival, David and Noah have the time of their lives, but when Noah gets hurt pretty badly, David knows that he is a world of trouble. He has Lauren meet him at the hospital, but what David thought was just a nasty arm sprang is followed by a concussion.

Uh Oh!

So when the parentals show up, they are most definitely pissed. Vanessa gives David the stay away from my son speech, while Michael tells David how reckless he was acting with little Noah. I would like to point out that little Noah doesn't want anything to do with Michael tonight. Wonder what's up with that? Also, David explains that he only wanted to be a brother, but Michael mentions presses charges if Michael ever gets out of line again.

But the bright side in all of this? Lauren was granted "Rock Star" status for a job well done in pointing out perfectly every injury little Noah had. I would too if he was the son of my boss, but again, that's just me.

Michael and the Violet's Crazy Moment of the Week Returns!!!!

Remember that Violet got that summons for her sprint from the police? Well, Violet goes the distance to make sure she doesn't have to show up to have her day in court empty-handed. How does she do that? Blackmail Michael, of course!

But it seems that she had been blackmailing him since their last encounter, and this solves the mystery of how the hell did she manage to afford an apartment like Melrose Place. She tells Michael that she needs him to get a lawyer or the video of them screwing will reach his wife's eyes.

Later after leaving a message for Auggie (I bet it was her 20th), Violet gets a visitor in Michael, who comes bearing good news: he knows the judge proceeding over her case. The judge owes Michael a favor for saving his wife's life. Before Violet can get happy, Michael tells her that he can either speak for her or against her if she doesn't erase the vid. Violet learns her lesson to never scheme a pro-schemer and erases the message.

Crazy moment of the week? Blowing up Michael's phone, breaking into his office and playing the video of them together on his computer. I bet she sent a copy to herself for collateral.

Wrap It Up, B!

Everyone convenes at the pool at the end of their long day. First Violet asks Lauren if she can move in with them to save for rent. HA!!!!HAHHAHHAHHAHA!!!!!! Of course, Lauren says no, but because she doesn't think Ella would be thrilled. Ella informs David and Lauren of Auggie being the prime suspect of Syd's murder. Ella also apologizes to Jonah and blames it on the Goose (or rather Pinot Gingo). HA!

Then Michael shows up and everyone gets quiet. He calls David upstairs to talk. When they get there, Michael says that despite all that happened, he is pleased and glad that David wants to spend time with Noah.

David makes his way downstairs to thank Lauren for being a Rock Star. The two flirt and Lauren mentions how seeing David with Noah showed her a new side of David. After some advice from Lauren about the thefts, David tells her his thieving days are over due to Lauren's disapproving gaze when she caught him stealing. He then moves in for a kiss, which she accepts, but can't "accept", if you catch my drift. She has flashes of her hooking and tells David it's not him. David leaves a little hurt, and Lauren cries for all her lies.

Damn shame…

So what you guys think? Again, sorry for the delayed recap, but again life happens. Hope you enjoy!

So let's see… Dixon was a ungrateful bastard: check; Annie, a stupid, love sick bitch: check; Ryan Matthews was an irrelevant jerk: check; and Teddy was the voice of reason again: check.

In other words, a typical 90210 episode, but one that ended in tragedy for one of the characters.

"It's Not Like You're My Mother Anyway"

Dixon still is sick to his stomach on how things ended with Sasha and Harry hates to see him like this. Harry asks Debbie if they should rethink the whole not telling Dixon about Sasha's deception pregnancy thing and Debbie assures Harry to follow her lead and to trust her cause she was right before. But Dixon wants to play Mr. Responsible and decides to go see Sasha. When stalling Dixon doesn't work (I would have went with stern grounding, but that's just me), Debbie and Harry come clean, but Debbie takes most of the blow as Dixon declares that despite what Debbie thinks, she is actually the one woman he can't trust.

Ouch! That would have been followed by a bitch slap in my house from my mother.

Later, Debbie tries to reach to Dixon, but he doesn't want to hear it. Harry tries to jump in and demands for Dixon to hear Debbie out and Dixon says, "For what? It's not like she is my real mother anyway…"

EPIC fail! Pack his bags and ship him out!

But no, this is 90210 and TV. Later in the night, Debbie watches over Dixon as he sleeps and cries the entire time.

Again, Dixon is an ungrateful bastard.

Annie, Navid, and the Craziness That is Jasper

Jasper confronts Navid about calling him a drug dealer and tells him that he needs to check his sources before publishing "lies". But my boy Navid is no dummy, unlike Annie who squeals in joy when Jasper reveals that he arranged an audition for her via his dad. Navid traces Jasper one day at school to Adrianna's car, where the poor girl buys more pills from the creep, using Silver's half-birthday presents money in the process. Navid sees this and gives Adrianna a call and asks her why did she do it. She denies it and he presses on and she throws back in his face that she's not his problem anymore and hangs up. Ouch, damn, SNAP!

Navid still doesn't let it go and calls Jasper a "scumbag" in the halls the next day. Jasper lies that he gave her lunch money and Navid sees through the crap and telling Jasper to stay away from Adrianna. Jasper then repeats that he is not a drug dealer, but add that if he was then Navid shouldn't be screwing with him. Navid smells the threat for what it is and Jasper walks off.

Meanwhile, Jasper helps Annie practice her lines and I can't help but want to smack the taste out of Annie's mouth when she tells Jasper that she loves him. Come on! He's creepy! When Jasper doesn't answer right away, Annie immediately feels like crap, but Jasper says that he loves her, too, and that he just wanted to say it first. Boo.

The next day, Annie doesn't get the role and is distraught over it. Jasper tells Annie that her day will come and that she will be big one day. Annie then wants her first time to be with Jasper and the two get at it. Random much?

But Navid and Gia are on the case of bringing down Jasper and I can't wait for the inevitable bust to go down.

Friends in Need For Self-Destruction

Liam and Adriann are on a slippery downward spiral this week. While Adrianna is dulling the pain of losing Navid by falling off the wagon (not a good way to cope, mind you), Liam decides to give the world a great big "Screw You!" when Ryan Matthews won't hear him out on Jen's lie and tells Liam that his stepfather was right about him.

Spoken like a true 'adult', Ryan Matthews. But why should Ryan Matthews's view of the world matter? I ponder this as Liam starts to snap at anything in sight. Ivy picks up on this while Navid, Dixon, and Teddy have other things on the brain. She calls them out on not being true 'friends' to Liam in his time of need, because something is obviously bothering him and it's bringing out the ignoramus side of Liam.

Liam's chip on that chiseled shoulder of his comes to a sizeable head when he starts a fight with some other surfer guys. Ivy, Teddy, and Dixon all confront Liam and make him fess up to what's eating him. Liam then gives the whole story dating back to the party last year, including that it was Jen he slept with and not Annie. Dixon states that he thought Liam was lying and then Liam says that he TOLD Dixon it wasn't Annie, so at this point I have no sympathy for Dixon going to summer school due to Annie. Teddy declares that's it time to bring Jen down and for Liam to not worry how, because it's going to get done.

Teddy, you are officially one of my new faves on the show. You  finally won me over, man, congratulations!

After the gang splits up, Liam apologizes to Ivy for snapping at her (he told her to stop acting like his girlfriend). She accept, but is hurt again when Liam says that he knows that she doesn't think that they are an item. Ivy plays it off and accepts a dinner date with Liam, but to Liam its only two friends hanging out. I hope Ivy sticks around post Liam-Naomi reunion. She's cool.

Meanwhile, like I stated above, Adrianna paid Jasper with some of Silver's half-birthday present money and then later walks up into The Beach Club looking like Season One Adrianna, lying to Naomi that she was mugged and that all the money was gone. My thoughts are more on how Naomi does not notice that Adrianna is high as a kite rather than Naomi believing the lie.

Also, Dixon tries to apologize to Annie for being a dummy and Annie thinks he is apologizing for the comment he made about Jasper's character. She tells Dixon that he has a great sense of character and shoves the Sasha incident in Dixon's face. Dixon tells Annie to go to hell for hr bitchery and Annie looks a little hurt after he leaves the room. Damn, Annie was the sex with Jasper that good?

Silver Relives Her Youth Courtesy of Jackie…and Teddy

Silver goes by her daily routine of taking care of Jackie (guest star Ann Gillespie), who marvels at how responsible and organized her daughter is, despite Silver being that way all her life. Jackie wishes she could have been a better mother, but I am looking at how Jackie looks BAD. Kudos to the make up department, because Jackie looked like death. Silver tells Naomi and others that she will not have her annual half-birthday party and Teddy decides to pry to hear about the half-birthday concept. Silver reveals that at age 10 she was going to have a camping party, but that Jackie got trashed and the party got canceled. Meanwhile, Adrianna peeps Silver hanging with Teddy and gives a hurt awkward stare. Silver later asks Ade about it and she says she's fine with it, but I guess that's because Adrianna has drugs to make her 'fine'.

Silver then gets help from Teddy with Jackie. He offers to stay home with Jackie, while Silver runs errands. When Silver returns she is shocked and happy to find Jackie and Teddy deep in game of cards, Jackie in high spirits. The next day Silver returns home and finds that Jackie has had different rooms of the house decorated for each birthday of Silver's that she missed. One room represents Silver's obsession with space travel at age 7 and another one represents Silver's period of all things 80s at 12. All courtesy of Jackie with the help of Teddy, who had interior designers come and decorate.

A dream come true for any kid, in my opinion.

They stop the tour at Silver's 10th birthday scenario which is the backyard camping party. Jackie asks about how did Silver gain her love of being terrified by horror movies, which Silver based the camping theme on. Silver explains that at the time the more scared she was the more she didn't have to focus on her problems and Jackie knows that Silver meant her. Silver tells her that it was how Jackie was never there and that she worried about Jackie's whereabouts. Jackie apologizes, but doesn't think it will amount to the hill of crap she gave Silver. But Silver says the birthday gift does help, because she was scared that if Jackie died that she wouldn't have anything good to hold onto of her and the two make up and I want to bawl like a damn baby. Jackie tells Silver that she is thrilled that to be a part of her birthday for once and the two giggle like schoolgirls.

The next morning, which is Silver's half-birthday, Silver wakes up in the tent to a call from Teddy. When she gets off the phone with him, Silver turns to wake Jackie up for the big day.

Jackie doesn't respond.

Silver shakes her mother, but Jackie doesn't budge and Silver calls the paramedics.

Oh. My. GOD!!!!

But the real slap to the face? The CW promoting next weeks episode as being about Annie and creepy ass Jasper, with NO mention of Jackie whatsoever!

What do you guys think?

Erica and Father Jack are still on the rooftop trying to process what happened (see last week's recap).  Father Jack thinks that they are the only ones who got away but Erica believes there are others.  They watch a shuttle launch from the Mothership and arrive nearby.  Father Jack wants to call the cops on his cell phone but Erica says they should do it anonymously.  She calls 911 from a payphone to report a slaughter.  The 911 operator keeps her on the phone for a couple minutes to get the details… only it's not 911 – the call was intercepted by a V.  It sends another flying spike-ball (called a "Seeker") after them.  Erica and Jack get away.  Meanwhile, the Vs clean-up the warehouse and remove all bodies and evidence.  Father Jack still thinks they should go for help but Erica insists they can't because they don't know who to trust.  Dale had been her partner for 7 years and she never suspected.  She tells Jack to go home and forget everything he saw.  And not to trust anyone.

Erica gets home near dawn.  Tyler isn't there.  She freaks.  When he comes home, she is so relieved to see him that she doesn't ground him for coming in 8 hours late.  She asks him to promise to stay away from the Vs, and he does.  Then he goes up to his room and pulls out his new uniform jacket.

Father Travis and Father Jack discuss the Vs proposal for diplomatic relations.  "Establishing relations is a good thing, we're supposed to say," the senior priest reminds Father Jack.  Also, the cops are looking for him in relation to the guy who died in the church the day before. 

Erica gets a call from her boss, Paul Kendrick, who is looking for Dale.  "Have you seen him?"  "Not since yesterday," Erica the obfuscator honestly replies. 

Ryan and Valerie cuddle in bed.  She asks him if she can take a look at his arm.  He says it isn't necessary.  When he removes the bandage, we see that the gash is pretty big and that a lot of his lizard skin is visible.

Chad reviews his interview with Anna.  He feels like he sold out but PA Haley tells him he did well.  He doesn't think so.

Anna and Marcus confer on the ship.  He is concerned because India hasn't offered diplomatic relations yet.  She tells him that once the U.S. does it, the rest of the world will fall in line.  Right now, she is concerned about Japan.  She scolds Marcus for not realizing that appearing submissive to humans is the easiest way to dominate them.

Erica arrives at work.  She moves through the office like she is walking through a mine field; everyone is now suspect as she looks at them with new eyes.  Paul tells her that Dale never made it home and that his wife is in the office looking for answers.  He ushers her into a room where a bunch of agents are waiting to talk to her.  They ask her all the usual suspect questions: when's the last time she saw him? was he acting strangely? were they having an affair?  Erica eventually acts defensive (I'd rather be out looking for my friend and partner of 7 years than standing around talking about him) and Paul comes in with the news that they've found Dale's car.

Meanwhile, FBI Agent Sarika Malik from the V Threat Assessment Joint Task Force shows up at the church to question Father Jack about the dead guy.  It seems that Dead Guy had an FBI file due to the large number of reports he filed about alien activity on earth prior to the Vs arrival.  He lies and says that Dead Guy didn't talk about the Vs.  He just seemed scared and then he died.

Erica and Paul arrive outside the warehouse.  She says she recognizes the address from a terrorist cell tip she and Dale got.  She searches his car and covertly reclaims her badge and gun which she left there before she slipped into the resistance meeting.  When Paul comes up behind her and asks if she found anything, she hands him Dale's phone, which she found in the seat.

Broadcast:  Anna thanks Japan and Mexico for their agreement to offer diplomatic relations and she hopes that Russia and the U.S. with follow their leads.

Chad watches the broadcast.  He gets the numbers from his interview.  Half the viewers are still undecided about the Vs.  He gets an idea on how to regain some of his integrity without screwing his deal with Anna.  He tells Haley that the next time, Anna will come to him.

Still lovey-dovey, Valerie tells Ryan that one of her counselling patients cancelled. Does he want to have lunch?  He'd love to but he has a meeting in Jersey.  Rain check.

Tyler and Brandon arrive at the Visitors Centre.  Lisa greets them with a smile and says she'll get Brandon to the front of the line to become a Peace Ambassador.

Father Jack ruminates.  Father Travis asks him what is wrong and Father Jack admits that he didn't tell Agent Malik that Dead Guy actually was ranting about the Vs.  He's feeling guilty.  Father Travis tells him that sensitive talks are going on now and that he should not upset the apple cart.

Erica and Paul investigate the warehouse.  There are no bodies, no blood pools, no signs at all of the slaughter that happened only hours ago.  He asks why she didn't tell him about the lead.  She reminds him that every time they got a lead on the terrorist cell, it fell through.  She didn't know who the mole was.  Perhaps Dale came to the warehouse to check it out by himself.  She gets more defensive as he continues to question her.

Marcus wants to know if the sole human they captured at the warehouse is part of the resistance that the Vs quelled several years ago.  The human is in some sort of medical half-shell.  He is hallucinating that he is covered in snakes.  He screams that he didn't know anyone else at the meeting.  Marcus doesn't recognize anyone from the Seeker tapes because they have really, really bad playback and only seem to record in infrared.  So the Vs have no more information on the resistance.

So It's Cotillion Time again in the Upper East Side. Remember the fantastic Cotillion episode from season one? Tonight's Gossip Girl matched that one and then some, but in the drama department, not the elegant part. And that little Threesome bit? That was awesome, as well.

Blair plans to be a mentor for the Cotillion, but has to face Serena, who she is still beefing with. Chuck tells her to go, because he's Chuck Bass, dammit, and probably deep down wants to see a catfight go down. Meanwhile, Serena has just been hired by Trip Vanderbilt as his publicist, despite the Congressman not needing a new publicist. Ahem…

Jenny preps for the Cotillion, but since she has missed one practice (and is not a ballet student) she has to practice extra hard. Throw in the fact that Jenny doesn't have a escort for the biggest night in a junior Upper East Sider's life, I smell a disaster right away. Jenny wanted to take a guy by the name of Graham Collins, but he doesn't know him like that. Enter Kira, who knows Graham, but is a nobody to Jenny, but she tells Eric that she can get that hook up to happen between Graham and Jenny. Eric tells Jenny, while they are on a mini truce, that he can talk Jonathan into being her escort since she can't find one. Jenny appreciates the favor, but when she leaves the area her cellphone buzzes with a text from Graham Collins saying that he is down for the escort gig, but Eric texts back as Jenny saying that she found someone already. What does lil Eric have up his sleeve?

On the Dan front, Olivia finds out that Warner Bros. have moved ahead with production of Eternal Knights 4 and want her on board. But this will put a serious crimp in Dan and Vanessa's plans for Olivia to complete the list of 15 Things Every College Student Must Do. Olivia decides to try out everything on the list with Dan and Vanessa to get the college experience that she hasbeen dreaming of before she leaves for the shoot.

Mmhmmm….

Meanwhile, Blair and Serena both show up to help with the Cotillion. Serena makes it known that Jenny is her charge for mentor ship, but Blair makes a scene about how Serena is not the one she needs since Blair was Queen Bee during her Cotillion. Serena surrenders her duties to Blair to go hang out with Trip. But Blair's job as mentor to Jenny doesn't last long , because Jenny finds out about Eric's little coup and does damage control. Kira finally gets the balls to approach Jenny, where Jenny finds out that Graham actually did contact her. When Jenny confronts Eric about it, Jonathan (who had shown up and agreed to be Jenny's date) leaves in disgust more out of Eric's treachery than Jenny's bitchery. And when Jenny finds out that she has her junior class's version of Nate Archibald willing to escort her, she ditches Blair as her mentor and commenting that Blair and Blair's headbands are "so '07″.

DAMN! Blair Waldorf, pick your face off the floor please.

Blair doesn't take this nicely and she and Eric plot sweet revenge on Her Bitchiness Jenny. First she stops by Chuck's where the annual Lost Weekend had just wrapped up. Chuck and Nate both recognize Blair's 'serene' demeanor is the equivalent of the calm before a storm. They make plans to prepare for the impending Hurricane Blair aftermath.

Serena stops by Trip's office to bring him food and to help out with his projects. The setting goes from professional to damn near sexual, but both parties halted all hormones and no one got bonked, courtesy of a text from Blair.

But the writers are setting great red herrings for the big threesome bit, don't you think?

Blair has selected Kira to be the person to bring down Jenny and take over as Queen, going as far as putting in a full overhaul of Kira's 'dowdy' looks. Kira is reluctant at first, but the thought of being Queen of Constance calms her nerves as well as being escorted by Graham Collins, courtesy of Eric.

That little runt!

As I stated above, the Cotillion doesn't hold a match to Season One's in the execution department, because it seemed as if it was done in a public banquet hall. Anyway, the drama was still there.

Jenny is happy, but it's like seeing Carrie all over again, because we know it's not going to end pretty. Eric and Blair set up the chess pieces and Nate approaches Blair with an envelope from Chuck. Blair goes to meet Mr. Bass, but meets Serena instead. Turns out that both girls got duped by Nate and Chuck and now they have to stay locked in an elevator until they make up.

While doing just that, the show wins my heart back and we see improvement. I want to hug Blair in this scene, because she realizes that its not always about her and she is a damn good friend to Serena, who reveals going to Europe to find her dad and being shut out once she got there. Serena also tells Blair about the attraction between her and Trip, which Blair rightfully says is not a good idea and that Serena needs to nip it in the bud, ASAP.

At the Cotillion, the girls are being called out to society and Jenny gets the bitch slap of her life when Kira is called out with Jenny's date. The murmurs in the crowd are scalding enough for me to even blush in embarrassment. Jenny thinks Blair did it and Eric lets her think that, but Jenny has been in the game waaaayyyy too long to just give up. She gives a call to someone she saw at the ball earlier. That person?

Nate Archibald.

When Nate appears on stage with Jenny, her stock in clout went through the roof. First of all, she has Nate Archibald. Secondly, he is a college student. Thirdly, she saved face from the most embarrassing moment in Cotillion history. It takes a lot for half of the room to not bow in awe from the weight of respect.

Even Blair and Serena are extremely impressed, but Eric is extremely pissed. Then to throw more salt on the wound, Eric gets dumped by Jonathan, who feels that Eric is no better than Jenny at this point. But Eric, nor Kira, are through with bring down Jenny Humphrey for good.

Serena makes her way to Trip's office and they both agree that they need to calm it down and Blair stops by to make sure that's what is going on.

So who had a threesome?

After drinking, partying and completing the Top 15 Things to Do Before Graduating College, the new Three Musketeers (Dan, Vanessa, and Olivia) decide to have a quiet night cap. Dan and Vanessa tell Olivia that she completed 14 out of a 15 things on the list and that she's set to leave for London. But Olivia wants to know what it was and she finds out that it is to partake in a threesome.

CHA-CHING!!!!!

Dan and Vanessa declare that they never done such a thing before and Olivia says she did it for a movie once, but that it didn'tcount. Then she instigates the boomchicka wow wow scenario by kissing Dan first, then kissing Vanessa, and then Dan kisses Vanessa and it's all she wrote.

As the three lay blissfully in bed together, Olivia's phone starts buzzing with a text from KC saying that the director backed out the movie again and the movie is not going to happen.

Uh-Oh!

And the last scene of the night involves Lily finding a card/letter from Dr. van der Woodsen, Serena's father.

Did NOT see that coming!!!!!

Bizarre Love Triangle

- So I take back some of what I said in the letter from last week, because THIS is Gossip Girl!

- Jenny's saving grace? Classic.

- Blair being an adult. Boy, Christmas ran early on that one!

- Is Dr. van der Woodsen back in the picture? Let's hope so.

- The threesome? Tame at best and the PTC should be ashamed of screaming "fire!" in a building that isn't on fire and causing panic. I wonder how they will look in the morning…

Your thoughts?

Previously on Mad Men:  Betty and Henry have a thing for each other, Roger and Joan had a thing for each other, Don had a thing where he was Dick Whitman, Roger's daughter Margaret hates Jane just like the rest of us and doesn't want her at her wedding, Peggy and Duck grossed us out, and Pryce made Pete and Ken dualing heads of accounts.

Pete is sleeping on his office couch in his coat.  His secretary delivers him some hot cocoa, also wearing her coat.  He takes it, but complains it's not made with milk, and that it's colder in there than outside.  Careful, he might shoot you with that gun he still has propped in the corner.  Or maybe that's a subtle visual cue of later events. He catches himself and apologizes for his rudeness, and they agree the building maintenance will fix the heat.  He heads off to meet with Pryce.

Pryce is sipping some tea.  He greets him, then gets right down to business:  Ken is Senior Vice President in charge of account services, and Pete will be head of account management.  I guess some things never change since those titles and nearly as indecipherable as their modern counterparts.  Pete is disappointed, but doesn't throw a hissy fit – at least not in front of Pryce.

Pete heads back to his office, glaring at Ken along the way.  He grabs his briefcase, growls that he doesn't feel well, and leaves for the day.

Peggy and her roommate (who we saw once and are only just seeing again, so if you're confused, don't worry), are coming back from lunch.  Karen, the roommate, doesn't like Duck, and doesn't understand why Peggy is bothering if he's married.  Pete gets off the elevator as Peggy gets on.

Randy Dancik appears to be another man who is lying to his wife about being on a business trip when he is really getting down to business with his mistress but it turns out he is a good guy who is surprising his wife for their anniversary.  He gets the card written and the roses arranged and the candles lit but keeps getting distracted by lights in the hall going on and off and the television losing reception.  Finally he catches a glimpse of shadow, a glimpse that terrifies him.

Soon-to-be-very-surprised Natalie arrives home and spots all the prep work.  She's impressed.  She goes into the living room and sees Randy sitting on a chair.  When he doesn't respond to her compliments, she touches his arm.  And he crumbles into a pile of ash.

Broyles is sitting alone in a fancy restaurant when he notices a boy at the next table mimicking his every move.   He plays peek-a-boo with a file and the boy does the same with his menu.  When the boy is hiding, Broyles gets a call.  By the time the boy looks up again, Broyles pulls a Keyser Soze vanishing act.

Walter, Peter and Olivia are on scene.  Walter observes that Randy reminds him of a Christmas log because they burn so hot and so fast that they retain their shapes.  Then he mentions genitals again.  (Question – an obsession for Walter that will actually end up being a plot point or a cheap way to sex up a show where everyone keeps his/her clothes on?)  They discuss spontaneous combustion as a source of the fire and dismiss the idea right away because none of the chair was burned.  Walter informs them that he's going to need several vacuum cleaners to get the body back to the lab.    I was surprised that no one suggested using hairspray or something to try to solidify the pieces that remained but then I remembered that CSI was on a different station at this time.

Broyles arrives and his first question is a weird one.  Had the man been in a hospital in the last 24 hours?  Olivia doesn't know but she can find out. 

Broyles has seen this before.  Four years ago, five people died in a similar fashion.  The Eastern European killer called Broyles and gave him a formula; if he could solve the formula, the killings would stop.  Broyles, the FBI, and the CDC couldn't solve them.  There were two more victims and then the killings stopped.  Until now.

At Latchmere General Hospital, the Shadow (who is the Shadow?  Only the Shadow knows… right now)  slips past a nurse and goes down the hall.  Broyles and Olivia ask the administrator for a list of Eastern European employees.

So we learned a lot of stuff about our characters tonight on Stargate Universe and I have to say that it was best offering yet. Of course, some of the sci-fi action types might beg to differ, but this is a character based show and we finally got some depth on the characters we are growing to love (or hate in some opinions) and I felt like I got a feast tonight. How about you?

Dirty, Dirty Colonel!!!

We opened tonight with what looked like Young getting a routine check up from TJ, but he comes on to her saying that he is sorry and never meant to hurt her. TJ passionately kisses him and he kisses back.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Col. Young wakes up and realizes that he is late for a meeting. He and Camile use the Ancient Communication Stones to contact Earth. Once there, Lt. Gen. O'Neill (guest star Richard Dean Anderson) reveals that he set a team up to get the Icarus Base survivors back home to Earth.

Hmmm….

The Dilemma of the Week? Col. Telford… and the Crackpot Idea of Going Home

While discussing the plan, which is vaguely explained at first, Col. Young and Camile voice concern on if the plan may work. The scientist who gives the overview says that it is worth a shot, and Telford adds that with the state of the ship and how everything is being handled on the Destiny, the execution of the plan is a must. This coming from a man who has probablyclocked about 10-15 hours tops on the Destiny. Can you sense the disdain I have for Telford?

Col. Young says that he wants to discuss the plan with the people on the Destiny, but Jack O'Neill has a private conference with him stating that he is not asking for Young's permission on the subject and that it's a direct order. He also says for Young to don't worry about the science in the plan and that Young is in command of the ship and shouldn't have to explain anything to the civilians. I don't know about that last one, Jack, especially if it involves me possibly losing my life if I was on the ship. Young stays firm with his decision, no matter what they do with him.

Meanwhile, Camile talks to Carl Storm (guest star Carlo Rota, 24), who is the head of the International Oversight Advisory (IOA) and Camile's superior. He tries to sweet talk Camile, but she sees through his "concern" and asks what does he really want. He asks for her to make the plan happen, because they could replicate the technology to dial the Destiny on a ship in our galaxy without using an Icarus like energy source to do so. Camile asks Carl why isn't Rush involved in this decision and he says what I and everyone else has felt all along: Rush doesn't want to come back. At least they think this. Carl also says this could be a career bump for  Camile if she does it, which is what this heifer is all about.

The Plan, which Rush is Against

Thanks to Eli and the other characters, the plan is laid out to us. If I mess up in explaining this plan, PLEASE correct me in the comment section and I will add it in. I'm serious.

But the plan is as follows, SG Command feels that they can use the ship as a conduit to draw enough energy from a star while the Destiny powers up, which in theory could help juice the Stargate to have enough power to dial back to Earth. But the next time they could come across a star is months from now since the ship just replenished. Brody and Riley throw in the last vague part of the plan which is draining the power, but how to achieve that goal is the problem.

Rush is against the idea and Young and Camile try to convince him otherwise, but Rush's ego about the science aspect of the plan serves as the base and he is not stepping down from it.

The Fantastic Voyage Home and The Quest For Male Dominence

Chloe, Eli and Young uses the communication stones again, with this being Eli's first go at it. Riley assures him that the only way that an connection can be severed is if someone turns off the base of the machine. With Riley going into detail to explain the usage of stones, I can't help but foreshadow a screw up or glitch later. It's a given rule.

Telford and the two scientists, McCormick and Williams, working on the plan appear on the Destiny and Telford immediately lets Rush and Scott know that he is in charge now and is implementing a rescue plan. I officially dub Telford as Stargate Universe's Buzz Killington. Anyone agree with me?

And Telford's first order of business? Locking up Greer in isolation. Yep. Buzz Killington all right.

On Earth, Jack explains to Young why he ordered the command change, which he cites being Young not really wanting the command of the expedition. Young tells Eli and Chloe the issue at hand, which is that if they screw up the plan on the Destiny, they will die there and that SG Command has given them the chance to visit their families.

Back on the Destiny, Williams, Telford, and Camile explain the plan to the survivors, who are all looking mighty worried. Rush on the other hand is pissed beyond comprehension. Telford later tries to reason with Rush, but Rush still thinks that Telford is making a huge mistake. He explains that with the master code still locked that they can't access many areas of the Destiny or their functions, which include navigation, propulsion, all the basic essentials in controlling a starship. In other words, if Telford and clan screws up, they might can't stop the ship from blowing up. Telford reveals that they plan on draining the power of the ship by firing the weapons, which Rush says can rupture and blow the ship up since some of the power conduits are screwed and can't be reached for repair. Telford tells Rush that they are working on it and I wonder if Telford paid attention to anything Rush said and processed it r if he just hummed a tune in his head until Rush finished.

Eli and Chloe try to deal with their respective visits home. With Chloe, she talks to her mother about how she is still adjusting to the death of her father and so on. But Eli takes a different approach. He lies to his mother and says his name is "Philip Fry" (HA!), a colleague of Eli's. Eli's mother buys it, but Eli fumbles over his words several times, especially when his mother reveals that she is proud of him and wants "Philip" to let Eli knows that.

Back on the ship, Brody and Riley repair leaks in the space suits, while Telford bullies Rush into testing the weapons systems, which Williams says that they reverted all 40% of the power to the weapons systems to test the power drain. Rush argues that he wants manual confirmation before he sets something off. Telford says that he is stalling and to get to work. Meanwhile, Riley and Brody see a coolant leak, which they thought they had just fixed. Riley goes in to fix the leak and is shot across the room and is severely injured.

After the incident, Telford says they will continue with the plan as scheduled, despite Rush's warnings. We learn that Telford never wanted Rush on the expedition and that people feel that Rush is not stable for the job. But Telford says that once Rush gets back to Earth, that SG Command will not let him come back in light of everything that has happened.

On Earth, Eli and Chloe decide to hang out with Chloe's friends at a concert, with Chloe posing as her cousin for cover. Young goes and visits his wife Emily, who doesn't want to see him, but Young is adamant. He tells her that he is sorry that he left her and that he wants to be with her in his own body. She relents and falls into his arms crying.

At the said concert, which is of Janelle Monae, Eli is having fun having girls checking him out in Williams body. But I am distracted by Janelle Monae, who looks (and acts) like a female Andre 3000, all the way down to the music. I have heard of her before, but this performance is no "Hey Ya!" and is slightly annoying. Anyway, Chloe finds out that her best friend has snagged her boyfriend while she's been away and that one of her 'friends' is only concerned about his connections on Wall Street via her father. Pretty much life sucks back home for Chloe. Then to add more drama on the plate, her best friend approaches her saying that she needs to talk to Chloe about a lot of things and Chloe looses it and attacks her friend. I bet that Chloe has whooped a many ass in her day.

Now this is when things get weird and just plain wrong…

While Young is having make up sex with his wife, there is a glitch in the communications systems due to the drop out of FTL. Yes, Telford awoke back in his body while Emily was giving him the business, but he returns back after they finish, all in a succession of seconds. While the switcheroos were happening, Young told Scott to shut down the devices, but Telford returns and says that he is command now and to leave the stones on. I can only imagine what was going on in the heads of Young and Telford. Talk about the worst time for a glitch to happen!

Back at the concert, Eli is loving his newfound attention, but Chloe is drunk and is ready to beat her friend Selena's ass. She eventually gets sick and is ready to go. While they are in the car, Chloe breaks down talking about how her life used to be shallow before she started working for her father. Eli is still on his high about the female attention, but Chloe bursts his bubble by saying that the girl wasn't actually looking at 'him'. She then drunkenly kisses Eli, before giving him the Kiss of Death to men everywhere by saying that Eli is a good friend. Game, set, match, Eli.

On the Destiny, Camile tells Rush that people are behind the plan, but thinks it would be safer if Rush was involved. Then they see the cannons being fired and I wonder if that ship that was tracking them is still n their trail? I ask, because the cannon fire could've been seen as a threat and a war could have started.

Greer talks to Scott about shutting down the communication stones, but Scott says he can't because Telford has guards posted 24/7. But do they have guards posted near the Earth communication stones is my question.

Telford finds Rush at the Stargate console, where Rush tells him that he will help them. Telford is pleased.

Back at the Youngs' residence, Young and Emily have dinner and a drink and Emily says that she was worried about him being on the ship with her, with 'her' having to be TJ, knocking my theory of TJ sleeping with Camile soooooo off base. While she continues her explanation, another glitch happens when the Destiny drops out of FTL. The glitch is like five to ten seconds tops and it happens again to Chloe and Eli.

The Destiny approaches another star to regenerate and Williams and McCormick starts dialing the Stargate. The survivors all pile up in the Gate Room and the gate starts acting up, shooting  lightening and screwing with the shields. The gate gets so unstable that Williams tells Telford that they need to shut it down.Telford relents, but the shut down sequence won't work.

Then Telford, McCormick, and Williams make a run for it!!!!!

GET THE FRAK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!

Scott calls out to them, but they are gone. Brody takes one look at Rush and follows the three turncoats. Scott runs to Rush and demands that he does something. Rush picks up his walkie-talkie and gets confirmation that Telford and friends were gone.

Then he shuts down the staged production of the ship exploding.

"What?" is the look on everyone's face, including mine.

Rush calls attention to everyone and tells them that they will not be going home today and that they will not die. Camile and TJ declare that he faked the whole thing to get rid of Telford, and Rush says it had to be done and that they would have indeed died if he had not of put in some safety protocols. Scott argues that Rush should have warned them, but Rush replies that he didn't know who was on his side and who he could have trusted. So on the fence with this one…

Conclusions – Telford is a Frakking Bastard!!!!

Back at the Pentagon on Earth, Young debriefs the officials on the cowardly carelessness of Telford and the two scientists, stating that Telford ran leaving no command and taking the two people who were responsible for the catastrophe. Carl states that there was no point in losing three lives if they didn't have to and the look on Jack face shows that he either disagreed with that statement or was appalled that Carl could be so heartless. I'm going with both. After Jack 'defends' that Telford was following orders, Young only asks that personal visits by all the survivors be made possible. Carl says that "it depends", but Jack grants the request.

What the hell happened to the leadership within the SGC since we last saw them? Surely, they haven't completely morphed into power hungry mongrels who think that SG teams (and civilians) are expendable assets in the name of science?

The show closes with Young giving everybody the "Live Together, Die Alone" speech on survival. Eli rewatches the speech from the Kino when Young approaches him, asking for Eli to go over the data and to see if Rush is hiding anything.

Back on Earth, Emily hears a knock at the door and answers it to find Telford standing on the other side. I got two theories for this one: A) Telford is going to act as if  he is Young and Emily will not have a clue or B) Telford and Emily are already fooling around.

What's your assumption?

Kino Vision

- Young gives the 'Live Together, Die Alone' speech with everyone in attendance. I would love to see this in its entirety.

Observations

- Telford is a frakking idiot and I can't stand him. I would have understood if he was just trying to help out with the situation, but was going about it the wrong way. But as soon as he put Greer back in lockdown, I knew this was a personal mission to him and that he wanted control from gate. To be  honest, I trust Rush more than I do Telford and you guys know I can't stand Rush that much. I don't know if Telford and Young have beef between them prior the Icarus Base incident, but this is not the time, place, or situation to be playing with people's lives in order to settle an old score. But if Telford is/has gotten with Emily then I think he has done the worst thing possible to Young, and if he hasn't, then Telford will have that dirt squared off in no time.

- So Eli has been branded "the friend". So much for that love triangle, but I give Scott a few more weeks before he finds another flavor of the moment honey and Chloe will be puddy in Eli's arms in a second.

- Rush. What can I say? I am really on the fence about his actions the last two weeks and I am still on teeter and no where near selecting a side. Would the gate had of worked of Rush hadn't put on the theatrics? I doubt it, because the two scientists couldn't have possibly gotten a lot of information in the short amount of time there or back on Earth with the random debriefings from Young, who we all know doesn't know crap about the science of the Stargates. Am I saying that Rush completely knows what he is doing? No. But I would trust the person who has been on the problem from Day One than someone who has come in on a hunch.

Enough of my rants, what do you guys have to say?

This week's hijinks begin with the Winchesters investigating a "bear attack" in Wellington, Ohio. An interview with the victim's wife reveals that the attacker was not a bear, but the Incredible Hulk (the Lou Ferrigno version). Sam finds candy wrappers at the crime scene, and it seems the victim was quite a hothead himself and thus received his just desserts. The situation reeks of the Trickster (in case you weren't paying attention during the 'Then' section five minutes ago). Sam, being of the utilitarian sort, wants to ally with it. Presumably because he doesn't want to wake up to 'Heat of the Moment' every day for the rest of eternity. Dean, having been killed upwards of a thousand times by the damned thing, is understandably skeptical. The boys hear an emergency call over their police scanner and head out to an abandoned warehouse to check it out. They bust through the door and…

… walk straight into Dr. Sexy, MD, a Grey's Anatomy-esque soap, complete with emo music and Denny knockoff. (Sam: "This show has ghosts? Wow.") Turns out, Dean's secretly a fan and goes into fanboy mode when Dr. Sexy walks up and starts grilling him. Fanboy!Dean then deduces that it's not the real Dr. Sexy because he's wearing tennis shoes and not cowboy boots. Honestly, if my doctor walked in wearing cowboy boots with his scrubs, I would probably run screaming in the other direction, but whatever. Surprise, surprise, Dr. Sexy is the Trickster. The Winchester boys have to survive the next twenty four hours trapped in TV Land, and then they can chat with the Trickster about the goddamned Apocalypse. Whoo hoo! Or not.

As the boys walk down the hospital corridor, Dean refuses medical treatment (specifically a facial transplant… hee) to some sketchy looking dude and consequently ends up shot in the back. He wakes up face down on the operating table, Sam looming over him with a scalpel in hand and no freakin' clue what he's doing. On my list of Winchester Boy Fantasies, that particular scenario is down towards the bottom. Poor Dean. Sam finally asks the nurse for a pen knife, dental floss, sewing needle, and a fifth of whiskey. HOMG. It's moments like this that remind me why I still bother watching this show despite all the Issues I have with it. The guys' childhoods were so fucked up, and their concept of "normal" is so far removed from the rest of the world. Yet they've dealt with it in a way that conforms to the logic of their own universe and they just accept it as the way things are. But then we get occasional juxtapositions like this one, to the way that things should be. It's very striking in the sense that it makes me both pity them and be proud that despite John, the YED, and all the other crap that they've gone though, Sam and Dean are more or less functional adults.

Crap, where was I? Ah, yes. As soon as Sam gets Dean stitched up, they're transported to a Japanese game show called 'Nutcracker.' I have no idea if this is an actual show, but if it is, all I can think is, "God. There's got to be a lawsuit in there somewhere." The guys have to answer questions about their history ("Sam, what was the name of the of the demon you chose over your brother?" I believe the appropriate answer to that question is "Lalala never happened!") Sam gets his nuts cracked before they figure out they have to "play the game." Castiel bursts in and blabbers that he can't get them out of TV Land before the Trickster zaps him out. ("Mr. Trickster doesn't like pretty boy angels." Snerk. No comment.)

Aaaand then Sam's zapped to a genital herpes commercial. It's awkward and hilarious and generally awesome.

Then the boys get zapped to a sitcom (which was actually where the episode started and then it did that whole "two days earlier" thing and had cheesy credits and everything) where Dean eats Dagwood-esque sandwiches, sleeps with ridiculously hot women, and he and Sam gleefully ride a tandem bicycle and play football. I can has this show, plz? Castiel storms back in to rescue the boys and gets his ass kicked again. But not before he can tell the boys that the Trickster is much more powerful than he should be. Yes, Castiel. I think Fandom has been complaining about that for a while. You should read the boards occasionally. The Trickster then preaches about the moral of this little exercise: he wants Sam and Dean to play their roles in the real world as well — as the vessels for Lucifer and Michael. Dean asks him what side he's playing on and the Trickster gets pissy — apparently, he's not on anyone's side. If the guys don't play their roles, they're gonna be stuck in TV Land forever. I… am not seeing a problem here.

So. The boys are thrown int CSI Miami. Dean rants about procedural cop shows while Sam spots a lollypop-sucking cop (say that three times fast) and decides they have to make with the David Caruso. It's painfully cheesy and is exactly the reason why I can't watch CSI Miami. Sam distracts Lollypop Cop long enough for Dean to impale him with a wooden stake. Except it's not the Trickster. Whoops. The Trickster, who was actually ANOTHER cop, transforms back and taunts that they got the wrong guy. "Did we?" Dean asks, and Sam jams himn i the back with a wooden stake. The TV show atmosphere flitters away and they're back in the warehouse with a dead Trickster on the floor. All seems to be well, yes? Except we've still got, like, twenty minutes left.

Castiel is still missing and once Dean gets back to the motel, he can't find Sam. Until the Impala's goes all KITT and starts talking. ("I don't think we killed the Trickster.") Out of ideas, Dean and Sampala go to the site of the bear attack and Dean goes rooting around in Sam's trunk ("Dean, um… that feels really uncomfortable."). Seemingly defeated, Dean cries Uncle. The Trickster shows up and changes Sam back. Except Dean flips his lighter and BOOOSH! Fiery Angel Trap Circle ahoy! And then they're back in the warehouse! Long story short, the Trickster is Gabriel. Has been all along. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's like… slightly blasphemous? It also stinks of retcon. And believe me, I sat through five seasons of 'Alias' — I know retcon when I see it. Apparently, "Daddy" (a.k.a. "God") doesn't care. "I have to sit back and watch my brothers kill each other thanks to you two," Gabriel/Trickster complains. He just wants it to be over. This whole Apocalypse business apparently isn't about a war, it's about two brothers who loved each other and betrayed each other. And a father who was too concerned with Cuervo and crazy conspiracy theories to make sure his kids had enough Lucky Charms. Oh, wait. Bottom line: one of 'em's gonna have to kill the other. DESTINY SAYS SO.

[Not-so-random aside: OMG THE ANVILS STOP IT WITH THE DESTINY CRAP. I was loving this episode up until this point, which is saying a lot. For me. Argh.]

When Dean threatens to deep-fry Gabriel/Trickster, Castiel is returned, only a little worse for the wear. Just before the Intrepid Heroes leave, Dean tells Gabriel/Trickster, "This is about you being too afraid of standing up to your family." Which would be a nice thematic callback to Season One if I wasn't so pissed about the Gabriel business right now. Dean pulls the fire alarm before he leaves so that Gabriel/Trickster won't be stuck in the flaming circle forever. Outside, Dean questions the validity of the Trickster's DESTINY intel, but Sam pretty much brushes it off. Dean says he wishes he was back in a TV show (hahaha, not), and they drive off.

Man, there was so much brotherly goodness here, and I was on board and actually enjoying the meta for once until they went an retconned the Trickster. It was less, "Oh! That makes sense now," and more "Uh… *scratches head*… I feel slightly used/cheated here." Mostly because Loki/Trickster lore is such a big chunk of mythology and I was excited when it was used in 'Tall Tales' (even though I wasn't a huge fan of the episode itself, mostly due to its timing). I may be painting in overly broad strokes here, but there seems to be something fundamentally disturbing about shoving that lore aside and replacing it with Angel fairy dust. Especially Gabriel. I'm not sure how Kripke's making that particular world view work for this "character," because I'm just not seeing it. Even if Kripke's playing fast and loose with 'Paradise Lost,' Gabriel was the one who expelled Satan from the Garden of Eden and the two nearly did battle, until God intervened. Not exactly an independent thinker, you know? That being said, definitely one of the stronger episodes this season.

Damon has officially went rogue on my "Ish List" as the diabolical bastard I would love to stake. Sure, he's interesting when it comes to plot and story, but he has entered the "Love To Hate" pile for TV characters after tonight's events.

A Blast From The Past

Stefan is shocked to find that his old vamp buddy Lexi (guest star Arielle Kebbel, "Gilmore Girls", John Tucker Must Die!) shows up to celebrate Stefan's 162th birthday. She is a bubbly vamp and seems to take up the same ideals as Stefan. In short, I'm in love. But is it me or does it look like something is wrong with Arielle Kebbel's face? She doesn't look the same to me. Anyway…

Let me list the reasons why I love Lexi: 1), she hates Katherine, 2) she hates Damon even more and 3) she gave us an answer about the rings the Salvatore brothers wear, which was that the Salvatores are the only two who have them and that no other vamp can use them. Hmmm… Can we get a spin-off?

Later while Lexi is sleeping, Damon slips up on her and you can practically hear Lexi's skin crawl at the sight of him. Damon flirts profusely with her and she is near vomit territory, but when he reaches for her Lexi swiftly pins him down by his neck. She tells Damon to not screw up the time she has with Stefan or she will make him regret it. Plus, did I mention that she's stronger than Damon?!?!

Lexi also wants to know why is Stefan staying in Mystic Falls, especially after the townsfolk is up on vamp activity. Stefan says one thing is keeping him and her name is Elena. Lexi hopes that Stefan learned his lesson with Katherine, but if she only knew that he slightly hasn't.

Mystic Falls' Finest

Meanwhile, Jeremy, Elena, Stefan and Matt are all questioned by Sheriff Forbes about the whereabouts of Vicki. Jeremy says that she is gone and he thinks it's for the best (come again?), while the others say that Vicki was wigging out and coming off an extreme high. Matt thinks that Vicki is basically like his mom and will constantly duck out, but seriously Matt she's not coming back.

After the interrogations, Elena tells Stefan that she can't keep lying to her brother and friends and feels that she can't be around him anymore. Damn, Elena, on his birthday? Especially after you told him that you could deal with everything the night before?

Later Damon shows up to Sheriff Forbes office with a box of vervain and Forbes lets slip that the Founders, a couple of city officials and her deputies are the ones who know about the vamp activity.  But Damon also finds out that the group has figured out that the vamp perp walks during the daylight and Damon is not too happy about the Sheriff using her head.

He cooks up a plan…

Meanwhile, Elena and Jenna are shocked that Jeremy has taken the turn for the better as he is doing homework and is being very serious about it. Hmmm…

The Bewitching Hour

How I love Bonnie! Let me count the ways…

Bonnie packs up her stuff because her dad doesn't take too kindly to her staying at Grams, who has to be his mother. He doesn't believe in the witchcraft stuff and doesn't want Grams putting it in Bonnie's head. Bonnie declares that she has to give back the necklace to Caroline, but Grams says that is Bonnie's necklace and it found its way back to her. Grams also tells Bonnie that should wear it all times, because it is a powerful weapon.

Bonnie then makes her way to see Elena, who is upset about her breakup with Stefan. To cheer up Elena, Bonnie decides to show off her newfound powers and Elena is wowed. Bonnie asks Elena if she thinks she is weird and I think that's the understatement on the year. Elena asks why did Bonnie tell her about her powers if Grams told her to keep it a secret. Bonnie simply replies that Elena is her best friend and that she can't keep secrets from her.

Hmmm… Oh is that guilt that just walked in, Elena?

Meanwhile, Damon bumps into Caroline, who talks smack until Damon lays the gaze on her. She then becomes Damon's slave again and he tells her that she will throw a party at the Mystic Grill and she will retrieve his necklace no matter if she has to snatch it off of Bonnie's neck. Not going to be an easy feat, guys.

Don't Be Tardy For The Party (Yes, I Went There…)

While Stefan talks about Elena to Lexi, who tells him that his vamp sex would win her over, we learn more about dear Lexi. She carries packs of human blood as if they are Capri Sun packs and that she couldn't do the animal diet (it lasted three weeks). Damon enters with news of the party, which is in celebration of Stefan's birthday and the fact that they really need to blend in with the town folk. Stefan doesn't want to go, but Lexi says that they should. Besides, it is his birthday. But Stefan knows his brother and thinks something is up.

Elena stops by and sees Lexi, who would've pissed her pants if she could after seeing Elena is a split image of Katherine. Elena, thinking that Lexi is Stefan's rebound, leaves and Lexi confronts Stefan about his obsession with Katherine. She thinks that Elena could be of some relation, but Stefan doesn't want to think about any ties between Katherine and Elena sans their looks. He then explains his feelings about Elena and Lexi sees the love that Stefan feels for Elena.

Stefan later stops by Elena's and clears the confusion about Lexi's role in his life and that she's a vampire. Elena tells him that she can't talk to anyone and that's her problem, because she can only talk to him about these things and its killing her. Stefan tells Elena that he will always be there for her before asking her to go to the party. Elena decides to stay home.

Dead Man's Party

Damon blows off Caroline when he sees she doesn't have the necklace. Lexi blows off Damon for attempting to talk to her. Caroline approaches Bonnie and asks for the necklace back, but Bonnie is not budging so Caroline reaches to snatch it and it shocks her!!! Bonnie is furious that Caroline would try to take the necklace and angrily walks away. Damon approaches and asks Caroline if she go the necklace and when she says no and why, he calls her stupid, shallow, and useless. OUCH! Later, Bonnie tries to explain to Caroline what's going on, but Caroline is too hurt by Damon's brush off that she berates Bonnie for her insolence as a friend.

Damon then goes outside and sees a teen couple making out. He attacks and kills the boy and glamours the girl.

Elena actually shows up at the party and she sees Stefan having a great time with Lexi. Damon slips in to flirt, but Elena wants to know what did he do to Jeremy and he says he took away his suffering. Deep…

Lexi approaches Elena later and tells her how much Stefan loves her and she has to give him time. Lexi reveals that she too had a human lover and she went through the same thing when she told him her vamp status. In the end, Lexi says love conquers all and that Elena is there because she loves Stefan and they both know it. Lexi then returns back to Stefan and he says thank you, which means he heard the whole thing.

Meanwhile, the police find the dead kid's body and finds his girlfriend cowering in fear.

Now, this is where my local affiliate had a glass of motor oil or something, because the skipped bits and pieces. All I know is that Elena and Stefan made up and Caroline drunkenly asks Matt is she is a shallow "kiddie pool", which Matt says she's not before taking her home. Sheriff Forbes is none too happy about her daughter's drunken state and orders that no one else leaves the bar.

Inside the bar, Lexi's curiosity gets the best of her and she asks Damon why did he come back to Mystic Falls and he says,"Because he has a diabolical plan."

Uh-Oh…

As soon as this is said, Sheriff Forbes walks the traumatized girl into the bar and asks her who attacked her. The girl points in the direction of Damon and when the Sheriff approaches Damon and Lexi, she injects Lexi with a dose of vervain.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Lexi goes into a drunken stupor as two deputies take her out, while Stefan and Elena watch in concerned horror. The deputy guarding the front door tells them that they can't leave so they take a different route to get to Lexi. Outside, Lexie awakes and throws the deputies away like rag dolls, while she vamps out. Sheriff Forbes goes for her gun and shoots several bullets into an unphased Lexi, who keeps coming. Stefan and Elena run to help, but then Damon steps in front of Lexi and STAKES HER!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! KILL HIM NOW!!!!!!

Lexi looks on and asks why and Damon says its all a part of his diabolical plan. He then pushes the stake deeper and Lexi dies.

Sniff. Tear. Matches. Blowtorch!

Again my affiliate cuts in when Matt lays Caroline to bed and she asks that he not leave. What was said before that I don't know. But back at the Grill, Stefan is pissed and is ready to rid himself of a sibling, but Elena doesn't want him to do so, because it's what Damon wants.

When Stefan makes it back to his house, he and Damon have a good ole fashioned smackdown. Damon declares he did it to get the trail off of them, but Damon isn't buying it and STAKES DAMON!

But unfortunately, it doesn't kill the bastard. He did it to tell Damon that he is not far from killing him if need be, but the only reason he spared him is because Damon saved his life and now they are even.

Huh?

The final shot of the night is of Bonnie having nightmares of her running through the forest from some dark figure. She falls in common horror movie fashion and bumps into her ancestor (guest star Bianca Lawson), who tells Bonnie "It's coming."

What's coming?!?

Bonnie then wakes up, but not in her bed. She is in the forest surrounded by tombstones and what looks like the remains of a church.

WHAT??!?!?!

Observations

- LEXI!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! The first new vamp gets dusted before she can show what she can do! I miss her already! Lexi had great chemistry and I could see her as a mainstay; someone who could be Damon's foil and Stefan's partner in crime and maybe a love interest for Jeremy or Matt. She brought great mythology to the show and gave us a lot of damn questions to ponder. I'm still speechless on Lexi… Moving on for now…

- Burn, maim, decapitate, and stake Damon. Nuff said.

- I'm sorry but Bonnie needs her own damn spin-off so she can save herself from ending up on death watch.  I wonder if no one can touch the necklace while it's on Bonnie or if they can't touch it because they are vamps and/or are under a vamp's spell. Questions, questions, but one thing is for sure: the Bennett women are sexy goddesses. Sweet LORD!!!!

- What did Damon do to Jeremy? Did he instill the kid some wisdom for him to stop being a pain in Elena's (and the audience's) back?

There might be other observations, but I am drained, upset, and mad that we have to wait another week for more TVD. How about you?

Tonight on The Mentalist, "Black Gold and Red Blood", Patrick Jane (Simon Baker) once again defies people's expectations. After Agent Bosco (Terry Kinney) discovers the bug that Jane planted in his office, he has Jane arrested. As usual, Jane isn't remorseful in the least bit and doesn't seem to be all that fearful about jail time. Turning down Bosco's deal to quit the CBI, Jane heads off to the penitentiary. Not considering himself a cop, Jane refuses protective custody and gets put in with the general population.

Once we get a look at Jane's murderer roommate, if we weren't already thinking it, we get the idea Jane may have made a serious error. After all, Jane is very pretty and not at all violent, which is not the best combination in prison. Though Jane makes friends with his cellmate with a little psychotherapy, he realizes he may have been a bit naive when his cellmate informs him everyone knows he's a cop.

Of course, though Jane is pretty and non-violent, we forgot that he's also a little crazy. With absolute fearlessness, Jane confronts the other prisoners head-on where he both confuses and seduces them with his usual "psychic" charm. It's not long before he's playing cards with the top dog, and offering him hypnosis to get rid of his drug problem.

Meanwhile, back at the CBI headquarters, Rigsby (Owain Yeoman) and Cho (Tim Kang) try to appeal to Bosco to let Jane go. When that fails, they join Van Pelt (Amanda Righetti) in urging Lisbon (Robin Tunney) to use her influence over Bosco. Lisbon denies having any sway over Bosco, despite her team's assurances that he's in love with her.

The CBI's case in "Black Gold and Red Blood" involves two feuding families, both with claims on a patch of land that can be drilled for millions worth of oil. The Hines family, a modern day Romeo and Juliet joining of the two families, reside on the disputed property. When the husband turns up dead from a gunshot wound, the CBI are called in to investigate.

Jane is at the crime scene, and meets all the players before his arrest. The team interviews the victim's wife Donna Hines (Erin Cahill), her father Dooley Gerber (William Russ) and step-mother Sandrine (Ashley Jones). After the victims' father pulls a knife on the Gerber family at the crime scene, they pull him in for questioning. A "freedom" fantatic, he tells Cho about the oil and blames the Gerber family and the corrupt government for his son's death.

While Lisbon is hoping Jane is learning a lesson from his stint in jail, Jane is simply up to his old tricks. Cho brings him a file on the case, including the victim's journal that contains numbers and names, and an entry of "Vultures!" After an idle vulture factoid from his new inmate pal gets him thinking, Jane calls Cho and asks if he can interview Donna Hines' brother. When Cho declines, Jane takes a different tactic. He phones Roddy Gerber (Eric Laden) ahead of Rigsby's visit, riling him up so he'll punch Rigsby when he arrives. Rigsby arrests him, so he ends up in the same ward as Jane.

Jane discovers from Roddy that his hunch was correct. Hines had discovered endangered species turkey vultures on the property–which would have meant it was protected land and couldn't be drilled. Roddy beat Hines up to get the location of the birds, so he could kill them, but he claims no involvement in Hines' death.

Jane then asks Lisbon to visit him so they can be in the visiting room when Roddy's father visits. Questioning Dooley, Jane is surprised to find that he seems innocent of the crime as well. Lisbon is frustrated that Jane is still up to his usual antics and doesn't seem to have learned a thing in prison.

What she doesn't know is he's about to go even further. Determined to break the case himself, Jane feigns illness and takes advantage of a guard's fear of mice to escape prison. He heads over to the Hines' farm and confronts the family, after phoning Bosco to let him know where he is. He shocks Donna and her father with the revelation that her husband was having an affair with Dooley's wife Sandrine–evidenced by her glitter makeup turning up on both men. Hines wanted to break off the affair and confess it all to his wife. Sandrine demanded he keep quiet, and when he refused, she shot and killed him.

The police arrive just in time to arrest both Jane and Sandrine, who can't believe she was frightened into a confession by a wanted man. Back at CBI, Bosco tells Lisbon that Jane's sentence will now be even longer. Outraged by Bosco's stubborness, Lisbon insists he drop the charges. Her influence over him seems to be blackmail, however, for whatever happened when they worked together 8 years ago. Bosco is stunned that Lisbon would risk both their careers on Jane, and he relents.

Back at headquarters, Jane thanks Lisbon for getting him out. He guesses that she had something on him, perhaps because he killed a criminal and she kept quiet about it. Lisbon denies it, but looks very uncomfortable. Jane seems almost as surprised as Bosco that she cashed that chip in for him. Lisbon hopes that her sacrifice might make him temper his behavior in the future, but Jane just laughs it off with his trademark grin. But we know he realizes what a big moment this is, what she's done for him. We also didn't miss his throaway line about how lovable Lisbon is, and she didn't miss it either.

Read all the TVOvermind The Mentalist Recaps.

Watch The Mentalist on CBS, Thursday nights at 10/9c.

PHOTO: Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, The Mentalist "Black Gold and Red Blood" screencaps, c2009 Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS.

Can the future be changed?  That is the ultimate question that runs through nearly every episode of this show since the premiere.  Mark and Olivia desperately want to avoid their futures, while Aaron doesn't.  Demetri is accepting of his death, but must also have some yearning to avoid his bleak fate.

The answer is that you CAN change the future, and we learn that in the worst possible way tonight.  First, Mark, Demetri and Al infiltrate a meeting of the "Blue Hand Group", which they discovered in the previous episode.  Composed of "ghosts" – people who didn't see anything in their flashes – these people play fast and loose with their lives, convinced they're going to die anyways, so why not go nuts in the interim.

We see a few tense rounds of Russian Roulette (possibly the worst game ever invented).  Along the way we learn more about Al's flash forward.

In the end we lose someone.  Someone who desperately wanted to change someone else's future by proving that his own could be changed.  And we get a hint that there is more to Simon than meets the eye.

Click here to read the entire recap.

Email me at clarissa @ tvovermind.com

Follow me at twitter.com/clarissa373

Previously on FNL: Tim dropped out, Vince joined the Lions, Monty's still a jerk, and Coach forfeited. I still can't quite believe that last one.

All the Dillon boys are having a rude awakening. Tim's getting hassled by the local PD for sleeping in the bed of his truck on private property; Coach is grumpy at Saracen, who's hanging out at Chez Taylor with Julie. He walks outside to get the morning paper and discovers his amazing wife, who's pulling little surrender flags out of their front lawn. Ouch. Over at Dillon High, the team is watching last night's game film and cheering themselves on; JD and Luke high-five each other as Wade notes that they're a hell of a combo. By contrast, over at East Dillon, the team hasn't even shown up for game film, and why would they? Eric stomps to his car as Buddy Garrity, of all people, drives up, telling Eric that he has to show him something. Cut to Buddy and Eric standing in an empty lot with a single mailbox out front. Buddy tells Eric that he's standing at the address listed for Luke Cafferty, "star running back of the Dillon Panthers, future superstar." Coach asks where he really lives, and Buddy tells him: East Dillon, of course. "He's supposed to be yours." Eric looks at the empty lot in disbelief as we go into the credits. I gotta say, I still don't know what that brunette's weird dance move is about.

Taylor Kitchen. Tami fumes over Luke's deception; Coach tells Tami not to tell anyone that Buddy's the source of the info, because Buddy's concerned the town will boycott the dealership. I'd say that's a valid concern. Tami feels terrible for Luke, Coach takes umbrage that poor Luke will have to come to his shoddy team, and I eyeroll because: come on. Julie and Coach leave for East Dillon, so I guess Tami accepted that decision; she tells her daughter to be careful, and Julie eyerolls that it's high school, not a prison yard. Cut to cops circling the basketball court outside the school, wup-wupping their sirens in a warning way. East Dillon's predominantly African-American, apparently, and we get shots of kids hanging out, playing basketball, leaning on the cars before school starts, and Julie tries to find her way around. Elsewhere in the school, Vince slaps hands with a few people as he climbs a stairwell. He stops dead when he sees "LIONS R LOSERS" scrawled across a Lions banner, but doesn't do anything about it; he's angry when he finds little surrender flags stuck into his locker.

Over at Dillon Tech, Matt's art teacher tells him that she secured an internship for him with a local artist who's a "genius", and I start laughing immediately. I know Texas is nothing like Florida, but if my past experience with genius artists down south is any indication, they are pretty damn out there. She tells Matt that he picked Matt, and that it's an honor; she asks him to go to Richard Sherman's house that afternoon. Matt asks why she suggested him for the internship, and she tells him he has what every artist needs: pluck. Oh, saints preserve us. Matt goes to the address, which has rusted metal lying willy-nilly all over the yard; he's wearing a tie and blazer, bless him. Richard Sherman answers the door smoking a cigarette, wearing tattered grey briefs and loafers, and yells at Matt to move some junk out to the back. Hee – I told ya!

Landry tries to park at East Dillon, but loitering students refuse to clear the space. When he tries to leave, he backs up into a pretty, sassy, bicycling girl – Jess Merriweather – who tells him that he will reimburse her fully for the damages. Later, in the cafeteria, Coach corners Landry and tells him that he needs Landry to get the team back together. Landry evenly asks why Coach called the game. Eric starts to play the Coach card, saying that he "doesn't need to explain himself" to Landry, but Lord love him, Landry is completely unimpressed: "Well, I can explain to you that everyone gave absolutely everything that they had out there, and you just quit on us?… I'm done. And everyone else is done." Y'all, when Landry has made his mind up about something, he is just amazing. Coach stands stunned as Landry walks away.

Panthers practice. In the rain, JD throws a pass to Luke (#4), who executes it flawlessly into the end zone. Tami stands nearby, holding one of those big golf umbrellas, and calls Luke over. He is all beaming smiles and "yes ma'am"s, asking her joyfully whether she just saw him make the catch. On top of the world, ma! Not for long, kid. Tami asks him his home address, and he provides the number and street of the empty lot Eric saw the day before. She repeats the question, and he lies again. She tells him that he actually lives in Kilroy, which is zoned for East Dillon. Luke starts to backpedal, saying it's all he ever wanted, and could Tami write a letter to the governor? HEE. Tami is firm that the only way Luke can go to Dillon High is if his parents move. I wouldn't be surprised if Monty bought his parents a house, frankly. Tami sincerely apologizes – she knows better than anyone what football means in this town, and how kids grow up dreaming of nothing but one day playing for the Panthers – but tells him that he has to pack up his stuff and attend East Dillon High starting the next day. Luke utterly loses it, begging and crying and bargaining that he will get an A in every class, slamming through all the stages of grief at once. When Tami insists that this is the only way, he says he's fine, and even thanks her for her time; she turns to go, but he calls her back, apologizing for lying to her. At first I thought this was another appeal, but it's not – he's genuinely remorseful, and Tami graciously accepts the apology immediately. She is such a class act; I like Luke a little more for recognizing that. Luke finally twists away, openly crying but still thanking Tami (you southern boys kill me). He runs to tell Wade he has to pack up his stuff.

It is a family affair tonight like always on Modern Family, were some issues come to the surface….

The episode begins as Gloria and Jay's Manny is fencing in a competition for the championship with the entire family in the stands. Cameron is annoyingly shoot a home "film" as he calls it with a long extender that is bugging Mitchell. Jay is so excited screaming and happy that Manny has a sport along with Gloria. When he gets excited, he lovingly slaps Phil all over and he has a killer grip. The kids, Alex, Luke, and Haley are arguing, Haley's phone died so Alex tells her to rub it on her head so the static recharges it. Ya right, while the kids fight Gloria and Claire are happily jumping and touching right in front of the bug-eyed Phil.

Claire and Phil try to figure out what there kids are good at after Jay makes a remark about Manny's skills. They come up with Alex is just great at everything, Haley is pretty, and Luke while there has to be one in the bunch.  Manny wins, and is going to more on to the championship later on in the day, and the family is ecstatic. As everybody is leaving, Mitchell makes a comment about Claire dropping the ball on being a champion when they were younger.

When Cam and Mitchell get home, Cam wants him to talk out there problems. Mitchell reveals that Claire and Mitchell were a ice skating pair when they were kids, and Claire dropped out of the championship and he has never forgive her. Phil comes up with the idea to come up with something Luke is good at, the first thing is baseball. They go out to throw some ball and maybe this isn't the right thing. Every pitch goes on the roof, down the driveway, or in Phil's jewels! Jay is so excited for the championship, he made a t-shirt saying "Who da Manny," to celebrate just as Manny's says he is retired because he does not want to fight a girl. Gloria takes much offense to this and tells him he has to compete and beat her!

Phi is showing a house to a lady that is going really well until she does not think it is right to kids. Luke comes in and says how much he loves this house, making the lady come back with her husband later in the day. Phil thinks he has found what Luke is good out, selling!

It is championship time, and before they go inside, Cam makes Mitchell and Claire talk it out. Claire finds it so ridiculous that he is still talking about the skating and she says the reason they dropped out was because he did not want to hurt her. As they hug it out, Mitchell makes a stupid mistake by trying to prove he still got the skating lifts. All the family except for the two sparring siblings, are sitting in their t-shirts next to the competitor's mom, scratch that nurse, after she says the kid is in a hospital, ouch. Phil and Luke are still showing the house until Luke trips on the stairs, and starts saying how he hates the house. Maybe selling was not this thing. Gloria and Jay feel bad that Manny is fighting this kid, but he is ready, battling it out until he WINS!

Claire and Mitchell are talking about their childhood mishaps and just how stupid they were to everybody, Claire gets up and is ready after the many years to perform that final skating routine. They dance off to find the family coming out embarrassed with a huge trophy, Cameron has his Cameron and is filming this great brother and sister moment! Jay comes on to say that it matters who wins and loses, every parent wants a winner, but when parents push to hard, but what comes out of it is a nice big trophy.

That is a wrap, no new Modern Family next week due to the CMA Awards, so check back in two weeks for a big episode featuring guest stars Elizabeth Banks and Ed Norton called "Great Expectations."

Eastwick was kind of tame for me this week. I could blame it on the craziness that has been my life for the past couple of days, but I only was interested in one storyline this week and that stroyline involved Kat, Bun, and Eleanor. So let's start with them first.

The Mythology Thickens

Eleanor (guest star Cybil Shepherd) cooks breakfast in her shack when an ad for Eastwick Wines appears on the TV with Darryl in the commercial. He seems to send a message to Eleanor, but the site of Darryl is enough to send Eleanor running out of her cabin and into the road where she is almost hit by a Mack 1o truck.

Meanwhile, it's Kat's turn with the kids and RJ injures Emily resulting in a nasty cut. When Kat rubs some antibiotic on the cut with her finger, the cut magically disappears. Emily thinks it is cool, but Kat is beyond freaked.

Later at the hospital, Eleanor give her nurse hell and when Kat walks in Eleanor declares that Kat be her nurse and heal her scars. Kat doesn't know what Eleanor is talking about at first, but when Eleanor tells Kat that she is like her and has the power to heal, Kat is wigged out even more. Eleanor tries to explain more to Kat, but Kat tries to change the subject. When Kat checks Eleanor's chart, she finds out that Bun is Eleanor's emergency contact person, but Eleanor has disappeared by the time Kat raises her head from the chart.

Later, Kat drags Bun with her to Eleanor's shack and when Eleanor comes to the door, she is not happy to see Bun, who is oblivious to the whole scenario. Kat tells Eleanor that she might can help Bun regain her memory and Eleanor relents, but tells Bun that she will have to do something in return. When they get inside, Kat notices Eleanor's garden and that Eleanor also has five kids. Eleanor stresses again that she and Kat are tit for tat in everything. Kat then tells Eleanor how Bun lost her memory and Eleanor comments that "He is a tricky bastard". Kat asks who (but we all know who) and Eleanor tells Kat to prepare to learn about her newfound gifts.

After awhile, Eleanor demands that Bun chugs down a glass of some concoction she made and tells them that its to numb the pain that is about to come. Before they can blink an eye after Bun reports that the upper part of her body is numb, Eleanor stabs two needle rods into Bun's back that have another concoction on the needle points. Kat freaks as Eleanor starts chanting and then red ants start to leave Bun's body through the puncture wounds and onto the floor. Eleanor commands that Kat kill as many of them as possible and when they do, Bun comes to and remembers everything, including her disdain for Eleanor and the current events. Kat tells Bun that they better leave, but Bun says she needs to stay there with Eleanor. After Kat leaves, Eleanor tells Bun that Darryl is back and they decide that they need to kill him again.

Uh Oh!!!

Later that night, RJ hurts his knee and Kat is about to heal it with her touch, but she decides against it and places a Band-Aid on it instead. When RJ leaves, Kat spots an ant and immediately smashes it.

Seems like someone is having trouble accepting their powers… Give em to me if you don't want them, Kat!

"I Shall Be Released"

Roxie awakes the next morning after the bonfire to see Chad laying beside her. She thinks she's awake though. Chad tells her that she is sleep and that he is not there in person, but in her dreams and that she needs to do one thing for him because this will be the last time she sees him. Roxie asks Chad what does he want and he simply replies: "Follow the signs." Then Roxie wakes up.

Meanwhile at the hospital, Kat and Joanna run across Chad's dead body and rush to tell Roxie, who has already deducted the horrifying news by the dream and the girls' somber faces. She breaks down and Kat and Joanna comfort her.

As Roxie prepares for the funeral and looks for signs in Chad's drawer, Mia drops the bombshell that Chad's family doesn't want Roxie to attend the funeral, which crushes Roxie even more, because she blames herself for Chad's death and feels that Chad's family feels the same way. After getting to the bottom of Chad's drawer, Roxie finds a hammer that says "Return To Darryl Van Horn" and she rushes to Darryl's.

Roxie gives the hammer to Darryl to see if it has some significance, but Darryl says he doesn't know if it does. He then proceeds to walk on hot coals, which is something that has always pondered but never had the desire to actually do. While Darryl walks on the coals, he gives words of wisdom to Roxie about why women shouldn't feel cursed, because they were given the power to give life and to be self-aware, qualities that men lack. He also reveals to Roxie that her actual curse is to be extra ordinary and that she should grasp it and use it for her personal gain. Roxie says that she doesn't want people to run away from her and that she can't even go to Chad's funeral, but Darryl reminds Roxie that she was at the funeral in her vision, but Roxie says that it was raining also. Then it promptly starts to rain.

Time to get your mourn on, Roxie.

Roxie appears at the funeral with Mia and everyone is not happy about it. After the funeral, Roxie tries to pay her respects to Chad's mother, who makes her disdain and outrage known to Roxie for showing up. Then Chad's grandfather tries to manhandle Roxie out the funeral, but is knocked into an open grave when Roxie resists. Roxie also spots a young lady who was wearing the exact shirt that Chad wore in her dream. She goes and introduces herself to the girl (whose name is Jenna), who reveals that she was helping Chad with a song for Roxie's birthday entitled "I Shall Be Released". Jenna gives Roxie a copy of the song before leaving.

Roxie goes home and cries while holding the CD. She puts the CD into her CD player, but doesn't play it. Instead she makes her way back to Darryl's. She claims that she figured out that Chad wanted her to stop blaming herself for the death of her husband Danny and Chad and to let the past go and free herself from it. But Darryl feels that the only way for Roxie to release herself is by releasing her body and soul to him. But Roxie isn't dumb and says that the only way she can achieve total freedom is to do it herself.

When Roxie returns home, she plays Chad's song and starts the painful task of letting go by cleaning out Chad's drawer and putting all of his stuff in one box and also cleaning out Danny's drawer, which she hadn't touched since his death, and placing his things in his own box. Now, that I think back on it, this was the best scene of the night.

Joanna's Quest For Power

Joanna stops by the newspaper office to tell Penny about her newfound telekinesis over a picnic, but Penny tries to hide the fact Clyde has already replaced Joanna with a hot shot named Max Brody (guest star Jason George; Eve, What About Brian), who has had stints at The Washington Post and other prominent papers. Joanna has met her match in Max and he wants to do a story based on Joanna's ordeal in the coffin last week. Joanna doesn't want to tell Max her story and blows him off, her mind on other things. Like telekinesis.

While talking to Penny, Joanna tries to move a salt shaker and bend a spoon, both epic failures. Penny thinks Joanna is just traumatized from her near death experience, but Joanna feels that the experience reawakened something in her. Penny voices her concern for her friend, but Joanna repeats that she is fine. I don't know about that Joanna…

While Joanna tries to move her beer mug in the bar, Max shows up and amps the annoyance level to a screeching ten decibels. Joanna tells Max that she is trying to recreate a moment that had never happened before to happen again. He annoying asks question after question and Joanna figures out that she was emotional when she was moving things. Max eventually gives some good useful information to Joanna by referencing the movie Groundhog Day, telling Joanna that she is looking for the end result instead of putting the feeling into the task. Joanna gets an idea and Max is hot on her heels.

The idea is at a carnival that is about to close and a Ferris Wheel. Joanna reveals that she is scared of heights as is Max. Joanna gives the carny in charge of the ride The Eye and he lets them on despite saying they were closed. Joanna also glamours him into not closing the protection bar all the way. The ride starts and the bar comes off. Joanna moves the bar a little bit, but Max in a fit of panic grabs it and screams for help. Wimpy, little weasel…

When they get down, Max runs away and goes on a tirade saying that Joanna has a death wish. Joanna calls resentment for his words, but he tells her that she seriously needs to talk to someone like last week, because she is not 'OK' mentally after her ordeal. Joanna claims that she is trying to not think about the negative, because she can't deal, but Max tells her that she can't do that, because without critical thinking there is really no point in processing anything. I think.

In the end, Joanna goes to Penny for comfort and finally talks about her ordeal, including her unemployment and loneliness. Penny says that she is there to help Joanna through these troubling times. Awww…

The Aura of Tonight

- So Eleanor has a Mother Nature power like Kat, but she seems to also be able to either tell the future or read minds, but either way she is very powerful. Wonder if Bun has the power of persuasion or the power of precognition? Can't wait to see what happened to the third witch.

- Eastwick is a highly judgmental town. Remind me not to vacation there. Ever.

- Like I stated, the whole last scene was very sad and poignant and the symbolism hit a lot of nerves with me, because I too, can't deal with death well. It's hard to let go of someone close and kudos to Rebecca Romijn for a job well done.

Well, peeps, it seems like next week is a bi-week for Eastwick so I will see you when I see ya!

Now let's mosey on down to Melrose Place where childish antics are a thing of the past for these tantalizing tenants as they now have to deal with either being a murderer, an accessory to a murder, a prostitute, or certifiable compared to high school drama. Being a grown up is hard work these days, but the residents of MP are pros as we will see during sweeps. So let's get started!

Money Can't Buy It. Oh, Really?!

When a WPK client O.D's on drugs, Caleb orders for PR damage control and has Ella be his right hand man. When Caleb reveals that the client is at ULA Medical, Ella knows that she has a surefire win in this debacle since Lauren is a doctor there. When Ella arrives, she checks to see if the guy is OK and if he has any type of medical allergies. She also pages Lauren and when Lauren gets there, Ella asks for her to change the admitting records from drug overdose to allergic reaction to penicillin to save the client's "Jonas Boy"-like image. Lauren disagrees and refuses to do such an act. Ella offers Lauren about a couple of g's, but Lauren stays firm in her decision.

Ella reports back to Caleb defeated, but Caleb tells her that three grand is a slap to someone's face and to offer Lauren fifty grand instead. Ella goes back to their apartment to talk to Lauren and snoops around Lauren's bedroom, taking in the expensive clothes and lingerie Lauren has accumulated in the last few weeks. Ella comes across an envelope filled with cash and her jaw drops. Lauren walks into the room demanding what Ella is doing and Ella says, "I was about to ask you the same thing, Pretty Woman!"

EX. CELL. ENT!!!!!

Ella figures out everything that Lauren's been doing, but Lauren comes up with a lie saying that her father sent the money from poker winnings, a lie that she had been practicing for awhile, because it's believable. Ella isn't buying it and makes the offer for the medical records, but Lauren still refuses and says that Ella should know better about jeopardizing one's career.

Ella returns to Caleb with a Plan B, which is what Caleb should have done from gate. Ella's plan includes leaking the overdose to the media, because they can control what goes down and not some tabloid flunky who could be masquerading as a hospital employee. Caleb likes the idea and I don't see how he got the position he is in now. I seriously don't. Also, Caleb had been calling Lauren a nurse all night, but Ella lets Caleb know at the end that Lauren is going to be one of the best doctors to ever had practiced in the field of medicine.

Get 'em, Ella!

Ella later apologizes to Lauren for trying to get her to compromise the medical records and for assuming that Lauren was a prostitute. But I bet Ella still knows and is just making covering her ass. Either way, Lauren better up her privacy game or she will be the talk of the courtyard.

The Truth Will Set You Free… And Can End Relationships

From the opening scene, we know that Jonah is still having his drink with Kendra (guest star Jenna Dewan) and they talkmovies. Jenna wants to know more about Jonah, though. After he gives her his life story, Kendra moves in for a kiss and Jonah kisses her back. He stops her and reveals that he is engaged. Kendra is immediately appalled and tells Jonah that he needs to find out if he wants to go through the marriage instead before it's too late.

The next day, Riley asks where Jonah went and he lies a little, which worries Riley. Then Jonah gets a call from his partner saying that he can't record a wedding that was booked for that day and now Jonah has to do it. Riley offers to help and after Jonah is reluctant about it at first, he relents. They get to the wedding and set up, but Riley is talking excessively about their wedding, which makes Jonah uneasy. Riley notices and wants Jonah to talk, but he withholds his feelings until after seeing Riley cry during the wedding. He comes clean that he kissed Kendra the night before and Riley is hurt, but then Jonah reveals that he knows about the kiss between her and Auggie. Riley is lost for words, but recovers quickly and apologizes like a kid caught in his father's stash of Playboys. Jonah lets loose his feelings, saying that while he felt like crap all day about the kiss with Kendra, Riley has hid her indiscretions and it looked like it didn't phase her. When Riley tries to explain even more, Jonah blows her off.

Back at home, Riley tells Jonah that she ended her friendship with Auggie and that she wants to make him happy.  He tells her that he wouldn't have asked her for that. But Kendra calls about meeting with Jonah for his pitch and Riley doesn't want him to go, despite it being a big deal with a movie producer. Jonah says that Riley has to trust him on this. They then discuss what they are willing to sacrifice for their relationship, but Jonah says that while he wants to save what they have, he can't forget what happened. When Riley asks where do they go from there, Jonah simply stays quiet and silence can speak volumes, yall.

Auggie and Violet's Crazy Moment of the Week!

Auggie has prepped a new dish to compete for a spot in the new menu for Coal. Violet tastes the dish and loves it, but Chef Marcello (guest star Ethan Erickson) tastes it and tells Auggie maybe next time in the most bastardly way possible. Later, the restaurant's owner, Mason (guest star Rick Fox, The Game, Dirt, ex-LA Laker) arrives to test out some new dishes. Marcello becomes an ass kisser and caters to everything Mason wants. When Mason doesn't like the initial dishes, Marcello pitches Auggie's dish as his own! Auggie doesn't say anything, but Violet tells Auggie that what she just saw was "cooking plagiarism". I don't know whether to laugh at the line or with it, either way its one for the books.

Later, Riley shows up to break off her friendship with Auggie, saying that her reasons are because Jonah isn't comfortable about the relationship. Auggie "understands", but is visibly hurt.

But Auggie's bad day isn't over. Marcello jumps down his throat about making the dish that Auggie created wrong, but Auggie counters that if Marcello had of kept the same sauces that Auggie made, then it would be fine. Marcello berates Auggie for his insolence and starts talking candidly about Riley, who Marcello saw Auggie talking to earlier. Auggie gets pissed and kicks Marcello's ass in his own kitchen.

Back at MP, Violet brings Auggie's knives and tells Auggie that Marcello had it coming. Auggie says that he doesn't know what happened and that he lost control. When he realizes that he is talking to Violet, he tries to spare her his problems, but Violet is not having that nonsense and tells Auggie that she is there for him and that he can tell her anything. The two then kiss and make whoopee and I bet Violet is one happy camper.

Oh and Violet's Crazy Moment This Week?

She was sane. How crazy is that?

Who The Frak Killed Sydney?!?!?!

While getting his groove on with another random female, David gets a visit from Detective Rodriguez, who is the Buzz Killington of Melrose Place, people. Detective Rodriguez tells David that he knows that David's alibi with Ella on the night Sydney died is a lie and that David better come clean against Ella or else. David claims that he knows the Ella didn't do it and hates whoever did it. David then flashes back to when he first met Sydney.

Flashback 1

While David cries over his mom's grave, Sydney approaches him and tries to calm his nerves by saying that she was dealing with her father's death and that he was buried in the same cemetery  as David's mother. She then offers to take him to breakfast, which ends up being served in between the sheets if you catch my drift.

Det. Rodriguez wants David to come clean, but David stays firm by his story. Then Det. Rodriguez threatens to dig into how David can afford his affluent lifestyle since he and Michael are on bad terms and can't possibly be getting money from the trust fund.

David visits Ella at work and demands for her to come clean on her lie about being with a married client. Ella confirms that what Rodriguez said about her hiring an private eye is true and that she could be an accessory if the PI killed Sydney. David tells Ella again that the PI didn't kill Sydney and he knows it. When Ella prompts him to reveal how he knows this, he tells her that he blacked out and that Ella knows how he gets when he blacks out. He then flashes back to another night with Sydney.

Flashback 2

David confronts Sydney about sleeping with Michael and using David to get back him for not staying with her. David calls Syd out on trailing him and lying to get into his life and calls her a whore, which prompts Sydney to slap the crap out of him before calling him a spoiled brat.

Ella asks David if he thinks that he did it and David only answers that he has no clue.

Later, David drives to an empty construction site and has the final flashback of the night.

Flashback 3

David awakes in Sydney's bed the night of the murder, bloody and holding the knife that killed Sydney. He calls for Sydney and sees the apartment a hot mess and bloody and spots Sydney face down in the pool, dead. David takes the knife and drives to the construction site and buries the knife there.

David hops out the car and goes to the construction site and digs for the knife.

But he doesn't find it.

At the police station, Rodriguez is looking over his suspect board on the Sydney Andrews murder and his partner brings in the knife that a construction worker found. The knife's blade matches the cuts on Sydney's body and Rodriguez orders a scan on the knife, pronto.

WHO THE FRAK KILLED SYDNEY?!?!?!?

Mail Call

- Unless you've been under a rock in terms of Melrose Place behind-the-scenes drama, then you would know who could have possibly killed Sydney, but why would they plant the knife on David while he was sleep? As if David stabs Sydney, never disposing of the knife before going back to bed. I don't see why David didn't think about that, but oh well…

- Auggie and Violet finally hooked up. It's sad to see that they finally got a decent storyline together and now they are both outta here next year. We will cherish their characters while they last.

Only one more episode before Amanda returns! Are you excited? God, knows I am!

Lies were revealed and more deception was dealt on this week's installment of 90210 with one storyline hopefully dead and another interesting one starting up. It's sweeps and things are about to crazy as hell. I will be your tour guide through this tumultuous ride through teen angst for the duration of sweeps and your psychiatrist when it is all over.

Don't Mess With Debbie Wilson!

Dixon is overwhelmed with Sasha's pregnancy, but Sasha has went into "Martha Stewart" mode and just want to have dinner and a movie with Dixon. But Dixon wants to talk about the pregnancy and the options they can take with it. Sasha doesn't want to hear it and asserts that she is keeping the baby no matter what Dixon has to say. Dixon returns home and lies about being late for surf team practice, which Harry calls Dixon out on because the coach told Harry that Dixon was off the team. When the parentals demand what's Dixon been up to, Dixon gets frantic, needy IMs from Sasha and during the chaos he snaps and blabs out everything.

Debbie is highly upset and can't believe that Dixon could be so careless and Dixon declares that Harry had a kid when he was in high school. Oh like that is supposed to make it ok? :Smack!:

Dixon gets another IM from Sasha, which says that she is having cramps. Debbie tells Dixon to grab his coat, because they are going over there. When they arrive, Sasha is shocked to see Debbie and stumbles over her words profusely, especially when Debbie asks her if she seen a doctor. Debbie asks her how far is she in the pregnancy and Sasha says a month and that she got the sonogram done and everything.

Excuse me, what?!

Debbie notices what I notice, but she is thrown out the house after Sasha gets pissed about being interrogated. But Debbie is no dummy and uses one of the things that I love about women: a woman's intuition. The next day, Debbie remembers seeing Sasha at the salon way back and thinks that Sasha is lying about the pregnancy. In fact, she feels in her gut that she is right. Harry plays dummy once again and thinks that Debbie is overreacting. Idiot.

Debbie takes matters into her own hands and a page out of Sasha's own book as she follows Sasha to a coffee shop, where Sasha is having a cup of Joe. Debbie busts Sasha on lying about meeting her at the nail salon and tells her that its not a good idea to drink coffee while your pregnant. Debbie then asks Sasha if she went to the doctor. Sasha declares she did and when she tells Debbie the doctor's name, Debbie reveals that she is friends with that same doctor and will make sure that the doctor takes good care of Sasha. But Sasha is steadily growing uncomfortable, and Debbie eases her anxiety by asking how did she feel when she heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Sasha says it was a wonderful experience.

HA!!! Gotcha, Sasha! Because a baby's heartbeat isn't heard until week six! Debbie tells Sasha that this also means that A) she's not pregnant and B) stay the hell away from her son. Debbie kicks ass!

Later, Debbie and Harry find Dixon crying, because Sasha called to tell him that she miscarried and doesn't want to see himagain. Harry is about to drop the bomb on him about Sasha's lies, but Debbie covers and tells Dixon that things happen for a reason and that he can learn from this experience. After they leave Dixon, Harry wants to know why Debbie lied about Sasha to Dixon and she declares that it would be better this way and that she should just trust her in this. Harry is not so sure about this and neither am I about how this storyline ended.

While giving Debbie some delicious meat to chew on this week, are we to believe that 1) Dixon wouldn't have ran over to see about Sasha despite her not wanting to see him again and 2) that Sasha could be that damn stupid in the end?

Come on now, 90210 writers!

Jen's A Bitch, Ryan Matthews is An Idiot, and the Liams Who Deal With Them

Jen bursts into Ryan Matthews' house, totally oblivious to Ryan's date, who is sitting on the couch. Jen acts like she made a mistake, but Jen didn't take kindly to seeing that girl there, who was in fact the female bartender who tended to Harry and Ryan Matthews a few weeks back. Jen appears at the same bar the next day to tell the girl that Ryan is only talking to her out of pity and that she need not get her hopes up.

Bitch.

When Ryan Matthews confronts Jen about this she admits that she is jealous seeing Ryan with other women, like he is when Jen is dating "trust fund after trust fund". She agrees to be his one and only and the two kiss. Gag me.

Meanwhile, Ivy still pines over Liam, who dubs her one of the guys and Ivy decides to step her game up and start dressing like a girl more. She invites everyone to a Hollywood party, but Liam rejects, saying it's not his style. Liam gets info from Ryan Matthews that his essay got an honorable mention in a city wide contest, something that Liam should be proud in. Ivy and Teddy 'kidnap' Liam into going to the party.

At the party, Jen introduces Ryan Matthews to the pop group N.E.R.D. (guest starring as themselves) as her boyfriend. He beams. I scream. Later, Ryan 'introduces' Liam to Jen as his favorite student. Jen immediately smears Liam's name to Ryan as she doesn't want him to have anything to do with Liam, but she goes to Liam for him to keep his mouth shut about everything. Liam only chuckles that he knows that Jen is scared of him, because if she wasn't then she wouldn't be in his face now. Jen goes as far as telling Ryan Matthews that Liam came on to her at a previous function. Ryan Matthews is livid and I can't believe that he is that stupid. Ryan Matthews later gets on his trusty high horse and confronts Liam, who doesn't care anymore and leaves the party.

While all that went down, Teddy gives Ivy the 411 on the situation between Naomi and Liam after Liam leaves when he sees Naomi with Jaime (guest star Travis van Horn) and tells Ivy that she needs to make a move if she wants in on some Liam action. Should I just start calling Teddy "The Eye" from now on? Because he sees everything! Ivy takes his advice and follows Liam back to his workshed and plants one on him. Liam says upfront that he doesn't want anything serious and Ivy accepts that and they go back to suffocating each other by their mouths.

Adrianna's Dilemma

Adrianna tries to win back Navid by serenading to him at school. First, I hope that was actually Adrianna's voice, because it sounded beautiful. Secondly, she should have tried something more to Navid's taste, because he firmly says that he doesn't want to have anything to do with her and he means it.

Was it the guitar?

Adrianna is a mess and will not leave her room. Naomi and Silver try to get her to come out of her funk, but she is no good and the two friends fear that Adrianna might start using again. They go to Navid for help, but he coldly says that Adrianna is no longer his problem. The girls reveal their concerns and Navid relents. He stops by Adrianna's house to only says that if she feels like using again that she needs to go to a meeting. When Adrianna asks for Navid to come with her, he says no and that she has friends for that and leaves Adrianna a crumpled mess. SO basically, Navid came to instill more harm than good.

Silver receives a message from Adrianna stating that she is coming to the party. Navid arrives and comes across Teddy, whoapologizes for everything. Navid accepts the apology. Then Navid is coaxed by Liam and Samantha Ronson (guest starring as herself) to hit on some girls. He does just that. Teddy meanwhile flirts with Silver and it is clear that he likes her. But Adrianna arrives to see Navid macking to some nice females, clearly trying to move on and her best friend talking to Teddy. It's too much for her and she leaves without letting anyone know she was there.

Never Let Me Down Again…

Jasper is still on his "You're My Muse, Babe" deal with Annie, who gullibly slurps it up. That is until Navid reveals that he has credible intel that Jasper is a drug dealer. Annie blows off Navid's claims, but later can't help but to notice Jasper's big wad of cash that he carries around on him. She then blurts out the question and Jasper frakking loses it! He tells Annie that he never questioned her when everyone thought she was slut and can't believe she would question him. Jasper declares their relationship over and leaves Annie in downtown LA alone.

That is when I would have caught a bus back home and called it a day. But Annie either can't decipher 'crazy' or is just plain stupid.

Jasper goes to the Hollywood sign to shoot more footage and Annie is there like a whore crying to her pimp about her money not being right. Jasper accepts Annie's apology and demands that she never doubts him again. Annie agrees. Later, Jasper gets a text and he tells Annie that he will be right back and that he has to get some equipment from his car. When he gets there, Jasper pulls out some pills revealing that he is in fact a drug dealer, but the real shocker is who he is selling the pills to.

Adrianna.

Checkpoints

- I really hated how the Dixon/Sasha storyline ended. It was too abrupt and too unbelievable that Sasha could be that conniving. But Kudos to Lori Loughlin for what they gave her this week and now hopefully Debbie can slap some sense into Annie as well.

- Navid, Adrianna screwed up. I get that, but you of all people know how fragile that girl is and shouldn't be treating her as if she was Naomi. I don't like the cocky Navid at all.

- Annie needs her ass beat. Period.

- Jen needs a blowtorch to the face. And throw one on Ryan Matthews face as well for good measure.

That is all! What do you guys think?

This week's Gossip Girl episode was entitled "The Grandfather, Part II", but we really didn't see too much of William Vanderbilt (guest star James Naughton), but his presence was heavily felt as it possessed his grandson, Nate. Plus, we got more Blair and Serena bitchery and a redeeming storyline for Dan and Olivia that I actually liked!

The Politics of Ethics

It's election day and Trip Vanderbilt's (guest star Aaron Tveit) campaign is suffering in the polls, which is a scary notion on the day of the election. While Trip is feeling one way or another about the outcome, his family has their eyes set on a win, for their own personal reasons of course. While Trip's wife Maureen tries to keep him optimistic, Granddad Vanderbilt lets Nate know that Serena's revenge stunt was a huge blow to the campaign and that they need a miracle to pull up in the polls. Wink, wink…

Meanwhile, Vanessa is documenting Trip's campaign by following his every move on the behest of Trip. Later at the docks, Nate and Trip discuss Granddad Vanderbilt's unsavory morals to get what he wants and how Trip doesn't want any dirty politics in his campaign, while Vanessa interviews a bystander. Then all of a sudden a guy "falls" into the pier and needs help, so Trip does the sensible thing and saves the guys life.

Pretty convenient, huh? Stay with me, though.

While Trip's favor in the polls quadruple after the rescue, Granddad Vanderbilt couldn't be more happier, but Nate smells something amiss and it's not the fish crap in the pier. Meanwhile, Vanessa was the only person who got the whole rescue on tape and the top news station bought the footage from her. While she edits the footage for the evening news, Vanessa realizes she got the whole rescue all right. Including when the drownee covertly crawls into the pier without a hitch and just starts screaming like a banshee for help.

Vanessa calls Nate and lets him in on the hoax. After realizing that Vanessa is telling the truth, he asks her for the tapes, but she had already promised them to the news station and she is not about to be involved in a scandal, period. She suggests that Nate warn Trip for the blow that's about to be delivered to his campaign. He asks her to wait till after the polls close, but Vanessa has a deadline to meet the person in charge of the footage at the news station. As she leaves, Nate makes a call to that very person.

At the campaign party at Chuck's new hotel, Vanessa is stopped by a woman who wonders why she gave the footage to another station. Vanessa says she gave it to the person she was supposed to, but the woman reveals that SHE is the actual news footage person. Vanessa looks to Nate who gives his best Chuck smug, but misses it by a long shot.

When Vanessa confronts Nate, he claims he had to do what he had to do and that Vanessa only wants to further her career. But Nate is no Chuck Bass, as Vanessa proves to him when she reveals that the jig is up and to watch the news, which airs the hoax at that precise moment. I mean Chuck would have covered all bases until he had a surefire home run, and Nate, buddy, you are NO CHUCK BASS, DAMMIT!!! Don't ever insult the Bass-man like that again…

Trip immediately feels that Granddad Vanderbilt is the culprit behind the hoax and Nate agrees since Ganddad didn't think that Trip could pull off the election on his own. When Granddad Vanderbilt declares innocence and sticks with it, Trip kicks him out of the party. Trip also declares that he will pull out the race, because his reputation is muddied by the dirt that's been slung. Vanessa then comes in and apologizes to Nate for what happened, but voices her concern about Nate's recent behavior. When Trip approaches the podium in the ballroom, Nate beats him to it and tells everyone how much of a hero Trip is before owning up to setting up the hoax.

Nate corrupted? HA! I would believe NBC caring about their viewers before believing Nate has a dark side and that's saying a lot!

Trip tells Nate that he isn't upset with him and all is well. Hell, Trip even won the election, which I think is a crock, but this is TV and we need happy endings right?

But while this is TV, this is also Gossip Girl where we will not leave the hour without scandal. Turns out that the person who really staged the hoax was actually Maureen! She reveals this to a shocked Granddad Vanderbilt, who always thought of Maureen as some docile wimp who just stood by as an ornament. Maureen tells Granddad that she finally got him out of her and Trip's life and now Trip can be his own man with out having Granddad breathing down their backs. Plus, she makes it clear that there is nothing Granddad can do about it because his credibility is shot worse than anything that has ever came out of a VH1 Celebreality show.

Spin-off, anyone?

Blair vs. Serena Super Brawl '09

Serena has her hands filled with K.C. threatening her job yet again if Serena doesn't get Patrick into the Vanderbilt campaign party so that he could study for a political thriller role. Olivia tells Serena that Patrick has been wilding out when it comes to parts and that the agents have resorted to screening scripts sent to Patrick, so he won't pick anything moronic.

After running an errand for K.C., Serena runs into Blair and Upper East Side Bitchfest '09 officially begins. Blair throws the first blow by telling Serena that she picked work over friends. Serena tries to make up, but Blair tells Serena that she is busy helping Chuck with Trip's campaign event at the hotel and that she noticed that Serena wasn't invited and "wonders" why. Serena counters that she will be there with Patrick and that Blair will be lonely, because Chuck will be too busy to tend to her. Blair then concocts trying to find a new best friend to attend the party with her.

When will this girl grow up? No, seriously. WHEN?!??!?

Blair finds that friend in a girl who has a bag that Blair is on waitlist for. The girl's name is Bandise and she doesn't hesitate to accept Blair's offer to come to the party even if it sounded like a huge come on from Blair.

Serena goes to get Patrick, who is drunk off his ass and reading bad scripts that he found in the trash cans (a remake of Leaving Las Vegas with Miley Cyrus?! As if!)

When they get to the party, Serena has her hands full with Patrick, who is beyond drunk with a one-way ticket to Lindsay Lohan territory. Blair catches him peeing into a plant and tells Serena to take care of her charge before she has him kicked out. Blair also throws Brandise's presence in Serena's face as if the girl was a new Prada bag. Serena notices that something is up with Brandise since she immediately jumped to hang out with Blair last minute. But a drunken Patrick lets slip that Blair might've tried to have him thrown out the club, because he found out that Brandise is a high priced call girl.

Bingo! Ammunition for Team Serena!

After Serena confirms the truth about Brandise, she confronts Blair by saying that she had security to seek out Brandise for prostitution. The two get into it and Chuck comes in and stops the bickering. Blair throws one last blow to Serena, stating that the only whore in the room is Serena who is "dating" her client for her job. Serena promptly shoves Blair's face into a cake.

Priceless.

Chuck demands that Serena apologize to Blair, who is only acting out because she is hurt and that Serena should have seen that from a mile away. But Serena has had it with Blair's childlike antics and feels that she should grow up. Chuck then says that it's in Serena's best interest to apologize to Blair, before she will talk of their friendship in the past tense.

Chuck Bass, I am appalled. That is all.

Serena goes back to apologize, but Blair doesn't want to hear it. She claims that Serena has changed (listing the fight with Nate, dating Carter Baizen, and getting a job as the culprits) and it has been pissing her off, so Blair calls off their friendship.

F*ck you, Blair Waldorf.

Blair finds Brandise and finds out that Brandise is in fact a call girl and used Blair to get more clients. Blair feels like the cheap suits her mother makes.

Meanwhile, Serena tries to help Patrick into the car, but he tries to come on too strong and says that he is her "client" and should do what he says. Serena sees through the thin veil and writes to K.C. that she quits onto Patrick's handkerchief and sends Patrick to K.C.'s address, I presume. Serena spots Blair leaving the hotel, they don't say nothing, but make eye contact that says that their road has come to an "end".

Until sweeps that is.

Blair later tells Chuck that all she needs is him, which is a crock. And Serena? She has a night cap with Trip that can lead to more troubled waters down the future, especially how cozy the atmosphere was between the two of them.

Dan Humphrey, Bathroom Boy

Olivia made an appearance on Jimmy Fallon's show the night before, but Dan missed it and desperately wants to see it. Why he wants to enter the information age now when he has feigned ignorance of it for the past four episodes, I have no clue, but Olivia is desperate for Dan not to see the interview.

But it seems that everyone has seen the interview sans Dan and the only way he finds it is by watching it on Jenny's computer. After seeing it, he abruptly leaves a Humphreys family game night that he and Olivia were taking part in. Olivia and Jenny realize that he saw the footage, which consisted of Olivia telling Jimmy Fallon about Dan and Olivia's first date. Seems that during a dinner at a restaurant, Dan went to use the bathroom but came back with his shirt turned inside out. Jimmy Fallon immediately assumes that Dan is one of those people who have to get naked to use the bathroom and dubs Dan "Bathroom Boy". Fallon also asks if Olivia was still with Dan and she says they've been together for exactly a month.

Olivia tries calling Dan, but doesn't reach him until he finally picks up the phone and tells her his location. Dan had went back to the loft to prepare an anniversary dinner for their one month together, which Dan didn't realize. So Olivia looks like the 'dummy' this week and Dan looks like a pretty cool ass dude. Kudos, Dan! In the end, Olivia made a reappearance on Jimmy Fallon where Fallon apologized for ragging on Dan by presenting Dan with a cake that said Happy Anniversary, which Dan and Olivia watch from TV.

Awww….

Final Thought

I totally disagreed with Chuck on Blair tonight. Blair is 19, not 9, and needs to realize that last year. All the things she listed that Serena did wrong were because Blair didn't like them herself. Serena didn't like Blair hooking up with Chuck, but dealt with it. Serena didn't agree with a lot of things Blair did, but she dealt with it. Why? Because that's what friends do, people! If this is where the show wants to take Blair's character, they might want to reconsider it and fast, because no one can relate to someone who's as delusional as Blair when it comes to reality.

See ya next week!

Nigel Lythgoe, Chief Executive Producer and Permanent Judge of So You Think You Can Dance, never tries to hide his feelings.

When dismissing someone from the show that he believes hasn't risen to the challenge of the competition the same way the other competitors have, he's compassionate.  He offers advice.  He tries to help them understand what kind of dancer they are and why they're being let go.  But when he's out-voted, he's short and dismissive, as if the act of removing this person from the competition pains him so much that he just wants to distance himself from the moment as quickly as possible.

This has never been more apparent than tonight, when he had the unenviable duty of notifying Bianca Revels and Phillip Attmore that they had been voted off the show.  He let Bianca down gracefully, taking his time with her and Noelle (who had joined Bianca in the bottom four).  But when it came time to tell Phillip, he was shockingly quick and blunt.

Bianca and Phillip are both tap dancers.  So You Think You Can Dance has never had tap dancers on the show before — and this season it had three.  Watching them perform tonight, both in their choreographed routine and in their solo, it became clear (at least to this humble writer) that tap is a very specialized style of dance that doesn't lend itself to other styles.  Ryan Di Lello, for example, is a Latin dancer who's background lent itself very well to the Argentinean tango he had to perform.  It's hard to imagine what style tap would lend itself to.

Of the two of them, I was sadder to see Bianca go, but they'll both be missed — and if you don't believe me, all you had to do was catch a glimpse of the other dancers waiting off stage.  There wasn't a dry eye amongst them when the losers were announced.  And this was only the Top 18.  We've got a long road ahead of us still.

As something of a side note, it occurred to me tonight that there is very little follow-up with the dancers after they leave the show.  We know there's a touring show for the Top 10, and we've seen a couple of the dancers return as choreographers, but what lies in store for "America's Favorite Dancer?"  Each American Idol season ends with some sort of musical contract, but what do the winners of So You Think You Can Dance win, other than a few fleeting moments of fame?