For being a show about a group of sexy witches, The Secret Circle sure is deathly serious. They may let Faye out of her cage once and a while to bring a little snark to the proceedings, but other than that, The Secret Circle has turned its nose up at levity and light. It may help the horror movie-ish scenes retain a little oomph, but in turn, it can often make an episode feel a little lifeless and stuffy. In "Valentine", though, there was a little weight lifted off of the show and it responded very well, as this was the first time (maybe ever) that The Secret Circle was allowed to breathe.

The show got in a double-whammy, in that the humor came from a girl's night slumber party that allowed Faye, Diana, and Melissa to bounce off one another. It was nice to not only be reminded of why these people became friends in the first place, but separate the group into its two most agreeable chunks. Without Jake, Adam, and Cassie, the complicated threesome got into a little bit of trouble, with Melissa's new Devil's Spirit habit popping up again, only this time bringing Diana into the fold. Usually, a show resorting to so-and-so-under-the-influence humor falls flat with me, but I was so glad to be able to laugh and enjoy myself during an episode of The Secret Circle that it didn't bother me in the least. (Diana, especially, benefited from finally letting go and not worry about Adam for once.) The magical equivalent of cocaine was used almost like a "social lubricant", bringing out issues the three girls had amongst themselves in terms of territory and their past blow-ups, which gave it a purpose beyond "LOL THEY'RE HIGH". You got a little window into the circle before The Secret Circle, including the Diana-turning-her-back-on-Melissa drama from a few weeks ago, and another reminder that behind her perfect hair and withering putdowns, Faye loves/is protective of Melissa.

For me to be able to care about the fate of the circle (and, by extension, The Secret Circle), the show needed/needs to continue to mine the relationships these people have together and show the type of bonds they have. A night like the slumber party may seem light/unimportant, but it's a necessary bit of world building that can add tension to the show's more dark moments. If, say, Melissa was in danger, you'd want to be like "I bet Faye's a wreck. I hope she's okay or Diana will be crushed.", not shrugging your shoulders and going to make some popcorn, you know?

The members of the circle may be descended from a long line of powerful witches, but they're so much more than that and giving the characters extra shading can never be wrong. Which is why I enjoyed Adam so much in "Valentine", as Thomas Dekker finally got to do something more than brood, whisper-growl, and disapprove of something Cassie did. Of course, there had to be the requisite lovey dovey scenes, including a cringe-y final moment on the boat that had crying and talk of Cassie's amazingness (no, really), but Adam got to expand a little bit tonight. Aside from a brief moment where he made fun of Cassie to himself, that came in the form of his possession by an army of pissed off Nidaros witches. Having been killed by John Blackwell, they were coming for the medallion, as Cassie had reactivated it at the end of last week's episode; Dekker got to be menacing and intense, a lumbering departure for the typical wet blanket and proof that he can do much more than they're letting him at the moment. I only wish the final confrontation could have went longer before he changed back, as Adam's only seeming to exist for the love triangle these days. He has no real platonic connection to any member of the circle and his only interactions with his dad are more of the child-parenting-the-parent variety, so the little bit of range we got tonight was incredibly refreshing.

Thankfully, the love triangle seems to be winding down the angst, considering the fact that Jake and Faye are (deliciously) hooking up and Adam and Cassie seem to be (kind of) on the same page. There was little time for booty touching in "Valentine", though, considering the hooded spirits that were gunning for Cassie and all. I liked that it allowed another look at Blackwell and really shook Cassie away from this idealized version of a father she had in her head, but man, is the girl dumb. I don't know if it's because I'm not a teenage girl or I'm not a witch (...or am I?), but the entire episode was frustrating in terms of Cassie's naivete. I don't expect her to go from scared, confused young girl to Buffy the Nidaro Slayer overnight or anything; I just wish that our heroine, the character we spend the most time with, was easy to root for. I want her to find out about her lineage, but running after faceless hooded beings, including going off by yourself to an abandoned church, felt less like innocence and more like stupidity. I could buy that she's so desperate to find answers about her father that she got blinded by that, though common sense has to come into play some time or another. Chasing after something potentially lethal by yourself in the (dark but really beautiful) woods when you have no idea what it is or how to control your power is silly and it's a miracle nothing happened to her.

Props to you, Cassie, for thinking to destroy the medallion.

Now get it together.

Though I had to pull out a side-eye or two, "Valentine" would go in my top 2-3 episodes of The Secret Circle list. It had a lot of humor, explored the dynamics between the members of the circle, and offered up a few answers/moments of character backstory, stamped by a cliffhanger ending that hints that the show may soon be taking it to the next level. With the new visitor in town arriving at a time where Faye's power is unknowingly being drained (by Lee's "power totem"), the circle should find itself pushed to the limits in the coming weeks, a prospect I'm both intrigued and disturbed by. Cassie may be a bad witch, but one cannonball can't bring down an entire town, especially if the only other weapon you have are stones. The circle's fragmentation has resulted in a lot less group magic, thereby making the fact that they're bound a lot less pivotal than I expected earlier in the season. Had they been practicing and learning more about their capabilities, I'd think that the members of The Secret Circle could take down any man or beast that dare enter Chance Harbor, but it looks like they'll have to wing it in order to keep their circle (and one another) alive  until this next storm passes.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:
-"I wear slinky lingerie because I like feeling slinky."
-"There's extra sparkle in your bitchiness today."
-"Me and that creepy doll are gonna change your life."
-"Okay. Ahem. Circle up."
-"You're the most sacred witch in all the land."
-"You're not a hot pizza guy."
-I went on about Cassie being dumb, but at least she didn't give the medallion to Isaac, who would have turned on them in a second. Part of that, to me, played into her distrust of Jake.
-For those curious, Nidaros was the name of a town in Norway during the Middle Ages. Look at The Secret Circle bringing in some history.
-The hooded guys were suitably creepy, especially when you didn't think they were there and the camera would pan over/out to show them. Nice direction, show.
-Cassie's little freak out at the church made me think of this scene from I Know What You Did Last Summer.
-Your regular reviewer, Mark O. Estes, is being chased in the woods of Chance Harbor by dead witch ghosts. After I go save him, he should be back in action.
-Next week on The Secret Circle: Somebody evil (nudge nudge) shows up on Cassie's doorstep, Eben and the other witch hunters make their return, and Melissa spends more time with Callum.

The Secret Circle 1.14 Review: Will You Be My Valentine?

Last year during upfronts, supermodel/author/actress/businesswoman/Mayor of Modelland Tyra Banks announced that there'd be no more "normal" cycles of America's Next Top Model. (I'd counter that Top Model has never really been "normal", but that's neither here nor there.) First up, we had an all-star extravaganza that had one of the more WTF finales I've ever seen on reality TV and then came word that cycle 18 would see the resumption of the American Revolutionary War, only fiercer. Finally, details have emerged about what's being referred to as America's Next Top Model: British Invasion.

Beginning Wednesday, February 29th at 9:00, Top Model will be fusing seven amateur American models with seven Britain's Next Top Model alumni to find out which side of the Atlantic can be on top, for good. Featuring  guest judges ranging from Kris Jenner and Kelly Osbourne to Beverly Johnson and Nicholas Tse, Top Model: British Invasion will see the debut of new panel member Kelly Cutrone, brought in to replace the departing Andre Leon Talley. Cutrone, previously seen on MTV's The City and Bravo's Kell on Earth, joins Banks and Nigel Barker as judge and jury of the fates of each new contestant.

At stake in cycle 18, aside from the title of America's Next Top Model, are a modeling contract from LA/NY Models, a guest correspondent role on Extra, a spread in Vogue Italia, a cover and spread in Beauty In Vogue, an endorsement deal of Top Model perfume Dream Come True, a single (!!!) to be released by CBS Records, and a $100,000 CoverGirl contract.

There's no word yet on possible challenges for the 14 contestants to compete in, but knowing Top Model like I know Top Model, there's no way to even speculate on the depths things can go. Just when you think it can't go any more off-the-wall, it outdoes itself, only this time there'll be even more Tyra accents and funny hats to go around.

Are you ready for the next cycle of Top Model? Do you think the British models will dominate the competition or will America hold strong? Would you buy a single from a Top Model?

America's Next Top Model: British Invasion to Premiere February 29th

The Secret Circle returned with new episodes for February sweeps and boy they did not disappoint. We gained more pieces to the overall mythology puzzle, saw what danger lied ahead for the Circle, and our beloved characters got some closure while opening up a few doors in the process.

Psyched!

Cassie was duped again by someone who claimed they wanted to help Cassie and the Circle. By this time, you would think the newbie witch would have learned her lesson when it comes to people, especially adults, who want to help her (or the Circle) with their powers. However, Lucy Gibbons (the psychic/traitor) had a tricky way of sneaking into Cassie's trust in the form of the memory spell of the boat incident. I'm glad the writers didn't wait a long time to return to that puzzling moment in "Witness," because not only did it explain how Cassie was seen, but it also cleared up any confusion on whose parent Lucy could have been. That is if anyone even suspected her to be a parent at all.

Lucy didn't only fool Cassie and the members of the Circle (except Adam, who smelled BS from start). She also tricked Dawn, who seriously thought she had the meek traitor on a leash. Loved how the writers connected the mysterious scar that appeared on Dawn's hand at the beginning of the episode to Lucy by way of a marking spell. Despite Dawn having a peg on Lucy's return, the traitorous psychic turned the tables and stabbed Dawn in the gut, killing her. I nearly lost my lunch and dinner at that scene, because for a minute there it looked as if Dawn had left us for good. Thank God for Charles and Henry's crystal (more on that later).

Even though the Lucy reveal didn't drop until later in the episode, you could still see it coming from a distance. During both scenes with Cassie at the beginning of the episode, Lucy was clearly goading a clueless and desperate Cassie for answers on John Blackwell and the medallion. Her 'statements' were really strategically poised questions, which Lucy knew Cassie would answer in turn for some clarification to her own queries. It was only a matter of time before she was exposed, but I didn't think she would be offed at the end of the episode by the Witch Hunters themselves. Oh, what the hell am I saying? Of course Lucy would have been killed off! It's Chance Harbor, where the adult population is dwindling to the point that the Children of the Corn kids would be proud of.

So this plot thread of the night left us asking several questions, mostly dealing with the Witch Hunters and John Blackwell, which I will get into at the end of this review.

Melissa Gets The Spirit!

Melissa got a storyline tonight and I am jumping for joy. Although, it looks like she will be a budding junkie of sorts, which I have to deduct two points from. Well at least she is getting screen time though, right? It seemed as if Jessica Parker Kennedy had fun with Melissa being under the influence last night and it was about time the show let her shine again. I am kind of interested in where the potential Melissa/Callum pairing will head, because was it just me or did they have instant chemistry? Anyone? Bottom line, I'm just glad that Melissa is about to have some fun, even if it is coming from a bad place.

I was a bit shocked, however, that the Devil's Spirit crap didn't take Faye under its spell. I was sure that she would be out doing some secret magic or something, but nope. She was left out in the cold on the bewitching dust's powers. Maybe next week she will return to some hellraising after Jake reignited their physical relationship, because that is most definitely not going to last. Speaking of which...

This Means War, Witch Style

Jake and Adam are close to going into the ring over Cassie and I can't wait for them to throw down. While Adam was right about his assumptions on Lucy, you can't help but think that all of his compassion is coming from somewhere else besides his heart. We all know Jake has done some seriously shady things in the past, including killing witches, but he's never really sought out to hurt Cassie, which Adam fails to see. Why? The almighty ego and it's unsavory effect on the teenage male's psyche.

The one thing that I like about the entire triangle is that Cassie is not pining over them to the point that she's completely helpless and unbearable. So whoever wins Cassie's heart, she won't let them dictate her entire life. Much respect for the girl for that.

Miscellaneous Happenings

- Diana continues to win me over with every episode. The girl has been through enough and needs a guy on her arms STAT! Her speech to Adam was tragic in the sense that no matter how much she tries to put him in the past, he still finds his way back into her heart. The funny thing is that Ethan is the culprit this time around after being somewhat responsible about Diana and Adam's breakup. So now we have Diana recapturing some feelings while Adam is trying to move on. It's about to get even messier with this story line.

- As much as the adults weird me out at times, I'm glad Charles came to Dawn's rescue with the crystal, because I don't think I could have taken another death now. But Charles had to take said crystal from Ethan, who will probably act a fool when he sees Charles again. Can't wait for that confrontation to take place!

- Where in the hell is Jane Blake?!?!

- Besides killing all witches, what else could the Witch Hunters want? It can't be that clean-cut, because these creeps are killing other people in the name of their beliefs, which makes them more dangerous than any witch on the planet. And who is the leader? Eben, the guy who was burned in the boat incident or Isaac, Jake's ex-mentor?

- Also, while John Blackwell prove to be an imperative ally to the group? Or a dangerous foe? Plus, will he tempt Cassie to the dark side?

Okay, folks, that's all I have for this week's episode of The Secret Circle. Did I miss anything or is there something you want to discuss?

The Secret Circle 1.13 Review - Psyched!

After the bitch-tastic smack down between Faye and Cassie on last week's The Secret Circle, we took a borderline acid trip back in time to the day of the fire that took the lives of Chance Harbor's previous Circle. The sad part about the episode is that things are still fuzzy when it comes to the events of that faithful night, but we did learn two important things: 1) John Blackwell didn't die in the fire as we were originally told and 2) The Witch Hunters were the real true culprits of the blaze that took out some of the current Circle's parents. Again, while the revelations give a big "a-ha!" moment, there are still some time discrepancies when it comes to the ages of the earlier Circle members and the ages of our current generation of witches.

According to Amelia's yearbook and the stories told by most of the parents, the earlier Circle members were all 16 years old themselves when they gave birth to the current crop of witches. However, if Jake was 3 when he saw his parents and others be slaughtered by the Witch Hunters, that means his parents had him at age 13. While Jake's birth is biologically possible, it doesn't seem like something most parents would put up with at that age. So what gives? According to the producers and writers of the show, the ages of the parents and the current Circle members are intentional. Albeit, a bit weird, though. Bottom line, it is distracting. Hopefully it will pay off in the form of an amnesia spell when it comes to that particular plot point.

Secondly, I'm still puzzled about Jake's original intentions. In other words, if he knew his folks were killed by the Witch Hunters then why would he join forces with them in the first place? I know I might have missed something while he was explaining himself, but I could have sworn that Chris Zylka played it as if Jake had this memory all along, not as if he just discovered it.

The last two issues I want to touch on with the main plot of this week is none other than John Blackwell himself and the amulet he dropped during his escape. Could he have dropped it for Cassie, knowing she was there watching the craziness go down? The scene was pretty badass and I simply cannot wait for John Blackwell to take center stage when the show comes back for February sweeps. This particular plot has most definitely gotten interesting. As for the next plot...

Faye's entire subplot with Lee and new bad boy Callum (The Young and the Restless's Michael Graziadei) was boring sans introducing the drug "Devil's Spirit," which is bound to cause all sorts of hell when the show returns. It's sad that Faye will now stoop to drugs to get any type of power in her system, which makes this latest move a new low. She's basically a borderline whore now when it comes to magic, which makes me want to ask where is Willow Rosenberg when you need her?

Finally, lets talk parentals. Ethan, Dawn, and Charles had just as much as a role to play in the present as they did in the past this week since the meek is now in power in Chance Harbor. With Ethan sort of hipped to what is going on around him in terms of magic, he immediately threw his hat into the ring for a piece of the pie. Personally, I think Ethan was up on Dawn's and Charles's crap from day one and only needed to sober up to stand up against them. However, as much as I want to applaud someone putting Dawn and Charles in their place, I'm still leery of Ethan due to him lying about his whereabouts the night of the fire 16 years earlier. Hopefully, Ethan didn't have a hand in the massacre (since he got away unscathed) and let's pray whatever he's up to is in favor of the current Circle, not a hindrance.

Other observations:

- Thomas Dekker dropped some seriously scathing dialogue towards Jake in this episode. Do we see a banter akin to Angel and Spike on the horizon?

- I don't know about you, but expect this Eva chick (dead or alive) to wreck shop in the next couple of weeks.

- Where the hell was Melissa?! There should be no excuse for this girl to be constantly put on the back burner and/or to not show up in an episode. She's a part of the Circle, so please give her something to work with?

Well that's all I have for this week's episode of The Secret Circle. Make sure to return on February 2 for a month full of episodes before another hiatus, which will set us up for May sweeps. A battle is surely coming, but who will be on either side is anyone's guess at this point. What are your predictions?

The Secret Circle 1.12 Review: Burned At The Stake

During its first nine episodes, The Secret Circle almost played like a supernatural procedural. While there were obviously serialized elements in each installment, from the plan of the adults to steal the crystals to the matter of fate vs. choice set against angsty teen romance, there wasn't anything tangible that the circle was fighting for an extended time. We've dealt with demons, witch hunters, and all types of shadowy figures lurking in the greater Chance Harbor area, a majority of the time, everything ended up wrapped up (somewhat) neatly at the end of the episode. What the group faced affected their dynamic, ratcheting up Cassie's desperation for answers and pissing Faye off more than usual, but nothing quite stuck to the show's ribs.

Going into a third episode of dealing with Cassie's dark magic, it seemed like The Secret Circle may have found something to explore for a while. Though it may not be tangible like an actual big bad, something that the show would benefit from implementing in a second season, it's something with pretty far reaching effects that are throwing each member of the circle a little off balance. Thankfully, part of that rampant fear of Cassie sending everybody to hell brought about some fun pairings in "Fire/Ice", noticeably shaking things up in the process. The Secret Circle tends to lean on certain pairings (Faye/Melissa, Adam/Diana/Cassie), so getting a little Diana/Melissa or Faye/Lee was a nice break that allowed for a little character exploration. If nothing else, Diana/Melissa helped to frame why these people continue to hang out with one another and captured the human side of this group of superhumans; so much time is spent on magic talk that sometimes you forget that these are five lonely teenagers trying to figure themselves out and can grow apart in the process. As much as I like seeing all the horror movie-ish moments that The Secret Circle has or mentally filing one of Faye's snarky comments to use at a later date, it's stuff like Diana and Melissa reconnecting after letting boys and new friends gradually drag the two apart that makes me care about the members of the circle.

Of course, we still got our fair share of Adam/Diana/Cassie love-drama, complete with Robert Frost quotes and a weirdly lit kiss, but I can indulge in a little schmoopiness if I can check out something like Faye/Lee. It looks like Faye may have found her sarcastic equivalent in the "voodoo priest", as the two took turns quipping back and forth and looking like they were restraining themselves from a round of boot-knocking in a smoldering storyline. I don't know if Lee is legitimate, considering the spell messed up, but seeing him slip something with Faye's blood on it into his pocket may spell trouble for the circle in future episodes.

However, the ending left a lot to be desired, mostly because it was all but identical to last week's ending that had Jake standing outside the residence that Cassie was at, in a nod to how strong her powers were becoming. This time, after saving her from the fire Faye set at the dance, Jake followed Cassie and Adam to the basement of the abandoned house, cornering them as the episode ended. It felt like they were going for something shocking or a little unsettling, having the two main characters alone in a basement with someone that wants to kill them, but it didn't do anything for me at all. Jake's specter has been all over The Secret Circle's first two episodes, appearing in an opening dream sequence, beneath Cassie's window, at school twice (once in Cassie's mind), and now in the basement, with all this following a supposed exit in episode 9. It was a little expected and lacked any sense of danger, as Jake's already saved Cassie once and she's the main character, duh, hence he won't do anything to her.

Plus, Cassie has been diving more into her family history, thanks to Jake's suggestion that she learn more about Blackwell/dark magic for safety reasons, and I don't see her doing anything to someone that could shine a light on everything.

Mainly, I liked how "Fire/Ice" seemed to be another step in the right direction for The Secret Circle, with a few answers being revealed (Blackwell lived in the house they practice magic in) and some internal strife that had been simmering for a little while finally boiling over. Although Faye has at least an ounce of love for the circle, i.e. her immediate move to reverse the spell, her asking how it'd affect Cassie beforehand, and her concern for Melissa, she may have finally gone too far this time by trying to tether herself to Cassie to "share" her magic. It'll be interesting to see how deep Faye falls down the voodoo rabbit hole in order to either patch things up with the circle or wreak havoc on the other four members, especially considering her thirst for power has grown as the season has went along. While Faye dreams of a world of unlimited individual magic, Cassie has to find a way to control her (immense) abilities otherwise she'll continue to stockpile "accidents" and the next one may prove to be fatal.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:
-"Sometimes spells go wrong. And now I have an excuse to buy a new dress."
-"Y'know, blondie, emo boy, girl scout."
-"I guess you can't judge a book by its lip gloss."
-"When we have sex, it's not going to be because of a deal."
-"We're hot witches. You said so yourself."
-"How does this bitch get a free pass and I get burned at the stake?"
-Melissa playing wingman for Diana was cute and I liked the confidence we saw from her. I hope the two of them stick together and help one another heal from their recent heartbreaks.
-Adam's dad saying "he didn't start the fire" sent me into a giggle fit. It was always burning, you guys. It was always burning.
-You may have noticed that I'm not your regular reviewer, the inimitable spellmaster that is Mark O. Estes. He's a bit under the weather, but he should be back next week.
-Adam's dad is back. And sober!
-Here's the poem that gave the episode its title (and that Adam and Diana mentioned): Robert Frost's Fire and Ice.
-Next week on The Secret Circle: Jake returns to help Cassie find out what happened the day her father was killed, while Charles and Dawn try to woo Ethan over to their side and Faye gets in over her head dealing with one of Lee's friends.

The Secret Circle Episode 1.11: In Pursuit of Dark Magic

It was over a month ago that The Secret Circle went on hiatus, leaving fans thirsty for more drama from the Chance Harbor witches. Well, the gang is back and tonight they delivered a 1,2 punch to the jaw with Cassie's beginning trek to the dark side and Faye's quest for personal power. Also, we met Diana's grandmother and Charles's mother, Kate (Stepfanie Kramer), an Elder who has the nose of a genetically enhanced greyhound, which didn't bode well for Dawn.

The Devil Inside

The mystery of Cassie's 'darkness' dominated the hour and our undivided attention as we learned just how much powerful Cassie could be. Plus, Dawn and Charles aren't the only adults looking to tap into Cassie's power. Grandmother Kate, and seemingly the other Elders, want to harness Cassie's energy to help balance the scales between good and evil. Now whether that means the Elders (or rather Kate) want to use Cassie as a weapon or as a leader for a great battle is still unclear (to me at least), but one thing is crystal clear for me: Kate didn't have to go all homicidal to get Cassie to unleash her inner dark goddess. It was a move that took me for a loop and shot any chances of Kate to waltz back into town to lay the smackdown on Dawn (more on that later).

As for Cassie's bottled up dark magic, I think its safe to say that it is connected to her emotions, most notably those of fear and anger. This is a deadly combination given how much stuff is coming at her right now, especially since Jane (or anyone she can truly trust) is nowhere to help her with her issues at the moment. Also, with Kate's recent betrayal, it's going to be seriously hard for Cassie to trust anyone with her dark magic situation. I will even go as far as suggesting that the current lack of trust will make it easier for Cassie to go Dark Cassie on the group and those around her with little to no remorse. Now that is scary, people.

Mommy Issues

Despite Kate's lapse of judgement in trying to push Cassie to her true potential, I can actually still see why she did what she had to do. My only question is what would she have done if she had of failed?

As for Kate's beef with Dawn, well, I think it's more Kate looking out for her son than trying to reinforce the ban on practicing the craft. Think about it. Charles's magic signature is damn near on everything he and Dawn have been involved with so far this season. So it would make sense for Kate to bear her claws for Dawn's throat for technically setting up her son if the jig is blown. Dawn is the top dog in this operation and Charles is only her lap dog to do her bidding. But Dawn didn't plan on Charles getting a backbone and a brain, which is a major problem in her book.

Even though Kate pretty much tried to talk some sense into her son, I seriously think that Charles is beyond gone at this point. I mean, he has two (maybe three) deaths under his belt so far and one of those was a kid. So yea, if Charles returns back from the dark side, it will be the miracle of the century at this point.

Bad Witch Rising

While Cassie was dealing with her own dark magic saga, Faye went to find how she can get a piece of that action and found Lee, a faux voodoo priest who isn't to fake when everything was all said and done. While nothing big truly happened with Lee's introduction and Faye's quest for personal power, it did set the stage for things to come, which has to be a battle between Faye and Cassie at some point this season. Did you see the parallels of how Faye couldn't get her feather spell to work, but Cassie's Jake spell worked effortlessly? I know that Faye got hoodwinked by Lee, but if we are to believe (or what the fandom believes) that Faye is John Blackwell's other daughter within the Circle, then shouldn't Faye have some sort of power spurt? Just a thought.

Also, this storyline also gave Melissa something to do other than to still mope over Nick's death, which is becoming pretty stale at this point, even if it is a sort of realistic portrayal of grief. Hopefully, we will see more from her soon.

Notable Moments of the Night

- Ashley Crow's (Jane) name was not in the opening credits tonight, which was a bit of a surprise. What's up with that or did I miss something?

- Faye's line to Lee about being the "mean girls" just had to be a reference to The Craft's line of "We are the weirdos, mister..." uttered by Fairuza Balk's Nancy after they were warned to look out for the weirdos in the area. Love that movie.

- I pray that we see more Kate Meade in the future.

So what did you guys think about the return of The Secret Circle? Are you excited for the things to come? What are your predictions about Cassie's newfound power?

The Secret Circle Episode 1.10 - No One Witch Should Have All That Power...

The CW has decided to make some slight revisions to its midseason schedule.  According to its original midseason schedule released a month ago (view it here), both 90210 and Ringer were scheduled to return with new episodes on Tuesday, January 10.  However, the network has decided to air encore episodes of its new reality series, Remodeled, on Tuesday nights, which has resulted in pushing back the return of 90210 a week and the return of Ringer by three weeks.

Below is the revised CW midseason premiere schedule.  The premiere/return dates of all the other shows besides 90210 and Ringer remain unchanged.

Thursday, January 5
8:00-9:00 p.m. The Vampire Diaries (original episodes return)
9:00-10:00 p.m. The Secret Circle (original episodes return)

Friday, January 6
8:00-9:00 p.m. Nikita (original episodes return)
9:00-10:00 p.m. Supernatural (original episodes return)

Wednesday, January 11
8:00-9:00 p.m. One Tree Hill (season premiere)
9:00-10:00 p.m. One Tree Hill (season premiere encore)

Monday, January 16
8:00-9:00 p.m. Gossip Girl (original episodes return)
9:00-10:00 p.m. Hart of Dixie (encore episode)

Tuesday, January 17
8:00-9:00 p.m. 90210 (original episodes return)
9:00-10:00 p.m. Remodeled (series premiere)

Wednesday, January 18
8:00-9:00 p.m. One Tree Hill
9:00-10:00 p.m. Remodeled (special encore)

Friday, January 20
8:00-9:00 p.m. Remodeled (special encore)
9:00-10:00 p.m. Supernatural

Monday, January 23
8:00-9:00 p.m. Gossip Girl
9:00-10:00 p.m. Hart of Dixie (original episodes return)

Tuesday, January 24
8:00-9:00 p.m. 90210
9:00-10:00 p.m. Remodeled (original telecast)

Wednesday, January 25
8:00-9:00 p.m. One Tree Hill
9:00-10:00 p.m. Remodeled (special encore)

Tuesday, January 31
8:00-9:00 p.m. 90210
9:00-10:00 p.m. Ringer (original episodes return)

Wednesday, February 1
8:00-9:00 p.m. One Tree Hill
9:00-10:00 p.m. Remodeled (original episode)

Revised CW Midseason Schedule: Ringer & 90210 Returns Pushed Back

Just in case y'all aren't wizards, pot ledom is "what the hell was that finale?!" backwards.

Trust.

But really, for an inherently bizarre show like Top Model, the all-star finale might have been its most strange episode to date. Let's be non-conformists and start at the end with that obviously tacked-on-as-hell ending that saw Lisa triumph over Allison to become the "first Top Model all-star" (Tyra's words, not mine). Some time following Greece, Angelea volunteered information to producers, information that led her to be disqualified and a second panel to be held featuring only Allison and Lisa. We still have no idea how Angelea, the girl I assumed was taking this puppy home, managed to be DQ'ed, but rumor has it that she had let details about the cycle slip on her Facebook account and that violated her contract. It felt very disingenuous for Judge TyTy and company not to explain what happened and to basically act as if Angelea had never existed, especially since Mr. Jay made a big point about how it was the first time three girls had walked in the final runway. The show underestimates its viewers time and time again and this is no exception, as it feels like we're just supposed to accept this win at face value and wipe our collective runny mascara away for yet another "story" taking the title home.

I'm sorry, Tyra, but this is not a cheertatorship. It's a cheerocracy and as somebody that's been on the Top Model squad since day one, I feel like I'm owed a bit of an explanation as to what happened. To me, it felt like Angelea won, ran her mouth about how she won, and like a week and a half ago, everybody rushed to L.A. to pretend like this was the "real" (ly awfully edited) final decision.

And what a final decision it was, with cycle 5's Lisa defeating double runner-up fan favorite Allison. While I don't dislike Lisa, the whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth. For one, what happened to the Vogue photos? Earlier in the episode, all three girls shot for Vogue Italia, but where were those photos in panel? Did they not have any bearing on who won? For that matter, where was Franca? And the self-designed runway dresses - did that not count for anything either? Top Model has prided itself on the expanded prize package this season, but what good are all the prizes in the world if the people giving the prizes out don't bother to show up? The final panel was a rushed, limp, outlandishly boring piece of television that had all the energy sucked out of it by the DQ and the obnoxious judging decisions. Tyra and company were obviously building up to another "story" winner with 716 and when she didn't have what it took to be Miss Top Model, it went to the next "story" in Lisa.

Not that we got any explanation of any kind by Tyra as to why Lisa actually won, of course...

To me, Lisa fits with the "we want a celebutante, not a capital-M Model" vibe of the cycle, so in a sense, her win's fairly justified. She's a bubbly wild child with a past that's already been around the entertainment block enough to keep herself employed and I think she can do well with the prizes that are offered; I just think Allison's a better model and the "she's a shy girl with sensitive eyes" excuse is flimsy at best. Lisa tanked the Cover Girl commercial with her awkward line readings, her runway walk was messy, and her photo was selling me hair products instead of eye shadow, but throw a smize in a picture and Tyra becomes hypnotized to the point of delusion, I suppose. I don't think Allison performed that great in the finale, but I think she had the best dress of the three remaining girls and she majorly stepped up in her commercial, which at least somewhat offset the blank Cover Girl photo and a stiff runway walk. But even then, Allison was selling eye shadow and if you're not selling the product that you've been hired to sell, what's the point in being a model?

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.13 "All-Star Finale" Review

Cycle 17 of Top Model has thus far been on the wrong side of the crazy train, backing away from the show's so-bad-its-perfect typical formula and going for a we're-vaguely-trying-and-failing-miserably bland of dull desperation that simply won't do. Top Model is nothing with out a little looniness and in continuing the charade that dressing like Snooki and eating a hot dog freely will gain you fame and fortune, cycle 17 has lacked the fun that earlier cycles exuded in spades.

But tonight, y'all...tonight was something else, to say the least. In my years of watching Top Model, I've never been as dumbfounded as I was watching whatever that motion editorial was. Awkward laughter, wide eyes, a few "what the hell"s - every time Allison dressed like a cat or Lisa held a baby doll or Laura ate whipped cream too sexily, I was flabbergasted to the point of exhilaration. If Tyra has the stones to knowingly put something like this on TV, she's either hideously not self-aware or the smartest lady ever, but if anything, this will be making the digital rounds before we know it. (Please be on The Soup, please be on The Soup...) The editorial actually featured gorgeous clothing (for once) and solid styling, but the stunning Greek backdrop was tuned out in favor of...Tyra sucking on Tyson Beckford's thumb and enough seizure-y editing to make Twilight: Breaking Dawn say "whoa, that's enough". I appreciated Princess Banks climbing down from her weave-constructed castle to actually interact with the girls outside of panel, but when it's to play Oprah with Angelea's unstable self or to further sexualize the girls through the use of food products, thanks but on thanks.

(Or Banks but no Banks, amirite? Hur hur.)

Don't get me wrong, the editorial had an occasional pretty shot and the process of creating it was golden, but this was a perfume commercial in American Horror Story Land, not on Earth. Sorry Tookie and 'nem.

Aside from the hilarious acid trip that was Top Model's trip into motion editorials, "Tyson Beckford" was more maddening than entertaining, as the judges are still ridiculous. For one, the elimination of Laura was beyond asinine; Tyra went on about wondering if Laura could be more than sweet/innocent, but didn't the judges scold her two weeks ago for being "too sexy"? And look at the performance distribution. Laura got to eat whipped cream draped across some rocks and Allison had to be in the sun with her sensitive eyes, while Angelea got something to make her sympathetic and Lisa was given everything strong and dynamic. Just like The Amazing Race, Top Model feels the need to butt in too often and puppermaster the results to its liking, which is never good TV and makes the show even more of a joke than it already is. Speaking of which, the whole "Allison has no personality" thing is too irritating, though I assumed the show would go there sooner rather than later. Per usual, Top Model has a one-dimensional viewpoint, as personality isn't all whoopin' and hollerin' and actin' a fool; you'd think a show that has preached about body acceptance and tolerance of all would realize that as all people don't look the same, they don't behave the same.

Also, you can have all the personality in the world, but if you look rough (Lisa) or aren't professional (Angelea), I'm doubting that you'll be hired in the entertainment business.

It's a shame that the rest of "Tyson Beckford" didn't live up to the insanity of the editorial. While I enjoyed the thought behind the blog challenge, Franca wasn't even there and didn't get to speak to the girls face-to-face, so the Angelea victory felt a little...hollow. Nonetheless, our final three are intellectual weirdo Allison, party girl Lisa, and sure-to-be-winner Angelea, who was described by Andre as a "phoenix rising out of the ashes" following her umpteenth bottom 2 visit. Cycle 17 of Top Model may have lacked some fun, but...

Ah, hell. You know next week will be bad, too.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:
-"Run like a normal person!"
-"300. Woman style!"
-"I feel like we had 18 photo shoots in a day."
-Cool fact, bro: I live not far from Laura's hometown.
-Sidebar: Andre's "hee haw" comment infuriated me. I was going to be sad to see him go, but he can take his ugly silver bolero and Judge Judy capes back to his tacky salon.
-For that matter, Nigel's "if she came into my office, I'd tell her I want my coffee black" and his calling Allison's blog "high faluting" for mentioning Greek mythology were both hideous.
-I love how unabashedly self-absorbed Tyra is. How many times did she mention how much her book sold or how the entire experience had been her dream? Oh, and how the main character is, of course, based on her. For those interested, there will be a sequel to her first book, which was almost 600 pages. No, really.
-Here's a sample of To Nisi, the TV series that films where the girls shot this week.
-What crawled up Tyson's butt regarding Allison? His diva-ness was a turn-off.
-In Top Model music news (wait, what?), an album of extended versions of songs from a few weeks ago exists. Also, Dominique has a new video out.
-Next week on Top Model: It's finale time, y'all! There'll be underwater modeling, creepy runway masks, feathery eyelashes, and a final commercial to determine who wins this dumpster fire of a season. Join me?

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.12 "Tyson Beckford" Review

Hey, you know what this hideous season of Top Model needs?

Why, an episode that recaps every absurd, maddening minute of the hours of our life that we've sunk into this show, of course! Yes, "Highlights" was Top Model's typical late cycle look back at the good times, the bad times, and the times that made me want to throw my TV out the window. I don't typically watch clip shows, as there's very rarely any interesting information that gets presented, but because I love/appreciate everybody who reads and comments on my weekly reviews, I figured "why the heck not?". You're all top models in my eyes, my little pot ledoms.

And...there wasn't anything that stimulating that came from the new footage. At all. I mean, if you're into arguments about time on the phone or finding out that Alexandria has 13 besties (!), then hey, have at it, but for the most part, "Highlights" was a pre-Thanksgiving turkey. Among the other topics covered, Bianca was apparently emotionally instable hell on hells during her time in the house, Kayla's not the most book smart model on the catwalk, and Lisa's as crazy as you thought, if not moreso. Shannon's not comfortable talking about masturbation (but horndog Laura is), Camille likes butterfly hair accessories, and the whole kerfuffle with 716's rampant paranoia last week was settled over massages.

As the Good Lord intended, of course.

While the clip show confirmed just how many eliminations were ridiculous (spoiler alert: almost all of them) and how the photo shoots are mostly hokey and unrealistic, it did stimulate some thought as to who exactly will be the next Top Model Supernova All-Time Starriest Star in the Whole U.S. of A. Or something.

Personally, I kind of think Angelea has it in the bag, mostly because this is Top Model, a place where logic, good decisions, and professionalism go to die. "Highlights" made a point of mentioning her redemption arc (i.e. three times on the show, four times in the bottom two this cycle) and we all know that Tyra and Co. are placing all their eggs in the personality basket this time around, so it looks like 716 is being set up as a surprise/feel good winner that is neither surprising nor feel good. I like Angelea as a reality show personality, as a good chunk of quotes I've pulled this cycle have been from her, but as a model and as a person, she still has so much more room to grow that shoving her out into the spotlight now could be damaging.

Her biggest challenger will likely be fan favorite Allison, who barely got any mention in the clip show. Allison's kind of done everything Top Model has asked her to do this cycle; she takes consistently solid pictures (that are often quite gorgeous), she's won several challenges (mostly the public speaking ones), and she's stuck to her brand pretty well. However, this cycle of Top Model seems determined to throw a girl with an outrageous personality out into the celebreality jungle to generate headlines, with its constant message of memorability; Allison is a memorable contestant, with her wide eyes and weirdness, but I don't know if she's the type of memorable that the show wants. I don't know if she's the type to be all over red carpets and spreading herself across Hollywood, so while she's the best model of the bunch (to me), I think she may be heading for runner-up.

I just can't see Laura or Lisa winning, as well as the two have performed this cycle. I have an inkling that Vogue Italia's Franca Sozzani won't have a girl that's a little short or that has a haphazard personal appearance (and checkered past) in her magazine; plus, Laura has the most inconsistent portfolio of models not named Angelea and Lisa has made disparaging comments about Top Model in the past, so each will have too much to overcome going into top four week (which will be a double elimination, more than likely). Neither has the story of an Angelea or the results that Allison has produced this cycle, so look for both blondes to bite the bullet in next week's episode.

I think, at least.

"Highlights" expanded on cycle 17 of Top Model, showing just how loud some of the fights got and how weird the downtime in the house was. It was a rather dull clip show that didn't shine any new lights on issues faced in the house (Bre's nice and needs to stop protecting Bianca! Bianca's a loon! Alexandria's delusional! Shannon's a prude!) or provide entertaining enough outtakes to be worth a watch. We're winding down this cycle of Top Model and, as you can see above, I have Ms. 716 taking home the crown in a victory that is designed to be like Jaslene but will end up being more like Saleisha. I could very well be wrong, considering that the girl I thought would win cycle 17 was kicked out second (sorry Sheena!), but for now, I've learned to expect the crazy from Top Model and hope for something resembling coherency.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:
-"How do I put free into a hot dog without adjusting the price?"
-"Call me when you become an all-star."
-"I was trying to be nice, but that doesn't work here."
-It was cute that Lisa was so entranced by Sheena's first photo shoot. Girl is gorgeous.
-Janice Dickinson will be on 90210 next week. Come home, Janice! We miss you.
-Next week: The girls have to write a blog for Vogue Italia Editor-in-Chief Franca Sozzani and there's another motion editorial like in cycle 15. Also, Tyson Beckford makes his second Top Model appearance.

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.11 "Highlights" Review

So...we're all in agreement that Angelea is winning this thing, right?

A pre-ordained win has to be the only explanation for the outcome of "Exploring Greece", which saw 716 dispatch Dominique to move into the top 4, because if the judges genuinely think that Angelea is emotionally ready/talented enough to handle the rigors of winning Top Model: Rednecks, Party Girls, Chickenheads, and Allison, they are more out of touch than I realized. I don't have anything against Angelea, per se, in that I understand that her big personality, emotional backstory, and passable portfolio make for good reality TV. I laugh at her one-liners and appreciate how uninhibited she seems to be, but there is no way in the world that she deserved to stay tonight. Dominique took better pictures, had a better runway walk, was more professional in her attitude/personal style, and comes from a pretty interesting background herself, but because she doesn't have moments of being a hot mess, she's "unmemorable" and should go home?

Am I on glue or does that not make a lick of sense?

But Top Model isn't interested in churning out a girl that can work hard and bring a touch of respectability to the show's spotty history; oh no, if "Exploring Greece" is to be believed, the ANTM: All-Star is in charge of getting in the tabloids and making sure people are talking about her, no matter what. We've already seen positive references to the career trajectories of Snooki and Rebecca Black, so it should come as no surprise to any of my fellow viewers that the show sent the girls off clubbing in Greece with "socialites". The cast didn't go out one night by themselves to blow off steam nor did the socialite impart wisdom on dealing with the increasingly voracious appetite of press/paparazzi, because those would, y'know, make sense and stuff. No, Tyra, in all her infinite wisdom, decided to send a former (?) alcoholic to a foreign club where leather-y celebutantes tried to pouring liquor down her throat.

Like...what?

Yes, Top Model: Stop Ruining My Ideal Vacay Spot, Tyra all but gave these girls a casual coke habit tonight and showed what they're really looking for in a winner. While the show spouts buzzwords about branding and personality, what they really mean is they want someone making a fool of themselves on a regular basis in the name of "outrageousness", so as to keep the show's name in the pop culture consciousness. If you show up at the opening of an envelope or spend more time yelling about haters than working a runway, you will be getting online ink and when said ink is gotten, the show will always be mentioned. It's not secret that ANTM has yet to produce a superstar in the world of modeling, so it seems like their next best bet is to create a reality TV "star" under the guise of something fashion legitimate.

I just wish the show would nut up and go the extra mile; like I've mentioned before, it makes no sense to me to constantly hem and haw about how valuable personality is and yet they barely do anything that shows off their personality. I would be fine with getting rid of a few awful photo shoots in favor of something that tests their interview skills or ability to think on their feet, especially since all the gorgeous photos in the world don't seem to measure up to crazy.

I did like the photo shoot tonight in terms of concept and styling, though, as it actually made sense and had enough quirk to it that made it very Top Model (in a good way); the final products could have been better, as the black-and-white stills negated the flawless Grecian background, but in terms of America's Next Top Model: All-Stars, it's one of the best things they've done. (Laura blew everybody else out of the water, though, with a breathtaking, shapely photo portraying archery.) If you're a fan of the dramatics, of which this season hasn't indulged in as much, the challenge was all for you, as the girls were forced to judge one another with Ms. J (!) and Ms. J's hair in tow. It was in depth enough to not be a total waste (see: the runway walks and score pads at the end), but overall, it got derailed by 716's tantrum and bickering between the girls. We didn't learn anything new about their abilities nor did it have any weight at panel, but this is Top Model and nothing makes a difference anymore, so whatever.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:

• "Whattup, Nige?"
• Favorite moment of the week: Lisa calling Nigel out on the whole using-your-worst-picture-at-panel thing. Say it twice, girl.
• However, I will bet money that if she gets eliminated, it'll be for being one note and they'll throw tonight's photo up as evidence. I know how shady you are, Top Model.
• Was it just me or did all five cast members look cute at panel? Usually, there's at least 25% busted-ness going on, but the ladies pulled it together.
• Next week: Highlights from the cycle are shown, for some reason or another. More importantly, I'll tell you (yes, you!) who I think will win and who I think should win the $64 and basket of french fries this show is offering.

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.10 "Exploring Greece" Review

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars seemingly turned a corner last week with its music video extravaganza, which was on the right side of the show's self-aware campiness and provided a surprising amount of listenable tunes. (Confession: I've caught myself singing "I Be Like Whoa" multiple times since the episode aired.) I've managed to stick with the all-star cycle through awful challenges, incoherent judging, and an array of mixed messages about what this season was actually about (spoiler alert: not modeling), so in the back of my mind, I thought this would be the point where the show really ramped up.

Apparently I haven't been paying attention to the last 16 cycles of Top Model, as All-Stars reverted right back to the foolishness the second the girls headed to Greece. One would think that the show would capitalize on the scenic beaches and gorgeous architecture of the country in order to produce some seriously stunning photo shoots, but oh no, that would be much too simple and, well, logical for Top Model: Irrelevance Island. Instead of something akin to, say, every Italian shoot from season two that emphasized the beauty of their surroundings in a series of professional, gorgeous, high fashion photos, we got the girls posing in a giant Greek salad and pouring olive oil all over themselves.

Like...what?

There's no disputing that they brought their A-game during the shoot, as this was the most consistent shoot in terms of quality yet, but this is something that irks me about the show. It can have a really good idea and then throw in something kooky or too over-the-top that takes you right out of the moment. It feels like the show deems it more important to continually objectify its contestants and put them into awkward, uncomfortable positions for the "glee" of the audience as opposed to trusting in the personalities they've cast to provide for compelling television. I think the shoot wouldn't have lost any of its entertainment value had the girls not been commodified and tossed into something that looked like a lost challenge from Double Dare circa 1992. The fact that Top Model is embracing its kitsch factor this season isn't the problem, as the show has always been a little quirky; the problem is that these girls have to be taken seriously at some point once their time on the show has run out, so the powers that be need to put them in the proper position to get a fair shake in the real world of modeling/entertainment. There's been a kerfuffle over the fact that Top Model has yet to produce a top model on the level of a Tyra, a Naomi, or a Christy, but when the contestants are being forced to pose in a huge Greek salad, eating hot dogs, or imitating Michael Jackson, it's not hard to see why there hasn't been a breakthrough 17 cycles in.

As always, I could get around the girls having to serve crouton realness if there were other strong elements in the episode, but alas, "Nikos Papadopolous" wasn't a good enough episode to overcome yet another strange shoot. I actually appreciated the fact that the challenge not only got to the root of what the season was supposedly going to be about, as it gave the girls a lesson in public speaking, but it allowed the pathetically underused Ms. Jay to get some camera time. I have no idea why Jay hasn't been featured much in the past few cycles, considering that he always brings the attitude and actually teaches the girls something in the process, but his brief appearance in Wednesday's episode was enough to make me long for the days of cobblestone walkways and imitations of contestants. It strikes me funny that the show has been all about projecting the message of "we're looking for someone more well-rounded" in terms of the winner, while simultaneously not giving the contestants enough of an avenue to hone their talents. Plus, as a critic, it's hard to get a gauge on who the best woman for the job is when we're not getting full exposure to what everybody can conceivably do, y'know? I just wish the challenge would have went further and been a touch more realistic, as the winner of America's Next Top Reality Footnote won't exactly be holding airport-based press conferences with foreign dignitaries and hoards of press in the future.

However, one thing I will give the show credit for is getting rid of Shannon, which came at least a couple of weeks too late. I enjoyed Shannon, for the most part, in her first season, but in All-Stars, she felt very blank to me in her modeling. There was no fire, no urgency, no wow factor that some of the other girls have shown in their photos and combined with her confusing selective morality regarding the age old underwear vs. swimsuit debate, it was obviously her time to go. As mentioned above, this cycle has made some weird judging decisions, so it was damn near refreshing to see the correct bottom two (Shannon and Laura, whose photo was less sexbomb and more Walking Dead extra), the correct elimantee (Shannon), and the correct first callout (Dominique, who has smashed it the last few weeks). If the show can right the ship regarding who it eliminates and what it asks of its contestants, maybe America's Next Top Model: All-Stars can overcome its sluggish start and pull out a decent finish.

Maybe?

No?

No, probably not.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:

• "I wouldn't put a block of cheese between your legs."
• Mr. Jay's comment about Angelea's lack of "core strength" was infuriating. Angelea is nowhere near fat or in need of weight loss; she, like every other model in the world, needs to know her angles and what flatters her the most. Tyra goes on and on about how much she tries to help young girls in terms of self-esteem and body image, but keeping someone on your staff who makes those kind of comments goes against that brand about 5000%.
• Andre's Memoirs of a Geisha realness when announcing the international destination was everything to me.
• Another good thing about tonight's episode was the fact that the girls got to help design their final runway gown. I hate that we didn't get many clues as to how they'll look, but that's the type of fresh twists that the show could stand to incorporate more.
• Shannon needs to hook herself up with a Christian modeling agency ASAP. I'll get her started: here, here, here, here, or here.
• The only thing keeping me from hopping aboard the Lisa Express is that she can easily look very, very harsh outside of her pictures. Case in point: her look at panel.
• Angelea is apparently a history buff. What I'd give to discuss the Franco-Prussian War with 716...
• Next week: Tons of liquor and the girls have to judge each other. 716 is, shall we say, not into it.

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.09 "Nikos Papadopolous" Review

Hey, you guys wanna know something wild?

Pot ledom is Top Model...only backwards.

Crazy, huh? Know how I know that?

We were hit over the head with it for the entirety of Wednesday night's episode of Top Model, including hearing it in the seven songs that the remaining wannabe modelebrities wrote in, like, 20 minutes.

Yes, "Game" found Top Model hitting the music industry right in the junk, repeatedly, until the music industry finally gave in and let them film a music-themed episode. Tough battle, that was. As we all know, being a whatever-the-hell-this-show-is-trying-to-produce is all about creating a music career, because when I think modeling, I think the likes of this, this, and this. Totally.

In all honesty, it was a fairly fun episode of All-Stars thanks to the ridiculousness of the challenge, as opposed to most episodes this season, which have been dragged down because of the seemingly random assortment of tasks the girls have been asked to do. Of course, there was this whole spiel from Mr. Jay about how they're trying to go viral and I wrote a stupid comment about the herp in my notes to try and contain my disdain for that concept being discussed, but "Game" featured a challenge that actually allowed the girls to be creative and didn't actively set out to embarrass them. You could argue that having people who aren't used to singing in front of other people record in a famous studio (The Village) on national television is the highest form of tele-bullying (It Gets Autotuned), but once production came and shellacked most of these songs to within an inch of their life, everybody was fairly safe from looking too bad.

My personal favorites of the bunch were Allison's ethereal, Japanime-ish "Underwater" and Lisa's hood-rich "I Be Like Whoa", as they captured the essence of what this whole wretched cycle was supposed to be about in the first place. The two had the most clearly defined, unique "brands" of the videos that were made and I wish the show was emphasizing that knowing who you are and being that 100% is one of the most important things about becoming a model/celebrity. Audiences can spot fakeness pretty reliably and if you come with something half-hearted or inauthentic, there's no way you're going to breakthrough and thus far in the season, Allison and Lisa seem to have "brands" that set them apart from the other contestants. It was interesting that the two of them, arguably polar opposites in every way, would end up on top of the Top Model scrum, but Allison's touching tribute to her recently departed father and Lisa's in-your-face, energetic booty shaker showcased the individuality of both ladies quite well.

What killed any momentum the episode may have garnered was the fact that it was such a muddled concept. Are these girls going for a music career with these videos or are they just trying to get clicks? Because the history of models/TV personalities trying to sing is spotty at best and there's no way anyone would take a well-known model's music career seriously, so why would you want your video to be a hit online when people are only clicking it to make fun of it? (I know it's all about exposure, but at what cost?) The show used Rebecca Black as a positive example of the power of viral marketing and while "Friday" was a sensation for a while, even garnering a cover on Glee, it hasn't done anything major to boost her career. Sure, it sold moderately well on iTunes and has given her name recognition, but it hasn't made people take her seriously and follow-up attempts have been pretty much ignored. Anything she does in the entertainment industry from here on out will inevitably be mocked/tarnished because of, yes, her "viral video".

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.08 "Game" Review

Today, The CW announced the return dates for its fall shows, as well as the premiere date for the final season of One Tree Hill and the premiere of new reality show, Remodeled.

As with the fall premieres, The Vampire Diaries and The Secret Circle will be the first shows to return, although most of the other shows aren't far behind.  Fortunately, the shows will be picking up again right after the new year starts.

Thursday, January 5
8:00-9:00 p.m. The Vampire Diaries (original episodes return)
9:00-10:00 p.m. The Secret Circle (original episodes return)

Friday, January 6
8:00-9:00 p.m. Nikita (original episodes return)
9:00-10:00 p.m. Supernatural (original episodes return)

Tuesday, January 10
8:00-9:00 p.m. 90210 (original episodes return)
9:00-10:00 p.m. Ringer (original episodes return)

Wednesday, January 11
8:00-9:00 p.m. One Tree Hill (season premiere)
9:00-10:00 p.m. One Tree Hill (season premiere encore)

Monday, January 16
8:00-9:00 p.m. Gossip Girl (original episodes return)
9:00-10:00 p.m. Hart of Dixie (encore episode)

Wednesday, January 18
8:00-9:00pm. One Tree Hill
9:00-10:00 p.m. Remodeled (series premiere)

Monday, January 23
8:00-9:00 p.m. Gossip Girl
9:00-10:00 p.m. Hart of Dixie (original episodes return)

The CW Announces Midseason Return Dates & One Tree Hill Premiere

Following the network's recent agreement to bring its programming to Netflix Streaming, The CW has announced a five-year deal with Hulu. Beginning later this year, every show currently airing on The CW (Gossip Girl, Hart of Dixie, 90210, Ringer, America's Next Top Model, The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle, Nikita, and Supernatural) will be available to stream on the website eight days following its initial airdate. Episodes will also be available on Hulu Plus, the site's paid-subscription service that offers full current seasons of various shows for $7.99/month.

The CW currently has a four-day wait between initial airing and online distribution on its website, which it will continue with for the foreseeable future. It won't be the first network to have an extended wait period, as shows on Fox and FX have an eight-day delay before arriving on selected online outlets, as well. Of the 'Big Five" networks, CBS is the only one that has kept its content off of Hulu.

What do you think about The CW's move to embrace Hulu? Is the eight day wait too much? What's your preferred method of watching TV?

All Nine CW Shows Set to Appear on Hulu Later This Year

Pop quiz, class. Pencils up, only one question.

I made it multiple choice because, y'know, I care and stuff.

The America's Next Top Model fragrance, which is set to launch at the end of cycle 17, will smell like ___________________.
a. Booty tooch sweat, Nicole from cycle five's lost Red Bull, and the pee that Robin let out in cycle one during the snake photo shoot.
b. An empty bottle of Mr. Jay's hair dye that's been sitting in the garbage for weeks, the remnants of a drain in Andre's salon that hasn't been cleaned in a while, and the tears of wayward models from sea to shining sea.
c. The crushed dreams of stardom from everybody associated with Shedding for the Wedding, Fly Girls, H8R, Blonde Charity Mafia, High Society, Farmer Wants a Wife, Plain Jane, and Stylista.
d. Girlicious.

I'll give you a second to think.

Pencils down.

The correct answer is...

Wait, Top Model has a fragrance?!

Yes, kids, America's Next Top Model, your favorite cartoon-y competition reality series that is approaching its 18th birthday (wonder who it'll vote for), has a new fragrance coming out soon, which is one of the major bombshells dropped on the Halloween edition of America's Next Top Model: All-Stars. I say Halloween edition because it was like bizarro Top Model, in that the contestants were openly calling out how ridiculous this was, the photo shoot involved more costume-y gimmickry, and the guest judge was my favorite snarker Kathy Griffin. Like...what? I kept waiting for the faux lightning, the random extra walking by in an Elvis costume, something to let me know that this was all a set-up, but alas, this wasn't hid behind any smokescreen of one-off buffoonery.

This was regular, grade-A Top Model buffoonery. Prime choice cuts all day, ready to serve.

An example of how strange "Kathy Griffin" was as an episode lies in the fact that I found myself agreeing with Bianca throughout the entire hour. I've been over her brand of delusion this entire season, as it doesn't possess any of the humor that Jade's self-importance did, but I think she's been over this competition, too, as she was openly defiant tonight. The fact that she recognizes how this cycle is absolutely nothing about the real world of modeling was strangely welcome, as too often it feels like the contestants are drinking from the Kool Aid that Tyra used to dye her hair with in cycle 4 and to have someone with experience coming in and being like "uh..." made for good TV for this longtime ANTM POW watcher. I understand the argument that she knew what type of show she was signing onto, which makes her whole stand carry less weight, but she's not the only contestant this season to express disappointment at how misled they were going in.

I didn't even like her picture and I wanted Bianca to stay, if only to rattle the show's cage a little more. There's no way any established model would get in a bathtub to hock anything (maybe for a jabillion dollars and a cut from profits of said product), especially if she knows she has better opportunities elsewhere. You teach people (and employers) how to treat you and I respect Bianca for standing up for herself and not letting Tyra break her.

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.07 "Kathy Griffin" Review

Once a reality show has been in the trenches for a few weeks, its contestants are bound to get a little frustrated. Even the most seasoned of reality famewhore can get a little tired of the constant grind that the medium requires: the inane challenges, the leading questions that you just know will be edited strangely, the lack of any proper distractions in television or the internet. After the show has gotten through its first few weeks and worn down the optimism to a nice, crisp apathy, you get to see the claws come out.

Luckily, Top Model: This Cycle Has Nothing to Do With Fashion Stop Pretending It Does, Tyra comes prepared for situations like this, as crazy Aunt Tyra let the girls take out some frustration in "Coco Rocha". For having such a well-known collection of basketcases and weirdos, America's Next Top Model: You're Lucky to Remember 30% of These People has been a rather subdued affair, at least on an interpersonal level. Sure, "6 foot, 120 pound personality" Bianca has been a big bucket of self-indulged crazy and Lisa Lisa & the Cult Jam has got delusion on lock this cycle, but other than that, it's been a fairly calm bit of "modeling", so you know what that means?

Flag football!

Because when I think high fashion modeling and personal branding, I think of blurred asses.

Or something.

It was pretty obvious that the only reason the flag football challenge existed, aside from bringing in good looking NFL players and giving Brittny Gastineau something to do with her day, was to put 14 models in bikinis and tell them to hit each other. As the good Lord intended, of course. The whole "there-was-a-flag-thrown-now-go-serve-realness" thing was like a Saturday Night Live sketch in real life, a truly bizarre bit of reality show goodness that had nothing to do with anything. I like action shots, I like emphasizing athleticism in modeling, and I like bitchy competitiveness (probably because when I get competitive, my bitchiness goes through the roof), but like...what's the point here? Honestly? None of the photos looked that extraordinary and even if somebody pulled off something special, we didn't see the photos closely examined and the challenge was only briefly mentioned in panel, so it must not have counted for a whole lot to begin with.

The other bit of faux aggression this week (in an episode that might as well have been called America's Next Top Model: All-Stars "I'm Weally, Weally Mad Wight Now, You Guys....Guys?") was a couples shoot (aw, how prom) with model Coco Rocha. Rocha may look like the stereotypical icy European model who won't get out of bed for less than eleventy billion dollars and a hoagie from Subway, but she was actually very intelligent, warm, and modeled the crap out of all five shoots she was in. (And she's somebody actually related to the fashion industry! Novel concept, Miss Tyra. Work.) I actually enjoyed the shoot this time because, shocker, it was somewhat realistic. Who knew that giving people who are trying to go into a profession something they would actually do in said profession could turn some good results out? The thought...

I wasn't a huge fan of the final pictures themselves (Bianca, for instance, was hideously cliche), minus, surprisingly, the picture from Dominique and Lisa, but it felt like this was the type of stuff they should have been doing from episode one. No gross hot dog photos, no gimmicky tribute shoots - just good old fashioned face serving at its finest and can I get an amen for that?

I'll wait...

Aggression may be the name of the game at or around this stage in a reality competition series, but Top Model was once again too artistically tame for its own good. There was a noticeable perk up when the girls had to do something fashion-y, but otherwise, it was the same ol' Top Model that we've seen thus far this cycle. The only aspect that's keeping me glued in to All-Stars is the fact that nobody's running away with the competition, since there hasn't been a girl to score two first callouts thus far. Other than the prospect of the first cycle in many moons not decided by week three, there's not a whole lot here to hang your jaunty fedora on; all the man meat and booty tooching in the world can't disguise the fact that America's Next Top Model: All-Stars has been a disappointment and one that I don't see remedying itself by cycle's end.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:

• "Bam! That's just because!"
• "Give us referee!" Top Model: Serving Ed Hochuli realness since 2011.
• "Are we ready to get this bitchfight going?"
• Okay, I have to ask. Who do you think is going to win this thing? My heart says Allison; the judges love her, she killed it on the Extra interview challenge, and she's been involved in the industry from other angles, which can only help her modeling. But knowing how wack-a-doo this show can be, I'm not betting on her to take the title.
• Was Andre not Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dreckitude at the typeF.com shoot with Kayla? If I had a gong, girl...
• Speaking of the judges being useless, Tyra not being at the shoot for her own website was lame, Mr. Jay's disingenuous "help" for Angelea was lamer, and Nigel finally kicking out Bre after weeks of obvious disdain was lamest. Janice Dickinson, if you're out there, come home. We miss you.
• I respect Kayla for being so positive about who she is and whatnot, but can we have her say something non-sexuality related for once?
• Was I the only one that thought for a second they were going to eliminate someone after the challenge? Yeah? Okay, carry on.
• Why did panel not hate on Lisa's attire? The sunglasses, the skanky top - I know they want "Personality" with a capital "Train Wreck" this cycle, but as Tyra has reiterated many a time, you can't lose your modelesque.
• Next week: The girls create a "signature scent", which they'll obviously debut in a bathtub. In public. Plus, Kathy Griffin stops by and Eva Marcille is doing everything she can to hide how pretty she is.

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.06 "Coco Rocha" Review

Well I will be damned!

There are two things for certain about tonight's episode of The Secret Circle. #1) Some serious game changers were implemented tonight and the show will never be the same again. 2) Fans of the book series might be hella pissed about tonight's developments. Why? Because one of the Circle members is officially and irrevocably dead. And it is not the one who you expected it to be...

After last week's cliffhanger, Melissa was possessed by the demon they thought they had just killed within Heather. The possessed Melissa then manipulated Nick into digging up the demon's brethren, who had been buried in the forest for God knows how long. After wigging out the other coven members, the demon finally showed its true colors after retrieving a suitcase filled with the creatures. She then attacked the rest of the coven, most notably Nick, whose weakness for Melissa became the demon's stronghold on the kids.

Cassie then did the unthinkable by revealing everything to her grandmother Jane in order to ask her to save Melissa's life. Jane came to the rescue and kicked the demon's ass, but the demon left Melissa's body and possessed someone else. After pulling a trick akin to The Thing using a power crystal of her own, Jane pinned who the new demon host was. Nick.

What happened next had the east coast Twitter watchers in a frenzy. The demonic Nick found an upset Dawn (more on that later) and revealed his true name, Abaddon, to Dawn to let her know that he means business. After Dawn lead Possessed Nick to the dry docks, Charles showed up and knocked Nick/Abaddon out, but the worst hasn't happened yet.

See, to kill a demon in The Secret Circle universe, you have to either drown it in water or burn it. You would think that there would be some sort of loophole in that rule in order to help save the demon host. If that is the case, Charles and Dawn had no clue that such a loophole existed, because they chose to drown Nick in order to kill the demon inside of him. Gobsmacked yet?

The death of Nick isn't only shocking because he was a main Circle/cast member, but because Nick didn't die in The Secret Circle book series. With Melissa being possessed by the demon at the end of last week's episode, I thought her days were numbered, especially given that she is not an original character from the books. It was a great shocker and twist that no one truly saw coming and if they said they did then they're lying. Point blank. Kudos to Andrew Miller and Kevin Williamson for having the balls to throw the fans off the scent by offing one of the main cast members so early in the game.

The departure of Nick Armstrong/Louis Hunter is a sad one indeed, especially given how much he and Melissa/Jessica Parker Kennedy's stories were just taking off. Kennedy owned her role tonight as both Melissa and possessed Melissa and didn't hold back on the creepy. From Nick's realization that things weren't kosher with Melissa to his dying plea in Charles's death grip, Louis Hunter gave us a performance that The Secret Circle fans will not forget for a long time. We've only known his character for five weeks, but it was enough to have fans across the board screaming in unison as Nick Armstrong took his last breath, forever changing the game of The Secret Circle. There were a lot of stories that could have been told with the character, which could be a whole other post on its own. But as Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec said with Lexi and Vicki on The Vampire Diaries, it just wasn't meant to be. Good-bye, Nick. You surely left us way too soon...

Despite the huge death of Circle member Nick Armstrong and Jane now knowing about the current Circle, other developments occurred that shouldn't be ignored.

First of all, there are six crystals akin to the ones Charles and Dawn have been using and the one Jane wielded tonight to ward off Abaddon. Demons are scared of these crystals like vampires are scared of vervain. Where could these other crystals be hidden? Could they be hidden with the other Circle members' familial Book of Shadows?

Charles and Dawn have pints of blood on their hands and are up to the split hairs on their head in deep crap. Charles's reaction is a bit shocking given that he's already killed Cassie's mother in order to set off his and Dawn's quest for dominance. I know Nick was a kid, which amps the horror of his actions, but seriously...

Speaking of which, Charles and Dawn are trying to regain their own powers through the power of the currently bound Circle, which is all kinds of wrong when you truly think about it. They are putting their kids in danger to obtain something that was so far, in my opinion, rightfully taken from them. Now that their crystal is out of juice, what can they do now? Do they need the crystals to usurp the current Circle's power? Can the crystal they possess be recharged?

In the subject of the demons, are there more out there? Are they already in human form or can they manifest themselves into other shapes besides humans and snakes?

This show just unleashed an epic sized can of worms and all bets are off on what people think will happen next.

So is your jaw still on the floor? Or is it outside on the street with your TV? Either way, tonight's episode of The Secret Circle will be on the mouths of fans for days to come. A classic episode so far, and I can't wait to see how Miller and Williamson will a) solve this big problem for the show and b) introduce the new coven member, because let's face it - a newbie is most definitely coming.

Oh and one more thing, the parting shot of the night with Cassie looking out her window into Nick's empty room? Priceless.

Are you guys okay out there? Still feel violated? Need a hug? Spill your tears below...

(Also if I left out anything, it was due to an outage in the area that lasted four minutes...Fill me in below!)

The Secret Circle Episode 5 Review: Death and All His Friends...

What do you get when you cross LaToya Jackson, the Kardashian sisters, and drag impersonations of an icon no longer with us?

Give up?

Me, too and apparently so has Top Model, as "LaToya Jackson" proved once and for all that the show has pretty much bailed on all sense of fashion legitimacy this go around. I don't know why I keep expecting America's Next Top Model: All-Stars to turn things around and become a beacon of couture realness, but once again, the reality in this reality competition series took over and we were subjected to an episode even loopier and tackier than usual.

It's not that the show was poor in idea. I don't mind the Kardashians stopping by, as they're at least involved in the fashion industry and they've been famous for long enough to where they could impart some decent knowledge how to handle yourself in the public eye. They may not always make the right moves, but the three sisters have shown that they know how to build and exploit a brand, which was supposed to be the central theme of All-Stars. Naturally, the show didn't give the girls a chance to pick the brains of the celebutantes, choosing instead to have another gimmicky runway challenge (this time, on a carousel) and let the Kardashians judge. The winner(s) received an outfit of clothes from the Kardashian Kollection, a fashion mosaic of animal prints, structured jackets, and horrible, horrible metallics, but you know? It felt so pointless and stale. Top Model has gotten a lot of mileage out of the "hey, let's embarrass pretty women" gag in its 17 cycles, particularly with runway challenges on elevated platforms, involving treadmills, and utilizing gigantic swinging pendulums, so adding in a fast-moving carousel makes sense within the confines of the show, but in the real world?

I know that Tyra mentioned a show that used a moving runway and I have no doubt that designers have unusual aesthetics, but is this really helping them build their brand or do something useful with their time? What are the girls getting out of a moving runway show in cheap-looking clothes in front of 7 people? I like when the show throws curveballs in the runway shows, as it shows that a model has to always think on her feet and be prepared to dive into anything given to her, but the carousel challenge was lazy and beneath what the show can do.

So, we had a mostly poor challenge, but there'd be a fabulous photo shoot to make up for it, no?

No.

I liked Michael Jackson's music and honestly, LaToya Jackson is cute as a button, but there's no reason to have this photo shoot. If the focus of the season is building one's brand and establishing a clear identity for yourself, why are the girls having to imitate the movements/persona of a man with a very specific identity? There's very little room for interpretation in a photo shoot like this, so the finished products end up being the same photo 10 times. You could argue that that's why it was such a good challenge, in that you had to focus more on the way the model's moved and how they controlled their body, especially with their faces mostly covered, but the Michael Jackson photo shoot told me absolutely nothing about any of these girls and who they are as models. (Isn't the point of this cycle that we find out who everybody is and what they can bring to a job?) The show has done celebrity inspired photo shoots in the past, but those allowed the girls to play a little more and there was a wide enough variety of celebrity that it didn't feel redundant.

So, poor challenge and boring photo shoot with zero relevance? There must have been good drama or an intriguing panel...

Nope.

The drama, I'll give you, was some of the best of the season, but it amounted to nothing less than the fact that Bianca is the worst. She's Jade without the delusions of grandeur and rhyming ability, a walking, talking, breathing epitome of a model stereotype. Bianca's pissy, entitled attitude this season has been one of the major downers, mostly because everybody else has been kind of chill and she ends up looking even crazier by comparison, but she was insufferable throughout "LaToya Jackson". I have no idea how she's been able to stay signed to Ford because if this is the type of display that she puts on on a regular basis, she must be pooping out photos of Naomi Campbell caliber, as she seems like a miserable person to work with. The crying, the obvious insecurity around other girls, the oversensitivity - Bianca doesn't need a gig on Extra, she needs some anger management and intensive therapy, because the whole "coalition forming against her" thing with Bre was less funny-sad and more sad-sad.

When LaToya Jackson announced that nobody was being eliminated this episode, I just had to laugh. Of course, of course that happened because this is Top Model and up is down, the sky is bright green, and time has no meaning. I have no idea if (or when) we're in for a double elimination, since LaToya Jackson just upset the space-time continuum (or something), but it looks like these are the type of curveballs America's Next Top Model: All-Stars is content with throwing at us these days. It's obvious that the show didn't want to lose either Angelea or Lisa, two of its more unpredictable models, and this just seemed like a last second producer intervention dressed up as a well-meaning gesture from the guest judge. Not even Tyra's sudden swagger jacking of Maria Bello could save "LaToya Jackson" and if a jaunty fedora can't breathe some life into the proceedings, I don't know what can.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:

• "All I was thinking was 'bitch, don't fall'." I see Angelea and I have the same thought process.
• "Who dressed Miss J today?"
• Likely promoted by her cousin the Excuse Monster, Lisa is apparently the Sheriff of Top Model Town. Does that make me the town crier?
• Laura got first call out, so we still don't have a front runner. I think Allison is the favorite right now, but in Top Model world, logic and results have no place. More blackface!
• It looks like a couple of past contestants aren't feeling this season, either.
• As gaudy as the Kardashian Kollection was, I really liked Khloe's top at the challenge.
• It feels like they're looking for America's Next Top Polarizing Figure instead of...well, whatever they're looking for this cycle. Tyra booting Brittany for not making a mark and keeping Lisa despite her Hipster Rosie the Riveter chic is proof of that.
• Alexandria was serving biracial butterfly realness with her mixed metaphor about sharks and big dogs. I almost shed a tear.
• Next week: Powder puff football on the beach, where Bianca gets physical. No word if you can hear her body talk.

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.05 "LaToya Jackson" Review

First and foremost, I would like to say how much I geeked out when The Secret Circle referenced The Craft in this week's episode. Much love to the writer of this episode for remembering a classic that has not been treated well in recent years. Okay, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

So if last week's episode Loner displayed just how bothersome a bounded Circle could be, "Heather" really drove that particular point home since the group has to deal with demons gunning for their heads now, literally for one unfortunate member of the coven (more on that later).

First, lets discuss mythology. The first four episodes of The Secret Circle have quickly filled in the blanks of what happened that fateful night 16 years ago. "Heather" revealed to us that not only was Cassie's mother trying to prevent the events of that night from happening, but that another entity (or unknown group of people) were also attempting to use Amelia as a tool to conjure some bad energy into the mix. So the angle of "history repeating itself" on The Secret Circle has went from just a simple fear of those traumatized by the previous coven's deaths to a cut and dry certainty. Does this mean Cassie's family line is special in some sense, given that Amelia and now Cassie are considered pawns to an endgame of mass proportions? How will the rest of the group feel about this if it's true? They are a seriously jealous bunch, I'll tell ya...

Another correlation into the past is the Sally/Cassie friendship, which mirrors the Amelia/Heather friendship at this stage of the game. At least initially. Heather was a victim of circumstance who wanted to help her friend stop evil, but got caught up and was possessed by a demon. Sally is headed the same way if she decides to piece together the puzzle pieces that constantly fall into her lap. Even though Sally was missing from this week's episode of The Secret Circle, I still couldn't help but make the connection to her potential involvement with the Circle.

Finally, is anyone else finding the 16 year gap between the two Circles a bit... odd? That would mean that not only was the original coven seniors in high school, but they were all pregnant at the same time. Plus, who were watching the babies when their parents were out having the time of their lives on a boat somewhere? Anyone else notice this?

On the character building side of things, we got to see a nice bump for Melissa and Nick in both of their roles, which I thought was tastefully done. To be honest, I expected Nick to pine over Cassie and didn't see his relationship with Melissa coming until the reveal in the second episode. I wonder how this 'relationship' will be tested next week as we saw Melissa being possessed by the demon at the end of this week's episode. Will Nick's veneer crack even more as he tries to help save the girl he...'cares' about?

With Melissa, it was good to see her finally get a backbone of sort between both Nick and Faye, because I don't know if I could have sustained seeing her get stepped on for a few more episodes. Instead of worrying about casting their own individual spells, let's pray that Melissa just manages to keep grasping the little dignity she has discovered so far and not let the demon run over her as well.

Now that Nick and Melissa are sort of item, that leaves Faye looking and feeling more vulnerable than ever. I personally think that she gave Nick the riot act concerning Melissa last week, because she assumed he would've chosen to "get lost" instead of respecting Melissa. If so, her plan backfired and now no one really has time to stroke her ego at this point in time. However, I seriously doubt that will deter her any less, especially whenever she gets her powers back.

Now for the head love triangle of the group. It is not going to be long before the drama between Cassie, Adam, and Diana explodes in all of their faces. Even though she came out to be right in the end, I can't help but think Diana challenged Cassie's decision with the spell out of spite of catching her and Adam together looking guilty as a harlot in church on Sunday morning. For Diana to be the 'leader' of the group, you would think she would not only know of the spell Cassie was about to perform, but at least give her a concrete reason why to not perform it. Seriously, Diana waited until Adam was far away from Cassie before revealing the dangers of that spell. Something doesn't sit right with me on that tip, but hopefully I'm looking at it wrong, but my gut is telling me different.

If I was in Cassie's shoes, I would be an emotional wreck after finding out all these secrets about the woman she once thought she knew. It seems like with each reveal of Amelia's past, Cassie feels as if she is responsible for the pain inflicted on the Chance Harbor residents' back in 1995. It might take all season for Cassie to realize that she isn't this evil thing or that Amelia was as destructive as people are making her out to be. I just hope the writers don't draw it out too long...

One last thing...where was Dawn and Charles? With someone like Heather coming after their kids, you would think they would have intervened in some capacity. Demons are in play now and the two adults can't be all that powerful against them with just that stone.

So with a demonic Melissa heading our way and warnings of The Circle becoming unbounded, what do you guys think will happen next on The Secret Circle?

The Secret Circle: Night of the Demon

You wanna be on top,...mate?

It looks as if America's Next Top Model may be undergoing a name change to go along with its recent changes in format, as A Blog About Things is reporting that the theme for cycle 18 is...

US vs. UK!

Yes, Tyra Banks is stoking the long dormant fires of the American Revolutionary War in the name of fashion, bringing together seven models from the US and seven models from the UK to see which country is fiercer.

Or something.

I definitely have mixed feelings about this reveal. What few international cycles of the show I've seen have been pretty good and I think the show could use the creative jolt that embracing the strengths of those editions could bring. The all-star season has been a bit of a disappointment and having such an unexpected "gimmick" to cycle 18 may also be just what the show needed to freshen things up. However, it's been a while since there was a cycle that I loved and I don't know if changing the nationalities of half the contestants is enough at this point in time.

While cycle 18 (which features new judge Kelly Cutrone) won't be premiering until some time next year, you can check out the all-star cycle, airing Wednesdays at 9:00 on The CW.

How do you feel about the US vs. UK theme? Do you think the show should have a slightly tweaked title, just in case a British girl were to win? What should be the next seasonal theme that Top Model tackles?

The Theme of America's Next Top Model Cycle 18 is...

The CW has now joined NBC in cancelling a new fall show, as the network has officially pulled the plug on H8R, its much maligned Wednesday night reality series. Following four low rated episodes, including last night's series low, the show has been replaced in favor of Ringer repeats.

There are no current plans to air the remaining episodes of the show, though that may change should The CW decide to burn the episodes off in the summer. Its next episode was scheduled to include former Top Model judge Janice Dickinson and Bristol Palin's baby's father Levi Johnston.

H8R featured celebrities confronting their "h8rs" (haters) and ultimately trying to convince said hater that they aren't such a bad person after all. The show, hosted by Mario Lopez, had been focusing on reality alumni, with Snooki, Jake Pavelka, and Kim Kardashian among the first participants.

Were you watching H8R? How do you feel about the show's cancellation?

H8R Canceled by The CW

As much as I've criticized America's Next Top Model: All-Stars this season for being a little more wackadoo than usual, I have to admit that "Anthony Zuiker" managed to keep the sense of fun that that best episodes of Top Model have while bringing some of the legitimacy that had been missing thus far in cycle 17.

I love a crazy photo shoot or funny challenge as much as the next guy, but this cycle had seemed to put on its absurd weave and forget about its high fashion sunglasses, in that the first three episodes were heavy on the silly and stupid and very light on anything resembling proper training for these girls. However, "Anthony Zuiker" brought both with a little bit of old school medical drama and I actually enjoyed it quite a bit.

The acting challenge was the weakest part for me, in that we've pretty much seen the exact same challenge before. (In cycle three, where the girls were performing with Taye Diggs and had difficult medical jargon to memorize.) It's not an inherently poor challenge, but it was a bit of a retread that I recognized immediately and ended up being disappointed in. Not to mention the fact that this is another challenge that almost demeans the girls, as it felt like "teehee, let's have a bunch of stupid models try to remember big words" instead of something that lived up to the legitimacy that Zuiker brought. The only thing that saved it was what was up for grabs; the winner of the acting challenge would get a guest appearance on a fall 2011 episode of CSI, which is one of the biggest (and most realistic) "gets" to date for the show. Top Model hasn't really embraced the fact that a lot of its most famous alumni (Yaya Da Costa, Eva Marcille, Adrienne Curry) have crossed over into the public's consciousness through acting/television until now and it'd be wise to continue this trend.

Camille even said in one of her talking heads that being a working model doesn't pay all that much anymore, so girls walking in to the business in 2011 need to be much better equipped to handle multiple roles in the industry. I think it'd be nifty if one of the next cycles had the girls learning about either the technical side (manufacturing, tailoring) or the behind-the-scenes side (PR, managing) to get a better grasp on the industry and to prepare themselves to be a "jill of all trades".

I liked that the show brought in one of the clients (Lisa Gavales from Express) early on in the cycle because it felt like a wake-up call that both viewers and the girls needed. At the end of this thing, somebody's going to have to get out there and represent the show in ad campaigns and despite the fact that personality plays a major role this cycle, if you can't model, you shouldn't be making it that far. Of course, the show had to add another hoop for the girls to jump over by assigning them one of four random roles (socialite, girlfriend, cool chick, flirt), which was confusing. Isn't this cycle supposed to be about branding and bringing their own "thing" with them in their career? What if their "brand" doesn't fit into one of the four roles that were given?

The shoot itself was actually quite good and surprisingly professional in styling and overall look. There were no hot dogs or crazy costumes here, thankfully; it was just (mostly) pretty clothes from Express and three male models that tried to help the girls best emulate their word. I don't know why Top Model has been so resistant to fully moving toward realistic, well produced shoots because it was nice to see the girls in a type of photo shoot they would encounter in the real world and for the most part, they all took to it like ducks to water. Per usual, the bottom two of Lisa and Camille was telegraphed from the opening couple of minutes, but I think that Alexandria needed to have more consideration for the Speech of Impending Doom. Her acting performance was mumbly and not natural, while her photo was stiff and very blank. She's performed okay in the previous three episodes, but I still don't feel like she's on the same level as everyone else.

Honestly, "Anthony Zuiker" was kind of fun. Yes, the challenge was a repeat and the elimination was again suspect, but the shoot was pretty entertaining, the challenge prize was quite cool, and there was even an old school medical emergency in Kayla's cardiac arrhythmia. Flashes of cycle 4, that brought. Here's hoping that the opening few episodes were an aberration and the rest of cycle 17 moves toward the type of realistic-yet-compelling challenges and shoots that would, y'know, make sense given the girl's experience level.

Oh, who am I kidding...

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:

• "God forbid I find his e-mail address."
• "Half the words are longer than my face."
• "I got the most talent up in this bitch."
• "When she doesn't look at the camera, she's great."
• Kudos to Lisa for not drinking. She's still extra messy (and one-dimensional) with way too many excuses, but stay strong, girl.
• I was surprised that panel didn't mention Kayla's medical emergency. I think it may come up in the future, the closer she gets to actually taking the title.
• Speaking of things that weren't brought up, why didn't Lisa's cursing on camera get a mention or two? They've made a big deal in the past about how, if you flub up a line, to stop, breathe, and start again, because there could be something in that take for the director to use.
• What was with Mr. Jay's wardrobe this episode, especially the scarf during the acting challenge? Tragic.
• Does anybody else think the Tyra Mails are awkwardly worded? Telling the girls they're still in the running toward becoming "America's Next Top Model All-Star"?
• Tyra chiding Camille for telling them they picked a shot where she was falling was annoying. A client would pick the best shot of their model and I have a feeling Camille had better in the tank than what we were shown.
• I really enjoyed Anthony Zuiker as a guest judge. He was smart and opinionated without trying to be the center of attention.

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.04 "Anthony Zuiker" Review

I have some serious mixed emotions about the concept of a group challenge on a reality show like America's Next Top Model. While it works well in stirring up drama and giving a reading on how well you can work with other people, it's hard to fully accept as a true means of eliminating someone. The "random" pairings have a bit too much control in either building up a contest or bringing them all the way down, so it can scream producer interference and predetermination more than anything.

Let me just get this out. I think Isis was robbed in "Kristin Cavallari", the third episode of America's Next Top Model: All-Stars. The entire set up of the episode was to blame, though, due to the weird rule that half the cast would be safe from elimination following the interview challenge with Mario Lopez. I can understand wanting to give the challenges more weight, as they've become more nonsensical and pointless with each passing cycle, and I think that granting immunity early in the game can raise the stakes on what would've normally been a bit of a filler challenge. However, the show painted itself into a corner with giving six girls immunity because, as Tyra said in her Speech of Super Importance, Angelea and Isis didn't have the two worst photos in the bunch. This challenge may need be all about star power and branding, but shouldn't you do your best to get one of the top models (har har), too?

The judges (and various "faculty") didn't help things, though, as they made comments and decisions that were a tad confusing. Mr. Jay chastising Isis for not bringing the energy she had dancing to the shoot was maddening, as we saw her doing the same leg bends and curls that the other girls were doing in the very shoot footage shown of her time with Camille. And you know that if she had approached something with a couture edge backing it up and moving her body like that, Mr. Jay would have gotten onto her for not being "model-esque". Didn't Camille get in trouble for trying to dance in her photo? Granted, she didn't do that great of a job, but still, it felt very arbitrary to call Isis out for not doing something and then calling Camille out for doing what Isis didn't. Nigel was just as useless and unclear with his comments at the Extra challenge, but one comment he made did stick with me.

"I want to see your character."

When talking to Angelea about learning how to bring in a little personality while maintaining your professionalism, he mentioned that she needed to show her character. You can interpret that as wanting to see who she is and what she's all about, but the first thing my mind went to was "be the stereotypical loud hood chick that you were on the first season or else we get all confused". Of course, I don't know what Nigel's intentions were, but given how disconnected judges are from the show, it's hard to know exactly what any of them are thinking anymore.

Which, let's give props to 716 for actually standing up for herself at panel. I thought she was going to blow a gasket or two and be on the first thing smoking back to the bank that she works at, but Angelea held it together and seemed to want/need the constructive critique going forward.

Even the dramatic photo shoot wasn't enough to save "Kristin Cavallari", though it was far and away the best episode of the season. The fact that they went much more couture as compared to the first two shoots was a major plus and the styling, while strange off camera, came alive in the still frames that each team had. It just felt like another gimmick for the show to lean on as opposed to showing off the modeling talent of the cast. (See: the rollerskating commercial challenge from two cycles ago, whose premise was "let's watch pretty girls fall down hard".) The end result may have ultimately been worth the messy pairings (why not have the unsafe girls all pose to the death together?), but I hope the show simply uses this as a stepping stone to more fashion-y shoots.

Of all the frustrating things about America's Next Top Model, I think the fact that it still doesn't know what it wants to be or the type of winner that it wants gets to me the most, which is evident in "Kristin Cavallari". If you're going to be de-emphasizing the modeling portion of your criteria, why is it still given the most screen time and weight when it comes to deciding who goes home? It has to be a part of it, because we don't want a busted girl muddling up the page of Italian Vogue, but if this season is really all about star power, the structure of the episodes so far is a bit lacking. Why not give the media challenge/training that much more time? We know these girls, to a point, but giving more of a spotlight to their personalities can only help them when the show is over. Though "Kristin Cavallari" was a step up from the disaster that was "Ashlee Simpson", America's Next Top Model: All-Stars is still lacking in shine.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:

• "I know how to conduct myself, bitch. I work at a bank."
• "...and her stride is gonna have to be real big, 'cause I'm coming after her."
• "You know what a booty tooch is? It's when you tooch your booty."
• "Do you ever have your photo taken with your legs together?"
• "I have word vomit just like everybody else."
• The lack of Miss J in this cycle hurts my heart. These girls need to be able to walk a runway, dammit.
• Tyra's E! special aired Wednesday night at 10:00. It'll likely repeat several times, so if you want a refresher course in the Grand Dame of Top Model, check it out.
• For those still not in the know, this cycle will be Andre's last. I said earlier that I wasn't the biggest fan of his judging style, but I forgot to mention that I enjoy how many references he can bring.
• Genuinely impressed with (first call out) Allison this week. She was intelligent and well-spoken in her interview and showed another side of herself in the challenge.
• There's way too many flashes to their past cycles. If you're still watching Top Model after 17 cycles, you've likely seen every damn one of 'em (100 times), so you remember these girls. Plus, aren't these girls all-stars? Their exploits should be memorable.
• Favorite shade of the week: Mr. Jay's swimsuit comment to Shannon and Bre's comment to Kristin about trying to maintain your fame while not jumping from reality show to reality show.
• Was the whole "you're always going to have haters" thing another bit of foreshadowing that Alexandria will win this?
• Kristin Cavallari was a fairly decent guest judge (there've been worse), but her appearance at the beginning of the episode was just a time eater. Unless she was there fielding questions and telling stories from her career for hours on end, it felt like a name for the show to drop in promos and that's about it.
• Next week, the girls audition for CSI: Ted Danson and Kayla gets crazy sick.

America's Next Top Model: All-Stars 17.03 "Kristin Cavallari" Review

I have always liked Rachel Bilson. Back in The O.C. (2003-2007), her character, Summer Roberts, was my absolute favorite along with Adam Brody's Seth Cohen. After O.C. ended, however, Bilson seemed to take a break from television and focused more on the big screen. So when I heard she was returning to TV as the leading lady of a brand new show, I had no choice, but to check it out.

I admit the only encouragement for me to watch Hart of Dixie, at first, was Rachel Bilson. I am usually not into the kind of shows The CW produces, but I thought I had nothing to lose if I gave it a shot. I confess I wasn't particularly excited about it when I started watching it, but I didn't even notice as those 42 minutes flew by. Hart of Dixie is a funny, heartwarming and engaging show. The characters are interesting and the premise (although it has been done a million times before), actually works.

So here is what Hart of Dixie is all about. Dr. Zoe Hart is a true New Yorker, who absolutely loves her city and thinks The Big Apple is the best place in the whole wide world. As soon as she graduates from medical school, she already had the rest of her life meticulously planned out. She was going to do her surgical residency and then she would get the cardiothoracic fellowship and be a kickass surgeon, just like her daddy. Everything seems to be going swimmingly for her when suddenly her boyfriend dumps her, claiming she has no feelings. Then she doesn't get the fellowship she wanted so much. Why, you ask? She doesn't see her patients as people, just as puzzles that need solving. Her boss tells her she should be a general practicioner for a year and then come back and try for the fellowship again.

Heartbroken, she decides to finally take the job some guy from Bluebell, Alabama, has been offering her ever since she graduated. She doesn't know who he is and when she gets there, she finds out he died months before and left his practice to her. Weird, but she has no job and decides she has nothing to lose. The thing is, she is a big city girl stuck in a teeny, tiny town and she just doesn't fit in. At all.

It all sounds very clichéd, I know. But the writing, the acting, the cinematography, they make it work. I am going to be honest. At first, it feels like we are watching a grown up version of Summer Roberts, but Dr. Zoe Hart fleshes out as the episode goes on. The show has a kind of Gilmore Girls vibe to it, which just makes the whole story a whole lot more endearing. I am definitely sticking around for a few episodes to see where they take this.

It seems to be off to a good start, though. B+.

Don't forget to check out the sneak peeks and promotional photos for the premiere tomorrow night. Hart of Dixie is scheduled to air tomorrow, September 26th, at 9/8C on The CW.

HART OF DIXIE

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The CWHART OF DIXIEPICTURED: Rachel Bilson as Dr. Zoe HartPhoto Credit: Michael Tackett/The CW© 2011 The CW Network, LLC. All rights reserved.

Hart of Dixie Series Premiere: Advance Review, Promotional Photos and Sneak Peeks

The Secret Circle dropped a lot of mythology on us last night, while shaking up the status quo that was established in last week's pilot. Just when you think you are beginning to get a feel for where these characters are headed, the writers smack us with exposition that proves otherwise.

The Circle Bounded

The power amongst the Circle ran amok last night with only Faye being the sole person not freaked out by the intensity of their recently heightened abilities. Nick kind of didn't care either, but it's quickly becoming apparent that Nick pretty much doesn't care about anything except getting high and bedding his female Circle members. The only way for the Circle to bridle their powers, according to Diana, was for the group to bound their circle. However, according to Faye, taking that action would diminish each person's individual power by linking the six to make the Circle stronger in their capabilities.

Of course, it took someone to get hurt for Faye to come to her senses, and for Cassie to drop the "I wanna be normal!" act and get with the program. The group agreed to finally bind the Circle, but Diana later confessed to Adam that she really doesn't have a clue of what she's doing. In other words, binding the Circle could bring more harm than good, setting the group up for a world of hurt. What evil could possibly come from binding the Circle? Could the results be all the proof that Faye needs to take over as leader of the Circle from Diana? Could this also further drive Adam away from Diana into Cassie's arms?

Previously in The Secret Circles Past...

The parental units were in full force last night and we got a nice big chunk of what happened in the previous Circle without actually knowing what exactly happened.

So we know that the previous Circle was involved with a fire on a boat that took the lives of several of its members. Cassie's father, Adam's mother, Melissa's father, Faye's father, and both of Nick's parents all perished in the fire, which forced Henry Chamberlain to strip the then surviving members (Dawn, Ethan, Amelia, and Charles) of their powers. As we know, somehow Charles and Dawn regained their powers, which makes you wonder if the strength of the current Circle will be Charles and Dawn's ticket to fully regaining their own powers? Also, was the white crystal the two used tonight a source of their power, or a temporary talisman to use until they restore their powers? Plus, who are the Elders? Another order of past Circle members? A lot to mull on here...

As soon as Grandfather Henry walked onto the scene, I knew he was there to keep an eye on things... and end up as dead meat by the end of the episode. Although that's not to say the man's time on the show was completely wasted by any means. Grandfather Henry's character pretty much filled in some blanks to help stabilize the mythology more pertaining to the past as well as The Secret Circle's lore concerning witchcraft within its universe. He also brought out the true mastermind, or an equal villain, in that of Dawn Chamberlain, who is deft at lying to your face without even the slightest twitch of a facial muscle. With Charles Meade's relentless nature and Dawn's cunning perception on things, it's going to be fun seeing these two raising hell on the town of Chance Harbor,

Boundless Love

One thing that I really enjoyed about last night's episode was the building of Melissa and Nick's characters. In the pilot, Melissa didn't say too much to make her standout, while Nick mostly brooded in a corner whenever he was in a scene. This episode opened up by giving them more to work with, especially Melissa's obvious infatuation with Nick that has become more complicated now that the two have slept together. We also saw that Melissa seemingly doesn't have a backbone as of yet, letting herself be dragged around as a sidekick (or lackey) by Faye. Nick, like I stated above, is your average teenage bad boy, but how many of you want to bet that he's the teenage bad boy with a heart of gold? Will Nick try to approach Cassie on a dating level or will he see that someone already has eyes for him?

The fated connection between Adam and Cassie grew stronger as well last night with the chemistry between them became more and more difficult to control. They are undoubtably powerful together, which anyone with a conscious can see. Most notably Diana. The fact that Diana knows this fact and is perturbed about it is an interesting angle for the writers to play with. I wonder how long will it be before the you-know-what hits the fan when Cassie and Adam finally connect in a physical manner. Again, I hope it is midseason, but at the rate the storylines are spinning now? I'm thinking we will have a Cassie/Diana showdown of sorts by Christmas.

Big Bad Faye?

We got to see wild Faye, but will it be the end of her before she ever got a chance to really show out? After being a very intimidating force to Cassie, Faye was shaken out of her power stupor after slinging poor Sally Matthews across the dance floor and off a balcony. Seeing that her powers are indeed dangerous, she finally agreed to binding the Circle, but I heavily doubt that the bad girl within will remain bottled up for long.

So what did you guys think about the second outing of The Secret Circle?

The Secret Circle: Something Wicked Becomes Way Out of Control...