The Bachelor Season 19 Episode 6 Review: “Two-For-One”

The Bachelor 19.06

I am a jinx. That is indisputable fact. I used to think it was limited to sports; my poor Patriots, Braves, and Suns would fall apart at the worst moments. It took a reverse jinx of Christ-like proportions (the ridiculous railroading that was Deflategate) to break my hold over the Patriots championship number.

So when I said last episode that I was totally buying into Chris’s good guy routine, I should’ve known that it would blow up in my face in this week’s episode of The Bachelor.

He acted like a total jerk this episode. A tooooooootal jerk. And the way he went about it made it so much worse. It wasn’t that he was casually or even obviously cruel; he didn’t curse anyone out or get a little aggressive. No, he instead let those he supposedly care about bear the brunt of criticism and tenison totally alone.

He took Britt on a one-on-one in the middle of a Group Date, and then he brought her back under the most awkward of circumstances. He then left her there alone, to deal with that awkwardness alone. He left her with these girls, all of who have not been afraid of expressing their opinions, and acted like he was doing her a favor. They had just had this really great group date, in which they all bonded as much with each other as they did Chris, and he ruined that.

It was a really crappy thing to do.

And then comes the two-on-one, with Ashley and Kelsey. Ashley was my favorite from the start, but she’s had a rough few episodes; her inability to reign in her emotions cost her a spot. Kelsey, though, was something else entirely. She is a psycho serial killer black widow jerk of a human being, and this episode took the fun of her craziness and actually made me concerned for the future of the show. It wasn’t really funny anymore to see her cackling and making really calculated moves because, all of the sudden, you realize that this isn’t a scripted (well…) drama and actually is supposed to be real life. So when a scheming human being like Kelsey continually gets the upper hand, you stop enjoying it so much.

This leads into the next Chris-Douche moment. Ashley takes one for the team by telling Chris about Kelsey, which is a move that never works well and almost always backfires. Chris then TELLS KELSEY WHAT ASHLEY TOLD HIM!!!! HE TOLD ON HER!! SNITCHED!! Why, man???? He offered some lame excuse about not knowing Kelsey would tell her, but dude, come on. Now, here’s what I think: I think he was done with both of them, and he wanted to send them both home, so he pitted them against each other. That’s what I think.

I almost think the same thing of his interactions with Britt, as well. There was a soundbite of Ashley pointing out that Britt doesn’t like the Iowa life anymore than she would, and then in the promos for next week, we get a bunch of shots of her crying. So I wonder if this sudden attitude change of his is a way of setting up that Britt is going home soon.

Now, you may be saying, “Hunter, she isn’t going home. She’s clearly his favorite!” Yes, I agree. BUT. Consider this: the amount of setup they’ve done in this past episode alone is reason to be suspicious, but once you look back the last three episodes prior, you start to see a pattern. First, it’s the hot air balloon ride, in which Chris acts like a jerk again. Before that, it’s the shower revelation. Then, it’s her attitude about him and his constant kissing of other girls.

I know, I know; they do this sort of thing all the time. But this feels different; it feels quieter and more subtle. The reason they would do this amount of prior setup is because it wouldn’t be believable otherwise. She’s so far out ahead at the moment, it’s almost unbelievable. So, they need something to tie around her waist when Chris throws her overboard.

But anyways. Enough of my Lost-ian Bachelor theories. This was a good episode. It was much more fun to watch than the prior, because we got a huge surprise in that two-on-one. I knew Ashley was gone from the moment she told Chris about Kelsey, but I hoped beyond hope that Kelsey would go down with her. And she did.

So thank you, Ashley I. Thank you for taking one for the team. Thank you for sending Persephone back to the underworld. Her spring and summer were over.

I’ll leave you guys with that. Well, except for Stray Thoughts, of course.

Stray Thoughts

– LONG LIVE WHITNEY, WHO FIRST CALLED KELSEY ON HER CRAP AND SMACKED HER DOWN.

– LONG LIVE ASHLEY, WHO TOOK NO CRAP FROM THE PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL KELSEY AND BASICALLY TOLD HER TO F-OFF.

– That was a lot of capital letters and I am sorry about that.

– More and more, Carly is growing on me. Never thought I would say that.

– Jade is my favorite. She’s both assertive and nice. I hope she doesn’t get screwed because of sexism; they brought up her past with Playboy, and I just know there’s gonna be some slut-shaming, and I will not tolerate that at all.

[Photo via ABC]

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