It’s inevitable that when talking pop culture and Santa Claus that things the conversation will travel down certain pathways, especially when talking to geeks, nerds, and comic book enthusiasts that have been denied their chance to attend various conventions this year. Plus, with the holidays upon us, one of the most iconic figures is bound to come up when discussions eventually turn to who can beat up who and why. Bringing Santa Claus into the mix when talking superheroes might sound a little silly, but it’s still a subject that many people have wondered about all the same considering all the articles and videos that exist on the subject. Some want to believe that due to the nature of his job that Santa is bound to be superhuman, maybe even a mutant within the comic book world, or a metahuman depending on where he pops up. But the thought of him tangling with some of the mightiest heroes around is kind of hard to imagine. As you might have already guessed it’s not always the real Santa that’s causing trouble, but those that are dressed like jolly old St. Nick. But hey, it still counts, since Santa fights are not only hilarious, but kids tend to not know the difference until they’re told. In the meantime, those of us that know better can just sit back and enjoy the show.
Here are five of the most interesting Santa vs. hero fights.
5. Santa vs. Deadpool
Imagine being given a contract to kill someone in a Santa suit and having to do so in front of a bunch of kids at a mall where this individual is currently asking them what they want for Christmas. Well, a job is a job, and despite the fact that Deadpool has a soft spot for kids he does manage to kill this Santa by flicking a nickel through his eye, yeah, you read that right. Even as the body is already starting to cool though, Deadpool makes the best of the situation and distracts the kids by encouraging them to beg their parents to buy them something expensive, which works apparently.
4. Santa vs. Hulk
Amazingly, the villainous Rhino was so down and out that he took off the Rhino suit and found some level of acceptance as a mall Santa. Unfortunately, when the pressure and the continual headache of dealing with kids that want to tell him what they want finally get to the guy, he starts acting like a jerk and reverts to form. Unfortunately for him, the Hulk is shopping in the same mall and sees this and the two begin to tangle as only big guys in Marvel can, without regard for who or what is around them as they brawl. In the end, it’s one little girl that gets them to stop their rampage as Rhino goes back to his gig and Hulk becomes Santa’s helper.
3. Santa vs. Lobo
The ‘main man’ is given a contract by a drunk Easter Bunny to take out Father Christmas, but in this version, one can only assume that Santa is actually pretty bad or that there’s been some mixup. The former proves to be true since this Santa is operating on slave labor and isn’t a very nice guy. Still, when Lobo comes to call him out it becomes a bloody brawl as Lobo kills every elf he sees, shoots Rudolph in the head, and eventually decapitated the jolly old toymaker before taking over the holiday and making it rain bombs on everyone’s home. Seriously, this would be one strange and depressing Christmas.
2. Santa vs. Superman
Only during the holiday season does it appear as though it might be okay for Superman to try and literally punch the fat out of Santa. No kidding, the point of the story, that a rich tycoon is trying to kill Santa with poisoned sweets, kind of fades away in light of the man of steel and his attempts to scare Santa into getting thin. From threatening to drop him into a volcano to putting him in the path of an oncoming meteor and even making him dance with women dressed as clowns, Superman is one of the worst fitness instructors ever since threatening bodily harm on Father Christmas is a sure way to get a lump of coal in your sock on Christmas morning.
1. Santa vs. the Illuminati
So to be fair, Santa is already powerful enough considering that he can deliver toys to the entire world in a single night, can leap into chimneys and fit down them, along with his toy sack, and has the kind of stamina that is needed to not only consume who knows how many cookies and how much milk in one night, but endure the rigors of traveling across the world since it’s part of his job description. But give a guy like this the Infinity Gauntlet and it feels as though the power might just go to his head, which it did. Thankfully, a well-timed snowball to the face from Namor was enough to get him to drop the glove. One has to wonder if that might have worked on Thanos, but there’s a good bet that the mad titan would have been more annoyed than surprised.
It’s easy to see how people would underestimate Santa Claus.
