Following the exclusive and insightful podcast interview Doc Arzt (You can listen HERE) had with Paul Scheer, the Picasso of Black Velvet, I was able to “sit down” with Paul and field a few important questions of my own.
Here’s 20 Questions for Paul Scheer:
H: What other television show you’ve seen, other than one you’ve been involved in, has elicited such a fervor as LOST?
P: The Suite Life with Zach and Cody.
H: If you were a number…4, 8, 15, 16, 23, or 42…which would you be and why?
P: 42 cause I like my numbers like my beer. Actually I like my numbers 2 digits higher than I like my beer. I guess what I’m really saying is that I’m an alcoholic.
H: If today’s the 16th in Hawaii, what day is it in California?
P: Trick question. There is no such place as Hawaii.
H: Your medium is black velvet. How would you depict the smoke monster?
P: With pieces of the actual smoke monster of course but everytime I get it into my house, it always tries to drag me back to its hole.
H: Who would convey better on black velvet, Kate or Juliet?
P: Juliet because I haven’t figured out how to do freckles yet.
H: Who’s the biggest nerd, Damon or Carlton?
P: Darlton when combined their power is greater like Voltron.
H: What LOST characters are you considering for your future paintings?
P: Rose and Bernard and a Polar Bear.
H: Have you thought of using flourescent paint on black velvet?
P: You’ve read my mind. Aaaah please stop doing that. (H: oops!)
H: Who’s your hero?
P: Arsenio Hall
H: If Damon and Carlton offered you a role on LOST five years ago, who would you have wanted to be?
P: The guy who gets sucked into the engine.
H: If Damon and Carlton offered you a role on it’s final season, who would you want to be?
H: If you painted Elvis in Hawaii on black velvet, would Ronie Midfew accuse you of violating “intellectual property”?
P: No because America owns Elvis.
H: Why does Damon always wear white and Carlton always wear black?
P: Because they are trying to get people to nickname them oreo.
H: If you were a survivor of a plane crash on an island, which LOST character would you want to be with?
P: Shannon because we could use her inhalers to catch a quick buzz.
H: If you were a survivor of a plane crash on an island, which LOST character would you not want to be with?
P: Boone because he seems like he smells like axe body spray.
H: What’s your favorite item on the Mr. Cluck’s menu?
P: I don’t eat at Mr. Cluck after I saw SuperCluck Me.
H: If Mr. Eko was a frontman for a rap group, which would it be?
P: Positive K.
H: Would you advise Rose and Bernard to leave the island?
P: No because I owe them money.
H: Is Ben good or bad?
P: Ben is neither. He’s like the island’s Simon Cowell. He just says what you need to hear.
H: Where the eff’s my painting?
P: Ronie Midfew must have intercepted the Fedex delivery to your house. (H: Damn, foiled again!)
Be sure to keep up with Paul’s blog at Damon, Carlton and a Polar Bear for more about his battle with Ronie Midfew Arts, and stay tuned for an important unveiling on his site this Saturday, August 15th, at Midnight PST!