Re: Delusions and silicone
Hey, Heidi, Spencer. What's going on? Heidi, if you could stop thrusting out your chest for a minute and let me talk that would be great. I already freaking told you, I don't have a camera and I don't want to take your picture. Plus, I've got boobs too and yours aren't doing anything for me, ok? Good.
Now, you guys probably think that after my last one-sided conversation with the Gosselins that I'm targeting reality stars here, don't you? Couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, it's your own damn fault. You people provide me with so much fodder it's almost unimaginable. And I’m going to make a broad, sweeping statement now, but I’m going to totally stand behind it: you people represent everything that is wrong with fame and celebrity.
Heidi, stop crying. I don’t buy your tears. You crave attention, even negative attention, so you’ll probably figure out some way to spin my insult. But it’s bloody true. I don’t understand why you two are famous. You have no discernible talent. No, Spencer, you don’t. Being a sh*t-disturber doesn’t count as a talent. And, Heidi? I watched that “music video” of you crawling around a beach in a bikini and it took at least five hours for my ears to stop bleeding where I had scratched at them, trying to drown out the sound.
Can I get a little philosophical here and talk about how people like you contribute to the moral and societal decline of the human race. That’s s-o-c-i-e-t-a-l. No, I’m not going to tell you what it means. Look it up online. I just don’t understand how people can be famous for the sake of being famous. What do you contribute? Playboy spreads? By the way, pimping out your Playboy spread on a movie premiere red carpet is just tacky. It’s tac-ky. You should have just worn a big placard that says “hey, look at me!!” And I read somewhere, Heidi, that you’re thinking of doing another spread where you, I don’t know, actually take off your clothes, a la proper Playboy procedure. You said you didn’t it this time because you should “always leave ‘em wanting more”. Question: who the f*ck wants more of you? I want you to tell me their name right now because I’m literally going to unleash hell upon them.
Oh, I don’t doubt that you two work hard. It must be exhausting being a constant fame-whore. I can’t even begin to imagine how much effort it takes to throw yourselves in front of the media and people on a never-ending basis. But you just need to go away. Because I can’t stomach reading articles like the one on UsMagazine.com where you talk about being the next Brad Pitt, Spencer. WTF?! Listen, it’s not like Brad Pitt is the best thespian to ever grace the stage and screen, but come-the-freaking-hell-on. Waaaay out of your league, buddy. You talk about how Pitt handled his divorce from Jennifer Aniston and came out pretty much on top. I don’t think you can touch that, man. Just stay away from any comparisons to Mr. Pitt.
And then there's another article where Heidi talks about how she's sooooo nervous about performing for the Miss Universe competition. True story: when I first heard you were performing on that show, Heidi, I said to my friend, "Hey, Heidi Montag-Spencer is performing at the Miss Universe show". My friend paused and then said "performing as what?" EXACTLY! What will you be doing, Heidi? Juggling? Reciting poetry? Certainly not....no, wait, it can't be....you're not going to sing are you? Christ.
Look, I honestly don't know what you two would be doing if you weren't busy trying to boggart magazine pages and photo spreads, but I'm hoping you guys will figure it out and start getting on it soon enough. Because I'm just sick and tired of you. Yeah, it's harsh, but whatever. I have a sore throat from the number of times you people have shoved yourselves down it. So stop with the delusions of grandeur and fame and go away. Far away. I'd suggest Australia, but they're a fellow Commonwealth country and I wouldn't do that to them.
So....this was fun, right? No, I don't want an autographed copy of your stupid book. Jesus.
Love it Clarissa. I've been wanting to beat them over the head with a brick ever since I first saw them on that stupid 'I'm a celebrity' show.
Love it Clarissa. I’ve been wanting to beat them over the head with a brick ever since I first saw them on that stupid ‘I’m a celebrity’ show.
They're playing characters in order to be hated, which enables them to be talked about. The Brad Pitt quote is a perfect example. He says it because he knows that people will think its ridiculous, and it'll be blogged about and talked about. He's playing all of us.
Are they douches in real life? Probably.
But you're falling for their game by getting angry at them, or having any opinion about them. I get more angry at reporters and bloggers and the such talking about them and giving them the time of day.
You know what, Rob? I don't disagree with you. There's more people to blame than them, and I actually did debate whether it was worth it to waste space writing about them. In the end, I decided to go for it as a joke. I promise, that's my last paragraph I'll ever devote to the Spencers. You have my word on that!
They’re playing characters in order to be hated, which enables them to be talked about. The Brad Pitt quote is a perfect example. He says it because he knows that people will think its ridiculous, and it’ll be blogged about and talked about. He’s playing all of us.
Are they douches in real life? Probably.
But you’re falling for their game by getting angry at them, or having any opinion about them. I get more angry at reporters and bloggers and the such talking about them and giving them the time of day.
You know what, Rob? I don’t disagree with you. There’s more people to blame than them, and I actually did debate whether it was worth it to waste space writing about them. In the end, I decided to go for it as a joke. I promise, that’s my last paragraph I’ll ever devote to the Spencers. You have my word on that!
You hit the nail on the head! I am so with you on the sore throat thing. Who would want to "famous" as they call it for being conceited? They aren't famous in my oppinion. They are more like an STD that wont go away. I never wanted it, didn't ask for it or plan on and no matter what I do I cant get rid of them. Yeah, I think that's pretty much how I feel about them.
"An STD that won't go away". I love it! Priceless!
You hit the nail on the head! I am so with you on the sore throat thing. Who would want to “famous” as they call it for being conceited? They aren’t famous in my oppinion. They are more like an STD that wont go away. I never wanted it, didn’t ask for it or plan on and no matter what I do I cant get rid of them. Yeah, I think that’s pretty much how I feel about them.
“An STD that won’t go away”. I love it! Priceless!