Chuck 2.12 - "Chuck Vs the Third Dimension" Recap

Welcome to my first recap of the great show Chuck! This is one of my favorite shows on TV, so I'm delighted to be recapping it.

Joshua Gomez tells us to put the crazy 3D glasses on, and glittery cartoon sparkles alert us that the glory of 3D is upon us! Alas, not for me. And thank you, Target, for not actually having the glasses. Gomez waves his fingers at my screen. If I had glasses, I'd wave back atcha, Josh. Woe is me! But this recap isn't about me, it's about...

Chuck, who's lying in bed, reliving Sarah's assassination of the unarmed yet completely malignant Fulcrum agent from the Christmas episode. Remember, the one who threatened to tell pretty much anyone who would listen than Chuck is the intersect? Since Chuck didn't hear that bit, it's not part of the dream. Chuck does, however, see things from the agent's POV, so dream/flashback!Sarah shoots Chuck over and over. Cut her some slack, Chuck! It's the holidays; who among us hasn't wanted to use a semi-automatic and a silencer? Chuck tosses and turns until he hears Sarah whisper for him to wake up. He blinks and looks at the foot of his bed, where Sarah is standing... in a little, black, sheer negligee. He asks what she's doing. Well, she's massaging your feet and legs through your blankets, Chuck. Chuck giggles, a little hysterically, that it's a dream; Sarah assures him it's not. 'Who're we kiddin' here?'Chuck says, as Sarah climbs onto the bed and starts to crawl toward him in slo-mo. The national grid falters as fanboys (and some fangirls) everywhere hit pause and then rewind on their TiVos. Chuck babbles an apology on behalf of his subconscious as Sarah, um, straddles him. Is it hot in here?... Chuck babbles some more about how anxiety and fear are clearly affecting his dream life, and Sarah asks him what he's so afraid of. Chuck confesses that he saw her kill the Fulcrum agent 'in cold blood', and that he may be the intersect but he's not a spy, and finally mutters that he needs to tell her this in real life, not in his dream. Aw, poor Chuck � this has really been eating away at him. Sarah leans down and says, again, that Chuck isn't having a dream. Chuck asks what it is, then, and Sarah clarifies: it's a nightmare. She arches back her arm � now holding a huge butcher knife � and slashes down at Chuck, who wakes up screaming, breathless and alone. He pauses. 'That's not how that dream was supposed to go!'Chuck wibbles cutely.

Chuck pours Fruit Loops into a bowl at the dining room table. Captain Awesome turns on the blender behind him, startling Chuck, who flings Fruit Loops willy-nilly - particularly at the camera. Ellie and Awesome exchange a look of concern at Chuck's behavior, and I should probably make a macro for that. Ellie asks if he's okay, and when Chuck says he's fine, Awesome says that Chuck was 'screaming like a little girl'last night. 'It was crazy how high it was!'he says, pouring his Awesome shake. I have to say, if we can have Sarah crawling in slo-mo toward the camera, can we not also have Awesome doing sit-ups toward the camera? Equal time: it's so little to ask for! Chuck apologizes, Awesome dubs him a 'tense coil of pent-up negativity.'He says they 'don't mean to pry,'and Ellie - awesomely - interrupts: "Except we do. We really, really do." Chuck deflects their concern through babbling, and Awesome suggests that he needs some time off. Chuck seems very receptive to this idea, and we cut to...

...the Buy More, which is PACKED. Chuck walks in and does a double-take at the huge line of customers snaking through the store. Morgan bounces over to Chuck and informs him that Tyler Martin is coming to the Buy More. The who now? Chuck clarifies that Morgan means The Rock Star Tyler Martin, and Morgan nods: 'Legend! Poet! I've never actually heard of him...'Heh. Morgan continues that he was supposed to do an appearance at LargeMart, but they pulled the plug because of 'the sex tape thing.'Chuck nods sympathetically. Morgan asks if he saw it; Chuck quickly mutters no. Hee! I love these two. Morgan explains that Big Mike offered the Buy More for the promotional event, and presto change-o! Tyler Martin's appearing at the Buy More. Morgan grins that the place will be so packed that no one will notice that Chuck and Morgan are slacking off. You know, every time I go to the equivalent of a Buy More, I notice. And there's not even a rock star hobbit to blame! Anyway: to disprove Morgan's hypothesis, Big Mike suddenly calls him into his office. He waves about a visually tempting chocolate-covered doughnut with rainbow sprinkles. Mmmm, doooooughnut. It's literal eye candy! Big Mike tells Morgan that a former football teammate of his just got out of the joint, and he's employing him at the Buy More until he gets on his feet. 'An ex-con, sir?'Morgan asks apprehensively. Big Mike is not amused by Morgan's hesitation! He directs Morgan to teach said friend - 'Butterman'- everything he knows. Morgan asks some questions about bars and guards and showers, and Big Mike bellows for him to get out.

Speaking of bellowing: at the front of the store, Control Freak - I mean, Emmett - addresses the long line of people, directing them that when his 'personal friend Tyler Martin'comes in, there will be no flash photography, no approaching the star, and most importantly, no touching. Ha! He's clearly never been to a con. A man wearing a trenchcoat - let's call him Shady - steps out of line with a small brown package and opens it up. Chuck turns the corner, sees the box and flashes on the small grenade with a red timer inside, which is running down from 99. [For the meticulous, Chuck sees: a blue butterfly in a desert; electronic black & white blueprints; the shadow of a military plane along with 'IG-88'; a rotating grenade like we just saw in the small package, which counts down to zero and explodes; the blue butterfly in the desert again.] Shady guy looks up and Chuck ducks out of sight. He calls Casey and Sarah to alert them, and Casey rushes over, ducking down next to Chuck. They stand up slowly together, peering over the electronics aisle at the perp. Hee! The guy's gone, of course: Chuck's bug-eyed and Casey's furious. Chuck rushes over and finds the brown package, which is the same size and has the same labeling as the other items on the shelf. Nice touch, Shady! And if you'd used a white box like all the others, Chuck might not have found the bomb in time. The timer's at 70 seconds; the same timer pops up in the lower right corner of our TV screens. Casey wants to take it out front, but Chuck's concerned about the crowds. He tells Casey to take it out back. Are you ready for some football?

Casey, running with the grenade tucked under his arm, knocks over a life-size cardboard cutout of Tyler Martin. Lester shouts at Casey's disrespect of his hero; Casey knocks him into the refrigerator, and Chuck slams the door on Lester to protect his friend from the blast. Jeff sees it all and is outraged, so he tries to wrestle the box from Casey; Chuck shrieks for Jeff to let go and he does, flinging the box back toward the crowds. Casey runs past Jeff and yells at Chuck to throw it. Chuck does, flinging a hail mary pass that goes past the CDs, the DVDs, holy cow I think they're gonna make it when Morgan literally launches himself into the mix, yelling 'INTERCEPTION'in slow motion and snatching the box out of the air. Run for a hundred yards, Morgan, and not just because Casey looks like he's going to tear you to shreds. Morgan sits up, the ticking box in his hands. 'Why're we playing keepaway?'he asks Chuck innocently. Hee! I love that Morgan's That Guy, the one who intercepts anything in mid-air, regardless of the reason. He bolts to the left, apparently hearing my suggestion to run a hundred yards, and starts to truck down the side aisle. He's so gleeful that no one's close enough to tackle him that he doesn't notice the imposing black man in the Buy More tee, who apparently is ready for some football himself, because he clotheslines Morgan without hesitation, and Morgan is down for the count with 29 seconds on the clock, ladies and gentlemen! Casey grabs the package and he and Chuck race for the back; Big Mike appears and stares down at the prone Morgan. 'I see you've met the other half of the 'Defense of Death','Big Mike says. Ah, Butterman! They fistbump as Morgan blinks and asks if they won. No, honey, you didn't.

Casey and Chuck burst into the storage area with 16 seconds on the clock. Sarah rushes in as Casey says there's no time to defuse it; Chuck throws it in a safe, which Sarah then throws in a fridge, which Casey then rolls into the storage closet. Sarah pulls Chuck down, protecting his body with her own; Casey blocks the door with his broad, manly shoulders, and just for the record, NBC Execs: Casey doing shirtless 3D situps? Also okay. The blast goes off behind the door; Casey's shoulders barely move from the blast. Sarah breathes a worried 'good morning'to Chuck, and -

Credits! Nana, nana, nana; nana, nana, na, na!

A gratuitous and no doubt awesome-if-you-have-3D-glasses cam POV takes us from a street grate through ventilation ducts into the ChuckCave. General Beckman says she's sure Chuck is wondering why someone wants Tyler Martin dead, but Chuck's not surprised: 'Have you heard his music? It's over-produced and the lyrics are completely banal.'Heh. Sarah suggests he talk about the grenade. When Chuck does, Beckman notes that it's a military charge usually used in North Africa, where Tyler Martin just finished touring. Some pics of Tyler Martin flash up on the screen, and we've caught a glimpse or two of Dominic Monaghan's character in the Buy More, but I have to say: hee! Fauxhawk, eyeliner, facial scruff, leather pants, skinny scarf � total self-important, vapid rock star. Love it! Beckman directs them to bring Martin in, muttering that it can't be that difficult to get him alone.

Buy More, wherein shrieking fangirls are freaking. OUT. Tyler Martin swaggers in with his entourage, and I swear by The Ring, the rock star schtick is even funnier when he's moving. I am also having weird flashbacks to Monaghan's character Charlie from 'Lost', so I'm probably finding him even more adorable because of that. Martin tosses his jacket to his bodyguard and motions for the crowd to cheer even more loudly; Morgan tries to hold back the pressing hordes of women while Jeff and Lester fangirl out all over the place. Tyler climbs up on the Nerd Herd countertop and shouts, 'Hello Cleveland!'HA! People blink until someone calls out that it's Burbank, but Tyler doesn't care � he wants to 'thank the humanitarians who have affected (his) work, like Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela � God rest his soul � and my personal favorite, Angelina Jolie.'OMG. 'God rest his soul'? Mother Teresa's the one who's... Mandela's not... I am rendered incoherent at the brilliance of this awfulness. But wait, there's more! He's got a golden ticket in one of his CDs in the store, and the golden ticket is a backstage pass to his show tomorrow night. He jumps down to talk to his manager as Chuck, Casey and Sarah watch from the side. 'How are we supposed to grab a rock star in broad daylight?'Chuck asks, staring at Tyler's security. Casey rolls his eyes. Sarah catches Tyler's eye and waves sweetly; she unzips her cute jacket, thrusting out her high and perkys and twisting toward him seductively. Cut from a drooling Tyler to a slightly smirking Sarah, who hasn't moved at all. 'This is gonna be easy,'she says. She winks at Tyler and heads for the back: Tyler is after her like a shot. 'What's gonna be easy?'Chuck asks.

In the back, Tyler finds Sarah, who purrs that she's a really big fan. He says he's a fan of hers as well, and now it's Chuck's turn to eyeroll as he eavesdrops behind some boxes with Casey. Tyler asks whether she's a model, actress, or (he hopes) 'acrobat?'Chuck can't contain his huff of disgust, which blows his (and Casey's) cover. Tyler goes to find the 'perverts', and gets hit with a blow-dart tranquilizer by Casey for his pains. Hee! Tyler drops like a lead balloon, muttering something about daisies as he goes; Sarah catches him. 'Nighty-night, Tyler,'Casey grits.

A small, snoring poet/legend/rock star dreams of the Shire, getting off some damn island, or blondes with good eye-hand coordination. I'm pretty sure it's one of those. Casey tells Chuck that he shot Tyler with a high-graded, heavy dose, so Tyler should be out for 12-24 hours. Tyler promptly snaps awake, muttering about how brutal jet lag is. Hee! Chuck realizes that Tyler's 'rock star metabolism'have built up his tolerance. Tyler's groggy but still happy to see Sarah, giving Casey time to hit him with another blow-dart, and Tyler's back to dreamland. Casey says he and Sarah are off to check the Buy More's cameras for Shady's car, but Chuck freaks at the idea of being left in charge of the wee hobbit rock stah: what if he wakes up? Casey blinks. "Check him every 20 minutes to make sure he's not choking on his tongue," he deadpans. Chuck explains that that's not the point! Sarah asks him whether he had plans, and Chuck asks if it would be crazy if he DID have plans to do something other than (a) fix a computer or (b) juggle a hand grenade. Casey & Sarah exchange A Look. Casey: "Yes." He and Sarah leave, although Sarah has the grace to look sympathetic for Chuck.

Random residential building. Casey says Chuck has a point, and muses that Chuck could've had a meltdown a while ago. Sarah thinks it's something else: "He's been acting strange since the holidays." They bust through a door and find a room straight out of Se7en: hundreds of candid pics of Tyler Martin cover the walls, with red string connecting them throughout the room. There's tool boxes, clay explosives, and empty boxes that once held chemicals. Casey snarks that they've got a homicidal fanboy on their hands, and Sarah says it's all too neat. "Beckman was right," Casey grunts. "We're dealing with a pro."

Buy More! Jeff, Lester, Butterman and Morgan are opening all the Tyler Martin CDs, searching for the golden ticket, and then re-packaging them. Morgan worries that the golden ticket's for TM fans, but Lester and Jeff - and Butterman, hee - announce that they ARE TM fans, so that makes it alright. Lester takes this opportunity to ask Butterman to settle a bet: he asks, in a contest between himself and Jeff in a prison setting, who would be "the weaker gazelle?" Jeff volunteers that if anyone puts anything in his mouth, he will bite down, and hard. That is wrong on so very many levels, and both Butterman and Morgan are grossed out. Morgan opens the next CD, and... he's got it! He's got the goooolden tiiiiiiiiicket. The other self-proclaimed fanboys' voices overlap squee, hop about and beg for the ticket, but Morgan declares that it's only good for a "plus one", so they will have to settle this "the Buy More way." I am equal parts giddy and terrified about this, which is exactly as it should be.

TM holding barkolounger. The camera pans over a still-sleeping Tyler as Chuck sullenly sits at a desk and eats his feelings in the form of a tasty yogurt. He gets up to throw the empty container away, turns around - and Tyler's gone. Yay, find the Rock Stah Hobbit! I love this game. Chuck literally jumps out of his chair and looks around, terrified, until he spies something that makes him frown and squeak "...what the?..."

Outside, where Tyler Martin is PEEING INTO THE FOUNTAIN. Hee! Thank you, NBC, for not making that 3D. Chuck races over to Tyler, who muses that the ceiling decor is magnificent - it's the most realistic night sky he's ever seen. Chuck clarifies that it *is* the night sky, and Tyler blinks to focus on Chuck. Chuck tries to avert his eyes from the full frontal nudity, which we have the good fortune to escape. Tyler's remarkably lucid for having enough tranquilizers in him to fell an elephant - he wants to know where he is and who Chuck is. Chuck improvises that he's with Tyler's record label, and that they moved him to a "secure location" because they received some death threats on Tyler. Tyler zips up - and I'm not sure why Chuck looks so begoggled, but there you are - and decides that what they really need to do is, wait for it, go party. Hee! Chuck's averse to that, as you can imagine, but Tyler explains that he gets death threats all the time, and it's nothing! Besides, he says, it's Party Night. "It's Tuesday," Chuck says. "Exactly," Tyler grins. Chuck babbles that he just needs to call the 'record company' and pulls out his phone to call Sarah; Tyler takes it from him and lobs it indifferently into the pee-contaminated fountain. Chuck, as you can imagine, wigs and tries not to make it obvious. Tyler starts to walk away, but then pauses, appraising our adorkable hero. 'Chuck, in case you haven't noticed, I just asked you to party. With me.'Chuck realizes what Tyler Martin's offering him: debauchery, possibly something illegal, but potentially something fun, and definitely something that will let him blow off a little steam. He looks over at Tyler, who just grins, and Chuck falls into step with him. Tyler: 'You have cash, right? 'Cause I don't carry liquid.'

Bar, of course. Tyler is throwin' them back - Chuck hesitates, but Tyler points out he's the best wingman Chuck's ever going to have, and he's probably right. Chuck: "See you guys in the Emergency Room!" The whole room cheers as Chuck does a shot and blanches; Tyler giggles at him along with the whole viewing audience and answers his cell phone. He tells the caller he's with the rep from the label, and - I am not making this up - kind of twirls Chuck's nipple through his T-shirt at the same time. Dominic Monaghan is stealing every damn scene he's in, the glorious bastard. Chuck, hilariously, does not even notice. Tyler says "Garrett", who's also from the label, has never heard of Chuck. Chuck volleys back that he's never heard of Garrett! Ahahaha! Tyler buys it and hangs up. Tyler announces that drinks for every one are on the record label, which means Chuck is in the hole, which makes me giggle.

Buy More Break Room: 'Final Countdown'starts to play, and I pronounce it GENIUS. As a Buy More employee walks by with a massive "ROUND 1" sign, Morgan announces to the gathered Buy More employees that he's having a triathalon to determine who will be his plus one. He starts with what he calls "the 'Molly Ringwald Underpants Challenge'." He explains that the first person to bring him a pair of women's underpants will win the challenge, but before he can finish, Butterman turns and rips the underwear off Lester through his trousers. BWA! It's by far my favorite scene in the entire ep, even given Dominic Monaghan's brilliant performance. Butterman hilariously re-aligns the torn underwear, which looks like a silky speedo number, before presenting them to Morgan, who just takes them, bug-eyed and speechless. "I'm a man," Lester hisses, his voice rising to a hysterical pitch. "I'm a man!" Butterman blinks; Morgan says he will accept the silky panties. Lester snatches back his panties and quits, saying he needs to find some ice. And then there were two.

Casey and Sarah return to Casey's apartment. Casey suggests that he "scare (Chuck) straight", and that he'd welcome the opportunity; Sarah demurs and says she'll get Chuck under control. They enter and find the barkolounger and apartment empty. Back at the bar, Tyler's chatting up some birds, by which I mean California hotties, as Chuck watches. He leans over and asks Chuck if he knows what he, Chuck needs. "Aspirin?" Chuck asks. No, Chuck, Tyler meant a tattoo. He says that ladies love ink, and dismissively points out his tattoos - broadly understood to be humanitarian/world hunger reminders, and hi, Angelina Jolie! - as gobbledy-gook that helps him get some play. He says his manager, Gavin, picks them out for him. Two Alpha Hotties saunter over, catching Tyler's attention. They ask if he's Tyler Martin, and he says that he is: "And this is Chuck," he says. Aw! He wasn't kidding about that wingman bit, and Chuck beams. "Chuck is in my band!" He adds, and Chuck glares at him in horror. HA! Tyler smirks a little, and Chuck launches into a hilariously languid, cockney accent, and it is a little hot, confirming that he plays the drums. He then totally overplays it as only Chuck can, ending by quoting "The Little Drummer Boy," and now it's Tyler's turn to stare in horror. Oh, CHUCK. One of the Alpha hotties ask them to dance. Chuck protests his cockney "nooow" as Tyler overlaps "yes", and... Dance floor. Tyler & Chuck dance with the Alpha Hotties. "You know, I'm much better at ironic dancing," Chuck quips to his Alpha hottie. "What happened to your accent?" Tyler's hottie asks. HEE! Chuck admits that he doesn't really have one, and she says that she doesn't really care. They came to get down, Chuck.

Buy More: ROUND 2. Jeff and Butterman taunt each other over a - what do you call these things? The yards-long subway sandwiches. Anyway, they must eat the sandwich at opposite ends; whoever finishes their half first wins. Butterman's a big guy, but I think we all know how this is gonna go. Jeff kind of grosses me out to begin with, so just mix in some open-mouthed chewing in slo-mo and I'm moving on, okay? Jeff wins, to the joy of the Buy More employees, and promptly collapses.

Bar. How Sarah and Casey knew how to get there, I'm not sure, but they spot Shady! Hey, Shady! I'd completely forgotten about you. I should say that Shady spies them first, and they chase him outside, yelling for him to freeze. He stops and opens his trenchcoat, but instead of full frontal, we see multiple of his grenades. Casey's ready to shoot him, but Shady's more interested in walking away. 'Mr Martin is still in danger,'he says,and that's all Sarah needs to hear: she says it's time for them to find Chuck.

Dance Floor. The Alpha Hotties have turned all their attention to Tyler, making a bit of a rock stah sandwich, while Chuck dances on the proverbial outside alone. What happened to the great wingman, Tyler? One of the hotties disrobes, and Chuck flashes on her necklace pendant [statue of a lion, fighter planes, the pendant, explosions, flying dagger, a document with the words "WEAPONS EXPERT" superimposed]. Chuck gasps and blinks as Tyler announces they're moving upstairs, because the Alpha Hotties want to do "despicable things to us." Not in the way you think, Tyler! "That, that's not a very good idea!" Chuck half-shouts over the music. Tyler, completely distracted by his hottie: "All the best nights of my life have started with that very sentence." HEE! Chuck gapes like a goldfish as Tyler sashays off with both hotties, and after a moment's hesitation, he hustles after Tyler.

Buy More: ROUND 3. Oh, this is so disgusting. Morgan enters with a pair of tongs, which are holding a pink-hued puck. It's not, I think to myself, it can't possibly be, but yes: Morgan has brought the urinal cake. Gah! He lays it in the center of the table as Butterman and Jeff take their seats opposite each other. "Here's the deal. The first one of you -" Morgan begins, and Jeff snatches the urinal cake AND EATS IT. Oh, sweet mother of God, the wrongness! Everyone is appalled, even Morgan, who just wanted one of them to touch it. Jeff is Still. Chewing. GAH! "I still win, right?" He asks. The Assistant Manager dashes in, wanting to know who stole the urinal cake, because he "splashed". Jeff subtly slips the urinal cake into. His. Shirt. Pocket. I don't know whether to giggle or throw up.

Swanky hotel! We see an external glass elevator - this will be important later - going up to the Penthouse. Tyler & the Hotties - dude! That's such a great band name! - are making a beeline for the boudoir, and I just realized that based on the girls' attire, I really need to amend that to Tyler & the Skanks, which is not a great band name. Unless you're a thrash german metal band, possibly. Speaking of ensembles, I am no fashionista, and so I did not until this very moment realize that Tyler Martin is wearing, amongst his goth-nihilistic-humanitarian garb, a bright turquoise belt, which gives me the gigglefits for a full minute. ANYway. Chuck flings himself on the proverbial sword, asking the Ninja Skanks to wait inside because he & Tyler really need to talk. Tyler is gobsmacked at Chuck's refusal to jump on the party bandwagon, especially when Chuck squeaks that "these women are very, very dangerous!" Tyler reassures Chuck that he always uses protection, but commends Chuck for looking out for him. Chuck appeals to Tyler's sense of moderation, which, hee! What part of hobbit rock stah do you not understand, Chuck? Tyler, however, pauses. 'You're right,'he says, and Chuck breathes a sigh of relief... 'You need this much, much more than me,'Tyler says, shoving Chuck into the bedroom and pulling the double-doors shut behind him. You know, I saw it coming a mile away, and I still enjoyed every second of it. Unlike Chuck, who's about to die. The skanks do their ninja-model-walk over and start to undress Chuck, telling him that he'll just have to be first. Chuck babbles in a panic - I really have to make a macro for that - about how first is the worst, and the girls throw him on the bed with his pants around his ankles, and the answer to the age-old riddle? Boxers. Striped. The skanks strip Chuck of his shoes and pants; he crosses his legs and squirms adorably. One of the girls draws a thin blade from her boot as Chuck says that the girls no doubt require "a real rock stah," and then he bolts.

Chase sequence! Chuck gets into the living room and pulls the doors shut behind him; the tips of two ninja blades crack through the door on either side of his head. The good news is they have lousy aim, Chuck! Chuck mumbles about "not leaving your wingman" and takes off, running through hallways and finally ending up on the roof. He watch-calls for Sarah, FINALLY, who's still with Casey and runs to meet him. Chuck sees the Ninja Skanks behind him and climbs up on the ledge. The external glass elevator is coming up right beneath Chuck, and one of the Ninja Skanks hurls a blade right at the TV set in 3D and Chuck jumps, aieeee! The blade ricochets off the elevator and Chuck hangs perilously atop the glass structure. Let's hope Willy Wonka's not driving this thing. Nope, it's a lovely African-American couple canoodling. She mentions something about it being a wonderful second honeymoon when Chuck, white knee-top socks and all, falls into view and she screams. He begs for them to push the button for the lobby, but they skedaddle, literally leaving Chuck hanging with his nose smushed against the glass. The elevator starts to go up and Chuck hangs on for dear life. I have to say, the external shots of Chuck kicking his besocked feet are pretty darn funny here. The door opens... at the Penthouse. Ninja Skanks emerge triumphant, and Chuck can do nothing but gape helplessly. They get in and the door closes behind them; Skank A draws a gun and aims it at Chuck, who closes his eyes, when the elevator doors open again to reveal Tyler! In an open bathrobe and asking if the ladies are "ready for (him)"! The look of stunned disbelief on Chuck's face, plus the uber-smushed nose, rates another HEE. Skank A trains her gun on Tyler, whose eyes bug out of his head, and we get a blink-and-you'll-miss-it shot of a blowdart hitting his neck. Tyler barely gets out a "sorry, I must be going" before he hits the floor, and then Casey shows up. YAY! Kick her ass, Casey! Casey throws Skank A into while Sarah charges into the elevator to whup Skank B's ass, and Chuck freaks out as the elevator rocks around with all the badassery. They finally knock the girls out and can only stare at Chuck, who says, "Lobby? Please?" and slips a little more. Heh.

Back at Chez Casey, Sarah's tearing into Chuck for taking Tyler to a nightclub; Chuck explains that he doesn't have a killer karate chop, and Tyler wakes up. HEE. Casey just rolls his eyes. Tyler asks where he is, catches sight of Sarah and grins: "How was I?" Casey informs Tyler that they're with the goverment and there to protect him, but Tyler's suddenly putting all the pieces together - there was an elevator, and a girl, with a gun... he decides to call his manager, and then falls over from another blowdart, mumbling "good show" as he goes. Chuck has HAD it, y'all, and finally asks WTF is up with Casey, saying he's gonna give Tyler brain or liver damage. "Too late on both counts," Casey growls. Point to the Agent! Chuck turns back to look at Tyler, who has slumped over so that his upper back is exposed, and Chuck flashes a third time [a shiny engine, the central arabic tattoo, a nuclear symbol, a power plant, an atomic bomb going off, the engine again]. He blinks and says he knows who wants Tyler dead: a private nuclear reactor's being built in North Africa. Chuck realizes the manager's been moving secrets with Tyler's tattoos, and Casey snarks at what an idiot Tyler is. Chuck stands up for his wingman, as you do, but Casey shuts him down: "He's an idiot, Bartowski, like you." Ouch! Sarah says Casey has a point and asks what Chuck was thinking - Chuck counters for the Nth time that he's not a spy. "I earned (the night off). I deserved it!" We hear a sharp whistle, and Chuck goes slack: "I'm losing consciousness..." he falls down and Casey glares at him. "My ears couldn't take it," he mutters to Sarah, who's sick of everyone's ineptitude. "It's either that or I shoot him."

Buy More. Through the break room blinds, Morgan drinks his coffee and watches Butterman get a drink from the vending machine. Jeff asks if Morgan's excited about their backstage adventure that night, and talks about the riches they'll get: "That pass is freedom." He says there will be women backstage who haven't been sober for years, and because Jeff and Morgan will be backstage, they'll assume that the two of them aren't losers! I'm going to be brutally honest with you, Jeff: no one's that drunk. Morgan isn't listening, though. As he watches Butterman drink the sweet, sweet pink-flavored soda of freedom, he tells Jeff that Morgan's had a hard time. "I'm sorry, Jeff. This ticket doesn't belong to us; this ticket belongs to Butterman." Jeff, amazingly, does not shake Morgan by the shoulders and scream, "I ate a urinal cake for NOTHING?"

Chuckcave! Beckman tells the trio that Shady is Achmed something or other, but I have dubbed him Shady, and Shady he shall remain. Well, maybe Shadee. She tells them to bring him down at tonight's concert. Chuck balks, saying that it's not fair to use Tyler as bait; Sarah says that Tyler knows people are after him and won't go onstage. "Well. Then. CONVINCE HIM," Beckman says, and ends the transmission. Hee! I kind of love how much she just does not give a damn about their dilemmas. Chuck argues that they can't ask Tyler to risk his own life; Casey more or less says that's the way it is. "Fine. Then YOU go in there and tell him that he has to put his life on the line because he was a pawn in someone else's game," Chuck says. Aww, Chuck. Poor woobie. Sarah accurately says that Tyler won't listen to either Sarah or Casey, and Chuck realizes they want him to do the dirty work; he refuses. Sarah asks what's wrong with him, and Chuck caves - he hasn't been sleeping, he's off his game, etc. Sarah tells him lives are on the line. "If you don't help us, then (Shadee) gets away!" "And the world becomes a more dangerous place," Casey says quietly, and Chuck hesitates. Sarah asks if he forgot that they do whatever it takes to protect people, and Chuck looks sad. Casey says they don't have time for this, and Chuck agrees; he'll talk to Tyler.

Holding cell. A bathrobed Tyler Martin plays imaginary piano on the glass table. Again, Dominic Monaghan did a superb job with all these little touches. If you were being held by the CIA and FBI, would you be composing your next Smash Hit? Chuck enters and sits down, asking if Tyler's okay; Sarah and Casey watch the non-interrogation on the monitor. Tyler says he most definitely is NOT okay, but on the plus side, "(Casey's) tranqs are out of this world." Chuck allows that's one of Casey's good qualities. Tyler says he's never dealt with anything like this before, and Chuck says it takes some getting used to. He asks what they want, and Chuck says they need him to perform, which Tyler rightly says is madness, as people are trying to kill him. Chuck says it is crazy, but that Tyler can help the whole world, and that they can catch the guy. The piano kicks in and we get a close-up of Sarah, who's melting a little bit. "One life of bravery for an entire life of normalcy?" Chuck says. "I can't tell you what I'd give for that." Tyler asks how he can know he can trust them, and Chuck says because he, Chuck, does. "They're the best," he says. "I stake my life on it every day." Sarah melts a little more, and then we get my favorite exchange of the night:

Tyler: I got one thing to say.
Chuck: What's that?
Tyler (grinning): Hello Cleveland!
Chuck: It's... Burbank, actually.
Tyler: Yeah? I'm dyslexic.

HA! Oh, that's it. Tyler, I adore you.

Buy More! Butterman is touched, nay, moved by the gift of the golden ticket. "You boys have given me back hope," he says, shaking hands with Morgan, Jeff and Lester in turn. They send him off with well-wishes, nodding at each other proudly, and he walks off in slo-mo... and sells it to another Buy More employee for a HUGE wad of cash. Heh. The fistbump is on the house. The dork trio is befuddled and demands an answer! "Was it worth the price of freedom?" Jeff asks. "My freedom was worth $800," Butterman gloats, and hustles out of the Buy More, forever. "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'," Jeff says, quoting the Shawshank Redemption. "True dat," Lester notes. They heave a collective sigh and go back to work.

Concert Hall. Casey and Sarah patrol the nightclub while Chuck waits with Tyler backstage. Really? You leave the must-protect-at-all-costs Intersect with the must-only-protect-slightly-less Rock Star of International Secrets? Huh. There's a few guys with "SECURITY" shirts outside, so I'm going to believe they're with our mighty trio. Casey calls Chuck to remind him that Tyler shouldn't take the stage until they give him the all clear. In the audience, Casey finds Shadee in his tell-tale trenchcoat and baseball cap... except that, when he wrestles him to the floor, it's someone else. The kid says some guy gave him free tickets, he just had to wear the outfit. I see a long and noble career in your future, buddy. Sarah scans the room, realizing it's full of trenchcoats and baseball caps. "He's ahead of us," Casey growls.

Backstage and sans both trenchcoat and baseball cap, Shadee approaches Tyler's dressing room. There's a "ching" sound and both SECURITY guards hit the floor. Worst. Agents. Ever. Shadee knocks on the door, and Tyler goes to see if it's babes or candy, but Chuck stops him and goes to check himself. He spins around and tells Tyler it's the guy who's trying to kill him; Tyler's solution? Chugging a wine cooler. "That's good. That's good," Chuck says. "No, wait, wait, get in the closet." HA! Even Tyler cannot believe the idiocy of this, and asks what'll happen to Chuck. Chuck tells him to take off his shirt, and when Tyler goes all bznuh?, he asks Tyler to trust him. In the crowd of futility, Casey and Sarah spin people around like the Teacups at DisneyWorld, to no avail, when Chuck FINALLY watch-calls Sarah. While Shadee tries to break down the door and Sarah tells him she's coming to save him, Chuck decides now is the best time to tell Sarah that he didn't really need the night off, that it's something else he should have told her - and Shadee finally breaks through the door, knocking Chuck down to the floor. Sarah freezes for a second and then rushes off, shoving people out of her way to get to Chuck.

Dressing Room. Shadee asks where he is. "Where who is?" Chuck asks innocently, and freaks when Shadee pulls a long, jagged knife from under his sleeve. He's a magician! Chuck babbles that Tyler stepped out; Shadee glares at the closet. Tyler cowers as he watches through the closet door's slats, but Shadee's made him, and he heads for Tyler - "Okay, worst plan ever, but I know about the tattoo," Chuck says quickly, and Shadee stops. Chuck holds up an iPhone photo of Tyler's back, recapping that Shadee's selling enriched uranium to the highest bidder, using Tyler's tattoos to send information to your highest buyers. Chuck threatens to send an email to everyone if Shadee takes one more step, "proving that the cell is mightier than the sword. Or very large knife, in this case." Sarah's still shoving bodies left and right, and I can't believe that she isn't just carving a hole through this crowd, to be honest, or climbing hand-to-hand over their heads. Chuck snaps at Shadee to put the knife down, and he does. Tyler suddenly bursts out of the closet, wearing an Adam Ant redcoat and armed with a... drum cymbal. No, really. He tells Chuck he "can't let (him) do this," and Chuck bleats that his plan was going very, very well! Shadee looks at his knife, Tyler charges him with his cymbal, crashing into Chuck and knocking down the door of his dressing room. American workmanship, y'all! Chuck races down the hallway as Tyler sees his manager, Gavin - he punches him and fires him. Booyah! Chuck watch-calls Sarah, telling her they're running for the stage - and lo, just like that, they're on it! Chuck freezes at the sight of the crowd while Tyler, high on adrenaline and in his element, bounces over to the microphone. Streamers fall, the crowd goes wild, Sarah's jaw drops. Chuck sees Shadee, prowling on the side of the stage with his knife, and blurts out a weak "help!"

Back from commercial, Chuck asks Tyler what they should do. Tyler glances at Shadee and then at the crowd, and a solution dawns... "Jump," he whispers. Chuck hesitates, and Tyler says it again. He looks over at Shadee, who's practically twirling his moustache, he's so sure of victory. Sarah shouts "Chuck, JUMP!" from the audience, and both Chuck and Tyler hurl themselves into the crowd. Whee! Shadee charges the stage, furious, and Sarah rushes back into the crowd she just spent ten minutes trying to get away from. Shadee goes into the audience, stalking Chuck as the crowd passes him overhead. Tyler is calling hellos to people in the crowd, btw, and for some reason Chuck is unceremoniously spread-eagled as he's handed around. Chuck sees Shadee getting closer, but Casey gets there first. "You think I look mad?" he asks Shadee. "Wait 'til you see her." Shadee turns around and Sarah kicks. His. Ass! Casey drags him away, muttering something about Shadee having too much to drink - and unless I'm mistaken, he snaps Shadee's neck in the process. DAMN, Casey! Chuck crows that he told Tyler they were the best, and Tyler calls for the crowd to move him back to the stage; they drop Chuck like a sack of bricks. Hee!

Denouement, Buy More. Big Mike asks where Butterman is, and Morgan 'splains that he had to go. Big Mike says he can't blame his friend after being locked up. Morgan asks what Butterman was in for: robbery? Drugs? Murder? No, Big Mike explains that Butterman was in jail for insider trading. He guesses correctly that Butterman left with some of Morgan's money, and tells him where Butterman went: "Philadelphia." Apparently ZY10NAO is Mexican for Philly. Who knew?

Denouement, Chuck Fountain. Tyler shares that his manager's going to jail, and says that having no privacy would be hell on earth. Chuck says he knows what Tyler means. Casey says Tyler knows he's going to have to have all his tattoos removed, and Tyler says he does; would Casey have any more of those great tranquilizers? "Philistine," Casey mutters, and leaves. Heh. Tyler walks over to Chuck and beams up at him, thanking him for his help. He says Chuck helped him to put others first. "I can strike that off the list now," he finishes. Hee! He tells Chuck that he's welcome to party with him anytime, and Chuck demurs that it's not really his scene. "Smart man," Tyler says honestly, pulling Chuck down for a hug. "Smart man." Aww! I love that Tyler's so... oblivious and aware of his own obliviousness at the same time. Sarah walks up and tells Tyler that his limo's waiting. "Ohhh. You know my name," Tyler says, his hips getting all wriggly. "Did we make love before?" Chuck's face: WTF? Sarah: "No." Tyler makes a 'can't blame me for trying' shrug at Chuck and saunters off into the rock god sunset, doing a small but meaningful fistpump as he goes. Bring him back for a return gig, NBC!

Sarah asks Chuck to tell her what's bothering him. "You have all these secrets in your head, but you're not supposed to keep them from me," she says kindly. Chuck takes a breath. "IsawyoushootthatFulcrumagentonchristmaseve," he says, and Sarah's face falls. She says that she lied to Chuck. "You were protecting me, and my family and friends, and I get that, but... Sarah, the guy was unarmed, and you -" Sarah interrupts to say that she did what she had to do, and while I get that, I think what's really going on is that, in addition to protecting all those people, Sarah's also protecting herself from losing Chuck. Chuck says he doesn't know if he'll ever get used to some parts of the job, and Sarah suggests that he take a break. She gives him the night - nay, the next few days - off, and Chuck's stunned. She rattles off the list of things he won't have to deal with - no missions, no cameras, no Casey (bite your tongue, woman!), no thermal satellite surveillance, "and no me." She tells Chuck that when he's ready, she and Casey will be there for him. Cue Casey, who's got a huge backpack and a duffel bag. "Lock and load," he says. "New mission." Sarah tells Chuck she'll see him tomorrow, and Chuck spins on his axis. Casey salutes Chuck, adorably, as the agents leave the courtyard; Sarah tells him they've got it. They get into the car and Casey actually rubs his hands together gleefully, excited to have a mission without Chuck... who promptly climbs into the back seat like a little brother, and asks where they're going. "C'mon, Casey, no time for a break - we've got work to do." Those of you who also watch Supernatural will know how much I giggled upon hearing that. Sarah smiles, Casey guns the engine in frustration, and "TO BE CONTINUED" floats up on the screen in 'Back to the Future' font. Well, alrighty then!