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First off, sorry this took so long to get up. But here’s your recap of episode two:

This week, we start off with the guys of the gang outside the bar. Frank’s giving Charlie some instructions about wires, and as usual, neither really have any idea what they’re talking about. It’s revealed that they’re planning some kind of trip. Mac is concerned about getting lost, and feels like they should buy a GPS. Dennis doesn’t agree. He wants to do it “old school.”

“Maps…fresh cigarettes, fresh coffee…cooking out on the grill, sleeping in sleeping bags. Old school, baby!”

Sweet Dee pulls up in her new car. She woke up early and went to buy a new car. Frank walks by and reveals that the guys are planning a trip to the Grand Canyon.

“What happened was, Frank told us about a road trip, we got all excited, we got up super early and packed the car, and we were hoping to get out of here early before your bus arrived.”

So that’s the plan. The Gang’s going to hit the road. Well, except for Charlie. He’s never left Philly before, and he’s afraid to get out of the city. Dennis doesn’t want Dee to come because she’ll make them stop every five minutes to pee. Charlie was going to stay behind with Dee, but now Dee wants to go on the trip. Well, if Dee goes, Charlie doesn’t want to stay behind on his own. Looks like the whole gang’s in for a nice trip.
It turns out that leaving Philly isn’t the only thing Charlie’s never done in his life. He’s never eaten a pear before. Mac resolves to make sure Charlie gets his pear. They’re going to stop at the Italian market to pick up a fresh one. Charlie’s never had a blueberry before, either. That’s it, now they definitely have to hit up the Italian market.

Dennis gets pissed at a guy on a bike driving in the middle of the road. I totally agree with him. I know you’re technically supposed to drive on the road when you’re on a bike, but why do people insist on taking up the entire roadway? He honks the horn, and the guy on the bike turns around to flip him off. They’d throw some eggs at him if they had some, but since they don’t, Mac’s going to throw a beer bottle at him instead. The bottle hits the guy in the head, and he swerves out of control on his bike and crashes into a nearby parked car. The bike lands in the road, and Dennis runs it over with his Range Rover. Bad news for Dennis, he now has a flat tire. Good news for the Gang? Dee just bought a new car this morning.

For the record, Dee has peed twice since the start of the trip.

They all pile into Dee’s new car, which they soon find is vastly smaller than Dennis’s Range Rover. Dee comes running down the street after the guy’s in her car. Dennis and Frank get the idea to ride in the trailer they’re towing behind the car to give themselves a lot more room. They’re riding in the back, but it’s tough standing up. They’ll get some furniture when they’re at the Italian market. Apparently the Italians sell anything at their markets because they’re descendants of Gypsies.

“They come in, they sell their shit, they bang each other. I don’t know what they do, but you get to haggle with them and it’s a lot of fun.”

Dee’s new car doesn’t have a CD player. Whoever buys a car without a CD player in this day and age is just out of their mind. I guess the dealer knocked $50 off the price of the car because it didn’t have a CD player. Oh, Dee…when will you learn. Oh, and the antenna’s broken on the piece of shit car. Reminds me of that Adam Sandler song. Charlie finds a tape under the seat, because I guess they don’t clean these cars before they sell them. It’s a self help tape about finding inner peace.

They arrive at Philly’s Italian market and Dee has to pee. That’s number three. Mac and Charlie go to find fruit; Dennis and Frank go in search of furniture. Charlie mentions he’s never had a strawberry. I’m just willing to bet Charlie’s never eaten any kind of fruit in his life. Mac finds a fruit vendor, and starts to haggle with him over the price of the pear. They sell for 50 cents. Mac offers 10, and then 35.

“I don’t have time for this friggin’ shit, just give me the 35 cents.”

Charlie hates the pear. Turns out they grabbed one that isn’t ripe. Mac wants his money back, but in 10 seconds, Charlie’s already eaten the entire pear. Charlie even at the stickers all over it, because he eats stickers all the time. This scene is hilarious and makes the episode worth it just for this little exchange.
Mac and Dennis pay for some wicker chairs and a French press. Dee’s picked up an energy drink, and so to avoid having to stop every 15 minutes, Frank buys her a “piss jar.” Oh, and Dee gets a Soul Asylum tape. For the next leg of the trip, Charlie’s going to ride in the back with Dennis who now has some sweet chairs, a French coffee press, and a grill. They’ve propped the trailer open and the grill slides right out the back after the first bump they hit. It was a good idea while it lasted.

In the car, Mac, Frank, and Dee decide to play a drinking game while they’re driving. But since Dee’s actually driving, she can’t drink. It turns out that drinking games aren’t much fun when you can’t drink. In order for Dee to be able to drink, the pick up a hitchhiker and let him drive. The game goes much better this way.
In the back, Charlie wants to eat his hot dogs, but it’s not happening since the grill is gone. Dennis comes up with a plan to smash the wicker chairs, put them in the middle of the Uhaul (which is metal so it won’t burn up) and light them on fire. They’ll use the fire to cook up some hot dogs. Dee is in the front, and totally wasted. She’s trying to prevent the hitchhiker from going to Hollywood. Because they’re going to eat him alive out there and make him do gay porn with his tiny little body. Dee’s piss jar is full so she tosses it out the window, only to see it fly into the back window and nail Mac in the face. Mac was sleeping and isn’t too happy about being woken up by having piss thrown in his face. They pull over and notice smoke pouring from the back of the Uhaul. Turns out burning wicker chairs in a Uhaul with no ventilation is not a good idea.

They stop at a gas station to hose down the inside of the trailer and to let Dennis and Charlie recover. Dee comes back from the bathroom, and Mac found a nice couch to go in the back of the trailer. Since the inside of the car smells like piss, everyone decides to ride in the trailer. Charlie will sit up front with the hitchhiker. In the back, Mac tells everyone not to worry about the hitchhiker being dangerous, as he’s ready for any situation. Mac gave the hitchhiker an ocular pat down, and he’s not a security risk. Everyone finds it quite amusing that Mac considers himself to be the sheriff of Paddy’s.

The next morning, the trailer group wakes up and realizes they’re not driving. They’re convinced they must be at least halfway there, since it’s now 7 AM and they’ve been driving all night. They open the back of the trailer to find themselves parked outside of the bar. Dee’s car is no longer connected to the trailer. Inside, they find Charlie, who’s convinced they’ve already gone to the Grand Canyon and come back. It turns out while Charlie was in the car with the hitchhiker, he got really freaked out about leaving Philly, so he asked to be dropped off at the bar. The hitchhiker agreed to bring the gang to the Grand Canyon, but instead stole Dee’s car and left them at the bar.

Only the Sunny gang can go on a road trip and never leave their home city.

Next week: We see the effects our economic recession has had on our gang. Tune in Thursday at 10!