After last week's episode of Two and a Half Men, I praised Sophie Winkleman for her portrayal of Walden's girlfriend Zoey, who was turning out to be a sweet and hilarious character. The hilarious part stands, but Zoey puts on her bitch hat in this week's episode, "Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy." The same goes for Alan's girlfriend, Lyndsey (Courtney Thorne-Smith). It's one long cat fight when a storm forces the two couples to spend Valentine's Day together at the beach house.
It's not a complete change in character for Zoey: we've seen her snobbery come out before, just not so forcefully directed at a single person for such an extended period of time. It's difficult to figure out what the root problem is between Zoey and Lyndsey, but it's probably as simple as Zoey being a bit of a snob and Lyndsey not being able to tolerate it. The zingers fly back and forth the entire episode; it's a bit tiring, but the men are the highlight of the episode with their cluelessness. Walden and Alan have no capability of stopping a brawl between two grown women once it has started. The "half" man, Jake, was missing from this episode entirely.
The fight begins when Zoey and Walden return from the opera. Lyndsey mentions she doesn't like opera, and Zoey says it requires a certain amount of refined taste and education. Ouch. They get into a discussion about their respective education. Zoey went to Oxford before transferring to Harvard and took a semester off to study opera in Florence. Lyndsey went to community college—Zoey asks if that's like trade school.
Both couples go off to bed before blood is shed, and the girls complain to the boys about each other. They both don't understand how the other girl's boyfriend can be with them. Zoey thinks Lyndsey sees her as snobby and condescending; she thinks that's a shame because she could teach Lyndsey a lot. Lyndsey does indeed think Zoey thinks her poop doesn't stink—Alan reassures Lyndsey that her own poop definitely does stink. The guys try to be as agreeable as possible, but neither one of them ends up getting the night they wanted. Zoey is the first to start making fake sex noises, and Lyndsey follows: no men required. Zoey finishes it off on an opera-style note. Classy.
In the morning, Walden admits to Alan that the sex was a sham, but Alan continues the lie and says he had the best sex of his life. The women meet each other at the end of the stairs, and exchange niceties, saying they hope they didn't keep the other awake. They laugh, which reassures Walden, but Alan recognizes it as the bad laugh. Zoey brags about going to Cabo San Lucas for dinner in Walden's private jet, and Lyndsey says she and Alan are going to a bed and breakfast where they will drink wine, read poetry, and have hot kinky sex: "sips, sonnets and sodomy," according to Alan. Zoey is surprised that Lyndsey would be interested in poetry, so Lyndsey makes up a poem on the spot: "Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm a nice person, and you can bite my pale, unrefined ass."
A loud crash sends them running outside, and they find that the road is now a giant sinkhole. Nobody is going anywhere. Zoey says she better call her ex-husband to tell him she won't be picking up her daughter tomorrow, and Lyndsey says she better call her son and tell him she'll be home early—if he knew she was going to be late, she may not have a house left. Zoey brings out the sarcasm, saying it's nice that Lyndsey has a relationship with her son built on trust. Lyndsey tells Zoey to call her in a few years when her daughter is pierced and pregnant. Zoey calls her crude, and Lyndsey threatens an "old-fashioned, trade-school beat down," but the guys break it up. Walden and Alan try to suggest fun things they can do while they're stuck there, and then thunder claps and the power goes out. Walden thinks they're all going to die.
The couples once again split to their separate rooms. Walden tries to tell Zoey that Lyndsey isn't that horrible, but she gets mad that he's defending her. He tries to tell her that it's a funny situation: two women who shouldn't be around each other are trapped together. She laughs a bad laugh, and he gets out of the room fast. Lyndsey asks Alan to go to the store to buy tampons, and he suggests she asks Zoey for one rather than making him go out in the storm. Again, that's a bad thing to say, so Alan tells her that she's pretty and leaves. Walden thinks Alan is nuts for going out in the storm, until he hears Zoey yelling for him and he decides to go with him.
The best part of the episode is when the guys finally get out of the house. It's sad, but funny, that they would rather be out walking in a torrential downpour than being at home with their significant others. This is the kind of trouble that Valentine's Day has caused. Walden and Alan seem perfectly happy in the rain, trying to convince themselves that it's blowing over. They can't understand why people in LA freak out over rain. A Smart Car spins down the street, to which Walden comments, "Doesn't look so smart now." Walden says Alan will have to find a new place if their girlfriends don't start playing nice—Alan would prefer to just get a new girlfriend.
Back at the beach house, it's obvious what's about to happen. Now that the girls are alone, they will decide to get along. Zoey asks to share Lyndsey's wine. Lyndsey tells her that, for the record, she likes Walden very much (Zoey still can't say the same for Alan). Lyndsey asks Zoey what her plan is for the young billionaire, and Zoey explains, without sarcasm or anger, that her feelings are genuine and she's not trying to manipulate him. Lyndsey thinks this is just bad planning on Zoey's part, and when Zoey asks her what sort of plan she thinks could work, Lyndsey suggests swapping birth control pills for Tic Tacs.
Just as the girls are bonding, Alan gets swept away by a mudslide: "Tell Jake I love him, and buy Lyndsey tampons!"
Lyndsey has already asked Zoey for a tampon. Now they're sitting on the couch with their wine, talking about their ex-husbands. Zoey's is a "total frickin' douche bag," and Lyndsey's is a "bloody wanker." Using each other's terminology seals the friendship. They decide it's been a pretty nice Valentine's Day after all, and feel bad that they have been bitchy—they think it's because their cycles have synced up. Zoey says, "I do hope our fellows are alright."
They're not. Walden is clinging to a tree above the water, holding onto Alan who is being pulled away by the current. Lyndsey calls Alan and asks him to bring ice cream. Alan tells Walden to let him go.
Despite this episode being filled with a few too many zingers, having Zoey and Lyndsey as recurrent characters is a positive direction for the show. What did you think of "Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy"? Watch Two and a Half Men, Mondays at 9pm ET on CBS.
