After three weeks of “farewell” auditions across the country, American Idol finally brings us to Hollywood. We open with a serious Seacrest clad in suit and tie, recounting the all-important steps it takes on the journey to becoming the next Idol. (According to his calculations, the dream can be achieved in no less than three steps.)
The opening of the show has me confused for a minute as to whether I am watching American Idol, or Big Brother… as we see multiple houseguests, I mean contestants, pack their suitcases in their fancy homes and prepare to head to the left coast. Nobody is waving a giant house key at the camera, but a part of me still expects Julie Chen to pop up at any minute.
As the 190 hopefuls begin the Hollywood process, they will be divided up for the “traditional lines of ten” auditions. J.Lo offers the best advice at this point: “Do something to stand out.” With probably less time here than in the original audition, it’s a make it or break it situation for each contestant.
The first line to take the stage consists of Jordan Sasser, 27, the pastor whose wife didn’t make the cut, Jaci Butler, 19, the green-haired purple-lipped living Misfit (shoutout to my Pizzazz lovers out there) and Dalton Rapattoni, 19, who I have officially dubbed Boy Band Billy Idol. It’s a yes for these three, as well as five others who aren’t showcased.
Next we get to see Jenn Blosil, 23, the Drew Barrymore-ish free spirit, Thomas Stringfellow, 17, still adorable, and Olivia Rox, 16, who reminds me of the exact opposite of Jax from last season. (Pink Jax, if you will.) It’s a yes for these three, too.
I have my eyes peeled for my early favorites, and one of my biggest fears is an Idol that I love being cut without me being given the courtesy of seeing the Hollywood audition. (I also have a big fear of losing my Netflix before Fuller House premieres on February 26, but let’s not talk about that.)
In the next round we get our first no for someone who truly shined during her original audition: Melanie Tierce, 21, had Harry so impressed he jokingly walked off set, only to watch in amazement from the wings. As she is seen singing Kelly Clarkson’s “Invincible” for this round, I can’t help but feel it pales in comparison to what she gave us before. While she gets the bad news of not moving on, Jessica Cabral, 21, and Sonika Vaid, 20, take comfort in knowing they will live to sing another day.
La’Porsha Renae, 22, brings her big hair and Janet Jackson 1980’s-inspired key earring to the stage, along with her big talent. She belts out an almost gospel-inspired version of Katy Perry’s “Roar,” and has the entire front row on their feet. (Granted, they do appear to be her immediate family, but it’s still well-deserved.)
The Ladies Men of Idol are up next. Daniel Farmer, 25, and Manny Torres, 20, are seen flirting with the girls, and try to decide who the better guy for Jennifer is. Meanwhile, Harrison Cohen, 17, has his gramps on speed dial for not only moral support, but for lady advice. Sadly, it’s the end of the road for Harrison, as Daniel and Manny make it through to the next round.
The final line for day one consists of Lee Jean, 16, and Shelbie Z (the name! I can’t!!), 23. They give enough to the judges to warrant another round, but it’s Melany Huber, 17, who gets the axe. After such an inspirational video package that aired during her original audition, it’s a shame to see such a sweet spirit get cut.
As we prepare to enter day two, I have a random flashback in my mind: remember the season when the Idol hopefuls had to board two separate buses, unaware of their destination? One bus went to the hotel, meaning they would proceed in the competition, and one went to the airport, meaning they were being sent home. Did this really happen in a season? Or am I making this up?? Devil! I think that’s when I began to lose faith in the show. What a mean game.
It’s Keith who offers up words of advice for the day two gang: “Take a breath, take your time, and then kill it.”
First up is Beverly Hillbilly, Jeeves Rose Mitchell, 15. She has climbed off her mountain long enough to make it to Hollywood to continue wowing the judges. (For someone with no electricity back home, she sure does know Little Big Town’s “Boondocks” remarkably well.) She’s the lone survivor of her tribe, as the other nine are all cut.
One Direction is on hand, if only in the form of a sound check for the Jimmy Kimmel show. As the boys perform outside the Idol theater, the girls (and I imagine, some of the guys) admire the view. (As do I.)
Gianna Isabella, 15, and her “momager” (credit to Debbie Gibson and her mama Diane for coining that phrase back in the day, by the way) have high hopes, as do Tristan McIntosh, 15, and her military mama. It’s a yes for both young girls, and their moms can be seen beaming.
It’s a round of Sweet Sixteen as Michelle Marie and Kyrstie Jewel, both Idol uber-fans, take the stage. Michelle is everything I would expect for a teenage Kacey Musgraves parody act (that’s a compliment, I promise) decked out in her sparkles and cowboy hat. (Gone are the braces, though.) It’s a yes for Michelle, but bad news comes to Kyrstie on her 16th birthday as she’s cut from the competition.
We next get a string of no’s as we are shown contestants who didn’t make it.
BROOK SAMPLE- UNBREAK MY HEART! She was easily, hands-down, my favorite audition of the season. I was hoping to at least get to see a little more of her humor and talent, but that didn’t happen. (“Sorry.”) As she, and countless others, are sent packing, Ryan reminds us that “the end of the road isn’t easy on anyone.” (He’s such a wise old owl these days.)
It’s now time for the final line of round one, day two to take the stage. We get Trent Harmon, 25, battling full-blown mono, Miranda “Poh” Scott, 17, Shi —sister, and Emily Brooke, 17. Five are asked to step forward, these three not among them. The front row is told they are going through, and after about 7 heartbreaking seconds, the back row is then told they will be joining the front row. Jennifer Lopez trickery at its finest. (It almost gives me the goosies.)
With the end of the first round, I have but one question:
WHERE IN THE WORLD WAS ADAM LASHER?!?!?
If Adam was cut and not even shown, I would like to announce this post as my swan tone deaf song. (My “farewell” post, perhaps.)
[Photo credit: Michael Becker/FOX]
