Bones 4.24: The Beaver in the Otter

ROTC Greg is in the interview room. Booth shows him a pistol and asks if he recognizes it. Sure he does. He gives the make, model and possibly the serial number. He admits to firing it at the bonfire but insists that it was loaded with blanks. Actually, Greg, there was a live bullet in the chamber. Greg is distraught. Did the shot kill Beaver? No. Booth says he did have a motive. Beaver slept with Greg’s girlfriend. Greg says Beaver was lying about the beav Molly. ‘I don’t want to sound conceited. But look at Beaver, look at Molly, and look at me.’The kid has a point.

Molly absolutely denies sleeping with the Beaver. She offers a DNA sample to prove it. This is all well and good, but they don’t have a sample to compare it to. Which is pretty much Molly’s point. But our intrepid crime-fighters must look, so they decide to go back to the frat house and get Beaver’s sheets.

The frat boys are all toasted at a toga memorial. Bones accuses them of breaking in to a sealed crime scene and stealing the sheets from Beaver’s bed. Way to go, partner. Booth says now the boys will never tell who took the sheets. Bones says they will simply take them all. The BDS men turns into a strip club as they all drunkenly strip off sheets and Bones gets an eyeful of things she wishes she didn’t.

Booth waits outside the diner for Jared to arrive. When he does, Jared pulls up on a donor-cycle. No, it’s not cool, little brother, and it’s entirely impractical for a DC winter. Besides, Jared can’t drive a bike to the interview that Booth lined up for him. Jared says that he doesn’t want the interview. He’s going to drive around India for a while. ‘India? There is political unrest there. Besides, what if your bike breaks down. Where are you going to find parts? You’re not going!’big bro exclaims as he forces the interview info into Jared’s hands.

Meanwhile back at the lab, Bones asks if they have managed to match the sheets to the boys. I tell you now, they couldn’t pay me enough to get that close that those sheets. Even the idea has me reaching for a haz-mat suit. Hodgins and Cam tell here there was a ton of DNA to go through. They’ve found eight sets of vaginal secretions but none are a match to Molly. Hodgins tells her that they found a stain on Beaver’s sheets that are approximately the size of a… ‘Penis,’Bones states. Yes, thank you, anvils, we could have figured that out on our own. Hodgins says that the stain was from estrogen cream which had most likely been used as a lubricant. Bones is stumped. Molly is 20. Hodgins goes on to say that Beaver’s partner is most likely menopausal. I’m so happy I got to recap this scene.

Cam has news that does not cause me to cringe. Beaver had been dead at least 12 hours before he was shot. He died of dehydration. ‘Guess he forgot to replenish his fluids,’Hodgins snerks. Thanks, Hodgins, I used to like you.

Estrogen cream, you say? It looks like we are looking for a cougar, Booth deduces. ‘Beaver, otter, cougar. It’s like a day at the zoo,’Bones observes. Or an episode of Wild Kingdom. Booth goes on to explain what a cougar is, but I’m sure you are savvy enough to get it on your own. He then takes a sudden right turn and says that Jared should have to listen to him; he is the big brother. Bones offers to cite several societies where younger siblings are obliged to listen to their older brothers. Unfortunately most of those societies are extinct so they won’t be too much help.

Now that his rant is over, Booth’s mind is back on the case. The briefcase, that is. The one they took from Beaver’s room. He asks for Beaver’s birthday and uses the numbers to open the combination locks. It is full of notebooks and cash. Bones asks if Booth thinks Beaver was a spy. I would have gone for gigolo. But Booth accuses the dead guy of being a bookie. Gee, Booth, you’re being a little hard on the Beaver, don’tcha think?

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