Screw an intro. Onto the recap!
The Set Up
We are introduced to Jeff (guest star Dan Castellaneta) and Daphne Bicks, who are clearly unhappy with each other. Jeff is tired of Daphne whining about everything in sight (and I am as well after the first 30 seconds). Jeff owns a charter plane company and he brings Daphne on the ride for the day. But she will not stop nagging. So Jeff asks for a divorce and even pulls out a card of a divorce lawyer to prove that he is being serious. Daphne then threatens to take half of the business, which was bought with half of Daphne’s father’s money. Jeff can’t take it anymore and has a heart attack. In mid air. Over Wisteria Lane. In the middle of the annual Christmas festival.
3 Days Earlier…
Lynette and Gaby are still going at it and it is making their neighbors and friends uncomfortable, especially with everyone decorating the street with Christmas decorations. Bree is shocked to find out that Lynette is pregnant and I slightly want to smack her upside the head. HELLO?!?! She’s SHOWING?!?? But everyone’s distracted from their bickering to see ambulances and police cars arrive on the street. Susan mopes and exclaims: “Oh, who’s dead now?!” and I howl.
Of course, the paramedics are there to tend to Katherine, who stabbed herself in the gut. Mike shows up and is like, “But I just left there five minutes ago.” When the medics roll Katherine outside, someone asks who would do such a thing and then Katherine points straight at Mike.
Straight jacket on deck!
Bree builds up the strength to give Orson his walking papers, but she makes sure to show him that she got photos of him and Lamar hanging out together. So if he tries any funny business, then the both of them will be rocking orange jumpers. Then Orson calmly tells Bree that she went through all that drama for naught. Um… Why, Orson? What do you have up your sleeve?
Orson tells Bree that he was bluffing the entire time and that he would never hurt her like that, but the fact that she would think that he would is proof enough that their marriage is over. He then tells Bree that he will pack after finishing the scones she made him for breakfast, which he will miss. Um… A little shocked here.
Penny and Lynette clip coupons and Lynette reveals that they will have to cut back on a lot by her and Tom not working. Tom then tells Lynette that he can’t get his tuition money back, which means that their money troubles are officially about to begin. Tom reminds Lynette about the money they will get back from the settlement, but Lynette is not happy about that at all. She feels bad about everything, including Tom dropping out of school and them having to sue their best friends. When Lynette brings up the fact that Gaby at least tried to apologize, Tom admonishes that Lynette might need to do the same.
But at the Solis residence, Carlos finds out that the chairman of the board is none too pleased about the situation with Lynette and no matter what the lawyer said, Carlos is screwed. Serves him right, the low down punk. Gaby tries to console him, but the doorbell rings and it’s Lynette, trying to reconcile. But Gaby slams the door in her face. Damn.
Mona, the nosy neighbor who trashed the Bolen’s yard and “Danny’s” nurse, stops by “Danny’s” room and checks in on him. Then she calls him Tyler, which sends “Danny” into panic mode. He claims that his name is “Danny”, but Mona insists that he claimed his name was Tyler the night before. “Danny” tells Mona that his name is “Danny” and blames his loose mouth on the meds. Outside, the nurses need Angie and Nic’s insurance info, but the two want to pay the hospital in cash, which they won’t allow. Since when? Mona notices this and pulls the couple aside and tells them that she knows wassup and they must be in the Witness Protection Program. Angie and Nic, relieved, laugh at Mona’s stupidity and play along with it, despite Mona claiming she got her first clue with them being Italian. I would have knocked her grill in for that comment alone, but that’s me. Anyway, Angie playfully tells Mona that if she tells anyone their secret that she will have Mona whacked. But I don’t think she was playing too much.
Susan and Bob go to visit Katherine and have her come clean about Mike. Bob tells Susan to play nice, because they already know Katherine is unstable. Katherine is on the phone with Dylan, telling her that she needs not to come home, when Susan walks in to talk. But Katherine is past talking and needs shock therapy, prozac, ANYTHING. Because it takes everything, including strangling a teddy bear, for Susan to not toss Katherine out of her hospital window. Katherine claims that Mike stabbed her, because she told Mike that she was in love with someone else and he went into a rage. OMG!!!!! PLEASE GET THIS CRAZY OFF MY SCREEN!!!! Susan thinks that Katherine needs to be committed, but Bob says that only a family member can commit someone. Susan then gets an idea and mimics a nurse’s voice to call Dylan.
Bree calls Karl and tells him about Orson signing the papers and that they are free to do whatever they want. Orson hears the entire conversation, but not who Bree was talking to. Hurt, Orson asks that Bree wait until after he is off Wisteria Lane to tell anyone about their divorce. He then gets one last dig in by saying that Bree should write an etiquette book for adulterers. Bree then tells Orson that she will not let her affair be an embarrassment to him out of respect.
But Karl’s eager ass already has other plans. He goes to Jeff and Daphne Bicks and wants them to fly a “big ass banner” over the Christmas party that will read: “Will You Marry Me, Bree?! Love, Karl!” The Bicks start to…bicker and Karl announces to Jeff, after Daphne is out of earshot, that he is a divorce lawyer. So Karl is kinda responsible for the inevitable disaster. Big ole doofus!
Dylan returns home and will not talk to Susan, because she thinks Susan is a freak. When Susan claims that she is worried about Katherine’s well being and not Katherine’s affection with Mike, Dylan tells Susan that she needs to let Mike go, accept Mike and Katherine’s marriage, and move on.
Whoa, Whoa, WHOA!!!!! Come again?!?!
But Dylan isn’t finished. She says that it has been SUSAN who has been stalking Mike and Katherine and that it was SUSAN who stabbed Katherine!!!! Bravo, Katherine! You just won the Nutjob of the Year award by a frakking landslide!!! Susan finally gets Dylan to calm down enough to show her wedding photos to prove that Katherine has no cards left in her deck. Dylan is shocked and rightfully worried. Susan genuinely wants to help Katherine and Dylan says she wants to do what’s right. Later, Dylan confronts her mother, who gets upset about Dylan coming home and finding out everything. She won’t admit to anything and pretty much goes off the deep end once Susan steps into the room. A chase down the hospital hall and a breakdown brings Krazy Katherine to her knees and hopefully she will get well soon. Hopefully.
Mona comes back to “Danny’s” room to release him. She then offers to take him home to surprise his folks. On the way home, Mona pries. But she doesn’t just pry. She pries and lies and twists the story that Angie told them. “Danny” breaks down and reveals EVERYTHING to the devious imp. When they get home, “Danny” tells Angie he thinks that he screwed up. Ya think?!?!? Angie goes outside to talk to Mona about “Danny’s” crazy talk and brushes it off only as only a stupid attempt to get back at his folks. But Mona isn’t listening. She instead channels Mrs. Huber and blackmails Angie into giving her $67,000 to cover her expenses so she can quit her job. Is there something in the water of Wisteria Lane that causes people to blackmail on a regular basis??!?!?
Moments Before The Disaster
Back on Wisteria Lane, Lynette tries again to apologize to Gaby, but Gaby is not hearing it. It is time for the Jingle Bells to perform, which is most of the ladies of Wisteria Lane. Gaby and Lynette continue to fight and they end up knocking over Bree, who fires them and tells the two women to work out their differences. But they don’t as Gaby writes off Lynette from her list of friends.
Nic doesn’t want to pay up to Mona, but reluctant offers the emergency $10,ooo they have stashed somewhere. Angie also offers her wedding ring, which is a family heirloom.
Bree nearly dies at the sight of Karl, who is ready to make it known to everyone about their relationship. But Bree tells him that Orson doesn’t know, and before she can tell Karl to leave, Orson stops by and gives his two cents on Karl trying to make a buck off of Bree by defending her in the divorce proceedings. Orson goes on to say that he thought Bree had higher standards that getting involved with someone like Karl. HA! After Orson leaves, Karl reveals his big surprise for Bree, who freaks. Karl tries to call the Bicks, but Daphne is too busy trying to contact ground control. She lets the banner go and it flies off.
Karl reveals what’s on the banner and Bree immediately thinks about her promise to Orson. Karl mans up and tells Bree to let him handle it. He goes to talk to Orson and reveals everything in the little Santa’s Workshop that is on the street. Orson punches Karl and the two get into it inside the little building.
Outside, Lynette speaks to Gaby’s youngest, Celia, and offers to take her to Santa’s Workshop, but Gaby comes and snatches Celia away.
Angie tries to barter with Mona, who doesn’t buy that Angie doesn’t have the money. When Mona claims that Angie got away with murder scott free, Angie reveals her scar and tells Mona that she really doesn’t know the half of the story. She reveals the entire tale to Mona, but we don’t see it due to cuts between other events. But Mona still wants her dough or the jigs up.
Lee, Tom, Parker, and Angie all notice the plane coming awfully low and awfully close.
Boom, Crunch, Dead…
Daphne tries to land the plane, but in the process she…
– Takes out Mona, who doesn’t see it coming.
– Takes out most of the Christmas festivities.
– Possibly took out Lynette and Celia as Lynette went to save Celia from impact.
– Took out the entire Santa’s Workshop, with Bree, Orson, and Karl still in it.
It looks as if Daphne is either unconscious or dead, but it is Lee who notices the bloody hand of Bree sticking out of the Santa’s Workshop display wreckage.
I can’t even wrap my head around the gazillion questions going through my head at the moment.
Speak your minds!!!!