Gossip Girl 3.14 “The Lady Vanished” Recap

This week’s Gossip Girl should have been called “The Parent Trap” Or “Love Doesn’t Cost A Thing” because parental issues reigned supreme while the usual post teen angst stayed the course, courtesy of Vanessa and Dan, whose story line wasn’t boring actually.

Vanessa and Dan: FINALLY!!!!!

As a fan of the books, I never understood why the writers kept Vanessa and Dan away from each other as long as they did. It was like they were going out their way to do so. But the inevitable happened and let’s just say that I am a happy camper.

While the dorm prepares to hold a luau, Dan finds Vanessa to finally talk about his declaration of love for her, but she doesn’t want to talk about it and mentions going to the luau with Paul, the drama snob she was dating last fall. Dan invites himself and Melissa, a girl he had just met in the hallway, to balance out the equation and to cancel out the weirdness that would be bound to happen if he was a third wheel.

At the luau, the foursome find themselves in a tense set up to the bewilderment of Paul and Melissa. While Vanessa and Dan discuss this while getting drinks, they end up kissing in a fashion right out of a John Hughes movie. The collect themselves and return to their dates who traded info while they were gone. Melissa discloses Dan’s lie about dating her for awhile and Paul reveals that he and Vanessa had broke up during winter break and was puzzled when Vanessa called out the blue wanting to get back together. Messy messy…

As the two explain themselves to each other, Dan explains the reason he did it was so that he could preserve their friendship and not conjure up the weird feelings, but Vanessa says too late, dude, because she wish he had never admitted his feelings to begin with. Dan is crushed and looks to get wasted.

Vanessa later finds Dan and she admits to having feelings and again the ghost of John Hughes dialogue appears before the two finally kiss. After some make up (?) sex, the two discuss their threesome with Olivia and Vanessa claims that the reason she freaked when Dan admitted he loved her was because it seemed so definite and do or die, which could ruin their friendship. They decide to be friends no matter what. That is if they (and the writers) can help it.

Papa, Don’ Preach. I Ain’t Hearing It!

Damian visits Jenny and he has more pills to distribute, despite Jenny wanting to go out on a date. When his Damian’s father calls, he only mentions Jenny as a ‘friend’, which unleashes the pout in Jenny. Later as they bag the pills, Lily walks in on them, but doesn’t see the pills and assumes something totally different. Damian whispers to Jenny that he doesn’t want to play guilty boyfriend, which Jenny counters why bother when she’s just a friend? Two points go to Jenny.

Lily calls Rufus, who’s still being annoying about things, but trades one funky coat for another one as he lays the smackdown on Jenny, Damian, and Lily, who is really innocent in all of this. Rufus then makes an announcement that makes me feel as if he is smoking some serious gangja: he feels that Jenny has had too much of the Upper East Side and so as he. So he makes Jenny go pack her bags. Seriously, dude? I see why you stay close to the single life.

Damian uses this as a ruse to leave, but Jenny feels that if she is leaving the UES because of him then he better give her something to fight for. She gets her wish as while she returns his scarf filled with pills, the bag falls and hits the floor… in front of Rufus, who blows another gasket, of course.

Jenny admits to the pills and Rufus thinks that he is not seeing his little girl any more. Wah wah wah. This prompts Damian to admit to the pills being his and his father’s. Wow. As Damian tells his sordid story of having a drug addled father and an absent mother, he professes that he brought the pills to see Jenny, because he was hiding them from his father and that Jenny has been a good shoulder to lean on. Later, Jenny finds out that Damian’s story was actually real and as the two make up, Damian advises Jenny to be thankful that she has a full-time father looking over her. Rufus then kicks him out and nonchalantly tells Jenny she will get over it, which in effect lights a match to the fuse that is his daughter.

Jenny apologizes to Rufus so she can get to see Damian again, but Rufus isn’t budging. She turns to Lily for help, but doesn’t get it and Jenny pulls out the ace in her sleeve by calling the both of them out for using her issue as a means to deal with their own problems. After Jenny leaves the room, Lily asks Rufus to do the adult thing and talk, but Rufus says that he and Jenny needs time away from the high life and that’s it. I can see where Dan gets his resemblance from.

But when Rufus gets down stairs, low and behold, Jenny has ran away. Again.

Baby Humphrey meets Damian with a gift: a bottle of Lily’s pills. Damian has another idea in mind, which is time alone with Jenny, who happily accepts a kiss from her new ‘beau’. I smell something and it is not the latest fragrance from Christian Dior.

Holy Mother Chucker!

After having each other for breakfast (topped with cherries and whip cream), Nate and Serena bask in their sexiness, when Nate receives a call from Chuck asking Nate to get his cellphone before Blair gets a hold of it. As if on cue, Blair starts making obnoxious sex noises, which Serena knows is a signal for “Look at me! I’m hurting!” As Serena listens, Blair spills that Chuck is getting more distant than ever and that she is feeling deprived of his comfort and hates the space he is giving between them. Meanwhile, CB sits in the lobby of Elizabeth’s hotel and waits till she leaves to go raid her room, courtesy to a payoff of a hotel member. After some digging, Chuck finds what he is looking for, and he’s not happy about it.

Back in the loft, Nate tries to sneak in and get the phone and fails. Blair goes through the phone and sees all the missed calls from a mysterious number and starts panicking. They listen to a message on the phone left by Elizabeth and wonder who she is, but before Blair can fill in Serena and Nate, Chuck enters with the bombshell that Elizabeth is in fact his mother and that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her. Serena thinks this is a bad idea since Elizabeth is back for something, but Blair tells Serena to stuff it and if Chuck wants to be an ass then he will be an ass. Anything to make Chuck happy, huh, Blair?

While Blair comforts Chuck over drinks, Serena and Nate stop by the bar and invites them to a Greek restaurant for lunch. But this is a ruse by Serena for Chuck to meet with Elizabeth and talk out their issues. Blair and Chuck are pissed, but Serena tell Blair that Chuck will act like he’s fine with not knowing anything about his mother but it will be a lie and that Blair will be the one suffering over his suffering. Chuck goes to meet Elizabeth, but doesn’t give her time to talk before he writes her a check and adding that he doesn’t care what Elizabeth has to say as long as she goes away and never returns. Elizabeth is shocked, but takes the check anyway, telling Chuck that he was right. Serena is crushed when Chuck tells her that she was wrong.

When Serena tries to explain herself, Blair throws the real reason for Serena’s meddling back in her face without saying anything. Serena knows Blair is right and tells Nate that she has to go. Nate asks Blair wassup but she doesn’t reveal anything.

Serena meets up with Elizabeth at the train station and asks why is she leaving and explains to Elizabeth (whose name is really Evelyn) about her own parental issues. Elizabeth gives the entire story, which included that she was nineteen when she got pregnant with Chuck and wasn’t ready to have a kid and neither was Bart at first until he saw Chuck after his birth. He had a change of heart, but Elizabeth didn’t. So she decided for Bart to raise Chuck on his own and for her to be “dead” to Chuck. Serena fishes for some excuse to put Elizabeth in a positive light, but ends up empty handed. Elizabeth has settled for Chuck to hate her, but Serena says despite Chuck’s attitude, any child would want to know about that absent parent of theirs.

Serena makes her way back to the hotel and meets Nate, who after learning about Serena’s father asks for her to not hide anything from him and that he wants to be that person she can come to for anything. Nate then suggests that maybe her father isn’t worth looking for if he can’t contact his daughter. Nate gets MVP this week. Serena calls her father and tells him to kick rocks cause she is moving on.

Meanwhile, Chuck admits to Blair that he really didn’t want Elizabeth to take the check, because she would have passed the test if she hadn’t. Wassup with these people and tests? Anyway, Elizabeth has showed up downstairs and wants to talk. After recounting everything she had just told Serena, Elizabeth wants to make amends and leaves the check with Chuck. He asks her to stay for drinks. But as Gossip Girl said, CB is happy… for now.

And The OMG Moment Of The Night Goes To…

Vanya returns Rufus’s scarf from the lost and found, but he didn’t leave it in the lobby. He left it at Holland’s apartment! Now Lily has some ammo against Rufus, but will it work?

See you all next week!


Add Comment

Saved By The Bell is Rebooting, Seriously?
Seis Manos
Why We’ll Be Checking out Seis Manos on Netflix
Cote de Pablo
This is Why Ziva David is Returning to NCIS in Season 17
HBO Max Wins Streaming Rights to The Big Bang Theory
Bedtime Story
Sam Raimi Turning Bedtime Story into Full Length Horror Movie
Godfather Still
Louis in the Bronx: Coppola and the Hitchcock Affect
If The Princess Bride Gets Rebooted Then I’m Quitting Everything
Rihanna Poison Ivy
We Would Absolutely Love to See Rihanna as Poison Ivy
Five Actors That Could Play Colin Kaepernick in a Movie
Noel Fielding
10 Things You Didn’t Know about Noel Fielding
Victoire Du Bois
10 Things You Didn’t Know About Victoire Du Bois
Bowen Yang
10 Things You Didn’t Know About Bowen Yang
Black Manta
10 Things You Didn’t Know about Black Manta
Superman and Mermaid
Headline of the Week: Superman Has Sex with a Mermaid
Red Guardian
10 Things You Didn’t Know about Black Widow’s Red Guardian
Taskmaster
Why Marvel’s The Taskmaster Deserves a Solo Movie
Black Fox
What We Know about the Black Fox Anime Feature Film So Far
Golden Kamuy
Why You Should Be Watching Golden Kamuy
The Quintessential Quintuplets
Why You Should be Watching The Quintessential Quintuplets
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Why You Should be Watching Neon Genesis Evangelion
Why They Should Make “The Revenant” Into a Video Game
Swap
This Mario and Yoshi Body Swap is Really Freaky, Period
Roblox
How Roblox Grew To Over 100 Million Active Users
eSports
Turns Out That eSports Carries Very Real Injuries With It