Was anyone else looking at this guy’s fingernails the whole time as he was trying to state just who is the best cuddler in the Mortal Kombat universe? You don’t necessarily think about cuddles when it comes to Mortal Kombat since every character is designed to kill the other characters in the most gruesome and disgusting way possible. But for the sake of it let’s just think about this. The bottom of the list would have to be Baraka since he’s got spikes protruding from his body and a mouth filled with needle-like fangs that could very likely rip off the face of anyone that even tried to cuddle with him. Mileena would be about the same just without the spikes, but it doesn’t seem wise to lean on her for the emotional support that would be required either. Emotions just aren’t a big thing in Mortal Kombat unless there’s a need for them in the story line, which there has been in several of the games. Of course this kind of ruins the whole simplicity of it since if anyone can remember back to the original game the only emotion a person would feel was anger or possibly frustration when they reached a certain level and they were soundly defeated by one opponent or another. Remember those days when just playing the game was enough?
Seriously, trying to figure out just which character is going to be a better snuggler is kind of creepy since it implies a great many things that a lot of people would rather not think about when it comes to Mortal Kombat since the idea of laying down or even sitting down with some of the characters on the list does kind of sound like a vile thing to do. Obviously some of the characters wouldn’t be too bad in a physical sense such as Cassie Cage, but the idea that any of them would snuggle at all is kind of hard to imagine since their personal lives have been put out there for people to see, but still, considering how Mortal Kombat has been formed throughout the years, cuddling isn’t something that seems to come up a lot. This does give the video a bit of credibility for being original, but apart from that it does kind of veer off in a big way since even the writing and how it’s delivered via the speaker is kind of odd and off at the same time. It might seem a little too critical of a fun and well-meaning spoof but at the same time it’s kind of hard to take it seriously even as a comedy since this is something that goes well beyond any laughable matter that wouldn’t be horribly ridiculed and actually deserve it.
Just from a silly standpoint though could anyone really cuddle with some of these characters? Or would that be taken as an act of aggression and earn them a fatality that might end badly and with the wannabe cuddler in pieces? Shao Khan and Onaga don’t feel as though they’d be the type to let just anyone close since their paranoia might very well flare up and cause them to rip said person to shreds. Even Kotal Khan might actually be kind of hard to cuddle with if only because he’d want to make a bold, impassioned speech about it. Why not Jade though? She seems positively cuddly in Mortal Kombat at times, while Sindel and Kitana might be kind of distant but still serve as warm bodies to snuggle up to. Johnny Cage is the kind of guy that might make it all seem about him as it was mentioned while Sonya Blade might only cuddle if she finally let down her guard for a few seconds. Otherwise it feels as though she might attempt a submission move or worse on anyone that tried to wrap her up in a hug. The very thought of some of these characters getting their hands on you, let alone wrapping you up, is kind of appalling since their whole creation has been revolving around destruction and death for a while and they’re not known for being particularly affectionate. When you think about any of them harboring feelings that could lead to the type of affection that might be seen as okay or even acceptable it’s kind of like breaking kayfabe for the WWE, it’s just awkward and people don’t know what to think. Drake Oz of the Bleacher Report can explain this a little better.
Still, it was funny enough to picture and think about since there are moments that might seem comical if a programmer or animator ever wanted to make something like this happen, and you know it might happen or could have happened and we just don’t know about it. That’s why we scour the web so often after all, to find the interesting and macabre.