This week it’s the day of the bachelor/bachelorette parties. The boys go fishing and find something better than sockeye, and the girls just wanna have psychic fun. But someone’s going to come down with a terminal case of late, who’s it gonna be?
Previously: Uncle Marty had charisma, pills, a gun and a bag full of cash. Then he had a problem keeping his bottom half attached to his top half. Hunter had a sweetheart deal with Wellington to win Trish back, then he had a sweeter deal to just leave. Then he had a boat with Uncle Marty’s cash on board…and a shotgun blast to the face.
The dead: Cousin Ben (never seen), Uncle Marty, the preacher, Kelly, Lucy, Hunter…and yeah, Cal and Chloe still live, but at least they’re getting more tolerable…I hope. After this episode, I have serious doubts about Cal.
The drinking game: Wondering where the dead people are, and anytime someone’s showing some skin. (You didn’t think I was letting this go, did you?)
After our obligatory opening shots of island porn we open on the accoutrement of the psychic Karena, who Shea has hired to entertain at Trish’s bachelorette party. Checking up on things, Shea and Karena talk while creepy little Madison zeroes in on the tarot deck.
Like you’re even surprised.
Shea tries to apologize, but Karena waves her off, deciding it’s time to help Madison get a little creepier. “They look magical.” Karena nods and tells the little girl that the cards tell her things about people. “I know things about people.” Pointing to The Tower, creepy little Madison asks if it means that people are going to die. Karena just looks enigmatic, I shout, “Hell, yeah!” at the screen. And oh, hey, let’s add to the liver damage – Creepy kid is creepy? Drink. This first one’s on me.
At The Cannery, Nikki and Abby are chatting about the getting gifts for the uber-rich. Abby’s asked Nikki for a secret recipe and she’s flipping through a scrapbook, stuffed with memorabilia about Trish and Henry. They switch when Nikki passes over the recipe and she begins flipping though the book, looking at the pictures that Abby’s painstakingly put together. Thanking Nikki for the now, not-so-secret recipe, Abby takes the book and heads to the newspaper office to pick up an article she needs to finish her masterpiece before the bachelorette party. Ruefully, Nikki tells Abby that she should come to The Cannery for the bachelor party instead. That actually sounds like a good idea to Abby so she half-seriously asks if Nikki needs help, when a familiar voice says he could use a hand.
It’s lovelorn Jimmy, hauling a delivery of fresh seafood onto the counter. Both girls just stare and Jimmy smirks at the crate, “Is it because I have crabs?” Nikki looks as disgusted at the joke as I am, and Jimmy gives a “tough room” whistle before an extra comes to take the crate away. Abby just rolls her eyes and smiles at the lovable doof.
Henry’s washing up back at the Inn and as he walks out he does a double-take at his fiancee, standing in the room, naked. DRINK! She makes cute about not being able to decide what to wear, but Henry knows better. It’s her not-so-subtle reminder to have fun at his bachelor party, but not too much fun. Trish totally does the, “Bachelor party? That’s today?” complete with batted eyelash and a “golly-gee I should just get dressed then.” Like the entirety of the male viewing audience, that doesn’t sit well with Henry so he pulls her to the bed. Like rabbits these two are.
Walking along, Madison asks her mother if spirits are real, if they could be telling Karena bad things. Shea answers that it’s all for fun, that it’s make-believe, but Madison, pulling the pilfered Tower card from her pocket, doesn’t seem convinced. Back inside, Karena’s looking at the list of birth dates Shea provided. When she and the camera fix on Abby’s name, a drop of blood falls on the card. The spirits have given Karena a bloody nose. Gasp!
…SLICE! Titles, ‘One by one…’
Outside The Cannery, Jimmy’s admitting he has a hidden agenda. “In giving me a ride, or delivering crabs?” Abby asks. He wants to apologize for Shane being a psycho, and Kelly’s death. He wants her to enjoy her time back on the island. Abby smirks, then asks him if he really wants her to have fun. That would be the general gist of what he just said, Abby. With a grin, she says, “Let me drive.” Jimmy offers up the keys, and they take off.
Sully is greeting the groomsmen, sans Malcolm, to the “big day” and there’s back and forth about the wedding day being the big day for the girls and the bachelor party being the big day for the boys. The adorable dork Booth hints at the all-important question, did Sully find a stripper? The answer is a big yes, but Sully adds the caveat that she’s a local girl so they shouldn’t get their hopes up. He shushes them when Henry walks up, guess the stripper will be a surprise then, and Henry remarks, “This is my party? Three guys and a cooler of beer? You shouldn’t have.” They didn’t and Sully pulls out a box of something and passes it over to Henry. He opens it to a collection of fish heads (eat them up, yum!) and assorted cut-up parts. In other words, bait. Henry’s face slowly lights up like a kid in a candy shop.
Apparently he likes to fish. A lot.
Sully says he’s rented a boat, Malcolm’s finishing his pitch to Wellington, and even poor seasick Booth is coming. And, apparently, Muffin the blow-up-doll.
Through a window a stone-faced Wellington watches, along with Richard and a very nervous Malcolm who’s there to pitch his home-brew beer manufacturing to the pair of potential investors. Aside from being really nervous, Malcolm seems to have done his homework, and passes his info to Richard who begins flipping through it. Wellington asks for the bottom line. Malcolm gives it. “For one hundred-thousand dollars you can be a majority stakeholder in Sacred Turtle beer.”
Trish is unpacking some china with Shea and is ecstatic. It’s their mother’s china, Shea had it shipped out for the tea they’re having later in the day. There’s a crash and Madison’s wide eyes look at a broken cup. “I didn’t do it!” She emphatically claims, despite the fact that there’s no one else in the room. DRINK!
Later that day, and now on the boat, Booth is exclaiming that the pretty purple band’s he’s wearing have taken care of his seasickness and Henry thinks fishing is amazing. The groomsmen roll their eyes and Danny wonders if it counts as fishing if they don’t catch any fish. In the back, Malcolm mopes. I’m guessing he didn’t get the money. Henry tries to remind him that he knew it was a longshot going in, but Malcolm insists he had him. He had Wellington convinced but Richard sunk it. Booth asks about the money they gave him and is told that two grand doesn’t go very far. “Two grand? We’re kinda lame.” I just agree and move on, but Malcolm’s wallowing – he’s completely tapped out. Before he can get to far into it, Henry gets a bite. For a moment it seems to get away, but with a fishy fury, they haul it in, flying and flapping onto the boat where Sully kinda panics and dives off.
No, really, he grabs Muffin for a float and jumps.
The groomsmen appropriately give him crap about it, and Henry tosses off a “be careful” – which is the writer’s sign to have Sully disappear beneath the waves. Everyone looks worried for about ten seconds before Sully re-appears, laughing. It was just as corny as it sounds. Meanwhile, Danny’s looking through a pair of binoculars at some seagulls hovering around, close to, huh, cold that be an abandoned boat? Thinking where there’s gulls there’s fish, the men go to investigate.
Abby’s literally kicking the tires of Jimmy’s truck, walking around it, looking disapprovingly at some rust, and generally paying more attention to it than to Jimmy who’s just come from making his last delivery. She tells him he needs an alignment and new brake pads, and he makes a joke about her being an expensive date. Abby says he must be glad she left then. The mood gets darker as Jimmy admits he wasn’t, he missed her, he’d wanted to be there for her. But he claims he’s moved on, “a lot” and when they get in the truck he asks if there’s been any great guys in LA for her. She evades a bit offering generalities about the nightlife and the LA scene, when Jimmy’s radio crackles to life and his dispatcher says his girlfriend Julia’s looking for him, her car won’t start. Jimmy offers to take care of it later, but Abby insists that a small stop won’t be a bother.
The intrepid sailors have pulled up to the abandoned water craft (shirtless Sully – DRINK!), wondering if the owner’s scuba diving, when one of them asks, what’s that? The camera pans across the blood splattered interior, giving the briefest of pauses on Uncle Marty’s bag, and finally gives us a glory shot of a corpse without a face. Booth looses his lunch, I take a screencap for the gallery, we all cut to a commercial. When we return, Henry goes to call the harbormaster while everyone says their various ew’s and ick’s. All except for cash-strapped Malcolm, who’s seen the bag of cash. He calls to Henry to stop and hops aboard. Every one starts shouting at him, but he’s seen the money…and picked up the gun. Sully puts dead, gun and money together and comes up with drug dealer, but Malcolm’s insistent and with the gun and money in hand, he starts to cross back over. Henry says no, they can’t take the money, but Malcolm says they should vote. Everyone pretty much sides with Henry and when he goes to contact the harbormaster again there’s a BANG! Everyone looks at Malcolm and realizes that he’s shot a hole in the bottom of the other boat and it, and the body, are going to sink. Henry is shocked, “I guess we’re taking the money.”
Back at the Inn, Trish approaches Madison. Madison’s worried that her mom’s looking for her, but no, Shea’s not. They’re quickly joined by Wellington with a plate of cookies, ready to continue playing Go Fish with his granddaughter. Trish asks if he knows where Katherine is, but he says he hasn’t seen her for awhile. Madison offers that she saw her over by the pool area. With a cheerful thanks, Trish leaves and the game continues.
Walking along the path, presumably toward the pool, Trish hears a whimper and some soft crying. Curious, she goes to investigate what looks like an overgrown, underground…something, where inside, Katherine has been tied to the ceiling, her clothes ripped (DRINK!), and blindfolded. Before Trish can sweep in to the rescue, a voice speaks from the darkness with the traditional, “scream, no one can hear you” routine. A hand reaches around and grabs Katherine by the throat as Richard slinks into view and Katherine begins laughing. The S&M twins strike again. Horrified, Trish flees.
At Julia the girlfriend’s house, Jimmy’s under the hood of an old truck with Abby at the wheel. The engine cranks, but won’t turn over and Jimmy gives up. Abby’s face reads, “just like that?” as Julia, a little old lady, appears. While Abby starts to clue in, Jimmy delivers the bad news to Julia who non-too-subtly muses that she can go without groceries this week. Jimmy offers to let her ride with him while he drops off Abby and he’ll take her. Smiling, she says she’ll go change and leaves Abby and an eye-rolling Jimmy, who as we discover, plays this little charade every week. “It’s so not LA,” she says and continues with a lonely little speech about how awful it is to take a shuttle alone to the airport, and have no one there when she gets home.
Dude, make some friends, Abby, geez.
At any rate, she’s decided to walk to the newspaper, so she grabs her scrapbook and takes off after thanking Jimmy for letting her drive.
Back at the Inn, Henry and the Groomsmen of Stupidity are slinking back, trying to act cool and failing miserably. Cal asks, “What did you catch?” Booth totally freezes with a “We didn’t see a boat.” Everyone stops, looks at Booth, and keeps going, showing off the catch to Cal who pulls some random fish fact out of the air. Apparently while Henry likes fishing, Cal just likes fish. Awkwardly, awkwardly, likes fish. He offers to help and as the group walks off, he says he’ll see them all at the Bachelor Party that night.
The fish get dumped in a tub and the cash gets counted and laid out on a coffee table. All two hundred and fifty grand of it, fifty grand a piece, or half what Malcolm’s trying to get from Wellington for those out you counting at home. Henry wants to turn in it, Booth says they can’t they committed a crime when they sank the boat. Booth floats the idea, again, that it’s drug money, this time with the addition that someone could be looking for it. Malcolm comes in from…outside somewhere and asks to talk to Henry, privately. The two exit to the bathroom, where Malcolm apologizes and tells Henry that he knows they’re there for his wedding, not for these admittedly random shenanigans. Henry graciously accepts the apology and says they just need to find a way to get rid of the money. Malcolm has an idea about that, big surprise, he could use it. He spins his sob story about leveraging everything he had into this beer venture, and this could save his ass. Henry thinks.
Returning to the room, Henry takes charge. They’re going pack up the money, leave it in the room and enjoy the bachelor party. And after the wedding they’ll figure out what to do. Agreed? “Agreed.” The groomsmen grumble.
At the newspaper, Abby tells the front desk worker that she’s here for a back issue – specifically a picture of a little boy and a big fish. As the worker goes off to grab the requested article, Abby spies a stack of papers on the counter. Each one carrying an article on John Wakefield. Abby asks why they’re out and the young woman says someone asked for everything they had, then never showed to pick it up. This concerns Abby mightily. The worker hands over the article of a young Henry and a very big fish, and Abby slips it in her scrapbook, beating a hasty retreat. As she walks out, the young woman watches Abby. Feeling the eyes, no doubt, Abby turns and the squeal of tires tell us she’s in the middle of the road when she does so. Abby jumps, dropping the book and we see Karena, equally startled, inside the car asking Abby if she’s OK. Abby says yes, just shook up and Karena drives off. Abby looks down, and sure enough, she dropped the scrapbook in a puddle. Awww, poor Abby.
Trish has returned to her room in tears. Henry’s there, changing, and he asks what’s wrong. Trish can barely get the words out and instead clings to Henry.
And the awkward begins as Katherine herself is making a little speech about what she could do for Trish on this important occasion when she’s missing her mother. The answer? Pink hoodies with “Trish & Henry” stitched on them. Again, not joking. The men even got a black version. Everyone claps and coos and Trish GLARES as Maggie comes up, concerned, and pulls Trish and Shea aside. She needs to tell them something. We cut immediately to Trish throwing open the tea room’s doors to reveal all her mother’s china, broken on the tables. Katherine tries to calm Trish, not realizing the significance of the destruction, saying they’ll get replacements, but Trish slaps her hand away and runs out in tears. Shea asks where Madison is, and Abby goes off to find her.
Get your drinks ready because here’s the scene that spawned that ethereal “One by one” in the title sequence. As Abby enters a big empty space, Madison’s saying those simple words over and over again. DRINK! When Abby approaches calling her name, Madison says, “I’m not going to get to be a flower girl, Abby.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement. DRINK! Abby wants to know who told her that. “The spirits told me.” DRINK! (And commercials.) Worth noting, during most of this, Madison’s ripping more petals off flowers, this time arranging them into little piles. No, I did not count the piles, but yes, I think that’s worth another DRINK! right there.
Booth is slowly falling apart, singing the “we’re goin’ to jail” chorus. As the the other groomsmen tease him two big, burly guys (one of which is wearing a pistol under his jacket) enter the bar. Booth promptly bolts. The others follow, each with varying levels of panic. They have to get rid of the cash. Malcolm doesn’t want to get rid of the cash and then poor Henry arrives having noticed their abrupt departure. He’s filled in and that’s it. Henry declares they’re finding a safe place, not in their rooms, stashing the cash and when everything’s clear he’s turning it in. Malcolm does not like this plan, but he’s in the minority. They decide to draw straws to see who’s going to hide it. After the first ineffectual round, Sully remembers to make a short straw and guess who draws it the second time around. If you said Booth, give yourself a gold star. Poor guy.
Back at the bachelorette party, Trish is having her cards read. Death (“but not for you, Gunslinger”) appears and according to Karena it signifies a change and a betrayal. Trish says it won’t be by Henry, and everyone tells her to drink. Apparently “Henry” is the word of the evening and it might help to explain why Trish is DRUNK. Trish says she knows betrayed her, and it’s a woman. Karena disagrees, saying that it’s a man and he’ll also be her savior. Everyone goes, “ohhhhh” and Trish, unconvinced, simply says, “Really.”
Into the woods with Booth and the bag as the former has a flashlight and a shovel with witch to bury the latter. He stumbles and trips and generally looks really spooked.
At The Cannery, the bachelor party is in swing and Danny and Sully are talking. Sully doesn’t want everyone bogged down so he called Malcolm, laid down the law and reminded him that it’s all about Sully Henry. Malcolm should be on his way. They look over and Cal is by the jukebox doing a dance that has nothing in common with the music that’s playing except that it’s almost on the beat, but not really. At the bar, Henry’s chatting with Nikki when she goes to help someone. Henry spies Richard, sitting alone, looking…well pathetic kinda covers it. And his night isn’t going to get better because when Henry joins him, the first words out of his mouth are, “Trish saw you.” Uh-oh. He plays it off for about thirty seconds and when he realizes that Henry’s not just making conversation, he simply says, “Ok.” Henry asks if that’s the best he can do, and Richard…pretty much says, yeah. Henry’s aghast, Trish is freaking out, and what happens if Wellington finds out? Richard tells Henry to tell him and find out before swallowing the last of his drink and leaving.
It’s Abby’s turn with Karena and they make jokes about this encounter being better than their previous. Abby removes her necklace and passes it over, Trish exclaims that it’s beautiful and Karena asks if it was her mother’s. Abby nods and Trish, poor, drunk Trish, says she wished their mothers could be there. She wishes her mother could be there. Karena holds Abby’s mother’s necklace, closes her eyes and the soundtrack gets scared. With a gasp, she drops the bauble, and hastily exits. Everyone kinda pauses and looks at each other, but Abby brushes it off saying she doesn’t believe in that stuff anyway. Trish agrees, she doesn’t believe in it either, but she grabs a drink and declares, “But you know what I do believe in?” Half the room shouts with her, “Henry!”
Who does not look happy. Big surprise. A drunk Sully comes to join him at the bar to ask him if he had fun that day. Because you know what, Sully had fun. And it’s awesome that he gets to be Henry’s best man. And Abby should be there with them. Hey, “where the hell is Abby?” Sully starts looking around like she actually is there somewhere and he sees Big Guy Number One and Big Guy Number Two enter the bar. Now he’s a little panicked and tells Henry to play it cool. Number One approaches saying he’s looking for a guy named Sully. Playing along, Nikki nods “no”. He asks Sully and Henry, and Sully tosses Henry under the bus saying it’s him. “You go the money?” Number One asks. Henry tries to look cool, but confused. “The money,” Number One continues, “for the girl.” Yes, it is true, on Harper’s Island, strippers come with armed bouncers. Sully is uber-relieved and very excited. “Booth is gonna pee his pants.”
Which brings us to Booth, who is still freaked and hears something behind him in the woods. He grabs the gun, waving it around. Malcolm appears with the traditional, “Don’t shoot!” Properly confused, Booth asks what Malcolm’s doing, following him, and Malcolm BS’s that he’s watching Booth’s back. Booth looks like he just might believe him, and so he goes to put the gun down. BANG! It goes off and both of them jump. Malcolm’s all checking himself and happily declares that it’s ok, he’s not hurt. Then he looks at Booth…who isn’t so lucky. There’s blood on his thigh. Confused, Booth says it must be a flesh wound because it doesn’t hurt. They joke about close calls when Booth collapses. Malcolm looks at Booth’s leg and there’s blood spurting out of it. “I think you hit something…damn, where’s it coming from?” And yes, if you’re like me, you think this is the dumb and dumber version of a death scene. So I’ll cut it short. Booth dies, Malcolm cries, and we cut to a commercial. God what a waste of a good gunshot. I mean, points for self-inflicted, but really?
Back at The Cannery, everyone’s lined up for the show when the “smokin’ hot” Stacy starts doin’ her thing. She crawls up and gets close to Henry and pauses, “Henry? Henry Dunn?” Yes, ladies and gents, it appears Henry’s known the stripper since she was like, ten. This is what you get for hiring local girls, SULLY. Stacy doesn’t seem to mind, in fact she seems to enjoy it, but Henry? Is just smiling and nodding and wondering if there’s a nearby hole he can crawl into.
Abby’s headed outside for some fresh air, when Karena sneaks up on her with a jump on the soundtrack. “You have to leave…he want’s you dead.” Abby’s looking kinda freaked out. Seriously, Madison and this lady in the same night, I’d be a little jumpy, too. But Karena’s adamant, “Please, he won’t stop.”
Cannery. Danny’s playing quarters with the bouncers, Sully’s got his arm around Muffin, and Cal has the stripper on his lap while he’s talking about Chloe. Sully’s watching and asking Muffin the blow-up doll if she honestly finds him attractive. It’s riveting, folks, riveting. And even better when Malcolm arrives. A drunken Henry orders Malcolm a drink and says it wouldn’t be the same without him. “Hey, have you seen Booth?” DRINK! Malcolm stammers and lies that he hasn’t seen him.
Abby’s walking, we don’t know where and she gets to a door. She knocks and Jimmy opens it. She’s looking a little shell-shocked so he just pulls her into his arms for a hug.
In Booth and Malcom’s room, Malcolm’s closing up a duffelbag full of cash and stowing it under his bed. He looks across the room at Booth’s things and begins crying.
Trish is walking by the pool, in which Muffin now floats. She giggles, for she is a giggly drunk, and reaches in to help the poor blow-up doll out. I don’t think anyone’s particularly surprised when she falls in. But, hey, she’s cool with it and splashes around a bit before letting herself sink to the bottom. Cue the pool cover being drawn over the top. Trish notices it and tries to break surface, but can’t. From the outside, we can see her fists popping up the top. Underneath, she’s screaming and since that takes, you know, air, she quickly runs out. Her struggles weaken and stop. From behind, you can just make out a figure diving in. It grabs her and pulls her towards the surface. Once on the ground something…odd happens. The person who saved her either gets up, runs out of frame and comes around to her other side to start mouth-to-mouth, or this is a two-man operation and one guy saved her and another did the mouth-to-mouth. Either way, the one doing mouth-to-mouth gets her breathing again and Henry runs up, scooping her into his arms. She looks over and sees a wet Richard standing over her. Henry looks at the pool aghast that it was partially closed. Richard nods, they’re lucky he had been there.
“It could have been bad.”
What? Like this episode that’s fading to black right here? Bad like that?
Scroll on over to the next page for the gallery, or if you can’t wait for next episode’s recap to find out the latest victim, check out our Character Overviews. Every week, it’s a big red ‘x’over who died and a description on how they went, courtesy of our own Astro Jones.
And if you care to speculate, debate, or get irate over the events on the Island, check out our Harper’s Island Forums. Also? It’s an awesome place to ask if that person did that thing that time on that episode, or if you’re just imagining things.
Click on to the the next page for the up-close gore shot of Hunter’s remains!
It’s a small gallery tonight, but there’s some quality. I mean, look at the way those teeth have been exploded up into the skull. Just…look!
A work of disgusting art I tell ya.