Hemlock Grove opens with a young Brad Pitt-lookalike, staring broodingly from a candy store, holding a luscious ice cream cone. He smoulders at the door. A young dark-haired lovely stops, stares back and walks away. He follows her out.
Next scene, she sits astride him in a small red sports car, parked outside a large greenhouse (Garden of Eden?) He brandishes a straight razor, cuts his finger and smears a bloody circle on her shoulder. “You’re so weird, Roman,” she whispers.
“Ssshh,” he stops her. “You don’t know my name.”
At this point, I think to myself gleefully, strap in … it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
He pays her, to go away, one presumes. She protests: “This is too much!” Once again, he complains, while licking his healing finger: “You know my name?”
“You’re the kid in the candy store.”
“This is the part where you leave.” And pretty young vixen obediently Â totters away on her very high heels.
We next see a pert cheerleader who somewhat resembles the young prostitute, teaching some little girls a dance routine. From afar smoulders Roman. She notices. He waves. She looks alarmed.
This is our introduction to Roman Godfrey (Bill SkarsgÃ¥rd, brother of Alexander) the privileged “kid in a candy store.”
Immediately we are taken to a classroom, where a beautiful teacher, hair up and sexy glasses, is discussing particle physics. Yes, that is right; particle physics. “The particles of the largest structure are equal to the particles of the smallest structure.” Obviously this is a signpost for us, theÂ viewers.
The bell rings, class is dismissed and a student approaches the teacher who looks up from her desk: “Miss Bluebell?”
The student informs the teacher her book is not accessible to lay readers. She confesses however that she “loved it. There’s so much more than what you think you see.” Another signpost for us. The teacher, clearly pleased, presents the now-signed copy of book back to student, who while walking away, reads “Tonight. 8 pm.Â Banksy.” With a little heart.Â Awww.
Are you thinking what I am thinking? Hot for teacher, illicit lesbian love affair. And also, who knew that illusive hipster artist Banksy was also a high school science teacher?
Next scene is a railroad crossing, alarms dinging, car stopped. Miss Bluebell reads a text while she waits for the train to pass. It is dark. She is replying to BanksyÂ when something big and powerful smashes the car,causing her to flee in terror. A chilling and creative touch from the cameramanÂ has us running with her, seeing the groundÂ from her perspective, Blair Witch style. In a playground, she sees a toy house and climbs in for refuge; alas, to no avail. Whatever this monster is, has seized her feet and is dragging her out while she screams. As she is being eviscerated, her phone dials Banksy who listens to the brutal murder of her young lover. Next we see ..
I am hooked.