The Voice: Stop Talking, Start Singing

For a show that is supposedly looking for the best singing voice, the coaches on this show seem to be much more interested in hearing the sound of their own voice than those of the contestants. I’m starting to think the tituler ‘Voice’these coaches are looking for will be their own once they lose them from overuse. After this episode, it’s pretty clear how this show is about the judges, not about the performers. Carson Daly chimes in far too often as well, asking one auditioner before she goes out on stage, ‘Why are you nervous?’Really, Carson? You’re wondering why some teenager about to perform in front of millions of people and four superstars with her future in their hands, is nervous? ( By the way, how many shows does Daly get before he’s tossed to the curb? I mean, he was on MTV forever, then he got that late night NBC show that nobody watched, and here he is again. Can’t they find some other stooge in need of a paycheck to front this gig?) I digress, as this, the show’s second episode presented the final ‘Blind Auditions’where the four coaches selected their teams. Unfortunately, this episode was dominated by needless backstage clips and the tedious input from the coaches.

Why do we need to hear from the judges who didn’t even turn around to recruit the performer? I mean, Blake Shelton had this gem for a contestant: ‘I’m glad someone pressed the button because you deserved to be in the competition.’Really? Then why didn’t you press the button yourself, Coach? As part of the ‘coaches’ invaluable input, Adam Levine was able to use the word ‘penis’and Christina Aguilera dropped a reference to ‘balls’. I guess Dice Clay was too busy picking lint from his bellybutton to act as a coach. The input from these insightful coaches was so critical and deemed so important to air, that whoever edits this show didn’t even bother to show the performances of several selected contestants! But what if one of these neglected performers had THE Voice? No bother because we did get to hear that Blake thinks Cee Lo is a lesser coach than he because he dresses like a peacock. Thanks, Blake. In fact, we had more auditioners come out of the closet (1), than we did insightful comments from the coaches (0).

What did we actually see? I guess the producers didn’t pre-select enough auditioners, because we had to watch the coaches rounding out their prestigious teams by selecting from auditioners who they already rejected! I should point out that Cee Lo Green had already completed the selection of his team, one that includes a teenage sister duet, an off-key country singer and using the same selection logic, Green would have spun around if Osama bin Laden performed because he never worked with a dead terrorist before.

Christina and Blake quickly completed their teams, selecting acts they passed on the first time around but were oh-so-thankful they had this second opportunity to draft them. That left Adam Levine to scoop from the bottom of the barrel, a couple of female auditioners who I already forgot about, even though one of them performed earlier in the same show. I’m pretty sure that does not bode well for her longevity.

So next week starts the dreaded “Battle Round”, where performers from the same team sing the same song within some cheesy flourescent ring. At this point, the coaches will then become judges, eliminating half of their own team. I guess that whole coaching aspect of this groundbreaking show will last about as long as each of the coaches voices.

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