Bravo’s Big Premiere Week started off right with the season five premiere of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, which gave me enough life and made up for the sort of lackluster season from last year.
The ATL Housewives were all in top form, but their personal lives (and hell, to some extent their professional lives as well) were drama prone as usual. Except Kandi, who is basically sitting on top of the world now with her new fiancÃ© Tod and their new home, which Kandi made sure to let people know she paid in cash. We got it, boo, you’re the richest girl in the cast. Don’t let that money make you!
As for new girl Kenya “Gone With The Wind-Fabulous!” Moore, she really showed her ass last night, sending my Twitter and Facebook timelines in a tizzy with tweets and statuses shouting their utter disdain for the woman. Congratulations, Bravo, you’ve found a suitable replacement for Sheree Whitfield who happens to be almost a clone for Sheree.
The premiere mostly had each woman dealing with their own personal issue and didn’t bother trying to shoehorn them in the same room for dramatic flair. Kim and Kandi met to discuss Kandi’s new humble abode, while Cynthia invited Kenya to help her judge a open casting call for Jet Magazine’s Beauty of the Week. While Kim’s tour of Kandi’s new house was laced with some Haterade level of shade, Cynthia and Kenya’s interaction at the Bailey Agency was were the real dramatic piÃ¨ce de rÃ©sistance of the night.
But before we get to that nonsense, let’s catch you up with what everyone has been up to since we last saw them in February.
Unless you’ve been residing under a rock for the past year and a half, then you would know that NeNe Leakes has been on Glee and is now a regular cast member on Ryan Murphy’s newest hit sitcom The New Normal over on NBC. Murphy paid NeNe a visit to discuss storylines for her character Rocky and the whole conversation seemed a bit… forced. Now I love NeNe and think Ryan Murphy is a freaking genius (the man gave us Popular before it was snatched away from me like a black child from his mother on the slave trade block), but their back and forth didn’t register as completely genuine to me. I do think they have an authentic professional relationship and friendship, but… I don’t know.
As for NeNe allegedly having Tyler Perry’s phone number? That’s a whole other story in itself… and way embarrassing if she didn’t.
NeNe’s love life was also a focal point of the night and Greg was doing his damnedest to win back her heart. It was good to hear NeNe was trying to work things out with Gregg, because they seemed to be the most stable couple on the show besides Lisa Wu Hartwell and Ed Hartwell, who have since divorced since leaving The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Also, the conversation between NeNe and Gregg was both honest and adult, two big signs that these two might eventually tie their knot once again.
Lord, where do I begin with the Blonde Wig Wonder?
Kim’s not only pregnant again, but she’s also rehired Sweetie back as her assistant as well. Although, Sweetie seemed a bit more focused than before when it came to being an actual assistant, she came off as a goofy groupie who still doesn’t hold a full term membership to the “in” crowd consisting of Kim and her family. But I digress.
The rumors of Kim and Kroy being evicted came into play, but the drama didn’t seem to faze them one bit as they postponed packing up the place, despite having two weeks to leave it. But guess who’s going to have to worry about all of that work? Yep. “SWEETIE!!!!”
But to give Kim and Kroy some credit, the quotes they received from the moving people was ridiculous and blatant overpricing due to Kim and Kroy’s status as a reality TV star and professional football player, respectively. It shouldn’t have to cost someone $101,000 to move anywhere, not even to a new country. So yea, Kim was completely in the right to balk at that price.
Our resident lawyer/budding mortician gave us a glimpse at a new venture she’s pursuing: pet funerals. Lord help us. However, there could be a lot of money in that type of funeral business. Did you see how the Real Housewives of Miami‘s Lea Black and The Real Housewives of New York City‘s Sonja Morgan reacted to their dogs being in harm’s way (Sonja’s beloved dog actually died this year), so there are plenty of duckets to collect from the rich and powerful to bury their furry companions.
But I’m glad Phaedra wisely sidestepped the debate on people comparing their pets to having kids of their own. That convo always gets ugly.
The resident model of the group had to deal with Leon, her ex,over whether their daughter Noelle should be home schooled or not. Personally, while that debate was going on, I couldn’t get my head around Leon actually staying with them when he’s in Atlanta. That situation sounded like a bad church circuit play waiting to happen, but you have to give Peter, Cynthia and Leon props for being completely adult about the situation.
Cynthia also had the (dis)pleasure of being the first Housewife to deal with newbie Kenya Moore during the Bailey Agency sponsored Jet Magazine casting call for Beauty of the Week. I have to applaud Cynthia for how she handled the disparaging loud mouth, because instead of stooping to Kenya’s level, Cynthia kept it professional, especially with the Jet Magazine representatives there witnessing the whole thing. Now if it had have been some local event the Bailey Agency was sponsoring, I would have expected for Mrs. Bailey-Thomas to shut it down.
The former Xscape member and current set toy entrepreneur is in love, people, and it clearly showed. Kandi didn’t have anything new to show that I didn’t already know, but I would be lying if I wasn’t glad to see her happy with her new dude Tod and her banging new McMansion. Now with that said, the only thing I wish Kandi had of done was shut Kim and Sweetie’s boughetto asses down when they were walking through her house dropping shade pellets like mice after a kitchen raid. At least Kandi has a house, in her name, paid with cash, Kim! Kandi needs to wake up and smell the fakery that is she and Kim’s friendship like ASAP.
Saving the best for last, let’s talk about Ms. Kenya Moore, who is one switch from being “batsh*t crazy.” First of all, I thought her intro was a bit backwards and having Miss Lawrence there to introduce the former Miss USA was just as fake as Ryan Murphy meeting up with NeNe, even when it shouldn’t have. Plus, is it me or did it look like Kenya was staying in Sheree’s old house from season two and three?
As for Kenya’s behavior at Cynthia’s Bailey Agency? She was flat-out wrong and thirsty for the cameras and when I say ‘thirsty’ I mean parched. Her attitude was stank, her teardowns were lame and childish, and most importantly, she wasn’t being professional about the process at all. Maybe Kenya felt as if she had joined the cast of Basketball Wives or something, because her behavior was befitting of that particular ratchet factory, not The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Although despite Kenya’s less than welcoming intro to the world, she brought the drama and she brought it hard. She might want to tone it down some decibels, but she delivered and I was entertained enough to want slide a chair her way to set her ass down in.
So yes, the women of The Real Housewives of Atlanta are back and they are not taking any prisoners. What did you think about last night’s episode?
Photo by: Alex Martinez/Bravo