This is Darth Vader as Voiced by Frank Costanza

This might actually be scarier than listening to James Earl Jones to be fair. At least with Jones you get the feeling that he’s measured and secure enough in his actions and threats that there’s bound to be a reason why he flips out, but with Frank Costanza, huh boy. It could be something as minor as something being out of place in his home that sets him off, and at that point it’s a pretty quick countdown to the explosion to come. Of course it’s a constant explosion that appears ready to pop off at any given moment so thinking that Frank Costanza is someone that you’d want having Force powers is kind of nutty, not to mention possibly world-ending if he could choke the life out of anyone that got on his bad side. Of course it could be worse, the Force could reside in someone like Kramer or George and then things would REALLY get out of hand quickly. At least with Frank there are moments of lucidity in which one might be able to convince the volatile old man that it’s better to remain calm than to fly off the hook at any little thing that bothers him. After all, the stereotypical image that some people have of the elderly is that they’re slow, both in speech and in movement. Of course there are exceptions to this as a lot of us know since that fire and passion doesn’t always fade with age. Lori Dorn of the Laughing Squid obviously got a kick out of this too.

Also when you think about it Darth Vader wasn’t insanely old when he finally met his end since he was still a fairly young man in the Clone Wars and by the time A New Hope rolled around close to two decades had passed. He wasn’t young by any means, but according to some sources he was only 45 when he kicked, which means he really wasn’t that old since people in their 40s are considered to be middle-aged in some circles and still relatively young by elderly standards. To become anything like Frank Costanza Darth Vader would have had to have been at least as old as Palpatine to be fair since really it does take a bit of experience to be that crotchety. With all respect to Frank the old man was something of a holy terror on the show when he really got going, and it’s not much of a wonder that between him and George’s mother that George turned out to be so neurotic and unsure of himself. Now couple that with Force powers and imagine what you might get and you can easily imagine that even if George had been granted the Force he would have been too gunshy to use it.

As if the Skywalker family tree wasn’t disturbed enough, right? Putting Frank Constanza in as Vader would have likely complicated things even further in a way that would have created a galaxy that was in fear of a temperamental old Sith lord and at the same time in danger of children that might have turned out to be too much like him. How would that work out when it came to balancing the Force? It is kind of amusing though since Anakin Skywalker was supposed to be the Chosen One, then Luke was supposed to be the Chosen One, and it even appears that Rey might have been expected to be the Chosen One. Thomas Bacon of ScreenRant has more to say on this subject. There’s a big problem with putting all that expectation on just one individual, no matter how enticing it is for a story, and it’s that the kind of responsibility that ‘the one’ has is usually too big for anyone. For Anakin it put him at odds with a lot of people at the Jedi Temple, especially a good number of the masters, while with his fellow padawans it alienated him in a way that didn’t allow for Anakin to grow up in the order with a lot of good, close friends. On top of that it might have given him a serious complex and fomented his arrogance, fanning it into something that would eventually allow him to act like a bit of jerk now and again.

Putting it on Luke was no good really since he came so late to the Jedi way and he too was a bit too headstrong and even cocksure in what he could do. The Skywalker’s don’t lack for confidence, that much is clear, but they also didn’t have a habit of looking before they leaped at times which was a huge failing. One might have thought that Rey would be largely immune to such a thing since she wasn’t a Skywalker, but obviously that kind of thing was easy enough for anyone to pick up since the moment she started becoming a Jedi she too had the arrogant streak that might have already been there as a matter of survival but became more pronounced the further she went into her studies. Thankfully though none of them could hold a candle to good old Frank.


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