Ah, True Blood. It’s so nice to see you again, my dirty little secret. I am fully prepared for my weekly dose of gratuitous sex and violence, so bring it on.
We pick up where season 1 left off: Sam walks out of Merlotte’s and he hears Sookie and Tara screaming. Running over to Andy Bellefleur’s car, he spots Andy telling the girls to shut up. Andy, still drunk if I recall correctly, is trying to do an ad-hoc investigation and Tara is just praying that the body (which only has its legs showing) isn’t Lafayette. It’s Miss Jeanette, who has a freaking gaping wound in her chest (and I DO mean gaping), because her heart has been removed. Ew. Just….ew. I know I put in a request, but did you have to bring the gratuitous violence on so quickly?
Cops are now swarming the crime scene and Sookie is listening in on the thoughts of the police, Tara and the coroner. I honestly can’t remember the names of any of the characters on this show because it’s been so long since I watched an episode and now I have to look up everyone on Wikipedia. Ok, so the Sheriff (Bud Dearborne) comes by and Andy gives him a shaky recap of the evening. Bud realizes that Andy is drunk and tells him to go home, but Andy doesn’t want to.
Uh….is it just me or is Anna Paquin’s southern accent off in this episode? Sookie tells Sam that she’s so confused by this recent murder. Tara comes by, wanting to leave, and Sookie asks how she knows Miss Jeanette. Tara tells Sam and Sookie about the exorcism and Sookie tells Tara to tell the cops about that. Tara goes to talk to Kendra, the cop.
Bill’s laying down the rules of the house to his new “daughter” Jessica. He’s setting her bed time (droll), telling her not to eat people (funny) and that they’re a family of recyclers (so hilarious I can barely stand it!). Sookie calls to say she’ll be late because something bad happened. Bill offers to meet her, but she declines. Bill tells Jessica that they’re going to have a visitor shortly – his girlfriend – and orders her to go remove her skanky makeup and get cleaned up.
Jason Stackhouse, meanwhile, is reading (shirtless, of course) some Fellowship of the Sun literature. He rubs his black sheets and flashes back to one of his trippy V experiences with Amy Burley (that crazy girl he was sleeping with in season 1 who got killed by Rene).
At the police station, Tara is being questioned by Bud, Kendra and Andy, who are doubting the exorcism story. Turns out Miss Jeanette is but a humble cashier, but Tara sticks to her story. Tara’s mother, Lettie Mae, bursts into the station and joins Tara in the interogation room. Lettie Mae insists that Miss Jeanette saved her life, but Tara tells her that Miss Jeanette was a fake. Lettie Mae refuses to believe the scam.
Cut to a dungeon/basement, where Lafayette, two other men and a woman are chained to some sort of device that they have to turn by moving in a circle (like a big wheel hanging from the ceiling). The redneck who goaded Lafayette about making an AIDS burger is brought down into the dungeon and exchanged for another prisoner. He recognizes Lafayette, who says he doesn’t know how long he’s been down there.
Sookie is hugging Bill, telling him what happened at the bar. Jessica makes an appearance, draped in a towel and fresh from the shower.
Outside of the police station, Tara apologizes to her mother about finding out the truth, but Lettie Mae still doesn’t believe it. Lettie Mae insists that this was a test and she resolves to stay strong. Maryann comes by, in her flashy car, and embraces Tara. Tara introduces the two women and Maryann smacks down Lettie Mae’s parental skills in two seconds flat.
Back at Bill’s house, Sookie accuses Bill of making Jessica, which is fairly accurate. Jessica announces that she’s 17 and Sookie’s all “girl, where are your parents?!”, which is a legitimate question. Bill denies having sex with Jessica and explains that he had to make Jessica as penance for the vampire he killed to save Sookie. Bill sends Jessica off to bed. Bill tells Sookie that they can’t let Jessica go free since she’s too young and could go on a killing rampage. Sookie is upset that Bill has kept this from her (I think for the last two weeks) and wonders about other secrets Bill might have. Sookie leaves.
On television, Reverend Steve Newlin (from the Fellowship of the Sun Church) and Nan Flanagan (from the American Vampire League) are debating the morality of vampires. Rev. Newlin accuses the vampires of assassinating his father, but Nan denies this. Newlin’s wife, Sarah, joins him after his interview, and praises him for a job well done, although she clearly has higher political aspirations for him. The couple joins a luncheon in the hotel ballroom and Newlin presses the flesh.
A man greets the Reverand and his wife and introduces them to Jason. Sarah recognizes Jason as the guy who was being accused of some murders a little while ago. The man suggests that Jason sign up for a leadership conference that will cost him $1,200. When Jason demeures and says he can’t afford it, Sarah suggests he “pray on it”. Scam.
Sam arrives at Maryann’s house and one her manservant goes to fetch her. Sam recognizes a statute on her table and we flash back to him as a teenager. He breaks into a house (and it’s hilarious because the dog version of himself looks younger) and steals some food and other valuables. He also sees the same statute currently residing in Maryann’s house. Maryann greets him, asking what he’s doing in her house, but it’s the current version of Maryann (as in, I don’t think she ages).
Sookie’s looking like crap, sitting at her kitchen table all by herself. Anna Paquin looks better with curly hair is all I’m saying. She goes into her grandmother’s bedroom and finds a half-knit scarf. She gathers all of her grandmother’s things around her on the floor and starts to put them in boxes when she cuts herself on the cardboard (those are the worst kinds of paper cuts!).
Mr. Lancaster, the family lawyer, comes by to tell Sookie that her great-uncle Bartlett has died. Since he molested Sookie as a child, I don’t think she should care. Sookie asks what happened and Lancaster says he had been found in the river. Lancaster reveals that Uncle Bartlett left his entire estate to Sookie. Sookie is hesitant to take the money, but eventually does.
Back at Maryann’s house, Maryann, Tara and Benedict “Eggs” Talley are lounging by the pool, smoking a joint. Maryann goes off to get more fruit and Tara asks Eggs if he’s ever slept with Maryann (apparently he hasn’t). Eggs comes on to Tara and the two are about to kiss when they’re interrupted by the manservant (I don’t know his name and I’m not going to look it up). Tara goes off to change for work and we see that Maryann was spying on the couple outside.
Oh, wait, manservant is named Carl. We learn this because Maryann calls him over and then smacks him, obviously upset that he interrupted Tara and Eggs.
At work, Jason and Hoyt are talking about how surprised they were about Rene. Jason tells Hoyt about getting in with the Fellowship of the Sun and Hoyt doesn’t like that the Fellowship promotes hatred of vampires. Sookie comes by and she’s looking a lot better now, thank God. Sookie tells Jason about Uncle Bartlett and offers the inheritance to Jason. Jason offers to split it, but Sookie thrusts the check at him and clearly doesn’t want it. She drives off to work. Jason interprets this as a sign to join the Fellowship and go to the leadership seminar.
We get another flashback to teenage Sam and Maryann having sex. She goes all haywire and starts vibrating and chanting or something. It’s all very weird and she says he’s not the only one who’s “special”. At Merlotte’s, Sam is dragged out of his memories by Arlene, who encourages Sam to hire a new waitress. She introduces him to Daphne, who wants to apply for the job.
Back in the dungeon, the prisoners are turning that wheel again and the AIDS guy is trying to make conversation with Lafayette, who isn’t interested in chatting, although the AIDS guy apologizes for being a jerk to Lafayette earlier.
Back at Merlotte’s Andy is trying to interview the patrons about Miss Jeanette. A slutty girl is hitting on Jason, who turns down her offer of booze and sex. She turns to Hoyt, who’s too slow to respond, and then she leaves.
Two ladies at the bar make some off-handed remark about how Rene was dug up and turned into a vampire. Arlene comes by and shuts the two ladies up, obviously still upset about the fact that her former boyfriend/fiance was a crazy psycho killer. Terry Bellefleur comes by and throws the two ladies out of the bar.
Jason tells Sookie about going to a leadership conference, but lies about the name of the church. She tells him about trying to pack up their grandmother’s room. Jason also says he loved Amy, despite the fact that she was a crazy V addict and then Andy comes by, telling Jason he has some questions for him.
Bill is getting Jessica to try the different versions of Tru Blood (A+, B -, etc), but she would rather drink human blood, which Eric allowed her to drink. Then, out of spite, she throws the glass bottle into the paper recycling bin. Evil, unholy fiend!
Sookie asks Sam if she can split early and he’s very curt with her. Inside Merlotte’s Andy is still hilariously questioning the patrons, but he’s drunk as hell. Bud says he’s going to take him off the case.
Meanwhile, Sam’s pounding the booze too and flashing back to earlier experiences with Maryann again. While she’s in the shower he steals some clothes and some jewelry. He also opens a dresser drawer and finds a whole lot of cash, which he cleans out. Inside his trailer in the present time, Maryann appears. Sam pulls out a garbage bag and hands it to her. It contains the money he stole from her as a teenager. But Maryann isn’t interested in money and says that her helping Tara has nothing to do with him.
Eggs is visiting and flirting with Tara at the bar. The two of them kiss and Sam sees them. Maryann looks on happily.
Sookie arrives at Bill’s house, where Jessica has finally found a blood combination that she can stomach. Sookie apologizes to Jessica for their bad start and says she wants to get to know her. She asks Jessica for privacy with Bill tonight and promises to spend a girls night with her tomorrow. When Jessica leaves, Sookie asks if Bill killed Uncle Bartlett. Bill says Uncle Bartlett hurt Sookie and she asks if he’s so callous that he can kill on demand. Uh….Uncle Bartlett was a gross, perverted sleezebag. Why is this wrong? Sookie wonders if they can still be together.
Sookie goes to leave, but Bill stops her and says he wants to atone for his sins. However, he’s not sorry for loving her and refuses to lose her. She says she loves him and the two of them get naked. And then….well, use your imagination, people. I will, however, say this: he bites her during the deed.
In the dungeon, Eric comes downstairs (he’s getting highlights – ha!). Oh, AIDS guy is named Royce Allen Williams, and Eric wants to question him regarding a fire that recently killed three vampires. Royce tries to escape and even hurls a crucifix into Eric’s face (which burns him). Eric gets pissed and tears into Royce’s neck and then….well, the term “rips him limb from limb” seems appropriate, because that’s exactly what he does. Use your imagination again. But not too much, because you might be sick. Lafayette looks on in horror. Dude, close your eyes!
And so that concludes the season 2 premiere of True Blood. It’s dark, it’s dirty and it’s a little bit gross, but it’s definitely back.