TV’s Eight Greatest Bald Guys

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When you really think about, there aren’t too many prominent bald figures out there.  I mean yeah you’ve got Mr. Clean but who else is a driving force in the bald community?  Larry David? And not only that, people who are actually bald.  As in lost their hair naturally and don’t just shave it.   I mean sure you’ve got Michael Jordan to look up to but I’m just not feeling the bald vibe in our country.  But what if we move baldness to television?  There I think we’ve got a different story.  Unfortunately, not all are prime examples of manliness and strong moral character.  Here are our eight favorite bald guys from TV.

8 ) George Bluth – Arrested Development

George Bluth Sr. was the not-so-beloved patriarch of the Bluth family during the days of Arrested Development. He had a twin brother with a “mane” for a head of hair, which he promptly shaved so he could switch places with him to get out of jail. Oh brotherly love.

7) John Locke – Lost

John Locke isn’t exactly as concerned with his missing hair as he is with finding enlightenment and answers about the island. Great thinkers are always bald: Buddha, Gandhi…midde-aged Jesus.

6) Kevin – The Office

To be fair, Kevin is more though of as “the fat guy” or “the dumb guy” around the office, rather than “the bald guy.” That just happens to be an unfortunate bonus.

5) Mr. Garrison – South Park

Throughout the many seasons of South Park, we’ve learned that Mr. Garrison has been bald since childhood, and even retained the look when he changed sexes. Maybe wigs irritate his scalp?

4) Tony Soprano – The Sopranos

Guess how many people ever made a crack about Tony Soprano being bald? Zero. And if anyone did, they probably found themselves in pieces in the nearby freezer soon after.

3) Jean-Luc Picard – Star Trek: The Next Generation

Captain Picard made baldness badass during his years aboard the USS Enterprise. A fearless leader and a commanding presence on the bridge, he proved that you don’t need hair to get respect.

2) Homer Simpson – The Simpsons

Homer Simpson gives bald guys everywhere a bad name as fat, lazy, idiotic slobs. But a fun fact about him, from the right angle, what little hair he does have (along with his ear) spells out “M G” after his creator Matt Groening.

1) George Costanza – Seinfeld

Everyone looked at Jason Alexander as the short, balding George Costanza and said, if he can do it, why can’t I? But sadly, most short, pudgy, bald guys won’t pull seven figure salaries. George himself wasn’t exactly an inspiration, but it’s who most people will cite if you push them to name someone follicly challenged. He’s a weasel, a liar and an all around terrible human being, and now it’s up to you, real world bald people, to prove the stereotype wrong.

Honorable Mention: Lex Luthor in Smallville and Larry David – the reason Larry isn’t up here is because he’s a real person.

*Walter White counts but not really because he had to shave his head.  It wasn’t really that natural.  If it were he’d probably be number one on this list.


One Response

  1. Bill Friedman February 15, 2016

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