At one point late last night, I almost gave in and posted a recap that would have read, “If you didn’t see it, find it on the internet”, because this episode has too much going on for one little mortal to attempt to explain. It’s not that the plot was necessarily moved along in shocking or exciting ways. No, this episode was all about the relationships, and the dialog about said relationships just about killed me. We didn’t really make much progression in this episode in terms of what the writers may have planned for the season, we just learned a whole lot more than we ever may have wanted to, especially for this recapper, about what makes our Walkers the neurotic, fun loving, alcohol swilling family they are.
Anywho, “It’s Not Easy Being Green”, has nothing to do with Kermit, and, for me, everything to do with the number of scenes that made me turn green, and not in the good envy/lust/love way. The way where you hope for some anti-nausea meds and a giant vat of ginger ale.
Elevator of a swank hotel: Ding! Oh my lordy, Sarah’s hair…it has gone back to the eighties, been teased to death, sprayed with a ton of Aqua Net, and probably has an old hair pick hidden somewhere in there. Of the three Bed Heads we are about to be treated to, her’s is far and away the most impressive. Nora enters with her own impressive Bed Head, Sarah balks and inquires if her Mommy spent the night with someone, and Norah responds with a, “I don’t know Sherlock, what do you think?” HEE! Ask a stupid question…
Ding! Rebecca enters the elevator with an embarrassed look, while Nora picks a red rose petal out of Rebecca’s hair, and inquires if Justin is still sleeping. Rebecca has no clue where Justin is, and Nora and Sarah both take this news a lot better than I would have if the former girl I thought was the result of my husband’s affair and current girlfriend of my son/my brother’s kind of skeevy relationship with the person I thought was my half-sister appeared to be slinking around behind his back, but they are the Walkers, this is sort of what they do. Apparently there was a giant party for Greenatopia, but it did not just end, and we have no idea what these three have been up to…
Previous day: Nora, Saul, and Architect Roger are discussing the multitude of green options for building Nora’s “Cancer House”. Norah: Dual flush toilets, who knew? Saul: Europe. More green options, and Roger leaves to put the proposal together. Saul gives his sister a knowing smile and inquires as to when Nora and Roger “fell in lust”, to which Nora pleads ignorance. “Nora, I thought you were going to jump him right on top of the reclaimed wood samples,” Saul replies, and we have the first scene that made me green. I’m going to call this one The Reason I Must Actively Campaign To Become Estranged From My Two Brothers, because if this is what conversations are going to be like when we reach middle age, I am going to have to find a spork and kill myself with it now. There are just not enough ways in the world to express how much I don’t want to know or even think anything about my brothers and sex, ever. Nora leaves to pick up Paige from school and take her shopping for a dress for a school dance.
Sarah, Kyle, and Ethan are walking through a parking garage and Sarah is lamenting her soon be change of address to her car with her two children if they can’t find funding for Greenatopia. She’s freaking out because she doesn’t know what Twitter and Facebook are, or how to use them. She is feeling old and completely out of touch. So am I, because just typing the word “Twitter” in this recap has resulted in a red box of doom proclaiming there has been “an error posting your Twitter status!” If my Twitter status currently reads anything with combination of “brothers” and “sex”, I am going to have to ditch the spork and find myself a real gun.
There is going to be a party for Greenatopia, someone named Arlo Natterson is going to be there, and they really need this guy’s money, so the party, “it’s gotta be off the hook, or is it chain?”
Rebecca and Holly are at Walker Landing, Tommy is off checking out an orchard for them to partner with, and Holly is really proud of Rebecca for having the brilliant idea in the first place. Too bad Tommy completely manipulated the situation so Rebecca would do exactly what he wanted her to so he could oust her mother from Walker Landing. Bad Tommy! Also, that is his only involvement in this episode, Balthazar Getty had zero screen time, and it was fine. Holly and Rebecca have a conversation about the block of rooms they have reserved for after the Greenatopia party, which Walker Landing is providing swag for the gift bags, and Holly tells Rebecca the thought of her and Justin sleeping together does not shock her. Spork? And scene.
Senator McAllister and my favorite Walker, Kevin, are sitting around the McAllister house blowing on duck calls, cleaning guns, and generally acting like the way this show portrays Republicans, with Kevin providing The Voice of Reason. I don’t hunt, so don’t expect the hunting references here to even approach accuracy. Furthermore, I have an inexplicable fear of birds, so their presence in this episode does not fill me with glee. Robert and Kevin are going hunting with some Republican senator that Robert needs to get to support his bid for Governor that Kitty still knows nothing about. Whew! Kitty comes in and practically needs to get a room with one of the rifles, which is a “her”, and Robert is incredibly turned on. Poor Kevin. Heterosexual sex with his sister references, guns, Republicans, and his day has not even begun to go badly. Kitty is off to San Francisco for a press thing for her book, and Calista Flockhart exits this episode. I’ll bet you never imagined in a million years that when I referenced slogging through a ton of dialog, Kitty wouldn’t be a part of it. I was shocked, too.
Nora and Sarah are fighting because Nora let Paige pick out a dress that makes her look like a Bratz doll, and Paige is ten years old. Blah, blah, “she’s testing her boundaries”; blah, blah “it’s just a phase”; blah, blah Nora had to put up with Sarah’s “Rocker Phase” and Kitty’s “Spandex phase”; blah, blah, “have you had the talk with her?” (yes, once); and blah, blah, Sarah is taking the dress back, poste haste!
Justin is at AA, and he is approached by an attractive blond, Chelsea, who wants him to sponsor her because she doesn’t really feel a connection with anyone else in the group. Justin hesitates because AA frowns on mixed-sex sponsor/sponsee relations, but agrees eventually.
Sarah, Rebecca, and Kyle are tweaking the final plans for the party, and there is more angst and hair pulling from Sarah about Paige’s new sartorial choices. Rebecca helpfully tells her that her mom used to let her raid her closet so she could dress like Madonna, and Sarah, typically, jabs at Holly’s parenting techniques not being her version of Dr. Spock. I can’t even begin to burden my brain with the math of Rebecca’s age versus Madonna’s different looks over the years, so I have no clue which look Rebecca could find in Holly’s closest, and I am just fine with never finding out.
Nora and Roger are going over the budget for the cancer house, and Nora is freaking out because it is really expensive. She gets a call from poor Kevin, who is desperate for his mom to think of a way to get him out of his plaid and his hat. She helpfully tells him she doesn’t have a date for the Greenatopia party, but this is not Kevin’s idea of a valid excuse. A member of the Walker family doesn’t think dating your mom is a good idea? Hallelujah! In the end, Kevin gets a “you made your bed with Republicans, so lie in it. Don’t get shot!” Click! Nora is going to the party with Roger, who has jumped at the excuse to spend some time with Nora that doesn’t involve picking out wallpaper and carpet samples.
Kevin and the Republicans are hunting. The birds fly off the ground, and Kevin is the only one who can down one. Did I forget to mention that Daddy Walker took all the kids hunting when they were kids? Kevin may not like it, but he is really good at it. He makes the NRAs he is with look like novices.
Justin and Rebecca talk about his new sponsee, and Rebecca is clearly not happy about it. She doesn’t tell him that she has the “Honeymoon Suite” at the swank hotel booked for the two of them, because she wants it to be a surprise for their eight month, three day, and four hour anniversary. I’m not kidding. Justin runs off to help Chelsea with her demons, promising to meet Rebecca at the party.
Kevin and the Republicans are trotting through the wilderness, and it is not looking good for Robert to get the support of the Senator. Wait a second? Something just occurred to me. Each state is only given two senator slots in Washington, and we are supposed to believe that both of them from the great state of California are Republicans? Anyway, one of them says, “what number is that for you, five?” Kevin snips back, “eight.” There is more general mocking of Kevin’s liberalism, and he is getting really aggravated. He finally blows with a, “you can’t see past your own bias to see I kicked your ass, I KICKED ALL YOUR ASSES, so put that in your pipe and smoke it!” While I can agree that he has every right to be annoyed, this is his job, and that was not an appropriate workplace outburst, even if your workplace involves shooting down birds.
Sarah and Paige and the second scene of the night that made me green. Paige hates all of the new stuff that Sarah picked out at the mall and is furious that her Mom won’t let her dress like a hussy.
Paige: I hate you! You’re never around, and then when you are, you just ruin everything!
Sarah: That is not fair. I work my heart out to take care of this family.
Paige: You’re bad at it!
Sarah: Excuse me?
Paige: What, you want me to look like you? I hate the way you dress, you look old and ugly all the time!
Sarah: Paige, stop it!
Paige: No wonder dad left!
Sarah: There’s your father.
Sarah: We are not done with this discussion. What you just said was very hurtful and it’s not okay.
Paige snits that they probably are done with the conversation because Sarah never has the time for her anyway. Can’t figure out why she wouldn’t want to spend every minute with you, Paige, you are a delight. This scene made me hope with the fire of a thousand suns that I never, ever did this to my own Mom. I was not an easy child, and I was an even less enjoyable teenager, but if I ever talked to my Mom like this, I would not have blamed her if she got a spork and proceeded to kill me with it. Wow, for a girl that knows she put her Mom through more than her share of torture, that scene was really, really hard to watch. I am so glad I don’t have kids with two legs.
Greenatopia party: Roger wins no points with me by siccing one Kyle on Nora with a “just tell Nora why she needs to build green.” It’s an event with alcohol, the Walkers, sans Justin, sort of have their work cut out for them if they hope to deplete the nation’s alcohol supply on schedule.
Robert and Kevin are alone and Robert is, understandably, not happy. He tells Kevin in no uncertain terms, “I expect you to fix this, and if you don’t, I’m going to take you out back and shoot you, and tell Kitty that it was a hunting accident.” Kevin replies that they are “asshats”, and he clearly doesn’t think he owes anyone an apology. Robert begs to differ and replies, “This is how we play the game, okay? This is how we get things done, and I don’t care that they’re “asshats”, or how they made you feel because this is not about you. Right, so from now on I expect you to act like a professional and not some insecure teenager.” He is not wrong, but I also wonder if he has suffered a stroke and forgotten what his in-laws are like.
Back at the party, Nora is getting all liquored up and popping pills to get rid of the headache that “Green Mussolini” has given her. Sarah is fresh from the sting of Paige’s diatribe and is fired up to take on her mother, and she gets the ball rolling with a,” Thanks to you, Paige hates me.” Nora gives her a hard time for taking the outfit back, and thinks she is overreacting to the entire situation. Sarah thinks that Nora is completely missing the point that Paige may be going to a party where they are playing spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven. Nora doesn’t believe that Paige is remotely interested in sex and, in fact, doesn’t think the issue is Paige at all, it’s Sarah and her own issues with sex and getting older. Sarah thinks that getting lectured by her Mom who isn’t getting any is hilarious, and we are entering that area where I need to find my spork again…some more. Nora replies that she is in her 60s, and just broke up with someone, although Sarah is quick to remind her that it was a year ago, not exactly last week. Furthermore, she is holding back with Roger when clearly she is attracted to him, and using the cancer center and her work there as an excuse to completely ignore her romantic life. Sarah finally ends with a “if I am projecting, you are in denial”, and, thank God, it’s Roger! Sarah leaves Nora to ignore her sexual cravings while she stomps off to take on the poor man who Greenatopia is “wooing” to get funding.
I generally don’t like to yell at the people who I need money from at the exact same time that I am asking for money, but that does not stop Sarah. TAKE A BREATH! Or not. Sarah informs him and his bevy of women that she may not Facebook or Twitter, and she’s got two kids, and a bunch of other references to her age, but she’s got experience and she will pour all of her heart and soul and guts into making Greenatopia successful. Arlo has to finally interrupt her to get a word in edgewise, and he tells her that he is going to cut the check tomorrow. Ethan, Kyle, and Sarah celebrate!
Meanwhile, Nora is plowed and kicking it up on the dance floor until she starts staggering around and Roger almost literally has to pick her up off the floor. Nora bats her eyes in a fetching manner, giggles, and tells him, “I flirted with you thirty years ago to piss off my husband, and here you are! Picking me up off the dance floor! Where’s William? Nowhere around!” No, Nora, that is because he is DEAD. Her sexy talk is working on Roger, however, and he twirls her around, before realizing that twirling the drunk woman may have less than sexy results, and off they go for air.
Ethan and Sarah are talking, and Sarah admits that she feels fat, old, and ugly. Ethan proceeds to give her a veritable balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet, for the Twitter generation, and they kiss.
Rebecca is being kept company by Kyle, and Justin calls to inform her he is not going to make it because Chelsea is in really bad shape. Kyle is normally not a bad guy, but he does take this opening to basically tell Rebecca that Justin is a tool for leaving her hanging while helping some other girl. Yeah, Kyle, it’s called AA, and it’s sort of the point.
I can’t believe I forgot about my little Kevin, but I did with all the party shenanigans. He shows up to dinner and apologizes for his earlier behavior. He uses said behavior to twist the subject to Robert, and how he should have fired Kevin this afternoon for his behavior, but he didn’t. No, this is the kind of politician Robert is, loyal to the end, no matter how many times you screw up. Hmm, is that really a quality you want in a politician? Apparently it is, because Robert now has the full support of the Senator and his cohort.
Rebecca and Kyle have made their way to the Honeymoon Suite, where Kyle tries to make his move, again. Rebecca tells him she loves Justin, and he gives up for now and tells her that Justin is a very lucky idiot.
Meanwhile, that block of rooms is coming in handy, and Sarah and Ethan have made their way to one. They start to kiss when suddenly Sarah is struck with the thought that Ethan is her “Cancer Center”. Those Walker women really know how to flatter a man! She further explains that she accused her mom of using the cancer charity to avoid other areas of her life, and Sarah thinks she is now using Ethan in the same way. She tells him she can’t use him to make her feel better about herself, and they decide to raid the mini-bar! I really like that Ethan is the kind of guy that bounces back from rejection with such grace. He is clearly into all areas of Sarah Walker, from her brains to her beauty, and if that means letting go of the idea of a relationship with her, he’s okay with that. For now, anyway.
In yet another hotel room, Roger and Nora are lounging on the bed when Nora tells him the room is spinning a little. He calls her a bit of a lightweight, and in the best line of the entire episode, Nora says, “No, I drink like a fish. It’s just the pills I took for the headache, which I really did have, even though I didn’t want to come here with you…God, you’re handsome.” They kiss and it looks like one of the three hotel rooms may be used as nature intended them to be, when Nora passes out. Roger clearly thinks she’s adorable, and he gives her a tender kiss on the forehead.
Kevin and Robert are alone, and Kevin is working out his issues with his father and the hunting trips he used to take the Walker children on. He wonders if he is working for Robert as a too-late attempt to win his father’s approval when he never felt that he really did as a child. Robert is extremely sympathetic, and tells Kevin that he doesn’t care what the reason is, he is just glad Kevin is on his team. They agree Robert has to tell Kitty about his bid for Governor.
Finally, we are back to the elevator and the scene that opened the show.
DING! A frantic Justin is storming the lobby. He really wants Rebecca to tell him that the reason she never came home was because the Walker women had a slumber party, and Nora replies, “Not with each other!” Rebecca assures him that she was alone, while Sarah helpfully lets him know he might be in a little trouble for forgetting their anniversary. Nora pipes up with, “Well, I wasn’t alone!” and Justin says, “Ew, Mom, I didn’t ask you!” No you did not. This family over shares, and that might be the understatement of this recap.
Nora snipes, “oh, relax, nothing happened, I’m in denial.” Sarah takes this moment to apologize to her mother, and admits she was just mad about the situation with Paige, and the two make peace with each other, but not before Nora tells them all that she passed out next to a man she is very attracted to. Justin hilariously says, ‘That’s not denial, that’s drunk!”
Rebecca, in the clear favorite for the mean award of the episode, says, “You should know, you’re the expert, you even have a sponsee.” Oh, SHUT UP, Rebecca. Sarah and Nora ignore the comment, however, and proceed to share that Sarah didn’t have sex either and, oh yeah, they got an investor for Greenatopia!
Sarah continues that thinks her problem may stem from the fact that she has a daughter with her whole life ahead of her, and she feels like her best days are behind her. Nora assures her that they are not, and they leave the hotel.
Justin and Rebecca make up, and I just have to say, if they continue down this road with Chelsea the Sponsee, I am going to be really irritated. How many times have we seen the jealousy of the relationships formed in AA play out as a reason for a relationship falling to hell? Justin? Rebecca? YOU USED TO THINK YOU WERE BROTHER AND SISTER! I’m sorry, but, come on! I’m not one of the fans of this show that is in an uproar about their relationship, but, it has to be said that could be construed as a bigger hindrance to a relationship than helping someone in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sarah presents Paige with a shopping bag, and she has bought the dress again, but this time has added a matching top and some leggings and, Voila!, it is entirely age appropriate. Again, if I had spoken to my Mother the way Paige spoke to Sarah, the very last thing she would have done is run to the mall to buy me clothes, but maybe that is why my family is not portrayed on tv. Sarah wants Paige to slow down and just enjoy being a little girl for a little while longer.
The show ends with Nora and Roger back at Casa Walker, and Roger admits to Nora that he is having his own issues with struggling to stay relevant as his industry goes green all around him, and he will redo the proposal to be more cost effective. They kiss, and it is a very nice ending to the episode.
What do you think? Did you miss Kitty? Did you even remember there is a Tommy? Did you want to crawl through the tv and kill Paige? Did you call one of your immediate relatives at the conclusion of the episode and tell them all about your sex life? Whew, the Walkers are many things, but boring is not one of them. I thank you for reading, and would love to hear your thoughts! I recapped this one without visiting a single fansite or getting a single opinion from anyone who watched the show, so I am really curious to see if I had the same reaction to this episode as the rest of you!